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[semi-open] harbinger of suffering and grief
WHO: Ryoji and whoever doesn't sleep at night, I guess
WHERE: Apprassage to various places around the city, Recollé Woods
WHEN: midnight 5/17 and onward towards the end of the month
WHAT: Ryoji regains his Thanatos form; unable to control his powers, he flees, leaving destruction in his wake. He's generally very upset about it all. Please help.
WARNINGS: fighting, violence, mentions of death and suicide
[ —a screech pierces the stillness of night over the quiet streets of Apprassage, the bite of burnt rubber and asphalt filling in the space where a car now lies turned around and stalling traffic, shattered windshields spilling glass onto the street and the crumpled hood sending smoke into the air. The blaring of the car alarm falls on deaf ears of the boy standing before it, eyes wide and unseeing as he clutches his head and screams, the shimmering barrier around him dissolving back into darkness and then— ]
A. midnight, 5/17, various (CLOSED to those I talked to on May's plotting post here)
[ A brilliant flash lights up the sky outside, brief, overwhelming, then everything is plunged back into darkness. Whether the noise had woken you up, or you were awake in the dead of night to begin with, eyes lifted towards the sky might spot a shadow take off past the rooftops, deep rumble felt through the earth behind it.
Those who venture closer— the curious, the brave, the foolish— would find deep gashes on the roads, dragged long as if a sword pulled across the ground, scattered potholes still burning with the last wisps of an eerie glow. The sky flashes again, the shadow in the middle a dark hole that swallows up all light, monstrous figure apparent with the stark contrast that makes it easy to follow; even blind, one can do so by listening for the unearthly wail that cuts through the air and may dizzy the mind even from so far.
Close, it's hard to see, harder to believe: a sharp white mask reflecting the moonlight; serrated sword out of its scabbard and caked with dirt and rubble; coffins draped across its shoulder, rattling and coming for you. Every encounter brings it further and further out away from the innermost parts of the city, and each time, Thanatos stops and turns, breath visible as it chills the very air around it, waiting.
>> Hollingberry Field
>> Recollé Woods
>> Peach Beach
>> The ocean
>> ???
Select your arena, and let's go. ]
B. nights, 5/18 onward, Recollé woods (CLOSED to those above, and anybody who has interacted with Ryoji at least once before)
[ The pain disappears faster than it should have, but Ryoji would have preferred it to the emptiness in his chest, the way his hands won't stop shaking. He fumbles with his phone, startling when a twig snaps underfoot and he throws it from himself as if it burnt his hands.
He leaves the phone there for the time being, nestled on top of damp, rotting leaves as he picks his way a little deeper into the woods, a mutter under his breath: "Keep yourself together." Because whatever... whatever happened yesterday, he can't let it happen again, losing control and hurting others— killing, for all he knows, because he'd fled to the woods and hasn't gone back since the night before, hasn't talked to anybody in person except for some texts on the phone.
He's got to figure it out. Somehow.
It's here in the woods he'll stay until he can, out of the way and hoping nobody would come near after the unnerving draw of the woods earlier in the month, practicing under the veil of night. He'll manage it eventually, the flicker of shadow and a rumble, a light show, the splintering crack of felled trees. He's not as careful as he could be, frustrated, exhausted, distracted enough not to notice whoever approaches to see the arched back of a boy, head bowed and clutching his knees as he struggles back to his feet... or the back of a monster, sword in hand gleaming with the moon. ]
C. days, 5/22 onward, various (OTA)
[ Days pass, and it feels like he understands less and less of who and what he is... and why... The first time it happened, only a handful of days ago, it was a car accident. He'd frozen there in the middle of the street, staring down the pair of headlights as they approached. He had not died. He should have...
...Ryoji shakes the thought out of his head. Something had protected him, a power that welled up from within and then- gone. He couldn't do it again, hold out his hands and block the fluttering of petals onto his head in the park, or the cat that meets him on the road, rubbing its head against his ankles twice and then runs.
Maybe it had to be something similar, either to the situation or the feeling; there's no way he can know but to try, reckless and stupid as he stands by the busy streets of Tisse contemplating stepping out into traffic; holds a switchblade in his hand on the rooftop of an apartment building in Apprassage, flicking the blade in, out, in, out; up high on the bridges of the Towers, leaning dangerously over the edge as he stares down at the ground far, far below; at the zoo in front of the lion's cage trying to get it to wake up so he can climb the fence and stick his head inside its mouth; he doesn't know, nothing's working and he needs to know. ]
D. 5/26 onward, various (OTA)
[the one lighter prompt, save me ]
Hey. Hold out your hand for a moment? I want your opinion on something.
[ If you comply, Ryoji tugs out from beneath his collar a thin silver chain, on the end of which a gold ring dangles momentarily before he presses it into the palm of your hand, closing your fingers back over it. Despite having been tucked under his shirt, the ring is cold against your skin, a faint glow emitting from in between your fingers while no sun reaches it inside your hand. ]
...How does this make you feel?
[ Stupid, probably, as if holding a ring would evoke some sort of emotion, but that's what it does for Ryoji, looking equal parts expectant and hopeful as he looks from you, to the ring delivered to his door courtesy of Retrospec, and then back. ]
--
( ooc: Aside from being able to shift into the form of Thanatos, Ryoji's powers include: ghastly wail (fearful opponents fall unconscious), tempest slash (sword attack), megidola (almighty magic attack), moonless gown (barrier that reflects all attacks, max three activation per day))
WHERE: Apprassage to various places around the city, Recollé Woods
WHEN: midnight 5/17 and onward towards the end of the month
WHAT: Ryoji regains his Thanatos form; unable to control his powers, he flees, leaving destruction in his wake. He's generally very upset about it all. Please help.
WARNINGS: fighting, violence, mentions of death and suicide
[ —a screech pierces the stillness of night over the quiet streets of Apprassage, the bite of burnt rubber and asphalt filling in the space where a car now lies turned around and stalling traffic, shattered windshields spilling glass onto the street and the crumpled hood sending smoke into the air. The blaring of the car alarm falls on deaf ears of the boy standing before it, eyes wide and unseeing as he clutches his head and screams, the shimmering barrier around him dissolving back into darkness and then— ]
A. midnight, 5/17, various (CLOSED to those I talked to on May's plotting post here)
[ A brilliant flash lights up the sky outside, brief, overwhelming, then everything is plunged back into darkness. Whether the noise had woken you up, or you were awake in the dead of night to begin with, eyes lifted towards the sky might spot a shadow take off past the rooftops, deep rumble felt through the earth behind it.
Those who venture closer— the curious, the brave, the foolish— would find deep gashes on the roads, dragged long as if a sword pulled across the ground, scattered potholes still burning with the last wisps of an eerie glow. The sky flashes again, the shadow in the middle a dark hole that swallows up all light, monstrous figure apparent with the stark contrast that makes it easy to follow; even blind, one can do so by listening for the unearthly wail that cuts through the air and may dizzy the mind even from so far.
Close, it's hard to see, harder to believe: a sharp white mask reflecting the moonlight; serrated sword out of its scabbard and caked with dirt and rubble; coffins draped across its shoulder, rattling and coming for you. Every encounter brings it further and further out away from the innermost parts of the city, and each time, Thanatos stops and turns, breath visible as it chills the very air around it, waiting.
>> Hollingberry Field
>> Recollé Woods
>> Peach Beach
>> The ocean
>> ???
Select your arena, and let's go. ]
B. nights, 5/18 onward, Recollé woods (CLOSED to those above, and anybody who has interacted with Ryoji at least once before)
[ The pain disappears faster than it should have, but Ryoji would have preferred it to the emptiness in his chest, the way his hands won't stop shaking. He fumbles with his phone, startling when a twig snaps underfoot and he throws it from himself as if it burnt his hands.
He leaves the phone there for the time being, nestled on top of damp, rotting leaves as he picks his way a little deeper into the woods, a mutter under his breath: "Keep yourself together." Because whatever... whatever happened yesterday, he can't let it happen again, losing control and hurting others— killing, for all he knows, because he'd fled to the woods and hasn't gone back since the night before, hasn't talked to anybody in person except for some texts on the phone.
He's got to figure it out. Somehow.
It's here in the woods he'll stay until he can, out of the way and hoping nobody would come near after the unnerving draw of the woods earlier in the month, practicing under the veil of night. He'll manage it eventually, the flicker of shadow and a rumble, a light show, the splintering crack of felled trees. He's not as careful as he could be, frustrated, exhausted, distracted enough not to notice whoever approaches to see the arched back of a boy, head bowed and clutching his knees as he struggles back to his feet... or the back of a monster, sword in hand gleaming with the moon. ]
C. days, 5/22 onward, various (OTA)
[ Days pass, and it feels like he understands less and less of who and what he is... and why... The first time it happened, only a handful of days ago, it was a car accident. He'd frozen there in the middle of the street, staring down the pair of headlights as they approached. He had not died. He should have...
...Ryoji shakes the thought out of his head. Something had protected him, a power that welled up from within and then- gone. He couldn't do it again, hold out his hands and block the fluttering of petals onto his head in the park, or the cat that meets him on the road, rubbing its head against his ankles twice and then runs.
Maybe it had to be something similar, either to the situation or the feeling; there's no way he can know but to try, reckless and stupid as he stands by the busy streets of Tisse contemplating stepping out into traffic; holds a switchblade in his hand on the rooftop of an apartment building in Apprassage, flicking the blade in, out, in, out; up high on the bridges of the Towers, leaning dangerously over the edge as he stares down at the ground far, far below; at the zoo in front of the lion's cage trying to get it to wake up so he can climb the fence and stick his head inside its mouth; he doesn't know, nothing's working and he needs to know. ]
D. 5/26 onward, various (OTA)
[
Hey. Hold out your hand for a moment? I want your opinion on something.
[ If you comply, Ryoji tugs out from beneath his collar a thin silver chain, on the end of which a gold ring dangles momentarily before he presses it into the palm of your hand, closing your fingers back over it. Despite having been tucked under his shirt, the ring is cold against your skin, a faint glow emitting from in between your fingers while no sun reaches it inside your hand. ]
...How does this make you feel?
[ Stupid, probably, as if holding a ring would evoke some sort of emotion, but that's what it does for Ryoji, looking equal parts expectant and hopeful as he looks from you, to the ring delivered to his door courtesy of Retrospec, and then back. ]
--
( ooc: Aside from being able to shift into the form of Thanatos, Ryoji's powers include: ghastly wail (fearful opponents fall unconscious), tempest slash (sword attack), megidola (almighty magic attack), moonless gown (barrier that reflects all attacks, max three activation per day))
no subject
[She is in that bedroom right now too, so small before Thanatos' looming figure, grief stifling her to the point where she think she might die herself before she has a chance to answer him.
(Why are her precious people always wrenched out of reach away from her?)
But she is resolute, refuses to bend to his pleading. Her answer was obvious from the moment he'd given her the option. She can't. There are so many obvious reasons as to why, but the most important one, the one that truly stays her hand, is because he is hers. Boy and monster both, all his sorrow, his tenderness and loneliness and quiet despair-- even if fate had bound them together, he'd given it all to her, entrusted himself to her and imprinted himself upon her soul upon baring his own. And so she could never raise a hand to him.
He may be Death, but she is Death-touched, and she can't stain what they had with more of the same if this is the last time she's going to see him.
Minako opens her eyes, the night air cold against her tear-stained cheeks.]
I won't.
[The Minako she is now, the Minako who grew up with that boy living halfway across the world, who cherishes all those childhood memories as much as he does-- she won't. She will rail against the world, the universe, Retrospec and existence itself, to keep this boy. Whatever happened in their past life, whatever this change means, she will fight for this Ryoji's future, so he has something to look forward to, because that's what he gave her, and that's the boy she knows, the one who looks forward to each new day for all the unlimited potential and possibility it may hold. She won't let that Ryoji fade into the ether just because he is now Thanatos.
The other Minako could not try. She didn't have the chance to, was too emotionally wounded to. But this Minako does. She has plenty of fight left in her. This Minako will reach out and grab her precious people back if fate is going to try and yank them away. She will...she will fight for the precious people she has left.
She lets her hands drop. Squeezes them into tight fists. And then they dart out to take Thanatos' gloved hands into hers, not caring what he may do to her after. This is me yanking back, she thinks, and focuses on the white mask again.]
I'm sorry, Ryoji. I'm so sorry. I know you're scared, and that you're hurting so much. But I could never-- I refuse to do that to you. How could I? [Fresh tears well up in her eyes.] You ask like it's so easy, like I could forsake everything we've been through at the drop of a hat. I won't. I won't.
no subject
It can break because he has a heart, because he's human. Despite Thanatos, despite Death, despite everything that he is now but doesn't have to be— He can be Ryoji. Minako's Ryoji who learned how to smile again because he found somebody to smile for, and since then has never stopped.
With those hands in his, strength that he does not have floods into him, all the warmth and love and sorrow he holds, shared in return. Minako couldn't kill him then; she refuses to now; and so Thanatos accepts that decision once more, fading away in shadow and moonlight and leaving just the boy, Thanatos returned to him, and he to her. ]
no subject
It doesn't mean Thanatos is gone, or that anything else about their past won't come back to haunt them. She can't even be sure that Ryoji will see it as anything good. But it's one little change from what happened before, and Minako will seize that hope, let it fuel her fire to make sure things will keep changing for the better.]
I hope you k-know, I'm s-so mad at you right now.
no subject
[ He mumbles it into her hair, whispers sorries into her shoulder as he dips his head there, clutches at her shoulders and back, never wanting to be apart and so sorry for thinking he should be apart, forever in death to take him.
If she had killed him, he wouldn't be crying as he does now, mouth open and silent as he gasps for breath he can't draw- it wouldn't hurt, so much that it consumes him and holding onto Minako is the only way he can stay upright—
he's so sorry.
As if apologies could fix things, as if they could strip Thanatos from his soul and take away a role given to him from creation, as if saying them enough, Minako would forgive him even though she shouldn't, she has every right to hate him and should— he wouldn't be able to stand it if she hated him, but it would have been easier if she did. ]
no subject
No. Don't.
[None of this is his fault. This mantle, this alternate form, it was foisted onto him. Given to him with no other choice but to play with the cards he was dealt. So she doesn't want his "I'm sorry"s. She wants "I promise"s instead, for him to keep pushing forward through everything that is thrown at him, so she knows that, while she's piercing through the darkness and forging a path forward for him, that he'll be behind her still, wanting to continue on.
It's too much to ask of him right now, though. He's so fragile right, like a butterfly she's keeping cupped between her palms, each beat of its wings against her skin liable to hurt it more. So Minako simply shakes her head, locks him closer in her embrace.]
Don't apologize. It's not your fault.
no subject
The only silver lining right now is that he turned back. He doesn't know when or if he'll become Thanatos again, or how he's supposed to come back, but it's possible. Until he can make possibility certainty, he can't stay here. ]
Minako... I need to go. [ He pulls away, forcibly untangling himself arm by arm as if they were made of lead. ] I can't put you in danger.
no subject
--Ryoji, no!
[All of the hope she just had seems to leech out of her, leaving a cold hollowness behind in her stomach. Minako is terrified that once he goes out of sight, he'll also be out of reach, that this transformation will keep changing him beyond recognition if she's not watching. That he'll become that other Ryoji, and she'll become that other Minako, and that he'll be gone forever.
Keeping him tucked against her won't protect him, and it's impossible to shield him from his own mind. She can't, but she sure as hell can try. And so she grabs at him again, tears still running down her face but her teeth grit with pure determination.]
I don't care if I'm in danger, I'm not leaving you alone.
no subject
[ And he's selfish, enough that he lets Minako take hold of his hands just so he can feel them one last time, even with full intentions of breaking away again. That other Ryoji was like this too, wanting to spend his last moments with his Minako because he would disappear no matter what he does— This Ryoji, though, won't disappear. Not forever. He refuses. ]
...I'll come back. [ He swallows thickly, wondering if he can promise something he's not sure he can uphold. But in promising, he has to uphold it, so ] I promise, Minako. Don't I always come back?
[ Granted, his absences are only ever for a set amount of time, to a village without electricity or trekking up a mountain without, well, anything, so that Minako always knew vaguely when to hear back from him. He's not sure he can provide that now. ]
no subject
[He always comes back. He's always been there for her. But despite his perfect record, a promise to return is so easy to break, especially unintentionally, because things don't always work out how you want them to, and being able to transform into a creature like Thanatos is the kind of wrench in the most well-thought out plans that nobody can account for.
She trusts Ryoji. She doesn't trust the circumstances that he's been thrown into.
Minako squeezes his hands tight in hers, staring up at him, pleading. She's not going to make this easy on him.]
Let me come with you, Ryoji. Please.
no subject
He wishes he could get her to understand why he does what he does, but his words aren't working and his heart is wavering. He could so easily pull away, jump off the bridge, turn into Thanatos, fight her, force her to understand how much of a danger he is- but the thought of turning on Minako and betraying her trust in him pains him too much. ]
No. [ a whisper, uncertain ] I can't do that. [ His grip on Minako's hands loosens, drops, until she's the only one holding on. ] You mean too much to me. I can't.
no subject
Even though she understands why he says it, it hurts all the same. Can't he see that she needs to make sure he's okay? If something happened to him while he was gone, she wouldn't know, and she'd never forgive herself. She wouldn't be able to help him. He'd be so far away and that's why she's still not letting go, in order to keep him here with her, so he won't be alone.
So she won't be alone.
But.
This isn't about her.
This is about Ryoji.
She knows him like the back of her hand, but this transformation, Thanatos and all the implications that come with it? She knows nothing about it. She can't help him with this, not as she is. He says he doesn't want to hurt her, and the flip side of that-- as hard to admit as it is-- is that she is very likely to get in his way. If he hurt accidentally her while trying to control himself, then he'd never forgive himself, and that's the one thing she cannot allow.
Let him go, knowing he could be in danger? Or go with him, and put herself in danger? Normally there would be no question. But he told her 'no', and she loves him too much to force him to agree. The look in his eyes says that he doesn't want to argue with her, and she doesn't want to either, but more than that she thinks
...if she's going to fight for him, then she needs to pick her battles. And this first fight is probably his to take on his own.
(She wants to protect him from everything, but it might not be feasible.)
Minako breathes out a shaking breath, and then very carefully, very slowly, she sets her forehead against his.
It's a test, when she closes her eyes, to see if she can still see him there behind her eyelids. And she does. It gives her a little bit of courage to answer him.]
I don't know how long you'll be gone. But if you promise to text me every day or so-- if you promise to come back-- then I'll be okay. I'll be okay when I open my eyes and see that you're not here anymore.
no subject
If only he could have Minako with him, he might have the courage to act. If they could be how they were before, him trusting her without a second thought, never saying no because he knows she always has his best interests at heart, loving her so much he would do anything for her... If she were with him, maybe he could stand it.
But right now, the fear of hurting the most important person in his life paralyzes him. He can hardly breathe to respond, Minako's warmth on his forehead burning hot until he can barely stand it for how desperate she is for him to stay, for how desperate he is to stay, but he can't. ]
I promise I'll be back. And until then, I'll text you.
[ Every day... every other day... "i'm okay," "i'm here", and eventually just random keystrokes to let her know he's still alive, never responding to any question she might write back because if he gets caught in conversation, he'll never be able to let go. ]
So... Goodnight, Minako.
[ His dearest.
It should feel like his soul is splitting into two, but it doesn't. Because he'd already left it— all of it— with Minako as he finally pulls away, left with nothing but cold and emptiness. Nothing more than a shadow that is all Minako will see when she opens her eyes, the darkness of the Tower, the world around her, melding into that under her own two feet. ]
no subject
[The whisper is barely audible, and just as quickly as her eyes fly open to confirm that he's gone-- even though she knows it in her heart he already is-- she shuts them again, squeezing tight as if to keep that mental image of him fixated at the forefront of her thoughts.
By the time she reaches the bottom of the Towers to get home, his smile has slipped and he's half turned away.
Minako does not allow herself to cry until she's back at her apartment.]