everybody knows shit fuck

[frostythehitman]

WHO: James Barnes and YOU!
WHERE: the prison
WHEN: November 1st through November 15th
WHAT: visiting James in prison!
WARNINGS: general prison visit stuff


[ This month, when sitting down to a visit with James Barnes, people may notice something about him feels off. Earlier in the month, he may just seem restless--his feet tapping furiously against the floor as he sits in the visitation room, or deeply inspecting every groove and crease of his metal hand. Some days, he may look like he's seen a ghost--literally.

But as the month wears on, he'll become moodier. Maybe he's frowning and hunched over in his seat. Maybe he's distractedly looking out the window with his jaw set. Whatever it is, he doesn't seem nearly as relaxed as he has the past few months since turning himself in. ]

Comments

[frostythehitman]

Yeah, you went all-in on that whole monster thing. Everyone else just found a casual way to work it into a conversation. [ He huffs in laughter. ] But whatever. It's not like you were the only one who tried turning me into something.

[ He's well aware that infecting was some kind of weird impulse people couldn't control. Which still sucks for whoever got infected, but James really doesn't think he can blame someone for it, especially now that it's over and done with. ]

[blondferret]

[Derek shrugs and then lets out a small chuckle.]

At least I was upfront about it eh? I went all out.

[He shifts in his seat a bit.]

Other than being infected, how's it been?

[frostythehitman]

[ He sighs. ]

Weird. As usual. There's ghosts all over the place. Or at least I think that's what they are--they just pass through the cells and the walls like it's nothing. And they all seem...old-timey.

[blondferret]

[Derek nods.]

Yeah, I've noticed that too. But anyway, why I really came here, you besides to see your face.

[Derek lean against the back of his chair and folds his arms.]

Have you decided whether or not to appeal your case to the court?

[frostythehitman]

What? No, of course I'm not going to.

[ He says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world. ]

[blondferret]

Why the hell not?

[Derek runs a hand through his hair.]

Look kid, you don't want to be convicted of something you didn't do. Don't throw your life away.

[frostythehitman]

[ He huffs, annoyed. ]

Am I seriously gonna have the same conversation for the fiftieth time? I'm not innocent here, you know!

[ Even if he wasn't convicted of killing Zee, he'd still be here, convicted of attempted murder and assault. The effect, in the end, is no different. ]

[blondferret]

You really want to be in here fifteen years? Even if you did something, it isn't entirely your fault. Retrospec as fucked with all our lives. They should accept some of the blame. I get it OK. Circumstances can cause you to do things that are very bad ideas.

[frostythehitman]

Yeah, well, I don't see anyone else trying to kill the Retrospec staff because of it!

...okay, except for the real killer.

But still. That's two of us, out of like the hundreds of people who either are or were on the app! "Circumstance" is just a shitty excuse for people who want to pass the buck.

[blondferret]

[Derek shrugs.]

That's not necessarily a bad thing you know.

[Derek presses his lips together before continuing.]

A bit ago I got some memories of my past life. I can't remember how much I've told you about Draco but... when he was sixteen, his life got a whole lot more complicated than he wanted. He got involved in some shady magic stuff, and from what I can tell it's because of his parents. He... he was order to kill his headmaster. If he didn't, he and his parents would be killed. I don't know if Draco ever succeeded, but... even if he did, I'm not gonna blame him. He was put in a bad situation he didn't ask for.

[frostythehitman]

But that doesn't count, it's totally different--he was being forced into it! He wouldn't have done it if he and his family weren't under threat.

[ IT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT MORE THAN THAT TO STOP THIS RUNAWAY SELF-BLAME TRAIN, DEREK ]

[blondferret]

How do you know? I don't even know. I've only seen him at the point where he didn't want to do it, and I'm pretty sure it was in the middle of the school year. I know he got the assignment, but I don't know how he got it when he first did. And from what I know about him, he could have been an idiot enough to accept such an assignment before really understanding the implications of his actions and where it would land him.

[frostythehitman]

So? Eventually he must have figured out that either he killed this guy, or his family was going to die--or else how would you even know about it? He was being forced into doing this.

No one told me I had to try and kill Zee. No one said that I would be killed if I didn't kill him first!

[blondferret]

But you also didn't know what Retrospec was going to do if you didn't try and do something.

[frostythehitman]

Yeah, right! Like Zee had any power over any of that in the first place! The only reason I was able to get close to him is because he couldn't have done a damn thing anyway.

[blondferret]

[Derek slams his hands down on the table.]

Why the fuck are you so willing to throw your life away?

[frostythehitman]

[ He nearly slams his hands on the table too, but remembers how jumpy the guards can be. ]

Because--it's not just about nearly killing Zee! I was ready to kill for him too, this past summer! Somewhere in my house, there's a notebook full of notes I took on a bunch of people trying to figure out the best way to kill them!

[ He pauses to breathe, and in that moment he ends up losing some of the anger and tension. ]

...If I can't control what sort of things are going to change about me, when they could end up making me into a murderer, then maybe it's safest for everyone to keep me locked up.

[blondferret]

How about just going to a counselor? Don't let the changes that could happen to you predetermine how you're going to turn out.

[frostythehitman]

I was going to a counselor, dumbass. Fat load of good that did me.

[blondferret]

Must have been a shitty counselor. That, or you really didn't want the help.

[frostythehitman]

[ Alright this is pissing him off. He doesn't appreciate the implication that his problems can be so easily solved, or that he doesn't want to improve.

He wants to slam the table, maybe get in Derek's face, maybe punch him. But obviously none of these are options. So James glares at him for what feels like several minutes, gripping the table hard enough it might begin to crack and locking his jaw. He needs the time to figure out how to respond in a way that won't get him thrown in solitary.

Eventually, he settles on gritting out a response. ]

Fuck you.

[blondferret]

[Derek smirks at Jame's reaction. Teenagers are so easy to rile up.]

Your reaction tells me either I'm right, or you're in huge denial about yourself and deep down you know I'm right. So which is it?

[frostythehitman]

[ Somehow, he manages to look even more pissed off. ]

It's not that simple.

[blondferret]

[Derek shrugs.]

Really? I think it is. Of course I'm only going off of what you're telling me.

[frostythehitman]

It's not like I want to be a murderer! But it's not as easy as just "going to a counselor" or "wanting to change" or whatever! Maybe that works for school bullies, or kids skipping school or whatever, but not--this!

[ He gestures at himself, feeling like the full, true nature of his disasterhood is on display. ]

Sometimes there are people who just aren't safe to let out in the real world, okay?