recolle | Left-Behind Trace [Open]

Togusa's eyebrows come together in some concern. Translating from Malik into English, this actually has to be worrying him if he's bringing it up.

"From what I know, you should be fine. Easier to heal those things when you're younger."

Um. Togusa looks down slightly. "Sorry about that, by the way. I know, better than any alternative, but still." A deep sigh, and Togusa leans back into his bed. "That was a terrible situation all around."

"I'm breathing better. Thanks, Retrospec. They imported that microsurgery technique from the world I'm seeing. A few other people have gotten saved thanks to that, before, but I never expected I'd need it, myself."

"You're a cop who wants to save everyone, I'm not sure what else you expected. And stop apologizing for it, it makes me feel guilty."

Maybe he should, considering how Malik tends to react when he has a modicum of power over something or someone else. It's like his drug of choice, getting high off of superiority and turning into a completely different person. The guilt just makes him avoidant and less inclined to deal with this serious personality flaw, however.

Moving swiftly on: "And it's funny you should say that... because I started getting some different symptoms after we got back, and it wasn't related to my head. Well... not that injury I received. I'm starting to feel like an old man with all these spontaneous pains, you know. At least getting shot has an interesting story behind it..."

Togusa nods a little, raises a hand to wave it all off. "Okay. Apology given, sort of accepted, I can drop it all."

Guilt. Maybe that's why Malik is here, and why he's acting more reasonable. Togusa will take it. Those last words before he got transported are still echoing in his ears, and he is too curious about where they stand now.

His eyebrows raise in concern. "Are you all right? Not, like you have to get checked out, but weird symptoms? Like what?"

Togusa subconsciously glances down at his own arm, the bruising there is healing pretty well, but there are still a few patches of yellowy green.

There’s some quiet deliberation, as Malik considers how he wants to proceed.

“It’s the first time I’ve gotten a memory back where... I could feel the other person get hurt.” He leans back in the chair, crossing his arms. “It has nothing to do with any of the other Maliks, but it’s like the feeling wouldn’t go away. Through my back and chest, as it were... Although this wasn’t a gun.” Here he eyes Togusa. He wasn’t paying too close of attention at the scene when the EMTs arrived, so he’s not entirely clear on if Togusa has an exit wound. However, he has his suspicions, due to the more acute, burning phantom pain that has been lingering along with the other he just described. ‘Phantom pain’ isn’t a term in his lexicon though, hence why he’s more abstract at trying to describe it.

“It was Ra.” Since he knows Togusa will ask. “Got some divine intervention right through the back, like the lightning bolts you saw.”

Togusa's face falls as he listens, and he isn't paying attention to the way his hand drifts up to the side of his chest. There is a pad there, covering a surgical site, showing that the bullet made it through.

"It's just like.." what Togusa experienced. The two injuries are too eerily similar.

"And you can still feel it? Like, it just happened?" He looks Malik over again, more closely, but he is having trouble telling if anything has changed about him.

"Ra," still spoken with a little reverence. "Tell me about him. Just, whatever you want. It's amazing, but in a scary way." He shifts to a more comfortable position. Inside, he is dying to know the story, because the entire concept is outside of Togusa's whole way of thinking.

“Yes, I can still feel it.” Malik’s body language is a bit more guarded, but there’s no indication that he’s hurting or has any physical changes to match. “It comes and goes, kind of tingly in a bad way. It’s... not my worst experience with bodily trauma, so it’s more of a nuisance than anything.”

He leaves it at that, but when he switches topics, his demeanor does too. He speaks with a certain level of measured disinterest. “Ra is the god of the sun in the old Egyptian religion. Very easy to look up on Google. From what I can remember, Ra is not anything you want showing up in battle... A very powerful, destructive force. But only I — er, the other Malik — could fully control it. There’s also Osiris, but I can’t summon that one here.”

Togusa nods in some sympathy, and his hand flattens against his own chest. "The other guy. He got shot. I've had the scars from it for years now. I thought I was used to it, but it's right back."

But he gladly settles in for story time. "God of the sun. He's got an interesting physical form. Is- what we saw? Is that how he's been depicted before, bird-like?" It's a blank spot in Togusa's own education, but he is keeping mental notes for himself for a library trip later.

"And who is Osiris?"

This time - hearing about the scar - is probably the first that Malik seems sympathetic. The expression is quick, fleeting, but there was a flash of something that broke through a facade. “Guess you get to have two now.”

Smooth. Anyway, moving swiftly on —

“Most of the gods are shown as dual human-animals. In tombs, and art, and things like that. Ra is associated with falcons, so it’s... sort of close, I supose. It’s a bird.” He’s no real pro at this, not like his past self. On top of that, he used to rail against Retrospec for the ‘Ancient Egyptian bullshit,’ as he called it, thinking it was some kind of cruel joke until he caught up with enough memories to realize, no, his past self was just Like That. Much more intwined with the old ways, which wasn’t a surprise, given his occupation. Thinking about it make the corner of Malik’s mouth twitch up into a smirk as he answers the next question.

“And Osiris... is the god of the dead. Story goes that he was dismembered, but his wife put him back together. So he’s sort of like an undead corpse looking after all the other corpses.”

Togusa matches that look, and it hits him hard. When something actually seems to matter to Malik, it has a bigger impact. Something he can't just brush off. Togusa finally lets his hand fall away, but he chooses not to follow that point. He'll listen, instead.

A falcon. Togusa nods in understanding. It matches with what Malik managed to summon, there. And he has a vague memory of that stereotype of hieroglyphics with half-animal symbols. More of it is accurate than he thought.

"Wow," quiet wonder at the idea of Osiris. "That's incredible. I've heard a lot of myths of death gods, so, I suppose, what does he fall under? Just a guide to the dead, or actively seeking out people to kill?" And why was he dismembered, is the next question. He can think of stories of foolhardy people trying to conquer death by turning on the god that happens to preside over it.

Malik has to suppress a little laugh. “Ancient Egyptians had a much more... Intricate view of death. Pyramids and mummies weren’t all just for show... But mummies were mostly for royalty and the upper class anyway, and Osiris was kind of associated with the Pharaoh. That’s not getting into the role of Anubis, who oversaw judgement of the dead, and Ammit, who ate those who weren’t worthy to pass on. Osiris was more highly regarded and worshipped, the other two were more like... They were just doing their jobs. I suppose the real question would be, how do you feel about revering the Pharaoh?”

Malik scoffs, this conversation starting to leave a bad taste in his mouth, but not because of Togusa or anything he’s asked. He’s quiet, for a moment, looking at his knees before his gaze travels back to Togusa.

“Anyway, I’m no expert on this stuff... I’m a contemporary Egyptian, and these things were relevant a long time ago. Get a book, there’s plenty of them on the subject... Especially if you’re going to be in here a while longer.”

Togusa listens, enraptured, and he is making mental notes of the names that Malik is bringing up. He slowly nods along, until Malik asks his question. The Pharaoh. Togusa really has to think about his answer for a moment, before he slowly starts.

"Considering my own culture from home? I've still always been wary of any 'divine mandate to rule.' You court the favor of the gods and the ancestors to make sure that you are acting in a favorable manner, like anybody else does. But the idea that the gods are backing your every decision gets any ruler into trouble. Encourages corruption." He shakes his head some. "A leader's responsibility is to the people, not the other way around."

A slow shrug, if Malik is willing to move on. "Looks like I'll be in here a bit longer, so, thanks. I'm always looking for something new to learn about."

Malik laughs and rolls his eyes away from Togusa. Yeah. About that.

He’s perfectly fine with moving on. “How long are you staying? Seems like it’d be simple enough to stitch you up and let you go.”

Togusa looks down at himself, raises one arm to stretch out his side a little. "They had to do a post-procedure to try to minimize scarring on the lung. All the tests have come back pretty good after that, though. Lung capacity is getting back to normal, so, I should be out of here soon, truth be told."

"Only reason it's so fast at all is because Retrospec picked up some tech from the world I'm seeing. Micromachine surgery. The recovery is a lot faster than it would be otherwise."

“And what does that do?” The micromachines. Even though he’s grown up in a technologically inclined world, Malik still has a hard time keeping up with the cutting edge or anything he deems too ‘sci-fi.’

He also doesn’t realize that he’s subconsciously touching the same spot where that phantom pain is flaring up again; the exit wound that Togusa has.

“You already had a scar, so does that fix you so you don’t anymore? What I don’t understand is how you got shot years after the fact, when your other self already had, and also had the mark to prove it.”

Togusa holds up his first finger and thumb barely apart. "The name comes because they're as small as a micrometer. They can get programmed to repair tissue, and get injected into a surgical site. They do their job, and then die off, get integrated into the metabolism like regular proteins. Doctors will use them for really delicate surgeries, like," a hand on his side, "lung tissue."

"It means that they didn't have to cut me more to get to the injury site, so it'll speed up healing a lot."

Togusa raises a hand to press against the side of his head. "A more permanent set of micromachines are what are in my head, technically making up the cyberbrain." But he'll understand if Malik doesn't follow that leap.

"I'll still have the scar. I don't know why it got me in so close to the same place. Dumb luck? Both the other Togusa and I happen to be bad at protecting our right side?" He actually shrugs. It is bothering him, as well.

“If they can heal lung tissue, why not skin tissue? That doesn’t make any sense.” Come on, Togusa, why aren’t you an expert in this stuff? Why can’t you tell Malik what he wants to hear??

He’s not exactly careful, asking this next thing: “Did the other you jump into a gunfight, too? That seems pretty avoidable, even with your profession.” A beat. “Was the other one also a cop?”

For the most part, Malik has been still, but no longer. He’s showing signs of restlessness, though shifting his position and rapidly bouncing his leg. It’s not due to anything related the visit; he just has a lot of energy and nothing to do with it.

"It's still a surgery," Togusa points out. "The scarring will be a lot less, but it'll still be there. It's not like what-" and he falters for a second, "what Ardyn could do. Not that I would have let him heal this one, if he was still here."

At last, Togusa knows his answer to Malik's question. "He was. I had to go back and forth on what I thought about that for a while. But he is a cop. Special Enforcement, of a kind. But yeah. He's police."

Togusa squints, trying to remember what he saw. "He was just in a building, questioning someone. It wasn't supposed to be dangerous, he was the only officer there. And then," Togusa shakes his head. "The building got attacked."

It’s a good thing that Togusa went into the cop subject without further prompting. Malik had been getting low key frustrated about the micromachines, asking about them for an ulterior motive, but that went pretty much nowhere as far as he was concerned. Still neat, and still worth noting, but not what he specifically was interested in.

“So it’s similar, but in reverse. Past you had the surprise brought to him, and current you walked right into it.” Though that was through no fault of his own.

“But Special Forces being alone seems like a bad idea for that reason. I don’t know the place that he comes from, but not everyone likes cops. Special ones are more of a threat.”

Togusa nods in agreement. "He was trying to hide, wait in a surprise attack, because they didn't know he was there. And they winged him on pure accident."

"I'm still not sure why he was there, but from what I've seen from him before? He's an investigator, taking more of a detective role than just combat, like some of his colleagues. He still fought his way out of there, don't get me wrong. But any of his teammates would have done it easier."

"Wait, are you being self-deprecating? How strange... I never thought I'd see the day."

Is this weird? Is this some sort of friendship thing?? Malik isn't sure. They've certainly come a long way since last year, that much is for certain, but even getting to talk to someone in a position of authority, even casually, is kind of a weird thing for him to think about. What happened to his utter repulsion of authority figures?

"...Well, your past you didn't die, and you didn't die, so either way, you'll probably be fine. It'll be like it never happened once they let you go."

Just bury your trauma like he does, it's fine.

Togusa can't help but laugh, a movement that jostles his side, and turns the laugh into a groan but then another laugh. "Never happened, tell that to my ribs."

So much that has been surrounding Malik has come to a head in these last few weeks. He flat-out asked if even James had set aside his grudge, justifiable as it was, and he had. And it's only looking at the boy (man by law, but Togusa can't bring himself to wrap his head around that) that he can tell that he has, too.

To a point.

"Whatever doesn't kill us.. didn't kill us. I'm not painting a silver lining on this one just yet."

"The mind is more powerful than the body. Besides... It's not like anyone will remember unless you bring it up." He shrugs. Jury is out on if he's really serious about his suggestion, although he doesn't seem as serious as usual. He's still a little taken aback by how casual Togusa is being, but he's trying to hide it.

"Are you suggesting that whatever doesn't kill you doesn't make you stronger, Mr. Officer? That's not what I would have expected from you... Are you trying to suggest that it'll come back and try again?"

Malik really hopes not, for his own very obvious reasons.

After all Togusa has been through, it's more exhaustion than anything else that is leading to Togusa's drop in formality. And maybe after a near-death situation, trying to act like the high and mighty adult feels too false.

"Those robots aren't going to come back, but in the grand scheme of things? Is Vanderweele going to come back and try again?" Togusa nods. "I'd be a fool not to think so."

"But even last year, I wasn't going to tell everybody that there was some noble 'higher reason' that they suffered. People suffer. And I want to do my best to keep that from happening, or minimize the harm, or even find justice for what can't be stopped. But brushing off their pain with 'it happened for a reason' is too naive. Even for me."

Malik wants to make some commentary that, while Togusa is sounding more serious, he still sounds like that Noble Officer self that he's labeled the man with. But he has the forethought for once to realize that's not very productive. There's still a sort of dissonance that Malik can't seem to reconcile in himself. That these other people can acknowledge their flaws or vulnerabilities and still move forward or adapt to cover for any 'weakness' they may pose. He can't. He's still very black-or-white, which leads to him blurting out sometime that he didn't have the forethought to stop.

"So, if Vanderweele shows up, does that mean you're okay with shooting him instead? Isn't that the classic problem posed in these sort of... good versus evil movies - aren't you just as bad if you do the same thing as the villain?"

With his attempts at reform, Malik isn't so deluded to pretend that he's not coming at this from a 'villain' angle, but that also means he doesn't care as much about these moral conundrums.

"Don't get me wrong, I know that, no matter what you say, you aren't a vengeful person. But if you could take the shot, would you? If everyone suffers for a reason, or no reason at all, but if this guy was responsible for even a portion of that suffering, what, exactly, do you think you can do about it that's justified?"

There's another hidden ulterior motive in here, another reason that maybe, just maybe, Malik can use to justify some of his own vindictive actions.

"No."

Togusa's brow furrows tighter, and he turns to make sure he is looking at Malik fully. "My god, of course not. Vanderweele's caused a lot of harm, as has all of Retrospec's leadership. But I've never wanted death for any them."

"Arrest and imprisonment, it's what I'd expect, it's what I'd hope is just. Especially if the rumors are true and Vanderweele has managed to increase his lifespan. There might even be a chance of rehabilitation for some of Retrospec's leaders. Get people like Joanne a different damn job."

So, the cop is definitely back, as he sits up a little straighter. "But I don't get to make that call. I don't get to dispense that justice. I'm here to gather evidence, so that if we find a way for other people to be able to see it, people who are trained and appointed to make those calls? That they have everything they need."

Left-Behind Trace [Open]

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