I Thought What I'd Do Was... [Open]

[standalonehuman]

When: 2/10 and onwards, night time.
Where: Togusa's office or apartment.

Togusa has been, for lack of a better term, jumpy. Not only is he suffering from the dual-sided effects of whatever this new effect is? But now, he is trying to avoid people. Difficult when he is being driven to be as helpful as possible. But every time he looks up at someone, he will flinch, at first, looking at their face, before he can focus on them.

It's driving him to be even more reclusive at night time, picking his office most often to hole up with his notes. Or sometimes going home to spread out across his coffee table. The extra copy of Catcher In The Rye is always open, nearby, to a specific page.

Part 25: "Just so people didn't know me and I didn't know anybody. I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes."

He needs to talk to James. And to Mariko. But how does he bring this up to Mariko so late? She has her own problems to deal with right now.

Whenever he stops paying attention, a certain image keeps getting doodled onto whatever piece of paper is nearby.

Comments

[thesettingsun]

Normally, Shuji would be a little concerned about Togusa's change in behavior and would send him a text to see if he was okay or wanted to talk about anything. It's out of the ordinary for Togusa to flinch away from him, and maybe a tiny bit hurtful, but probably not related to anything Shuji personally did.

Tonight, Shuji shows up at Togusa's apartment unnanounced and rings the doorbell. And then rings it a second time for good measure, because Togusa hurt Shuji's feelings and he will get an apology. Or cry on him. Or both?

[standalonehuman]

A very excited puppy can be heard on the first ring, before Togusa can get there. "All right, all right." Togusa pauses to scoop the puppy up before he gets the door.

"Shuji." He blinks in surprise. "Come in, come on in."

Daisuke is scrabbling in Togusa's arms to try to reach out for Shuji, so Togusa puts him down once the door is closed. Hope you are okay with a little white fluffball.

[thesettingsun]

Because Shuji is not Dazai, thank god, he is okay with the fluffball. He steps inside and takes a second to give the puppy a pet on the head.

"Sorry for coming so late. I hope you weren't busy...?"

They'll get to him coming without warning in a bit.

[standalonehuman]

Togusa eyes the coffee table with piles of black folders half-open covering the surface. "Not really."

Togusa can still see the image of the logo floating in the corner of his vision, so he is turning away, trying to look at Shuji out of the side of his vision, rather than straight on. It's a little less disturbing that way.

He moves back towards the couch. "What brings you out here? You know my door's always open."

[thesettingsun]

Maybe it's less disturbing for Togusa, but to Shuji it looks like Togusa doesn't want to even look at him properly.

"I just came to check on you. We didn't get to talk properly earlier, so..."

They'd crossed paths earlier, nothing much - just walking down the same street - but Togusa had looked away, even when Shuji'd called out to say hello. Maybe it's not personal, but it feels like it is.

Shuji sits on the couch, wringing his hands.

[standalonehuman]

"I'm sorry about that," Togusa runs a hand through the back of his hair. "The last few days have been- stranger than normal."

He reaches across some of the pages to pull up one page that is entirely filled with shining golden star stickers. "They won't stop showing up, and I've felt like I have to just keep moving, moving from sunup to sundown."

The exhaustion is starting to get to him.

[thesettingsun]

Do any of the stars say 'you tried', though.

"You should really rest. Being productive is nice, but it's fine to take a day off, you know?"

Even as hurt as he is, Shuji's first instinct is still to fuss over his friend.

[standalonehuman]

"I wish I could." Togusa shakes his head. "It's like something has a hold of me, it won't let me go. I can only rest for a few hours at a time. And when I can't, I'm just back here."

A hand plops back down onto the papers. "Reading things I've read a hundred times. Like I'm looking for what I missed."

"And then-" he looks at Shuji too closely, and there's that flinch again, he looks back at the papers.

"..Something else is happening to me."

[thesettingsun]

"What else?"

It would be really nice to have an explanation that makes Shuji not feel bad about Togusa flinching when he looks at him. Shuji's crestfallen expression can be attributed to a lot of things instead of just Togusa not being able to look at him, so maybe it's not obvious yet.

[frostythehitman]

Being a hospital security guard is not actually all that interesting. Mostly all he does is check sign-in sheets, walk some rounds or check some camera feeds, and calm down the occasional angry visitors here and there. It's a lot of staring at people who, eventually, all blend in together.

Which is why he doesn't notice Togusa when he enters the hospital, and almost misses him as he's leaving. Only at the last minute does his brain start registering this particular person as someone familiar. James jogs to catch up with him before he leaves.

"Togusa? What are you doing here?" Is this some kind of police business? Something that landed someone in the hospital that he has to look into, like that time with everyone in the warehouse? Hospitals aren't places people go to unless something is wrong.

[standalonehuman]

Togusa supposes there's no knowing the difference now that he's a plainclothes officer, but he hopes he doesn't look official. If anything, he looks tired. The sun is almost all the way down, and he knows that he is going to get that unnatural burst of energy soon.

Togusa has been keeping his head low, looking at the ground, but he turns and looks directly at James when his name gets called, and- there it is again. He doesn't know what expression he gets, but he is too tired to hide the flinch, the surprise.

Wait. But it's James.

"James." Suddenly focused as if he had just found someone he had been looking for. He is averting his eyes, looking lower to catch James in his peripheral vision instead. "Do you have a minute? Can we talk?"

[frostythehitman]

James raises an eyebrow curiously. Something is off. He's acting weird...and won't even look at James. Or not his face, anyway.

"Sure. Here, we can go to the cafeteria." He starts waving Togusa in the direction of the cafeteria as he starts walking. Sure, he's supposed to be making some rounds right now, but this technically counts, right? And even if it doesn't, screw it. Something's going on.

[standalonehuman]

Togusa turns back around, and he looks at the front of the hospital, and the man actually balks for a second. Like a wave of dizziness or something hit him. He resolutely aims his gaze at the back of James' shoes, and he can follow.

He is keeping behind James, not looking up at anyone as they pass. Strange enough behavior for anyone, let alone someone as social as Togusa. When they get to the cafeteria, he flicks his eyes up cautiously to glance around the room, before he reaches past James to point to a long empty table, the fewest people around it.

[frostythehitman]

James notices exactly which table he picked, and based on how Togusa's behaving so far, he can guess why. He leads them to the table and then takes the seat facing the rest of the cafeteria, so that Togusa can take the seat facing the corner where the only person in sight is him.

As soon as they're sat down, he opens his mouth.

"Seriously, Togusa. What's going on?" Where he sounded inquisitive before, now he's more serious and demanding.

[standalonehuman]

Togusa relaxes only a little when he can sit down, but he is still staring at James' hands, the top of the table, not looking him in the eye. His own hands come over the top, clasping each other tightly.

"I think Vanderweele got to me, next." Togusa gets right to the point.

His eyes glance up to James, as if verifying that he's still seeing it. He matches his gaze for just an instant before looking away again.

"I'm seeing things."

[frostythehitman]

"Shit." He pounds his fist on the table, perhaps a little too strongly.

"What are you seeing?"

[standalonehuman]

Togusa can't hold back his slight startled jump before his body knots itself back into a form of tension.

"It's-" Here. The man always has a notepad on him, and he draws a very small version of the logo. He writes the text underneath, muttering along as he does so.

"I thought what I'd do was I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes." One last jab of the pen, and he turns it around so James can see. "It's like- a mask. I look you in the eye, and it's right there, hovering over your face."

[thisloveisjustice]

He left his key card and ID on his desk.

Tatsuo is halfway home when he realizes what he's done and he'd slap himself on the head if not for the fact he has a helmet on at the moment. Grousing under his breath, Tatsuo turns his motorcycle around and heads back to Tribunal Terrace.

He's already in a grumpy mood for having to stay late over some paperwork (and the fact the sun has gone down, so the ring is starting to work its effects on him), but he knows it'll be an even bigger pain to arrive at work in the morning and not have his ID and key card. Better to go back now and get it, even if he just wants to go home and lay the fuck down.

On the upside, the evening desk sergeant knows him and only gives him a light ribbing for forgetting his badge. As Tatsuo is heading back through the precinct (since he parked on the station side rather than the lab side), he spots the light on in Togusa's office.

So he pokes his head in.

"They have you on the evening shift? Or are you being an over achiever again?"

[standalonehuman]

Togusa raises his head from his folders, and he can't hide the flinch and jerk back when he looks at Tatsuo. This is more than just a startle reaction, though. He looks at Tatsuo, almost guiltily, before flicking his eyes away, trying to focus on Tatsuo's shoes, instead.

"Tatsuo. Ah. No, I'm here. On my own accord."

Tatsuo can help, can't he? He would get it? Togusa is tense, but he pushes himself slightly across that edge, even as it settles like a pit in his stomach.

"Actually- if you've got a second? I need to tell- somebody."

[thisloveisjustice]

Tatsuo might be feeling grouchy and tired, but he doesn't miss the way Togusa jerks when he sees him. Ouch, that... kind of hurt. And is that...a bit of guilt in Togusa's expression? It's such a odd moment, that Tatsuo is able to fight against the urge to just... scowl and withdraw. Go home and just... do nothing.

Something is going on. Something weird.

"Yeah, I don't teach tonight."

He steps into Togsau's office and closes the door behind him.

"What's up?"

[standalonehuman]

Togusa's way of keeping his look pulled off to the side is odd enough, pile on how jumpy he's being. He knows it's strange, and it's only feeding in to the desire to pull away from people.

But he steels himself when Tatsuo walks in fully. "Did you- by chance, see James' post on the network, the other day? About strange messages following him?"

This is easier to frame if he knows that someone else might be seeing things, first.

[thisloveisjustice]

Tatsuo nods, not really seeing where this is going just yet. He slides into the chair across from Togusa's desk.

"Yeah, that was a a little concerning, considering we have an Undead Founder known for his illusions running around."

[standalonehuman]

Togusa is still very hesitant, his hands clasp each other to keep from starting to wring them. "If- this is Vanderweele, then. I think he got to me, next."

He swallows hard, and then his eyes flick up again. "I'm seeing things."

[thisloveisjustice]

Tatsuo frowns a little. Because the last thing they all need is to start hallucinating things.

"That's not good. It happens when you see someone? That's why you've barely looked at me since I entered?"

It's a struggle to keep the hurt out of his voice, to keep his tone concerned. It's nothing personal, so why should it feel personal?

[standalonehuman]

Togusa looks down, almost like a chastised kid, and he nods vigorously. "I look up at you, look at your face, and it's not your face."

"It's that symbol again, the one the other Togusa was obsessed with. The Laughing Man. But it's everywhere." The sudden strain on his voice lets on just how much this is getting to him. "I can't get all the way away from it.'