SEMI-CLOSED ♞ B-B-BINGO AND SUCH

[tarotcards]

WHO: Souji and others!
WHERE: Everywhere in Recolle
WHEN: All of July
WHAT: A general catch-all log for this month. Mostly bingo threads, though!
WARNINGS: N/A asides from some massive food poisoning??

OOC: For reference, Souji's bingo sheet is found here! Those with a blue coloured square means it is currently "taken" while the white squares are still free. Feel free to PM me or reach me at northpaws if you'd like to do some bingo stuff (that we haven't already planned beforehand) or if you'd like any other threads! This is just a catch-all post for all the logs/threads I might have, without spamming the comm and to keep all of Souji's bingo threads in one post.

Comments

[tarotcards]

And you're my brother too.

[ Souji reaches over, trying to take Yu's hand into his but if he can't reach, Souji will just leave his hands out on the table. ]

It's just a theory. It's the... most sensible one right now but it doesn't have to mean anything will change. Memories are just that. Memories. It doesn't have to dictate what we do.

[ He repeats after Shin when Shin tried to comfort him on the exact same topic. He needs to reassure Yu right now, just like he did when they were younger. What kind of older brother would be if he made him worry? ]

[covenantal]

[ He'll succeed. Yu's hand is close enough for Souji to reach it. Good thing, too; Yu likely wouldn't've initiated on his own. But once Souji does, he'll curl his fingers through his brother's as if Souji is his only lifeline, bracing his forehead on his free palm and continuing to stare at the table. ]

... I know. But ... if we were once the same person, why are we separate now? Has this happened to ... anyone else? Why us? And what...

[ ... he can't finish the thought. ]

[tarotcards]

[ And Souji grips onto Yu's hand. He uses his other hand to wrap around their entwined hands and while Yu looks downwards, Souji looks forward, straight at him. He's the one who brought this up. He has to keep on pushing forward. ]

... I don't know. [ He has to be honest. He wishes he could say that he knew the answer to any of those questions but he just doesn't know. ] I don't know, but... let's cross that bridge if we get to it.

[ "If" and not "when". ]

And if it is true, that we were the same person and that we're separate now... Is that really such a bad thing?

[covenantal]

[ ... "if."

Yu will glance up at Souji, uncertain, but steady. ]

... we're not the same, [ he says slowly, and then grimaces, because that isn't getting across what he really means. ]

We're different people. How could we have been...

[ Shakes his head. ]

I'm glad that we are who we are. It means that ... I get to be with you, in this life. [ His voice dips to nearly a whisper. ]

I don't want that to change.

[ If they're separate - if they're two different people - they can be together. But if they're the same - if they're one person - then they can't be together again. Ever. The paradox of it is what pains him the most. ]

[tarotcards]

[ Souji absolutely knows that. He knows and has the exact same worries as Yu. There's no way that he doesn't. This is the entire reason why he didn't want to bring this up to Yu in the first place but he shouldn't hide anymore. He should finally share what's on his mind (or at least until a few weeks later when he remembers those things and he retreats back to what is comfortable for him - to hide again). ]

It won't. [ He shakes his head. ] Just because we might have been the same, it doesn't mean we'll go "back".

[ And he breathes, finally looking down for once. ]

... You're right. We are different, Yu. We're not the same person as the one in our memories. And doesn't that denial itself already mean that we're separate? That we won't go "back"?

[covenantal]

[ When Souji looks down, Yu looks up. Finding his twin looking down at the table like that, instead of keeping his gaze up in that straightforward, confident way of his...

It's clear how much this has been eating away at Souji, too. And Yu feels his whole core go soft, knowing ... more than anyone else in this world, how hard it is for Souji to ever bare vulnerabilities in front of anyone. Even his own twin. But here he is, choosing to show weakness, so they can talk about this, finally express the fears they've both been feeling for weeks, maybe months...

Reaching out, Yu will wrap his free hand around the hands they've got joined on the table. Now both his hands are joined with both of Souji's, linking them, grounding them. ]

Yeah. I won't go back. [ Steady, with a hint of steel. ] You're my twin, Souji. Whether or not we were once the same person doesn't matter to me. Right now, in this life, we're brothers. That's all I want. I won't let anyone change that. Not even Retrospec.

[tarotcards]

[ As Yu's hand comes to wrap around their hands, Souji looks up and a wave of gratitude comes over him. ]

Especially not Retrospec. [ He repeats, affirming this. He grips onto Yu's other hand and he closes his eyes, letting him find the same strength that Yu has right now. There's a faint smile as he finds relief in knowing that this conversation seemed to go smoother than he thought. ] Thank you.

I'm glad that I have you as my twin. I really wouldn't have it any other way.

[covenantal]

[ This time, when his breath catches in his throat and he wants to swallow the words that bubble to his lips, he finds that, unlike before, he ... can't.

It's ... frightening, to be honest with Souji. But in a moment like this, he can't remember why. In a moment like this, it feels so easy, right, to be truthful.

He's barely thinking at all when he says, quietly and full of gratitude: ]

I'm glad you talked to me about this, Souji.

[tarotcards]

[ And the smile stays as Yu expresses his gratitude. In fact, it just a tad bit wider and he nods. ]

I'm glad too. It's... relieving to share this with you.

[ Liberating even. It's like a weight that was pressing down on his chest was now lifted and now he can breathe properly, without having to worry about all the possibilities of their memories alone. ]

Do you want to hear about my memories? I want you to know about them too.

hello i'm here

[covenantal]

Yeah. Yeah, it is, isn't it?

[ A disarmed smile, natural and real. ]

I do. I'll tell you what new things I've remembered, too.