OPEN POST ♞ HOT DAMN

[tarotcards]

WHO: Souji and youuuuuuuuuuu
WHERE: Apprassage
WHEN: 05/15 - 05/19
WHAT: Souji can now set things on fire. You're on fire, he's on fire, everything's on fire. It's great.
WARNINGS: Fire??
ONE

Souji hasn't been feeling easy since the night of the prom. It wasn't the prom itself that got him feeling so disembodied with himself (in fact, he had a great time being crowned Prom Princess and all) but rather, it was something else entirely. It was this feeling of "something" residing within him, as if he suddenly wasn't just Souji Narukami anymore but instead, Souji and who knows what.

Obviously, he hasn't spoken a word about this to anyone. Why would he? No need to bring on unnecessary concern and besides, this is something he should handle on his own. It can just be another one of his secrets, just like the strange voices in his head and the floating cards that he sees...

As a result, Souji has been trying to be as secretive as possible about his newfound powers. Well, as secretive as you can be with another being living in your soul, but you know, you make do. You make do by going to a semi-secluded area behind a few building and try to figure out how to summon said new monster. It's honestly just as hard as it sounds.

The first few times, almost nothing happens at all. A card engulfed in blue fire appears, Souji crushes it, there's a brief half second of an oversized monster, it disappears, rinse and repeat. Thanks to a certain memory, there is a faint sense of familiarity with the summoning process, but it doesn't suddenly endow him with the experience or knowledge that he needs to continue. All he can do right now is to practise with what he knows and that is to just summon the damn thing.

Sure would be a shame if someone walked around that corner and saw Mr Blue and Flaming Demon...

TWO

... or it'd be a greater shame if someone turned that corner at the wrong time and accidentally got hit by a spell.

Over the next few days, Souji has been diligently practising with summoning Mada, slowly learning the type of skills it possessed and how to direct it to use said skills. It certainly isn't an easy task, quickly draining Souji out and having him nearly pass out a few times. One doesn't simply become a Persona master in just a couple of days and for someone as inexperienced as him, there's bound to be some accidents.

Accidents involve fire or silencing spells.

Don't worry, the fire might just barely miss you or just catch a tiny bit of your clothes so don't worry about any serious injuries, but that silencing spell... don't worry, it'd probably wear off.

... eventually.

THREE

Remember how Souji nearly passed out from draining himself of all energy with this whole Persona nonsense? Well, it just about happened now.

Souji at least had the common sense to try and sit up against the wall right before he just suddenly dropped dead from exhaustion, but he slumps over to the side, actually kind of looking like a murder victim. It's quite terrifying, really, but hey, if you're looking for an opportunity to take his wallet then now is a good time.

WILDCARD

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Comments

[covenantal]

[ Not that Yu knows that. He still grew up alone, but at least he knew he'd be alone. Their father would look at him and say that he'd be gone for a few days, and Yu could look after himself, couldn't he? And Yu would nod and say yes, father and that would be that. He never had expectations of family togetherness; his father was kind enough to tell him from the start such moments would never happen. Their father was not unkind, or even truly distant, just .... busy all the time. At least, that was what Yu told himself, trying to remain convinced that their father still loved him and Souji and didn't just see them as troublesome burdens to look after.

(why else would he spend so much time out of the house, if not to avoid--)

The point is, he had that comfort. The comfort of knowing what to expect. Souji did not, and Yu wonders a lot how much damage that did to his brother, always getting his hopes up and always getting them let down. He remembers the way Souji used to smile on their video chats when he'd have to break the news mom would be busy and couldn't arrange a visit. His smile would be bright and real and sincere, and he'd make promises of it'll happen soon, I'm sure of it! but Yu always imagined that actually, every time, he always looked like he was about to start crying.

What is Souji hiding now? He's not smiling, not putting up a mask, but Yu still wonders. Souji hides everything, from everyone. Even him. Even this.

Any dark feelings that started to prickle at his chest vanish at Souji's ... observation. Not accusation. But it's enough to make his blood flash cold with guilt, and Yu glances away, eyes narrowing slightly. ]

... I wanted to learn to control it. I ...

[ ... ]

It's difficult, [ he says, in place of whatever he was actually going to say. He'll meet Souji's eyes again. ] I need practice. ... it seems like we both will.

[tarotcards]

[ The problem with Souji hiding things from everyone, from his friends and from his brother, is that he eventually learns to hide things from himself. To deny something so strongly, that it becomes buried under fake smiles and empty reassurances of 'I'm fine', it eventually seems rational to just believe that these aren't his real feelings. He's not bitter. He's not jealous. He's not angry or resentful or anything like that. He loves his family and he loves Yu. Isn't that all that matter? ]

[ Souji looks up, once again at Yu, with concern in his eyes as Yu proposes that they both need practice. ]

... Together?

[ Even if it's just a single word, it seems to hold a number of additional questions with it: does Yu want to practise together or separately? Will it be safe? Will they hurt each other? ]

[covenantal]

[ Souji fakes his emotions until he can't tell what's real. Yu cuts himself off from them until he can no longer remember what the proper way to feel even was. And together, well. At least it seems like they're functioning. At least no one is getting hurt. Right?

Isn't that all that matters?

Yu looks at Souji for a long moment, eyes searching his brother's face as if for some answer Souji himself won't give. A dozen different answers bubble up in his chest, and none of them seem quite right. The thought of hurting Souji by accident because he doesn't understand this power yet is beyond terrifying. At the same time, he feels more stable in it now. Like he can control it. He practiced with his friends, with Ardyn. It still exhausts him, but...

Finally, he just nods, slowly. ]

... if we share this power, then ... why don't we also learn it together, side by side?

[ Why didn't he tell me?

You didn't tell him.

Trying to ignore all of his misgivings, Yu lets his expression lighten just a bit. It's an offer. Hope. They can do this together. Right? ]

[tarotcards]

[ It's not the possibility of getting hurt that scares Souji. No, it's the very real possibility of Souji hurting Yu that terrifies him. Yu... Yu has control over it. Control over whatever new power they have and he's been practising. He has experience under his belt, but Souji? Souji doesn't have that luxury. He had to go run out and hide in an alleyway to train by himself - to faint who knows how many times and to come too close to hurting himself or anyone else, and he still doesn't have as steady control as Yu does (once again, Yu has everything). ]

[ And in a rare moment of weakness, Souji admits this to him. ]

... I don't want to hurt you.

[covenantal]

[ ... what does he say to that?

He doesn't say, anything. He lets go of the bitterness and the darkness and the pain he feels clogging up his lungs, making it a little hard to breathe, and steps in. All the way in, until he's right in front of Souji. A few of his fingers snag his older brother's sleeve, and without a word, he bumps his forehead, gently, against his twin's.

He'll stay there for a long moment, staring down at the ground between then, before finally speaking up again in a murmur. ]

You won't.

[ With complete certainty. ]

[tarotcards]

[ Souji holds his breath when Yu steps towards him, but as Yu puts his forehead against his own, he lets it out. He closes his eyes and he reaches out with one of his hands to hold onto Yu's free one, gripping it. ]

Thank you...

[ He breathes in and out. ]

Then together.

[covenantal]

[ With his emotions stopping up his throat, Yu can't say much more. But he'll stay close for a moment, hoping Souji knows how much he cares, how much he loves him. Guilt creeps tendrils back into his heart, that he could think dark thoughts about this person, his precious twin.

Swallowing, he'll break away, sighing to gather his composure. ]

Show me what you've been doing so far, if you can. We'll work on technique together. I don't know how much help I can really be, but if I can give you any tips from my own practice, I will.

[tarotcards]

[ As Yu pulls apart, Souji holds onto his hand a bit longer before he too lets go. With a deep breath, he nods and steps back. In fact, he takes two or three steps back, putting a good amount of distance between himself and Yu. He's still terrified, still scared and worried that he might hurt his brother, and that fear keeps him in place for a few silent seconds. He breathes in and out and lifts his hand. In it, a blue tarot card appears, not yet as steady as Yu's, and Souji's brows furrow as he focuses. He holds it there for another second before he crushes it. ]

[ With that, Mada appears above him, marching in place as it normally does. Its appearance originally stays strong, but then it starts to flicker like an image on a TV affected by static, and as quickly as it appeared, it fades away. ]

... I haven't gotten much further than this.

[ He lowers his hand back to his side with a silent sigh. ]

[covenantal]

[ Yu just watches him, steady, a bit stoic. The card, the creature... it's all the same.

Exactly the same.

Shaking off his ill feeling, Yu just tries to pay attention. The card is less steady, which Yu finds himself surprised by before he remembers that happened to him, the first day. He'd almost knocked himself out trying it over and over, till he could stay standing and make it appear.

Mada appears, too, not that Yu knows its name. He directs his gaze up at it, and when it flickers and disappears, Yu shakes his head. ]

I haven't gotten that much farther than you.

[ He'll turn to one side, facing slightly away, and repeat the same process. The card that appears is steadier, brighter, and when he crushes it, Mada follows. This time, rather than flickering, Mada stays steady above them.

But, in the end, Yu can't maintain him for long. After a time maybe five to ten seconds longer than Souji's own attempt, Yu presses a hand to his chest and lets Mada disappear, shutting his eyes, trying not to let the dizzy exhaustion pull him down onto one knee. The hand on his chest moves to cradle his forehead instead, and Yu shakes his head. ]

It's exhausting...

[ actually he kind of wants to throw up from the sudden extreme exhaustion, but his suddenly completely stoic expression doesn't show it, much. ]

[tarotcards]

[ Souji can only watch with mixed emotions (curiosity, wonder, amazement, jealousy) and when Mada appears above Yu, just as if it did for him, he split on whether or not he should be surprised. Should he be surprised that it's the same creature? If they're twins, wouldn't it only make sense that they would summon the same monster? They're brothers, two sides of the same coin, so of course they would share the exact same power. ]

It is.

[ He walks over to Yu's side, not missing how Yu first placed his hand against his chest and then to his head. Even with Yu's stoic expression, they're still twins, and Souji knows his brother better than anyone else. He also knows first-hand how absolutely draining and exhausting it is to maintain Mada's appearance, so he reaches over and places a hand on Yu's shoulder. ]

It makes you feel sick, doesn't it? We should rest...

[covenantal]

[ Yu nods slowly, trying not to make himself dizzy, and gratefully loops an arm around his twin's shoulders to steady himself. ]

Very, [ he murmurs, a rare admission. He's otherwise quiet about how awful practicing makes him feel, but around Souji, it's alright. Especially when they're both struggling, if for different reasons. ]

Why don't we sit down for a while? We can try again after we've regained some of our strength.

[ Part of him doesn't want to let Souji go. His fears, his anxieties, his sneaking suspicions and all his dread, make him want to keep his twin secure at his side where he can't...

... can't what?

Leave? ]

[tarotcards]

[ As Yu loops an arm around his shoulders, Souji wraps an arm around Yu's back, to support him and to keep him up if he doesn't have the energy to stand. This is what it should be like. It should be Souji helping Yu, not the other way around. He's the older brother, isn't he? The one who always had to smile and try to pretend that everything is okay? So they can work things out? So Yu doesn't have to worry? He should always be the strong (stronger) twin so he could be there for Yu when Yu is weak or when he has problems. ]

[ So it... bothers him on a deeper level than just Yu being secretive about his power, but Yu being better at him at this power. To also help him... there's a tinge of jealousy and Souji has to swallow his feelings away and pretend again that everything is just fine. ]

[ He nods and then motions with his head to the nearby wall. They can walk there and sit down, leaning against it. He doesn't have to talk to get across what he wants. They're twins, they could figure it out, but as they walk there, he should ask the question he had from the start: ]

... Do you know what it is?

[ "It" being Mada. ]

[covenantal]

[ Souji helps him. Souji has always helped him.

Even if it meant hurting himself. Hiding his own hurt. Putting on a smile to cover his tears.

They're both 18. Adults now, by American law. Hasn't the time come for Yu to make things even between them? To make things right? Souji shouldn't have to protect anyone else anymore. Not if Yu learns to stand on his own two feet and be strong. He has to be strong.

A leader...

But for now, Yu will accept Souji's help as they make their way over to the wall. It's true: Souji doesn't need to communicate his feelings. He understands intuitively what Souji intends.

Yu will lift his head and glance at Souji, his brow oh so slightly creased. ]

No. I don't even know its name. Yukiko-san calls them... "guardian angels."