Losing my Religion

[keystaff]

WHO: Sakura Kinomoto, Xiaolang Li, Fai
WHERE: Sakura and Fai's place
WHEN: Early March
WHAT: Sakura talks to the two about some memory regains she's had.
WARNINGS: Talk of memory issues? Re: forgetting.



[Sakura figures it best to talk to both Fai and Xiaolang at once, so she waits until the other would arrive before explaining. Even still it has been a few days, she'd just been waiting for him to get back. For them to arrange a time together. Not that this ideally would take long to explain but more in dealing with the aftermath and implications. Potential implications. She isn't sure if she does manage to get through the trial against Yue. Her, not just her, but everyone else involved with these cards somehow, forgetting their most cherished person. In a way that seems like worse than some actual disaster like an earthquake.

Sakura sits on the couch in the lounge, fidgeting with her skirt as she waits, biting her lip and checking her phone. Hoping for Xiaolang to get there soon while also dreading it at the same time. What his reaction might be. Especially when she herself remembers passing the bear to him and calling him her number one.]

Comments

[keystaff]

Well....yes. But that still -- I don't want that to happen. Even to this other version of me. And I'm not sure. I mean, they have my name on them so they must be. Or they were mine at one point at least.

[She glances between them, when they approach, when she feels Xiaolang's hand at her back and Fai crouches in front of her at her chair. They seemed a lot calmer in comparison to her. But then she'd been worrying over this for a few days already. That and they seemed to be focusing on that this was happening to the other version of her. True. But the very idea and implication of it scares Sakura. Terrifies her.

She manages not to actually cry, holding in the tears as she gives a nod in response to the questions, what they were saying. ]

[flowrite]

[Fai's visible eyebrow furrows with worry, though it has much more to do with Sakura's emotional state right now than some magical cards and some doom-and-gloom test. After a moment he rests a hand on her knee, palm upward, offering the hand if she'd like to take it for comfort. His voice, when he speaks again, is soft and level without being obviously patronizing. The kind of voice used by someone who's had to deal with a lot of distraught people over the years.]

I don't think there's anything you can do for that other Sakura, sweetheart. What happened to her has already happened, so there's no sense in you making yourself sick worrying about it. By the time the other me knew her she seemed to be doing just fine. She was making do, she was still sweet and cheerful. Just like you.

[He can't just come out and tell her that he's seen her forgetting that other Xiaolang in that life. Not when she's already upset. He can't. So instead he gives her a big, hopefully reassuring smile.]

And if something like that comes up now... just remember that you've got a lot of people who love you and will help you through whatever happens.

[cardcaptured]

[Calmer on the outside, maybe, but that certainly wasn't true on the inside, at least for Xiaolang. What with Retrospec being so intent on getting back to people to their 'original' selves, to the extent of removing eyes and limbs and even their whole bodies-- who says that they couldn't do the same with memories, either? If Sakura had somehow failed in that past life, would she one day forget him here? Or would he one day forget her as well? There was no way he was going to mention it, though. It wasn't something she needed to hear, in this state, and she may have even considered the possibility already.

No, he was going to remain cool, for her sake. The only concern he'll allow himself to show is concern for her well-being, not the 'what-if's running rampant in his head.

Still, Fai seemed to know how to handle the situation a lot better than he did, leaving a small sting of inadequacy in his chest. Of course, Fai was older, more personable, more experienced with dealing with delicate scenarios like this-- it was his job, after all, and Xiaolang knew as much. And, in a way, it was good to have someone like him talk to Sakura about this, say the words he wasn't quite sure he could say himself with as much confidence and optimism. But... he wished he could do something-- anything-- to encourage her, to help her as well.

The best he could do, really, was keep his hand upon her back, a quiet, steady form of support, as Fai did his best to reassure her. Something the older man said did strike him as odd though-- 'seemed to be doing fine? 'Making do'? Why not tell her she was okay, instead of phrasing it like that? Had something actually happened?

... well. He wasn't going to ask Fai about it. Not now, anyway. Right now the bigger priority was to get Sakura back to her cheerful self. Fishing in his pants pocket, Xiaolang produces a small, folded blue handkerchief, offering it to her quietly. She may not have been crying at the moment, but it was there for her if she needed it. There's an attempt at a reassuring smile, small and tentative, a silent agreement to being one of those who love her and would help her regardless of what would happen.]

It's true. And you remember us now, so that's what really matters, isn't it?

[keystaff]

[It's instinct. To reach out when she sees and feels that hand offered, at her knee. She takes Fai's hand, nodding again at what the both of them are saying. It's probably easier to be more objective without having spent a few days worrying over this, without being the ones potentially responsible for it even if Xiaolang would also be mixed up in it. Would be also suffering the consequences as the one helping her deal with the cards.

Her other hand reaches to take the offered handkerchief. Not that she is crying yet but. Still.]

I know.

[flowrite]

[It's hard to know if any of what they're saying is actually helpful. Fai knows how disconcerting and disorienting these memories can be (to say nothing of powers, physical changes...) and he knows that Sakura's the kind of person who wouldn't want to worry them any more than strictly necessary. He's already accused her (lovingly, of course) of that once before.

Cradling her hand in one of his, he pats the back of it gently with his other hand.]

We can talk about it more if you want to. Our first instinct is to reassure you that everything is fine, but that doesn't mean you need to keep things to yourself. If it worries you, we'll talk about it.

[cardcaptured]

[Once Sakura accepts the handkerchief from him, his free hand settles upon his lap, though the one on her back never budges. There's not much else he can really do-- just sit there and be the silent, careful support that she needs. He wasn't as good with words as Fai is yet... or, rather, mature enough to help navigate complicated situations like this. But he does pay attention and keep note, trying to keep it in mind for future situations, should he need to use them. Which, hopefully, he didn't have to! But Retrospec was Retrospec, and who knew what could be in store for them.

He nods quietly at Fai's words, his expression solemn and resolute.]

We're here to listen, Sakura. You don't have to weigh yourself down with this.

[Not that he's really one to talk about confiding in others about what's troubling him, but Sakura shouldn't have to bear this sort of burden alone.]

[keystaff]

Right. I know there's probably not much, if anything, that I can do from here. I just can't help worrying.

[More on everyone else this would have consequences for, than herself. The idea of forgetting isn't necessarily new though, given their memories returning of this other life, however one wanted to explain it all. But still, at the same time, this was something pretty big. Something bigger than just her, enough to worry her this much when she was usually pretty good at keeping that cheerful smile going regardless of what was happening.]