souji ❝useless bisexual grass eating furry❞ seta (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tarotcards) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
recolle2017-05-19 07:31 pm
tarotcards) wrote in recolle2017-05-19 07:31 pm
Entry tags:
OPEN POST ♞ HOT DAMN
WHO: Souji and youuuuuuuuuuu
WHERE: Apprassage
WHEN: 05/15 - 05/19
WHAT: Souji can now set things on fire. You're on fire, he's on fire, everything's on fire. It's great.
WARNINGS: Fire??
ONE
WHERE: Apprassage
WHEN: 05/15 - 05/19
WHAT: Souji can now set things on fire. You're on fire, he's on fire, everything's on fire. It's great.
WARNINGS: Fire??
Souji hasn't been feeling easy since the night of the prom. It wasn't the prom itself that got him feeling so disembodied with himself (in fact, he had a great time being crowned Prom Princess and all) but rather, it was something else entirely. It was this feeling of "something" residing within him, as if he suddenly wasn't just Souji Narukami anymore but instead, Souji and who knows what.
Obviously, he hasn't spoken a word about this to anyone. Why would he? No need to bring on unnecessary concern and besides, this is something he should handle on his own. It can just be another one of his secrets, just like the strange voices in his head and the floating cards that he sees...
As a result, Souji has been trying to be as secretive as possible about his newfound powers. Well, as secretive as you can be with another being living in your soul, but you know, you make do. You make do by going to a semi-secluded area behind a few building and try to figure out how to summon said new monster. It's honestly just as hard as it sounds.
The first few times, almost nothing happens at all. A card engulfed in blue fire appears, Souji crushes it, there's a brief half second of an oversized monster, it disappears, rinse and repeat. Thanks to a certain memory, there is a faint sense of familiarity with the summoning process, but it doesn't suddenly endow him with the experience or knowledge that he needs to continue. All he can do right now is to practise with what he knows and that is to just summon the damn thing.
Sure would be a shame if someone walked around that corner and saw Mr Blue and Flaming Demon...
TWOObviously, he hasn't spoken a word about this to anyone. Why would he? No need to bring on unnecessary concern and besides, this is something he should handle on his own. It can just be another one of his secrets, just like the strange voices in his head and the floating cards that he sees...
As a result, Souji has been trying to be as secretive as possible about his newfound powers. Well, as secretive as you can be with another being living in your soul, but you know, you make do. You make do by going to a semi-secluded area behind a few building and try to figure out how to summon said new monster. It's honestly just as hard as it sounds.
The first few times, almost nothing happens at all. A card engulfed in blue fire appears, Souji crushes it, there's a brief half second of an oversized monster, it disappears, rinse and repeat. Thanks to a certain memory, there is a faint sense of familiarity with the summoning process, but it doesn't suddenly endow him with the experience or knowledge that he needs to continue. All he can do right now is to practise with what he knows and that is to just summon the damn thing.
Sure would be a shame if someone walked around that corner and saw Mr Blue and Flaming Demon...
... or it'd be a greater shame if someone turned that corner at the wrong time and accidentally got hit by a spell.
Over the next few days, Souji has been diligently practising with summoning Mada, slowly learning the type of skills it possessed and how to direct it to use said skills. It certainly isn't an easy task, quickly draining Souji out and having him nearly pass out a few times. One doesn't simply become a Persona master in just a couple of days and for someone as inexperienced as him, there's bound to be some accidents.
Accidents involve fire or silencing spells.
Don't worry, the fire might just barely miss you or just catch a tiny bit of your clothes so don't worry about any serious injuries, but that silencing spell... don't worry, it'd probably wear off.
... eventually.
THREEOver the next few days, Souji has been diligently practising with summoning Mada, slowly learning the type of skills it possessed and how to direct it to use said skills. It certainly isn't an easy task, quickly draining Souji out and having him nearly pass out a few times. One doesn't simply become a Persona master in just a couple of days and for someone as inexperienced as him, there's bound to be some accidents.
Accidents involve fire or silencing spells.
Don't worry, the fire might just barely miss you or just catch a tiny bit of your clothes so don't worry about any serious injuries, but that silencing spell... don't worry, it'd probably wear off.
... eventually.
Remember how Souji nearly passed out from draining himself of all energy with this whole Persona nonsense? Well, it just about happened now.
Souji at least had the common sense to try and sit up against the wall right before he just suddenly dropped dead from exhaustion, but he slumps over to the side, actually kind of looking like a murder victim. It's quite terrifying, really, but hey, if you're looking for an opportunity to take his wallet then now is a good time.
WILDCARDSouji at least had the common sense to try and sit up against the wall right before he just suddenly dropped dead from exhaustion, but he slumps over to the side, actually kind of looking like a murder victim. It's quite terrifying, really, but hey, if you're looking for an opportunity to take his wallet then now is a good time.
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one / wildcard?? LET'S DO THIS
For two days Yu has known about his ... god, what is it? His ... summon? This presence in his soul? He still doesn't have a word for it. He just knows he has it, that it's alive within him, that he's told friends and family and even practiced with this creature a little...
... and he still hasn't told Souji.
He can't even explain to himself why. All his excuses of not wanting to alarm Souji were ... the truth, but only a grain of it. Mostly a lie. Some wall had sprung up within him, some desire to avoid his brother and keep his own secrets like he's slowly come to discover Souji has been doing to him.
Would he tell me, if he could do this?
And maybe, just maybe, he was scared. Scared of not doing it right, scared of losing control, and where would he be if he hurt his brother?
Two days on, with some practice, Yu is confident enough that if he tries to summon again he won't hurt Souji. But, more than anything... he knows he can't keep this a secret. He shouldn't keep this a secret. Yosuke thinking something was wrong when he admitted he hadn't told Souji was indication enough.
You're not supposed to keep secrets from your twin brother, right?
So Yu goes to find him. More than anyone else in this colony he can probably find Souji even when Souji doesn't want to be found. They're brothers, twins, closer to each other than to anyone else in this world. Yu knows his brother. And, more than that, he knows where he himself would go if he needed seclusion. If Souji does in fact also have this power... he'd hide and try to figure it out, just like Yu had, wouldn't he?
And that's how Yu discovers his twin hidden behind buildings, nowhere anyone would normally think to look.
That's how Yu sees the monster. The thing. The thing that now lives in both their souls. ]
You can...
[ He murmurs, unthinking, and then sighs through his nose and slowly comes closer. ]
... you can do it too. Souji.
[ That's a hell of a loaded statement. ]
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[ The Social Links, those voices in his head, he couldn't avoid that. He had to tell Yu about them. After all, he was right there and there was no way that Souji couldn't deflect away from the topic after zoning out like that, but if he had the chance? The chance to pretend that it never happened and that he never had to tell Yu? He just might have kept it to himself the entire time. ]
[ He's not doing this out of some malicious intent. No, in fact, it's really just the opposite. He can't tell Yu because if he does, that means that he's admitting to some sort of weakness, that he's dealing with these problems that he can barely handle himself, and that he has to worry his brother about them. It's been happening since they were little, when Souji would feel these strong moments of isolation and pain that he would pick up the phone to call Yu but then put it right back down. Yu probably has his own problems and he's supposed to be the older brother, right? Even if it's only by a few minutes, isn't he suppose to put on a strong face and pretend that he's all right? ]
[ "Be strong for your brother, Souji. You don't want him to feel sad too, right?" ]
[ And so, Souji has been hiding things away from Yu since the divorce. He feels guilty whenever he thinks about it, but it's become a habit now, something that he doesn't even realize he's doing half the time. If he's struggling with something small then maybe he'll confide in Yu for a moment, but for something this big? Of course not. Not for a while, at least. After all, what is he suppose to say? Help, he's got some kind of monster living in his soul now? That he thinks he might be going crazy? Of course not. He can't do that. Not when he doesn't even know how to control it and if it'll hurt anyone. ]
[ But it seems like it doesn't matter now when he's caught red-handed by Yu, walking towards him. The first expression that Souji shows is shock and surprise, but it quickly dissolves into guilt. Guilt as in he was just caught with his hand in the cookie jar like when they were younger, but it disappears when he forces to hide it behind a blank face. ]
Yu...
[ He turns to him, just arms at his side. ]
When did you...?
[ Get here? Get "it"? He leaves it wide-ended for Yu.]
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[ Mild, mild as anything, but he doesn't stop until he stands before Souji. His twin, his equal. Aren't they the same? But the people who know them best always start to realize just how different they actually are. He's not sure how he should feel about that. Brighter, happier, warmer Souji... who, he knows well, shuts himself away from the world far more and far better than Yu himself could ever be capable of.
Isn't it his fault? That Souji holds back so much, hides so much? If their places had been switched, if he'd just been a better brother to Souji growing up, maybe Souji would actually rely on him now. Trust him. Not keep so many secrets from him. Maybe the wall between them that he feels is his own fault, for the luck of living with their father, for the coincidence of stability that his life just happened to have. Maybe if he'd been better at expressing his own emotions, Souji would have shared his, too.
This is why he had to do this. Why he had to tell Souji, why he couldn't keep this secret. He knows it's awful to want to keep it hidden from his twin. He knows it's his own problem. It's always his own problem. It's his fault, after all--
that he feels this way.
Yu's expression is very, very neutral, not unlike Souji's own. But Souji will know his silences as well as Yu knows Souji's, and he'll be able to see that Yu is holding himself back.
By way of further explanation he holds out a hand, and the glowing blue tarot card will appear above it. Steadier than it was two days ago. He won't crush it, instead just letting it fade away again. ]
... when did you?
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[ As Yu walks closer and stops in front of him, the overwhelming guilt causes even Souji to glance away. For anyone else, yes, he might have been able to look them in the eye and continue to pretend that nothing was wrong, that he was hiding things from them, but it's different with Yu. They're brothers. They're twins. They're supposed to share everything with each other. That's just a given, isn't it? Especially considering how close they are, but here they are, revealing to each other (Yu revealing - Souji being caught) that they have been keeping secrets from each other and Souji can't help but show this slight weakness in front of Yu. ]
[ He doesn't direct his eyes until he catches a glimpse of the same blue tarot cards in Yu's hands, looking at it with slightly wide eyes. He doesn't comment on it, possibly because he's too surprised to or maybe because he still feels that nagging feeling of guilt, but when Yu asks him when he got his own "it", he finally finds his voice. ]
Last night. After the prom and our talk.
[ The talk regarding Yu's crush on Yosuke. Back when they were acting like everything was just fine. ]
Yours... is steady.
[ It's just a simple observation, but the implications that come with it, that Yu has been most likely practising in these past two days... something stings, in a hypocritical sort of way. ]
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(why else would he spend so much time out of the house, if not to avoid--)
The point is, he had that comfort. The comfort of knowing what to expect. Souji did not, and Yu wonders a lot how much damage that did to his brother, always getting his hopes up and always getting them let down. He remembers the way Souji used to smile on their video chats when he'd have to break the news mom would be busy and couldn't arrange a visit. His smile would be bright and real and sincere, and he'd make promises of it'll happen soon, I'm sure of it! but Yu always imagined that actually, every time, he always looked like he was about to start crying.
What is Souji hiding now? He's not smiling, not putting up a mask, but Yu still wonders. Souji hides everything, from everyone. Even him. Even this.
Any dark feelings that started to prickle at his chest vanish at Souji's ... observation. Not accusation. But it's enough to make his blood flash cold with guilt, and Yu glances away, eyes narrowing slightly. ]
... I wanted to learn to control it. I ...
[ ... ]
It's difficult, [ he says, in place of whatever he was actually going to say. He'll meet Souji's eyes again. ] I need practice. ... it seems like we both will.
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[ Souji looks up, once again at Yu, with concern in his eyes as Yu proposes that they both need practice. ]
... Together?
[ Even if it's just a single word, it seems to hold a number of additional questions with it: does Yu want to practise together or separately? Will it be safe? Will they hurt each other? ]
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Isn't that all that matters?
Yu looks at Souji for a long moment, eyes searching his brother's face as if for some answer Souji himself won't give. A dozen different answers bubble up in his chest, and none of them seem quite right. The thought of hurting Souji by accident because he doesn't understand this power yet is beyond terrifying. At the same time, he feels more stable in it now. Like he can control it. He practiced with his friends, with Ardyn. It still exhausts him, but...
Finally, he just nods, slowly. ]
... if we share this power, then ... why don't we also learn it together, side by side?
[ Why didn't he tell me?
You didn't tell him.
Trying to ignore all of his misgivings, Yu lets his expression lighten just a bit. It's an offer. Hope. They can do this together. Right? ]
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[ And in a rare moment of weakness, Souji admits this to him. ]
... I don't want to hurt you.
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He doesn't say, anything. He lets go of the bitterness and the darkness and the pain he feels clogging up his lungs, making it a little hard to breathe, and steps in. All the way in, until he's right in front of Souji. A few of his fingers snag his older brother's sleeve, and without a word, he bumps his forehead, gently, against his twin's.
He'll stay there for a long moment, staring down at the ground between then, before finally speaking up again in a murmur. ]
You won't.
[ With complete certainty. ]
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Thank you...
[ He breathes in and out. ]
Then together.
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Swallowing, he'll break away, sighing to gather his composure. ]
Show me what you've been doing so far, if you can. We'll work on technique together. I don't know how much help I can really be, but if I can give you any tips from my own practice, I will.
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[ With that, Mada appears above him, marching in place as it normally does. Its appearance originally stays strong, but then it starts to flicker like an image on a TV affected by static, and as quickly as it appeared, it fades away. ]
... I haven't gotten much further than this.
[ He lowers his hand back to his side with a silent sigh. ]
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Exactly the same.
Shaking off his ill feeling, Yu just tries to pay attention. The card is less steady, which Yu finds himself surprised by before he remembers that happened to him, the first day. He'd almost knocked himself out trying it over and over, till he could stay standing and make it appear.
Mada appears, too, not that Yu knows its name. He directs his gaze up at it, and when it flickers and disappears, Yu shakes his head. ]
I haven't gotten that much farther than you.
[ He'll turn to one side, facing slightly away, and repeat the same process. The card that appears is steadier, brighter, and when he crushes it, Mada follows. This time, rather than flickering, Mada stays steady above them.
But, in the end, Yu can't maintain him for long. After a time maybe five to ten seconds longer than Souji's own attempt, Yu presses a hand to his chest and lets Mada disappear, shutting his eyes, trying not to let the dizzy exhaustion pull him down onto one knee. The hand on his chest moves to cradle his forehead instead, and Yu shakes his head. ]
It's exhausting...
[ actually he kind of wants to throw up from the sudden extreme exhaustion, but his suddenly completely stoic expression doesn't show it, much. ]
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It is.
[ He walks over to Yu's side, not missing how Yu first placed his hand against his chest and then to his head. Even with Yu's stoic expression, they're still twins, and Souji knows his brother better than anyone else. He also knows first-hand how absolutely draining and exhausting it is to maintain Mada's appearance, so he reaches over and places a hand on Yu's shoulder. ]
It makes you feel sick, doesn't it? We should rest...
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Very, [ he murmurs, a rare admission. He's otherwise quiet about how awful practicing makes him feel, but around Souji, it's alright. Especially when they're both struggling, if for different reasons. ]
Why don't we sit down for a while? We can try again after we've regained some of our strength.
[ Part of him doesn't want to let Souji go. His fears, his anxieties, his sneaking suspicions and all his dread, make him want to keep his twin secure at his side where he can't...
... can't what?
Leave? ]
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[ So it... bothers him on a deeper level than just Yu being secretive about his power, but Yu being better at him at this power. To also help him... there's a tinge of jealousy and Souji has to swallow his feelings away and pretend again that everything is just fine. ]
[ He nods and then motions with his head to the nearby wall. They can walk there and sit down, leaning against it. He doesn't have to talk to get across what he wants. They're twins, they could figure it out, but as they walk there, he should ask the question he had from the start: ]
... Do you know what it is?
[ "It" being Mada. ]
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Even if it meant hurting himself. Hiding his own hurt. Putting on a smile to cover his tears.
They're both 18. Adults now, by American law. Hasn't the time come for Yu to make things even between them? To make things right? Souji shouldn't have to protect anyone else anymore. Not if Yu learns to stand on his own two feet and be strong. He has to be strong.
A leader...
But for now, Yu will accept Souji's help as they make their way over to the wall. It's true: Souji doesn't need to communicate his feelings. He understands intuitively what Souji intends.
Yu will lift his head and glance at Souji, his brow oh so slightly creased. ]
No. I don't even know its name. Yukiko-san calls them... "guardian angels."