recolle | [closed] all hail spidertapir

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[closed] all hail spidertapir

WHO: Ritsu Kageyama and Shou Suzuki
WHERE: Around the city
WHEN: Backdated to the time of the monster siege
WHAT: Gratuitous attempts made by 13yo's to ride and/or tame monsters (well, one does, and the other tries to stop him)
WARNINGS: A violence, but nothing too bad probably!

[ Ritsu had been pretty surprised Shou didn't want to go to the big convention, it's not like he knew a ton about what interests he had (other than, apparently, liking animals and fighting people), but he didn't consider himself anyone who would be... all that fun to spend time around with. Actually, why did Shou like hanging around him so much? But he wasn't pushing him away like he did most other people. ... It might have been something to do with that sheer honesty in the way he carried himself, not caring what others thought. That and he's pretty stubborn. So here they were, chilling with ice cream in the same place they found that time they were lost in the stupid summer heat while everyone else was in their more crowded place. A peaceful not-date. ]

Huh...?

[ On the store's television screen, breaking news shows, as a reporter states how the convention on its last day has been concluded with the release of monsters. ]

Ahh, it's been a while since we had a good old monster attack, wouldn't you say George?

You bet, Sarah! Now that is one thrilling way to end an event with a bang. Sure can't tell if it was planned though! I hope people's weapon props are able to actually function! Now, onto our next story...

... They're... really stopping it there? [ Shrinking to a corner on the screen, footage of monsters breaking out of the center was shown, with some people evidently being chased. The shopkeeper is still humming along, not minding any urgency from the news. This had to be a joke. ]

Um, Suzuki, should we get out of here?

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[ if it comes down to attending the con or hanging with ritsu, he... yeah, he's going to pick the latter. come to think of it, he could have dragged ritsu into the con with him, but--

in the end, it's just not really his thing after all. or at least, he thinks as much until he sees a literal dragon and monster cows start to jump out of the screen--the screen at the con, not the screen in the store, but it would definitely have been more exciting if so. ]

What the...

Wow. We really should have gone there after all. [ yep. the exact opposite reaction from the right one, basically. he turns to ritsu, looking 100% serious. ] Did you see that? I could have sworn I saw a pokemon crawl out of that screen.

Let's check it out.

[ the exact opposite from getting out of there, because of course. ]

... You're joking.

[ He is absolutely not, judging from the expression on Shou's face. And he already knew that before the words came out of his mouth. Why did he hang out with this kid again?

Because he literally doesn't like anyone else his age. Still. ]

I should at least check with ho-- OW.

[ Phone did you just zap him?? Rude? Before he can regard it as a sign of system malfunction, he opens his eyes and sees? Floating chests with his name on them? The hell. ]

Uh.

[ Shou can see them too, but even if he tried he wouldn't be able to open them. Time to goad Ritsu into it. ]

[ holy shit. ] Are we in an MMO now or what? [ and, of course, he's going to try to touch the chest.

...... obviously. it's lucky that he can't actually loot ritsu's treasure, because he probably would just steal it if he had the opportunity. steal momentarily. he'd give it back in the end. maybe. ]

Oi, I think these are for you.

Maybe it's your starting gear!

I don't want any part of this monster business...

[ But knowing Retrospec, these chests aren't going to leave him alone. They're kind of distracting too. ]

Fine.

[ Extending his hand to each, the first was seemingly empty-- but he felt a ringing in his ears? As if something was amplified. The second dropped a pickaxe. And the third... Dancing along and singing, was this. Thing. ]

Frosty the Snowman, was a jolly happy soul,
With a corn cob pipe and a button nose, and two eyes made of coal. ♪

...........................

[ HE NEVER ASKED FOR THIS. ] Impostor. That doesn't match your description.

[ w-wow

he almost has no words. actually, he's slightly doubled over shaking in silent laughter, then not-so-silent laughter because this is priceless. ]

R-Ritsu, what is that supposed to be?

Don't tell me he's your first party member! [ ritsu's stone-cold reaction to the snowman just makes it funnier, honestly. ]

How am I supposed to know!?

[ There's a gentle shushing from the good-natured clerk, and Ritsu puts his face in his hands. This wasn't the type of July Christmas he wanted. Does she not see the snowman dancing along merrily. Why is everyone in this city like this.

And his ice cream was still before him unfinished. This is too distracting. And why a pickaxe? This is like. Adult-sized. Too big for him. Whatever, might as well not... leave it in this store. ]

Ugh, let's get out of here before we make more work for the janitor.

[ he'll finish up his own cone, happily picks up the pickaxe and hefts it over his shoulder, super casually, not like it's quite a sharp and threatening tool at all or anything. what, a delinquent like him, holding a weapon like this? no problem.

... also he just wants ritsu to pick up the snowman or have it follow them out or anything. ]

If he melts, his death will be on your conscience, Ritsu.

Soooo, let's head over to that con and check out those monsters! [ straight through the summer streets of the city, where melting is at maximum risk. ] Maybe they're weak against ice.

You're still going on about that?

[ Ritsu's. Not really that surprised. Especially with how casually he just carried that pickaxe. He'd be terrified if he didn't already know Shou was on his side. ]

Ahh, well if it gets rough, the snowman probably works as an okay distraction. [ What was that about guilt in his conscience? ] ... I'm going with you because I don't trust you on your own, but the second things get too much to handle, try not to get yourself killed, okay?

Aw, are you worried about me? Little old me? [ a-ahhh, this feels nice... and yet his reaction is this. because of course. ]

Don't worry, if any monsters got a bone to pick with us, we can handle 'em!

... Get it, pick? [ he tried. ]

Yes, little old you. Little old you rushing to aid a stranger against four big teenagers and moving onto unholy monsters.

[ Ritsu may have made some friendship mistakes. He's not gracing that with more than a deadpan stare. ]

Let's go before I start listening to my better judgement.

[ The snowman does some prancing along after Ritsu as he steps out. Guess that answers how it's going to move around. "Oh, wow, take a look at that!" one of the people outside seems very giddy, phone pulled out to snap some blurry pictures. Was that a dragon overhead?

EARLY. WAY TOO EARLY. HE WANTS TO GO HOME. ]

What's unholy about dragons? Maybe they go to dragon church like everyone else, you know?

Let's go before you go for the boring option, more like.

[ and he hurries outside, shielding his eyes from the sun as he stares at the new wildlife. a robot bird jets overhead while faceless monkeys hop from telephone poles and hurl things at passerby.

actually, one of them seems to have stolen a stranger's purse and aims it right at ritsu's head. better duck... ]

[ Why. ]

How did they get out so fast?!

[ If the convention coordinator and the security he hired isn't getting sued he doesn't even know, man. Seeing the purse targeted at his face, Ritsu knows there's too little time to dodge and attempts to grab it instead--

Only for the purse to get impaled by a launched icicle and into a wall. ]

Did you... do that?

Frosty the Snowman, is a fairytale, they say.
He was made of snow, but the children know he came to life one day. ♪

[ Murder snowman? ]

[ WHOA.

he was just about to try to bat at the projectile with the pickaxe, which could definitely turn out messy, but the icicle out of nowhere definitely takes care of that. THAT WAS. UNEXPECTED. he stares at frosty with new respect. ] Y-you're kidding me...

Hey, looks like you got a pretty powerful starter after all, Ritsu.

... Even if he can work on his singing.

[ Snowy does not appreciate that much, Shou. Hope you like having some relatively harmless frosty wind aimed at your face before he sings some more. ]

.........................

[ Ritsu just turned away but there might have been a very subdued "PFFBHT". ]

[ he blinks and waves at the wind, which puts snowflakes in his hair but... ] That's friendly fire, dude... [ well, at least it's not an icicle.

the blank-faced monkeys seem to be annoyed that their tactic didn't work, though, and convene at a lamppost while staring down at them with glowing eyes. ]

Clearly it wanted you to chill out.

[ REGRET the second that comes out of his mouth. Clearing his throat loudly!! ]

Hey, do that thing again.

[ And with a twirl, another icicle is launched up to where the monkeys are. Shall they dodge in time? Or will they be ruthlessly stabbed... Ritsu is only now considering he may not have thought this through. ]

[ RITSU...

he's so happy he almost doesn't even pay attention to snowman-mon attacking monkeys for critical damage, he's just slinging an arm around ritsu's shoulders in glee. that sass. ] Hah! Maybe you can go into comedy, after all! But c'mon, I'm always chill and relaxed, I'm the chillest guy I know--

[ and...

then a monkey shrieks as it hops from the lamp post to avoid getting speared, but jumps right on top of the two idiot boys instead.

... well, it means snowman-mon probably can't aim an icicle right at its owner. ]

... Overly chill and too hotheaded at the same time. Hanging out with you's never boring.

[ Ritsu fails fighting a grin here, eyes meeting Shou's just for a moment. Thank goodness a monkey has decided to cut their moment short before it got dangerous. ]

AGH!!!

[ He is now pulling off a monkey from his face. Or attempting to. ]

[ the monkey slightly ruined the moment, but on the bright side, he totally has a chance to save ritsu now.

by shoving him to the ground and trying to yank the blank-faced creature off of him. ] Oi, you monkey idiot, get off him--! [ .... the creature is rude enough not to listen, annoyingly enough, and yanks at ritsu's hair, clinging harder with a shrill noise.

ritsu's life is pain. ]

[ SHOU WHY DO YOU THINK THIS IS GOING TO EARN YOU POINTS

ok but he's trying to help, never mind how completely lacking in grace this rescue is. The shrill noise the monkey makes is now joined by Ritsu's own shrieking, so that's a wonderful harmony along with flailing legs and a fighting grip with the monkey's arms. Eventually, Ritsu finally manages coherent words. ]

OW OW OW???

Use the pickaxe, smack it!

[ And please don't destroy his face in the process Shou. ]

Hey, now you're talking. [ why didn't he think of that? other than the reason that clearly this is certainly not a smart idea but when it comes to physical harm or any kind of damage, he won't hesitate.

even if it's ritsu.

the pickaxe comes up, shou grinning rather crookedly as he takes aim and the monkey freezes in indecision over whether to keep attacking or play chicken. ]

Don't die while I try to nail this thing, Ritsu.

[ A more composed Ritsu would have thought "Don't get arrested for manslaughter." But this decidedly not composed Ritsu just thinks NAIL?????? ]

I meant using the hand--mmfBHhH...!!

[ Ritsu's not sure if he feels more sorry for the monkey or for himself now as its foot is over his mouth. Okay, yeah, definitely himself, he's not that nice. If you're serious about stabby Shou prepare for Ritsu to roll outta the way. ]

[ he is ABSOLUTELY SERIOUS in potentially mauling this monkey all over ritsu's face. does this look on shou's face look like he's joking around.

he goes for an overhead swing and--

and then a thundering noise from down the street actually distracts the both of them, and the entire group of monkeys still clinging to the lamppost. the creature on ritsu's face gives a shrill noise and then scampers off. passerby stare at the noise in concern.

it sounds like a stampede might be approaching. ]

What the... [ a stampede BUT OF WHAT. ]

... I cannot believe you almost just killed me!?

[ Ritsu's still holding his chest and like. Damn it. There's romantic "you're going to be the death of me" and then there's the literal decidedly less romantic variant. His ears are ringing from everything he regrets getting up this morning and

he has no time to question his companionship choices right now, once he's back on his feet he grabs onto Shou's wrist and pulls him to the side. ]

Maybe it'll just pass by. If we're lucky.

[ Haha nice joke Ritsu. ]

Hey, you're still alive, what's the deal? [ shh shhh shh nearly being stabbed by an pickaxe by your slightly unsafe friend is totally... romanti... well, maybe he has a problem and the problem is that ritsu looks super cute when he's scared.

whoops. ritsu is far too lenient with him. ]

We should look and see what's going on--! [ he lets himself get dragged, but only for a second. and then he grabs ritsu's hand back, tugs him towards the sound and the slowly growing rumbling direction of the sound and shaking ground. TOTALLY. SAFE. ]

Are you trying to make it so that we're not alive?

[ God he needs to start working out if he's going to somehow compete with Shou's superior strength.

SUZUKIIII!!!

At this point he doesn't even notice Shou's shifted the hold to their hands, flailing his other one around with a point. ]

I'm serious, we've got a weird snowman and a pickaxe, what are we going to be able to do against a stampede?!

We never know until we try, right? [ what does this mean?? ] Come on, nobody else is running, why should we?

[ ... nobody else is running because all the NPCs are way too casual about the monster thing. but also nobody is running towards the stampede, which is also important because it sounds like impending doom. there's even a dust cloud rising from the distance, closing in. ]

[ Because this is really stupid.

But since they're already this close anyway, Ritsu can't deny the evils of curiosity. "Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back", etc. etc.

Then there's a trumpeting noise. ]

Is... that... an elephant?

[ IT'S... IT'S...

IT'S a whole herd of these things, which definitely have more legs than the usual stampeding animals do on earth. shou stares at the horde bearing down on them. basically with no sense of self-preservation because now people are starting to move off the streets. ]

Oh, man.

These are awesome.

[ ... HE LOVES ALL ANIMALS okay. ]

Suzuki are you from another planet.

[ This would be the start of a bad pickup line if it wasn't Ritsu. BECAUSE WHY IS THIS AWESOME. ]

What the hell are they!?

I dunno, but let's find out!... Somehow. Maybe we can make a lasso or something. [ gotta catch them all--or at least one, somehow. he's practically catching on fire. ] Let's ride one.

[ it takes him a full 15 seconds from seeing one to deciding yes, this needs to happen. ]

And you think I'm going to allow you to do this because...?

[ Oh, he already knows he's got no control over Shou. But not for lack of trying so that he can go "I told you so" if something went wrong. ]

You're gonna let me, huh?... Well, if you're not gonna let me, you could fight me on this.

'Cause I'm riding one.

And I'm gonna bring you with me. [ HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. who can look at one of these spidercows or whatever and not want to ride one??? ]

[ If he weren't already attached he could just be "Wow go die on your own" but??? He is! RITSU IS UPSET ABOUT THIS. ]

You really think you'll be able to wrestle one of them into submission?

I don't think I can.

I know I can. [ 100% ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED he can manhandle a questionable cow and ride it. ]

Okay so let me know when you can find one that's al...

[ ohmygod, did some weird furry hand just get his wallet. is one of them right beside him where did it come from

"UM UNIVERSE WHY DO YOU HATE ME" - kageyama ritsu ]

...

[ This is a lovely stare-off they're having here. ]

[ ... that is one brave monkey.

shou stares at it, not breaking eye contact or even blinking as he kneels down and just gently takes the monkey's wrist. DEAD SERIOUS. ]

Oi, monkey.

Think over your life choices here. [ to pickpocket rits and potentially get seismic tossed by shou or not. ]

[ Ritsu would be moved by Shou's protectiveness over his belongings if his thoughts weren't weirdly existential. Ain't that just the way. ]

I've heard of stealing food and phones but... just wallet outright. Don't fall into the depths of capitalism in your society too, whatever you are.

[ The monkey goes ahead and drops the wallet at least...! Will you have mercy Shou. The stampede's still right there if you'd like to make a monkey lead a spidertapir astray. ]

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[closed] all hail spidertapir

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