september catchall | open

[flowrite]

WHO: Fai + Everyone
WHERE: Carmen Sandiego's building in Enprise, anywhere else in the city
WHEN: All month
WHAT: Catchall for therapy threads with Fai, general prompts, and anything else we may have planned!
WARNINGS: Probable warning for thought bubbles featuring self-loathing, harmful thoughts, possible mention of substance abuse and self-destructive behavior. Please warn in headers if anything comes up in an individual thread, will update top warning as necessary.

General note: For most therapy appointments, Fai would have texted beforehand to offer to postpone due to the thought bubbles/possible privacy issues. If you'd like to thread that out please let me know!



[A1 - therapy | home]

[For a few of his friends, or in some cases simply people who hadn't seemed to mind the idea, a therapy meeting was set up in Fai's own apartment. This is largely for Fai's convenience because he's still hurting from monster fighting last month; he's functional, but multiple broken ribs mean that everything's just that much more painful, and if he can get away with meeting at home so much the better. His apartment is small but cozy, with bookshelves everywhere stuffed with paperback romance novels and music paraphernalia, and it always seems to smell like he's been baking. Probably because he has. The glass coffee table is covered with miscellaneous baked treats when the appointment time arrives.]


[A2 - therapy | Enprise]

[For everyone else who'd wanted a more neutral meeting place, Carmen Sandiego had graciously offered Fai the use of an office in her building in Enprise. The office is on the first floor, small but comfortable, with a handful of comfy chairs and a table that... is also covered in baked treats. Fai likes to bake, okay? There are also a few bottles of water handy, and Fai is nursing a cup of coffee. For the moment he's settled into one of the comfy chairs with an ice pack tucked against his side, flipping through a paperback book until his next appointment arrives.]


[B - shopping | around town]

[It's been an overall bad month for Fai so far. At some point he decides to engage in a little retail therapy, and what better way to feel better than to wear a cute sundress while engaging in said retail therapy? And HAHAHA it's not like Fai's ever going to go to actual therapy himself anyway.

So he's puttering around one of the shopping districts in the city in this adorable dress, because the bruising on his torso has finally faded enough that only very pale patches of yellow are still visible through the straps on the back. He's wearing cute sandals, his blond hair is long enough now to twist into a real ponytail!!, and he's wearing his big Audrey Hepburn sunglasses. And he's carrying a big, overpriced, sugary looking iced coffee. He's skinny and pretty enough that he's able to pass pretty easily, unless you already know him. Feel free to run into him (hopefully not literally) however you like!]


((ooc: Individual starters to be added as needed. If I promised you something or if you'd like a starter we haven't discussed yet, please hit me up either via PM on this journal or at hellblazing! ))

Comments

A1

[thesettingsun]

You really don't have to bake for therapy, I'm pretty sure...

[Shuji deposits a bottle of wine on the coffee table alongside the treats when he arrives. The therapy is important, and helpful, he just feels like he's imposing too much on Fai right now.]

[flowrite]

Oh, I know I don't have to--! [Fai flaps a hand dismissively, grinning.] But baking for my friends makes me happy, it's kind of like my own therapy! So don't worry about it at all, really~

[He gestures to the pair of wingback chairs and the sofa, offering any of them up for Shuji to have a seat, and moves to take the bottle of wine from the table.]

Ah, but thank you so much for this! You really didn't have to. I'll put it on ice though, and we can have some later if you like?

[thesettingsun]

[Shuji has a seat on the sofa, drumming his fingers on the arm of it without really noticing.]

Wine and snacks sounds pretty nice. I don't think I'll say no to that any time soon.

[flowrite]

[Fai grins and pads into the kitchen with the bottle of wine, returning a moment later with a glass of water which he offers out to Shuji.]

For now? And feel free to help yourself to anything you like, I certainly can't eat all of this! We can break open the wine after we're done.

[There are muffins, croissants, cookies, bars... basically pick something Shuji would like and it's probably there.]

[thesettingsun]

[Cookies, thank you. Shuji takes a bite of a chocolate chip cookie, sips some water, and then clears his throat.]

So... where do we usually start?

[He hasn't been to therapy in a while, and not to therapy in someone's house with someone he knows ever.]

[flowrite]

[There's an ice pack nestled to one side on the seat of one of the wingback chairs; Fai grabs it and gingerly lowers himself into the chair, tucking the ice pack against his side. It's amazing how someone so tall and with such long legs can tuck his entire self into a chair like that, legs folded up on the seat and everything, but Fai somehow manages it.]

Well, you were worried about the kind of person your past self was, right? Would you feel comfortable telling me about him, or would you like to start with something easier and work up to that?

[thesettingsun]

[It's a special power given to Clamp characters.]

...Past Tsushima Shuji, pen name Dazai Osamu. He was a writer, and apparently a talented and famous one. From the bits and pieces I've got...

He obsessed over people who didn't know he existed. He flattered people who already knew that he hated them. He was terrified of people half his height. He had at least one illegitimate child... I don't like him.

[flowrite]

[Ah. That's... a lot to digest. Fai is quiet for a moment, thoughtful, before replying.]

What would you say is the reason you dislike him the most? If you could sum it up in a few words?

[thesettingsun]

...It's because he and I have a lot of the same kind of flaws. His are worse than mine - I'm not that bad yet, but if I got worse...

It scares me. I don't want to become that person.

[flowrite]

[Fai nods. It's understandable.]

Other than the traits you've described, what do you know about this other you? You said his name was Dazai? Do you know much about how he grew up, what his family was like?

[thesettingsun]

I know that he lived in Japan, and that he was arrested for involvement with communist groups once. So I can sort of narrow down the time frame to when you could actually be arrested for that.

I don't know anything about his family. What the 'Tsushima' family was like.

[Maybe it's for the best.]

[flowrite]

But it's safe to say he didn't grow up like you did? That he hasn't had the kind of life you have?

[Sorry for being so... well. Such a shrink. But he's got a point and he's getting to it, honest.]

[thesettingsun]

I don't remember anything from his childhood, but it's pretty unlikely that we'd have the same kind of life in two different eras and countries...

[flowrite]

[Okay, so they've probably established enough now for Fai to explain his thoughts now. He takes a breath--not a deep one, but a breath.]

I've been looking at this a lot like amnesia--maybe we're the same person, but we don't really remember being them except for in little snippets.

There are some very good articles out there about amnesia, accountability, what makes you "you" or me "me." Professionals will tell you that people are the sum of their experiences, their memories, but there's also something that's intrinsically... them. Even if those memories and experiences are stripped away, you can usually still kind of sense a little spark of the same person there.

But at the same time there's a lot about them that's not the same. That whole blanket of memories is gone. You may discover that you like chocolate ice cream, but you don't have the memory of getting chocolate ice cream with your cousin when you were in middle school. Those experiences never had a chance to shape who you are.

Even if something at your core is the same as this writer, even if you have the same "soul," everything that's shaped you is different. He didn't have your parents. He didn't have your friends, your school, your first love. Every little thing you've done has made you who you are. And even if you keep remembering more about him, those memories will only ever exist alongside yours. They may affect you, but they aren't you.

[thesettingsun]

[That makes sense. It reassures him a little, and yet...]

What if I remember everything he was? How do you know I won't end up being him, with my memories aside his instead?

[What if Dazai's the stronger one?]

[flowrite]

[Fai smiles warmly and shifts forward in his chair a little, careful to bring the ice pack with him.]

I guess I can't really know, can I? None of us can until something like that happens. But even if you remember everything, as long as you remember who you are now, you won't be that same person. And I trust that the 'you' who's here now with me is a good enough person to make 'him' better.

[thesettingsun]

...This is probably crossing patient-therapist boundaries but I really want to hug you.

[He might cry, Fai. You did this.]

[flowrite]

[Fai flaps a hand dismissively, grinning.]

Ah, this isn't official anyway! And I love hugs, if you really want to~

[Just not around his ribs, preferably!]

[thesettingsun]

[In that case, Shuji will just hug Fai around the stomach.]

Thank you so much, I really, really needed that...

[flowrite]

[Fai leans into the hug as much as he can without making things uncomfortable.]

I'm just glad I could help, even a little.

[thesettingsun]

You helped a lot. I needed to hear that in those words.

[More than just 'you won't turn out that way'.]