recolle | Left-Behind Trace [Open]

“And what does that do?” The micromachines. Even though he’s grown up in a technologically inclined world, Malik still has a hard time keeping up with the cutting edge or anything he deems too ‘sci-fi.’

He also doesn’t realize that he’s subconsciously touching the same spot where that phantom pain is flaring up again; the exit wound that Togusa has.

“You already had a scar, so does that fix you so you don’t anymore? What I don’t understand is how you got shot years after the fact, when your other self already had, and also had the mark to prove it.”

Togusa holds up his first finger and thumb barely apart. "The name comes because they're as small as a micrometer. They can get programmed to repair tissue, and get injected into a surgical site. They do their job, and then die off, get integrated into the metabolism like regular proteins. Doctors will use them for really delicate surgeries, like," a hand on his side, "lung tissue."

"It means that they didn't have to cut me more to get to the injury site, so it'll speed up healing a lot."

Togusa raises a hand to press against the side of his head. "A more permanent set of micromachines are what are in my head, technically making up the cyberbrain." But he'll understand if Malik doesn't follow that leap.

"I'll still have the scar. I don't know why it got me in so close to the same place. Dumb luck? Both the other Togusa and I happen to be bad at protecting our right side?" He actually shrugs. It is bothering him, as well.

“If they can heal lung tissue, why not skin tissue? That doesn’t make any sense.” Come on, Togusa, why aren’t you an expert in this stuff? Why can’t you tell Malik what he wants to hear??

He’s not exactly careful, asking this next thing: “Did the other you jump into a gunfight, too? That seems pretty avoidable, even with your profession.” A beat. “Was the other one also a cop?”

For the most part, Malik has been still, but no longer. He’s showing signs of restlessness, though shifting his position and rapidly bouncing his leg. It’s not due to anything related the visit; he just has a lot of energy and nothing to do with it.

"It's still a surgery," Togusa points out. "The scarring will be a lot less, but it'll still be there. It's not like what-" and he falters for a second, "what Ardyn could do. Not that I would have let him heal this one, if he was still here."

At last, Togusa knows his answer to Malik's question. "He was. I had to go back and forth on what I thought about that for a while. But he is a cop. Special Enforcement, of a kind. But yeah. He's police."

Togusa squints, trying to remember what he saw. "He was just in a building, questioning someone. It wasn't supposed to be dangerous, he was the only officer there. And then," Togusa shakes his head. "The building got attacked."

It’s a good thing that Togusa went into the cop subject without further prompting. Malik had been getting low key frustrated about the micromachines, asking about them for an ulterior motive, but that went pretty much nowhere as far as he was concerned. Still neat, and still worth noting, but not what he specifically was interested in.

“So it’s similar, but in reverse. Past you had the surprise brought to him, and current you walked right into it.” Though that was through no fault of his own.

“But Special Forces being alone seems like a bad idea for that reason. I don’t know the place that he comes from, but not everyone likes cops. Special ones are more of a threat.”

Togusa nods in agreement. "He was trying to hide, wait in a surprise attack, because they didn't know he was there. And they winged him on pure accident."

"I'm still not sure why he was there, but from what I've seen from him before? He's an investigator, taking more of a detective role than just combat, like some of his colleagues. He still fought his way out of there, don't get me wrong. But any of his teammates would have done it easier."

"Wait, are you being self-deprecating? How strange... I never thought I'd see the day."

Is this weird? Is this some sort of friendship thing?? Malik isn't sure. They've certainly come a long way since last year, that much is for certain, but even getting to talk to someone in a position of authority, even casually, is kind of a weird thing for him to think about. What happened to his utter repulsion of authority figures?

"...Well, your past you didn't die, and you didn't die, so either way, you'll probably be fine. It'll be like it never happened once they let you go."

Just bury your trauma like he does, it's fine.

Togusa can't help but laugh, a movement that jostles his side, and turns the laugh into a groan but then another laugh. "Never happened, tell that to my ribs."

So much that has been surrounding Malik has come to a head in these last few weeks. He flat-out asked if even James had set aside his grudge, justifiable as it was, and he had. And it's only looking at the boy (man by law, but Togusa can't bring himself to wrap his head around that) that he can tell that he has, too.

To a point.

"Whatever doesn't kill us.. didn't kill us. I'm not painting a silver lining on this one just yet."

"The mind is more powerful than the body. Besides... It's not like anyone will remember unless you bring it up." He shrugs. Jury is out on if he's really serious about his suggestion, although he doesn't seem as serious as usual. He's still a little taken aback by how casual Togusa is being, but he's trying to hide it.

"Are you suggesting that whatever doesn't kill you doesn't make you stronger, Mr. Officer? That's not what I would have expected from you... Are you trying to suggest that it'll come back and try again?"

Malik really hopes not, for his own very obvious reasons.

After all Togusa has been through, it's more exhaustion than anything else that is leading to Togusa's drop in formality. And maybe after a near-death situation, trying to act like the high and mighty adult feels too false.

"Those robots aren't going to come back, but in the grand scheme of things? Is Vanderweele going to come back and try again?" Togusa nods. "I'd be a fool not to think so."

"But even last year, I wasn't going to tell everybody that there was some noble 'higher reason' that they suffered. People suffer. And I want to do my best to keep that from happening, or minimize the harm, or even find justice for what can't be stopped. But brushing off their pain with 'it happened for a reason' is too naive. Even for me."

Malik wants to make some commentary that, while Togusa is sounding more serious, he still sounds like that Noble Officer self that he's labeled the man with. But he has the forethought for once to realize that's not very productive. There's still a sort of dissonance that Malik can't seem to reconcile in himself. That these other people can acknowledge their flaws or vulnerabilities and still move forward or adapt to cover for any 'weakness' they may pose. He can't. He's still very black-or-white, which leads to him blurting out sometime that he didn't have the forethought to stop.

"So, if Vanderweele shows up, does that mean you're okay with shooting him instead? Isn't that the classic problem posed in these sort of... good versus evil movies - aren't you just as bad if you do the same thing as the villain?"

With his attempts at reform, Malik isn't so deluded to pretend that he's not coming at this from a 'villain' angle, but that also means he doesn't care as much about these moral conundrums.

"Don't get me wrong, I know that, no matter what you say, you aren't a vengeful person. But if you could take the shot, would you? If everyone suffers for a reason, or no reason at all, but if this guy was responsible for even a portion of that suffering, what, exactly, do you think you can do about it that's justified?"

There's another hidden ulterior motive in here, another reason that maybe, just maybe, Malik can use to justify some of his own vindictive actions.

"No."

Togusa's brow furrows tighter, and he turns to make sure he is looking at Malik fully. "My god, of course not. Vanderweele's caused a lot of harm, as has all of Retrospec's leadership. But I've never wanted death for any them."

"Arrest and imprisonment, it's what I'd expect, it's what I'd hope is just. Especially if the rumors are true and Vanderweele has managed to increase his lifespan. There might even be a chance of rehabilitation for some of Retrospec's leaders. Get people like Joanne a different damn job."

So, the cop is definitely back, as he sits up a little straighter. "But I don't get to make that call. I don't get to dispense that justice. I'm here to gather evidence, so that if we find a way for other people to be able to see it, people who are trained and appointed to make those calls? That they have everything they need."

Well, that takes the wind out of his sails. It’s not a surprise that Togusa didn’t take the bait, but the call of the darkness can still be tempting. Malik knows that it’s wrong, but cold comfort - indulging in those dark desires he tries so hard to ignore - is better than nothing. At least on some days.

He shrugs it off. “I wouldn’t trust Jim to be rehabilitated. Joanne... I don’t know. She isn’t evil, but maybe she could be put in a position where she doesn’t have to deal with people. Her vague attitude is annoying.”

Togusa has no concept of the test he just passed, so he rolls his own shoulders in a similar shrug. "I'd actually argue the opposite," he points at Malik.

"The Retrospec staff are so ridiculously isolated. Even more so, since the building vanished off the map. People like Joanne or Maurice could do with some non-Retrospec human contact, and I think they'd get back to normal. Jim? Somehow I get the feeling that being away from everybody else is part of the appeal of the job, to Jim."

“Maybe Jim can get a nice cramped jail cell. No one will bother him in there. If a little social timevis all the others need... Well, my point still stands. Joanne, and Maurice, could stand to get different jobs. They can be social on their off-time.”

Malik goes quiet, his gaze distant.

“Although I wonder if they’ve ever been outside...”

Togusa's own gaze slowly matches Malik's. It's so strange to hear a thought that has crossed his mind before coming out of someone else's mouth.

"It's actually entirely possible. Joanne and Maurice, they're the ones I'd worry about, because they said they grew up with the company. So they might not have. And that frightens me a lot. Forget just comparing it to growing up in a cult, they did technically grow up in a cult. It's what I'd call it."

It's the same reason that he thinks rehabilitation might actually be possible for people like those two.

"I don't know how far back it goes, it could apply to Janet, too. I saw that family tree, they're both somehow distantly related to the founder, Mahoney."

"I forgot about Janet... I wonder if she's still around."

Whether that means alive or not, well. Malik won't ponder that out loud. Zee got offed, so maybe Janet did, too.

"Actually, they seemed to have moved the employees around... Joanne never really talked at the beginning, it was always Jim. And there was that security officer, that one time, that I don't recall seeing again. I don't want to say that they all met an unfortunate end like everyone's best friend Zee, but it is kind of weird how everyone else seems to have disappeared."

Then again, Malik stopped paying close attention to posts a long time ago. He mostly just uses any Retrospec-branded post to complain about them, regardless of content.

"But I would think, Mr. Officer, that if they're holding their own employees hostage, that destroying the company would be a more tempting offer."

Togusa's eyes glaze over slightly, staring at nothing until he points at Malik. "Janet's been mentioned recently enough, I think she's fine. That leaked video when Retrospec couldn't find us. Jim's still around, too, just not allowed to talk to us."

Togusa blinks and focuses again, looking at Malik fully. "And it's not quite hostage. Or, it's a voluntary hostage situation. Every time I've really looked at Retrospec's situation? They're scared. They are scared of something so hard that they did this to themselves, locked themselves up to protect themselves."

"There's also the problem of asking Joanne, 'hey, do you want to help put your own family in jail?' Don't think she'd go for it. Which is why I think Retrospec keeps recruiting from in-family." The cult analogy seems to strengthen, in Togusa's mind.

"That's not how it works."

Malik can feel himself on edge, his chest tightening. If Togusa had gotten a memory, or had just zoned out due to the current state he's in, Malik missed it, because he's zeroing in on his own memories.

"There's no recruitment, they were probably born into the cult. It's easier to condition people that way. It's also why they're restricted from interacting with others or going outside... Because going outside breaks the illusion that they need to stay, that they're part of the hierarchy and that their exploitation is necessary for the greater good. Retribution isn't worth taking the risk of trying to escape and them finding you. Unless they can dismantle the entire system, they'll never be free."

His gaze on Togusa is dark and cold. "It's a mistake to assume that everyone would put their family first over their own well being. Just because you're related doesn't mean they love you or that you love them back. You can't really know what their family is like. Survival comes first."

He also might be projecting a bit... or a lot.

Togusa has no idea what it was he said, but he feels and sees that shift in Malik, and he is trying to replay what he just said to search for where he fucked up. Malik, unwanted by his own family, of course he has no family ties. Don't bring it up again, it's just resentment coming off of him, right?

..Right?

Togusa very slowly nods. "I. I know. And I actually agree. I don't know if they'd really help us, even thought they are in a terrible situation. But after, once they're out of their control? I think they'd thank us."

He holds Malik's eye, he won't flinch from the truth that Malik is trying to tell him, the words between the words. "It shouldn't be that way, that family would use or discard people. But there are times where it is true. And we can't wish it away."

Malik is quiet, glaring, like he's silently challenging Togusa despite the other man's agreement.

"What's happened has happened. In the past... In memories... whatever. My point still stands. The only thing you have going for your little theory is that some of the members of Retrospec seem to be too timid to act out in an unpleasant way. I'm not saying they won't help, but conditioning is a powerful thing... especially if they've been led to believe in a way of life that is inherently terrifying for them. You don't know who's at the top and pulling the strings, either... You don't know what kind of power they have."

There's definitely some resentment. Further down, it's rage at how powerless he is to do anything across either of his two lives. However, like always, he refuses to confront his memories or really deal with them in a meaningful way. He just wants to dwell at how unfair everything is. Same shit, different day.

If it was literally anyone other than Malik sitting across from him, Togusa would be trying to find a bright side. But that glare, the way Malik is going back to carefully crafting his words, Togusa knows he has crept up on a nerve. And so any assurances that Togusa can't back up right now are going to only make him angry.

"So far I've been coming at this assuming that there is some truth to it. That the Retrospec leadership knows some truth that we can't see yet, and that their hiding away would seem justified if we could find that truth."

"If it's just a lie, just a ploy to keep control of the people they have? Then what do we do? Take them out, either way, I've never wavered on that idea. They need to be stopped. But does it change our focus if it turns out they're lying to their own people?"

"They are lying. Whatever it is they do or don't know, the less information they give to the lower members, the easier it is to keep them in line."

Malik is trying to reign in his temper - after all, Togusa doesn't know quite everything, and unleashing his emotions would give him a platform to ask. Either that or he'll be escorted out by security, and that would just be embarrassing.

"It might be lying by omission, or maybe they're really that misguided and thinking that they're doing some good. But their version of the truth is going to be twisted in some way. Or else it wouldn't be a cult, and they would let people leave. There's a reason they aren't... and if it was really a noble cause, they wouldn't need to be so isolated. You're trying too hard to justify their actions. There's going to be people who don't see the problem with the hierarchy they've set up... Some people like to feel useful, but that doesn't change the power imbalance from the leader downwards. It doesn't change the fact that the whole system is rotten."

Left-Behind Trace [Open]

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