(closed)

[antagonize]

WHO: Karkat Vantas (alienates) & Jason Todd (antagonize)
WHERE: Recollé University
WHEN: Forward dated to 3/9
WHAT: Jackass: Recollé U edition
WARNINGS: Exploding microwaves?? Maybe??? I don't know.

---

[So. There is a toy crab in the cafeteria microwave.

Jason isn't... entirely sure of what do to with it, honestly. Nor does he have the slightest idea of who could have shoved it in there, with the cafeteria being relatively empty and all. He pulls it out of the microwave, holding it up with his thumb and index finger like it might be contaminated, and then he glances around the room.

To the first person he (sort of) recognizes, he asks:]

—Hey, did you see who left this here? It was in the microwave.

[Actually... isn't this kid....... kind of young for college...........]

Comments

[alienates]

I'm touring the university.

[ ..... karkat you are obviously not on any kind of tour. where's the tour group?? they are not murdering crab plushes. ]

Uh. I needed to use the bathroom?

[ no..... ]

[antagonize]

[A FLAT LOOK.]

So you decided to take a tinkle— in the cafeteria?

[Buddy. Pal. Amigo. Compañero. You can't walk down a flight of stairs without bumping into a map of the campus.]

[alienates]

There were lines everywhere.

[ which can be believable? the lines for bathrooms can get pretty big. still doesn't explain how he got here but like... details. ]

Okay it really only matters what I was doing here if we get caught. Which we won't, since we did nothing wrong.

[antagonize]

If you waited, you might have gotten to piss already. Or taken a dump. I don't want to know what's chugging around, ready to be released from your nether regions.

[It does not, no. And that is all the more reason for them to keep speed walking? Let them be on the other side of campus within the next two minutes. Let them develop super human speed out of shame.]

We totally did not. But isn't sating my curiosity worth it? Come on, humor me.

[alienates]

I actually was here for the tour.

[ oh whoops there's a security guard. karkat slows down his speed walk slightly to appear slightly less suspicious. ]

But those things are really boring? How the fuck do they expect you to retain all that information?

[antagonize]

They don't.

[Jason has seen this security guard before so he just. Establishes eye-contact for a second before carrying on. Nothing to see here, officer. No corpses in the microwave, waiting to be discovered.]

I think they just expect you to be dazzled by the campus in hopes that you'll apply for college somewhere. Hell if I remember the tour I took of this place — and that was last year.

[alienates]

There's not that many places you can go to school here.

[ he doesn't consider that some people choose to leave their cities and go to college elsewhere? hm.

he watches the guard go along on his merry way when something suddenly hits him. ]

Wait. Do they have security cameras here?

[antagonize]

[He offers a shrug in response to that. People sometimes arrive for college, but leaving for college? Seems kind of a hassle, man.]

Uh—

[A GOOD... QUESTION... A good, distressing question.]

Only... near the vending machines? And the ATM.

[Please sound more sure, Jason Grace.]

[alienates]

... They're probably some of those really shitty camera, right? Like you see in convenience stores where you can barely even see the person's face and it skips sometimes.

[ they have no way of knowing any of this, karkat is just assuming? most places are cheap and a university can be most places. ]

[antagonize]

Right. Bet they're in black and white, too. Universities these days, y'know? Really cutting corners with security.

[Just let them assume for their peace of mind, yike.]

[alienates]

Yeah. Totally.

[ for a second it seems like that is all he has to say and that he may excuse himself, but then he very visibly hesitates before opening his mouth again. ]

You didn't see anything weird, did you? When the toy exploded?

[antagonize]

[That gets him to raise both eyebrows.]

Besides my life flashing before my eyes? [He's being overly dramatic and exaggerating.] Nothing. Why do you ask?

[alienates]

[ karkat cannot even criticize because he is equally as dramatic about everything ever. if you don't make a big deal out of every small inconvenience then what is even the point?

karkat pauses. he wasn't sure if jason had seen something and was just pretending he hadn't, like karkat had been until now, but now that karkat has his confirmation for the alternative he isn't sure how to continue here. ]

I had one of those... weird hallucination visions whatever the fuck? When we murdered the microwave.

[antagonize]

[A beat.]

... If you hallucinated about setting someone on fire or something fitting like that — I don't want to hear it. Witnessing microwave murder was more than enough for me.

[Said by someone who hallucinated about blowing people the fuck up a couple days ago.]

[alienates]

It was a crab dinner gone very wrong.

[ it's said dryly, and much more like his usual tone in general. he's honestly pretty thankful that jason didn't want the details; karkat would prefer not to share. he just wanted to know if he was the only one who saw something or not. ]

[antagonize]

So... Lassie, then. Good to know your hallucinations are following a theme?

[Alas, Karkat is on his own with this one. Sorry, pal.]

[alienates]

Maybe I was a crab fisherman in a past life, and now they're showing up to get their revenge for their eaten brethren.

[ more like exploded brethren but, sure. ]

Since you murdered Lassie they're going to be coming for you next.

[antagonize]

Great.

[Dead brethren, in any case???]

I'll let you know if I have any vivid memories where they run out of biscuits at Red Lobster — or something. We can commiserate.

[alienates]

I am sure we will definitely get to the bottom of all of this and the answer will be in their biscuit recipe.

[ karkat actually wants their biscuits now, but he will most likely avoid seafood for a little while now. ]

We should probably split up. It'll be harder to hunt us down.