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I’M DEAD, I’M DEAD ( semi-closed )
WHO: eren jaeger and cr!
WHERE: around recollé.
WHEN: last half of april!
WHAT: expiration dates sUCk
WARNINGS: eren in moody flavor, aot spoilers if those . . . count these days
ＨＡＶＥ ＹＯＵ ＨＥＡＲＤ ＥＸＯＤＵＳ ＷＯＵＮＤＳ （ｂｃ ｗｏｗ）
ＯＲ ＣＡＲＬＹ ＲＡＥ ＪＥＰＳＥＮ
WHERE: around recollé.
WHEN: last half of april!
WHAT: expiration dates sUCk
WARNINGS: eren in moody flavor, aot spoilers if those . . . count these days
ＨＡＶＥ ＹＯＵ ＨＥＡＲＤ ＥＸＯＤＵＳ ＷＯＵＮＤＳ （ｂｃ ｗｏｗ）
[ it had been a fairly quiet month compared to the rest, if only a little more focused on the future of his more normal life behind the scenes. at one point, eren had wondered if he should be bracing for something to be so . . . quiet.
or maybe he would’ve been better off not jinxing himself. one night and a vivid dream later, eren awakens without shock, without fright, slipping out of drowsiness and into tranquil consciousness. it would’ve been another pretty good day to look forward to, had he not thought back on the dream— the memory— and still found himself dazed.
he goes about his usual routines, fairly normal if not just a bit thoughtful and quiet. there’s still a part of him that feels like he simply had a dream. it doesn’t hit him immediately, but the same words and scene are the ones he keeps thinking back to. in his cell with armin, mikasa in another, taking notes and writing about the memories he got from the owl that confirm other notes they found. titan powers had more slopes and turns than they ever thought, and it falls down to one single, important fact:
i have eight years left . . . or even less. he said that when he was younger. how old was he, fifteen? sixteen?
how old was he now?
the more the words rang in his head, the faster and more silent eren had become as the days stretch. his usual passionate spark in everything he does is dulled, his features always closed off and terse, and only gradually becoming more disconcerted. his usual patience is cut thin, and anyone who knew better would think twice about approaching a man with the palpable energy he walked with: detected, disturbed and angry.
he avoids people, with reason, only really going out because he had to, found briefly in places like:
— the woods, probably as a giant.
— fort mccoy.
— fast walking downtown with his german shepherd, titan.
— sitting in the sand by the beach at night to brood by the tides at an ungodly hour.
— locked up in his apartment.
those who visit the apartment might have more luck in keeping him still enough to talk than the others, but it might not be so easy still. ]
or maybe he would’ve been better off not jinxing himself. one night and a vivid dream later, eren awakens without shock, without fright, slipping out of drowsiness and into tranquil consciousness. it would’ve been another pretty good day to look forward to, had he not thought back on the dream— the memory— and still found himself dazed.
he goes about his usual routines, fairly normal if not just a bit thoughtful and quiet. there’s still a part of him that feels like he simply had a dream. it doesn’t hit him immediately, but the same words and scene are the ones he keeps thinking back to. in his cell with armin, mikasa in another, taking notes and writing about the memories he got from the owl that confirm other notes they found. titan powers had more slopes and turns than they ever thought, and it falls down to one single, important fact:
i have eight years left . . . or even less. he said that when he was younger. how old was he, fifteen? sixteen?
how old was he now?
the more the words rang in his head, the faster and more silent eren had become as the days stretch. his usual passionate spark in everything he does is dulled, his features always closed off and terse, and only gradually becoming more disconcerted. his usual patience is cut thin, and anyone who knew better would think twice about approaching a man with the palpable energy he walked with: detected, disturbed and angry.
he avoids people, with reason, only really going out because he had to, found briefly in places like:
— the woods, probably as a giant.
— fort mccoy.
— fast walking downtown with his german shepherd, titan.
— sitting in the sand by the beach at night to brood by the tides at an ungodly hour.
— locked up in his apartment.
those who visit the apartment might have more luck in keeping him still enough to talk than the others, but it might not be so easy still. ]
ＯＲ ＣＡＲＬＹ ＲＡＥ ＪＥＰＳＥＮ
[ alternatively, you can very well not find eren and take notice that he’s become scarce, both in seeing him around and in his usual text to check in.
he probably won’t ignore you outright, but his texts aren’t read if you send him something. at least not without a huge delay. after said extension of silence, you’ll probably get in response: ]
yeah?
[ acting completely natural, like, hey, what’s good. ]
he probably won’t ignore you outright, but his texts aren’t read if you send him something. at least not without a huge delay. after said extension of silence, you’ll probably get in response: ]
yeah?
[ acting completely natural, like, hey, what’s good. ]
no subject
And if what he's dealing with is anywhere near what most people on the app have to cope with, well. Some really and truly are too young for it. Yet... here they are. ]
It is not the ocean's fault that the books made out of it something other than what it is.
Nor is it your fault, any child's fault, to believe the information available. Or for wishing knowledge didn't change how things look.
[ Perhaps he should press, about what exactly is wrong. Perhaps he should leave him alone. Neither of those seem right. ]
no subject
[ with an exhasperated half laugh into his sigh. and for the first time during this conversation, eren raises his voice in frustration, holding his hand up to gesture. he’s not upset at Andrew, rather he’s upset with, well. everything. ]
You don’t get it! There’s no freedom in the sky, or beyond the ocean. Freedom was always the crazy legend! [ the hand goes to his chest, painfully gripping onto his clothes. ] And I’m still in a damn birdcage even in the next life!!
no subject
Andrew, at least, doesn't even think that Eren is upset at him. It's been perfectly clear that Eren's in pain, inside, far more than just the quitting of the Air Force - it's different from when they talked, weeks earlier, about that.
Instead, he reaches, lightly placing a hand on Eren's shoulder. An anchor, but one that Eren can shake off easily if that's not what he wants. ]
Freedom from what, my friend?
[ There are so, so many things to seek it from, after all. Some are a matter of perspective. Some, one can be truly free of.
Some are inevitable, no matter what the dreams. ]
no subject
From the past. From the choices other people make.
[ and he calms, a little shaky as he speaks, but calmer. ]
There’re some things that carry over, no matter what you do.
no subject
It's not doing that that's the challenge. Maybe not making it better - sometimes, that's not possible, and certainly not necessary that Andrew is the one who can accomplish it. But... at least keeping things steady. Maybe giving Eren a little bit of a safe spot to continue working through it all. ]
Yeah. Some other people make choices that stay with us always. Sometimes it's okay. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes... really not.
[ And he gives Eren's shoulder a squeeze because he can't add that that's okay because it's not. Clearly. But it's all right to be upset about it, and angry, and want out. ]
no subject
[ especially when he runs the risk of a life completely fucked over. it was like he was never supposed to be born then. he should’ve just— died. then he’d be free from that bullshit he’s always believed in. until not. ]
Can we just— walk?
[ he asks, bothered and anxious. talking about it in this state of mind just made it worse. he needed something else. ]
no subject
Yeah, sure.
[ Andrew rises up to his feet easily, reaching down to help Eren up, in turn. Just because he'd like to. ]
Let's go do that.