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[semi-open] harbinger of suffering and grief
WHO: Ryoji and whoever doesn't sleep at night, I guess
WHERE: Apprassage to various places around the city, Recollé Woods
WHEN: midnight 5/17 and onward towards the end of the month
WHAT: Ryoji regains his Thanatos form; unable to control his powers, he flees, leaving destruction in his wake. He's generally very upset about it all. Please help.
WARNINGS: fighting, violence, mentions of death and suicide
[ —a screech pierces the stillness of night over the quiet streets of Apprassage, the bite of burnt rubber and asphalt filling in the space where a car now lies turned around and stalling traffic, shattered windshields spilling glass onto the street and the crumpled hood sending smoke into the air. The blaring of the car alarm falls on deaf ears of the boy standing before it, eyes wide and unseeing as he clutches his head and screams, the shimmering barrier around him dissolving back into darkness and then— ]
A. midnight, 5/17, various (CLOSED to those I talked to on May's plotting post here)
[ A brilliant flash lights up the sky outside, brief, overwhelming, then everything is plunged back into darkness. Whether the noise had woken you up, or you were awake in the dead of night to begin with, eyes lifted towards the sky might spot a shadow take off past the rooftops, deep rumble felt through the earth behind it.
Those who venture closer— the curious, the brave, the foolish— would find deep gashes on the roads, dragged long as if a sword pulled across the ground, scattered potholes still burning with the last wisps of an eerie glow. The sky flashes again, the shadow in the middle a dark hole that swallows up all light, monstrous figure apparent with the stark contrast that makes it easy to follow; even blind, one can do so by listening for the unearthly wail that cuts through the air and may dizzy the mind even from so far.
Close, it's hard to see, harder to believe: a sharp white mask reflecting the moonlight; serrated sword out of its scabbard and caked with dirt and rubble; coffins draped across its shoulder, rattling and coming for you. Every encounter brings it further and further out away from the innermost parts of the city, and each time, Thanatos stops and turns, breath visible as it chills the very air around it, waiting.
>> Hollingberry Field
>> Recollé Woods
>> Peach Beach
>> The ocean
>> ???
Select your arena, and let's go. ]
B. nights, 5/18 onward, Recollé woods (CLOSED to those above, and anybody who has interacted with Ryoji at least once before)
[ The pain disappears faster than it should have, but Ryoji would have preferred it to the emptiness in his chest, the way his hands won't stop shaking. He fumbles with his phone, startling when a twig snaps underfoot and he throws it from himself as if it burnt his hands.
He leaves the phone there for the time being, nestled on top of damp, rotting leaves as he picks his way a little deeper into the woods, a mutter under his breath: "Keep yourself together." Because whatever... whatever happened yesterday, he can't let it happen again, losing control and hurting others— killing, for all he knows, because he'd fled to the woods and hasn't gone back since the night before, hasn't talked to anybody in person except for some texts on the phone.
He's got to figure it out. Somehow.
It's here in the woods he'll stay until he can, out of the way and hoping nobody would come near after the unnerving draw of the woods earlier in the month, practicing under the veil of night. He'll manage it eventually, the flicker of shadow and a rumble, a light show, the splintering crack of felled trees. He's not as careful as he could be, frustrated, exhausted, distracted enough not to notice whoever approaches to see the arched back of a boy, head bowed and clutching his knees as he struggles back to his feet... or the back of a monster, sword in hand gleaming with the moon. ]
C. days, 5/22 onward, various (OTA)
[ Days pass, and it feels like he understands less and less of who and what he is... and why... The first time it happened, only a handful of days ago, it was a car accident. He'd frozen there in the middle of the street, staring down the pair of headlights as they approached. He had not died. He should have...
...Ryoji shakes the thought out of his head. Something had protected him, a power that welled up from within and then- gone. He couldn't do it again, hold out his hands and block the fluttering of petals onto his head in the park, or the cat that meets him on the road, rubbing its head against his ankles twice and then runs.
Maybe it had to be something similar, either to the situation or the feeling; there's no way he can know but to try, reckless and stupid as he stands by the busy streets of Tisse contemplating stepping out into traffic; holds a switchblade in his hand on the rooftop of an apartment building in Apprassage, flicking the blade in, out, in, out; up high on the bridges of the Towers, leaning dangerously over the edge as he stares down at the ground far, far below; at the zoo in front of the lion's cage trying to get it to wake up so he can climb the fence and stick his head inside its mouth; he doesn't know, nothing's working and he needs to know. ]
D. 5/26 onward, various (OTA)
[the one lighter prompt, save me ]
Hey. Hold out your hand for a moment? I want your opinion on something.
[ If you comply, Ryoji tugs out from beneath his collar a thin silver chain, on the end of which a gold ring dangles momentarily before he presses it into the palm of your hand, closing your fingers back over it. Despite having been tucked under his shirt, the ring is cold against your skin, a faint glow emitting from in between your fingers while no sun reaches it inside your hand. ]
...How does this make you feel?
[ Stupid, probably, as if holding a ring would evoke some sort of emotion, but that's what it does for Ryoji, looking equal parts expectant and hopeful as he looks from you, to the ring delivered to his door courtesy of Retrospec, and then back. ]
--
( ooc: Aside from being able to shift into the form of Thanatos, Ryoji's powers include: ghastly wail (fearful opponents fall unconscious), tempest slash (sword attack), megidola (almighty magic attack), moonless gown (barrier that reflects all attacks, max three activation per day))
WHERE: Apprassage to various places around the city, Recollé Woods
WHEN: midnight 5/17 and onward towards the end of the month
WHAT: Ryoji regains his Thanatos form; unable to control his powers, he flees, leaving destruction in his wake. He's generally very upset about it all. Please help.
WARNINGS: fighting, violence, mentions of death and suicide
[ —a screech pierces the stillness of night over the quiet streets of Apprassage, the bite of burnt rubber and asphalt filling in the space where a car now lies turned around and stalling traffic, shattered windshields spilling glass onto the street and the crumpled hood sending smoke into the air. The blaring of the car alarm falls on deaf ears of the boy standing before it, eyes wide and unseeing as he clutches his head and screams, the shimmering barrier around him dissolving back into darkness and then— ]
A. midnight, 5/17, various (CLOSED to those I talked to on May's plotting post here)
[ A brilliant flash lights up the sky outside, brief, overwhelming, then everything is plunged back into darkness. Whether the noise had woken you up, or you were awake in the dead of night to begin with, eyes lifted towards the sky might spot a shadow take off past the rooftops, deep rumble felt through the earth behind it.
Those who venture closer— the curious, the brave, the foolish— would find deep gashes on the roads, dragged long as if a sword pulled across the ground, scattered potholes still burning with the last wisps of an eerie glow. The sky flashes again, the shadow in the middle a dark hole that swallows up all light, monstrous figure apparent with the stark contrast that makes it easy to follow; even blind, one can do so by listening for the unearthly wail that cuts through the air and may dizzy the mind even from so far.
Close, it's hard to see, harder to believe: a sharp white mask reflecting the moonlight; serrated sword out of its scabbard and caked with dirt and rubble; coffins draped across its shoulder, rattling and coming for you. Every encounter brings it further and further out away from the innermost parts of the city, and each time, Thanatos stops and turns, breath visible as it chills the very air around it, waiting.
>> Hollingberry Field
>> Recollé Woods
>> Peach Beach
>> The ocean
>> ???
Select your arena, and let's go. ]
B. nights, 5/18 onward, Recollé woods (CLOSED to those above, and anybody who has interacted with Ryoji at least once before)
[ The pain disappears faster than it should have, but Ryoji would have preferred it to the emptiness in his chest, the way his hands won't stop shaking. He fumbles with his phone, startling when a twig snaps underfoot and he throws it from himself as if it burnt his hands.
He leaves the phone there for the time being, nestled on top of damp, rotting leaves as he picks his way a little deeper into the woods, a mutter under his breath: "Keep yourself together." Because whatever... whatever happened yesterday, he can't let it happen again, losing control and hurting others— killing, for all he knows, because he'd fled to the woods and hasn't gone back since the night before, hasn't talked to anybody in person except for some texts on the phone.
He's got to figure it out. Somehow.
It's here in the woods he'll stay until he can, out of the way and hoping nobody would come near after the unnerving draw of the woods earlier in the month, practicing under the veil of night. He'll manage it eventually, the flicker of shadow and a rumble, a light show, the splintering crack of felled trees. He's not as careful as he could be, frustrated, exhausted, distracted enough not to notice whoever approaches to see the arched back of a boy, head bowed and clutching his knees as he struggles back to his feet... or the back of a monster, sword in hand gleaming with the moon. ]
C. days, 5/22 onward, various (OTA)
[ Days pass, and it feels like he understands less and less of who and what he is... and why... The first time it happened, only a handful of days ago, it was a car accident. He'd frozen there in the middle of the street, staring down the pair of headlights as they approached. He had not died. He should have...
...Ryoji shakes the thought out of his head. Something had protected him, a power that welled up from within and then- gone. He couldn't do it again, hold out his hands and block the fluttering of petals onto his head in the park, or the cat that meets him on the road, rubbing its head against his ankles twice and then runs.
Maybe it had to be something similar, either to the situation or the feeling; there's no way he can know but to try, reckless and stupid as he stands by the busy streets of Tisse contemplating stepping out into traffic; holds a switchblade in his hand on the rooftop of an apartment building in Apprassage, flicking the blade in, out, in, out; up high on the bridges of the Towers, leaning dangerously over the edge as he stares down at the ground far, far below; at the zoo in front of the lion's cage trying to get it to wake up so he can climb the fence and stick his head inside its mouth; he doesn't know, nothing's working and he needs to know. ]
D. 5/26 onward, various (OTA)
[
Hey. Hold out your hand for a moment? I want your opinion on something.
[ If you comply, Ryoji tugs out from beneath his collar a thin silver chain, on the end of which a gold ring dangles momentarily before he presses it into the palm of your hand, closing your fingers back over it. Despite having been tucked under his shirt, the ring is cold against your skin, a faint glow emitting from in between your fingers while no sun reaches it inside your hand. ]
...How does this make you feel?
[ Stupid, probably, as if holding a ring would evoke some sort of emotion, but that's what it does for Ryoji, looking equal parts expectant and hopeful as he looks from you, to the ring delivered to his door courtesy of Retrospec, and then back. ]
--
( ooc: Aside from being able to shift into the form of Thanatos, Ryoji's powers include: ghastly wail (fearful opponents fall unconscious), tempest slash (sword attack), megidola (almighty magic attack), moonless gown (barrier that reflects all attacks, max three activation per day))
no subject
The fact that Yu can wear that mask of his, no fear, voice calm, that is the threat that has Thanatos advance, row of coffins spreading across its back as if looms above Yu like great rolling storm clouds, thunder in its roars, lightning in the beginnings of a megidola that flashes between its jaws. ]
Leave.
[ Please. ]
no subject
[ His fear, his anxiety, these are buried deep in his heart. Yu takes another step forward, his frown a slash on his face, seemingly fearless. The hand at his side uncurls, and for a moment there's a flicker of light, something blue, but then it's gone. He shouldn't, he thinks, summon his ... whatever that is here. He still can't control it, and while he feels fairly sure it has fire magic, he doesn't think he could even use it if he wanted to. Aggressing when this thing has yet to attack could lead to a situation he can't get out of.
Breathe steady. You can do this. ]
Why won't you answer my questions? What's going on?
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I am a danger. I will kill you. Leave. ]
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No!
[ It didn't actually... that wouldn't have-- hit him, though... ]
What's wrong?! Please, answer me!
[ He doesn't know what compels him. Other than some sense that something is happening here that he doesn't understand, something he should at least try to do something about. ]
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There was some vindication in making him lunge out of the way, more in making him raise his voice, but despite that, those things don't seem to make a crack in that mask; if anything, it seemed to strengthen Yu's resolve.
Why doesn't he know fear like Ryoji knows fear? Why doesn't he run like Ryoji would have run? ]
Why?
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[ He's standing there wide-eyed with both his hands balled into fists at his sides now, fear draining all the blood from his otherwise stoic expression. He's afraid, there's no mistaking it now; but he still won't let his expression crack, not even beneath slightly wide eyes.
His heart leaps like a frightened jack rabbit, trying to beat a path to escape through his throat and temples and wrists; but he can't run, not now.
Why, it asks him. ]
I ... I want to help, [ he says haltingly, not knowing if it's the right thing to say, not even knowing if help is needed. ]
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Yu!
[ The inflection is all wrong to pass off as "you," too late with a tinge of desperation, a plea that betrays Ryoji's voice, but it catches itself and still tries. ]
...can't help. Don't say you can, when...
[ When there's no way to reverse any of this, when it's his very being that he's trying to refuse. Ryoji wouldn't want Yu to make a promise he cannot follow through with. He wouldn't be able to stand clinging to that hope. ]
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Hearing it makes his blood freeze. Whatever this is, it knows him. That wasn't a general "you," that was I know you, Yu. In a voice that ... sounds so familiar ...
It was just one word. That couldn't have been--
... could it?
If nothing else, the sheer humanity of that voice has convinced him he can't leave. It's an effort, but Yu will let his hands unclench, instead turning them palm-forward in a gesture of quiet, subtle supplication. ]
... maybe I can't. But neither of us will know that for sure unless you let me try.
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What would he do?
What could he do? ]
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Keeping his fear bound up in cords of willpower and hope, Yu breaks his stance and takes a few steps forward. This towering figure, with its power and its coffins, it could kill him. Something he feels more than he knows. But it's choosing not to; it knows him.
Yu lifts his hands as if reaching out to him, and Thanatos can do with that what he will. Yu comes close, close as he thinks he can risk, with his hands lifted the way he might reach out to a friend. ]
... will you talk to me?
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It's why Thanatos remains silent, why it backs away from those outstretched hands, coffins flaring behind it much like an unfamiliar cat would raise the fur on its back in wariness of being picked up.
Ryoji doesn't trust himself not to hurt Yu if he gets too close. If he speaks, and Yu recognizes, he will hurt. ]
no subject
After a moment of intense and furious thought, Yu takes a breath and ... sits. He just sits down, right there, cross-legged, looking up at Thanatos guilelessly. There's no plan here. But -- people usually sit when they have a conversation, right?
And this is now a conversation.
He is also hyper-aware of the fact that sitting down like this puts him at a severe disadvantage. He's very vulnerable like this, less able to move quickly if he needs to. But this creature, whatever or whoever it (couldn't be) is, doesn't seem to want to hurt him. And if they're to make progress, Yu has to reward that with his own show of faith.
So here they are. ]
I won't, [ he says, to the unvoiced demand that he not come closer. ] I'll stay right here.
[ A tilt of his head, a slight adjustment. ]
... why are you out here? Are you looking for something?
[ There's much less of an edge to these questions than there was when Yu first arrived. They very nearly approach idle curiosity, the way you might engage in conversation with a friend you just happened to run into. But ... maybe this is a friend he just happened to run into. So why not approach it that way? ]
no subject
It's all he can ask for, if he could just... coexist. If he could be there at people's sides, them afraid, maybe, but still there and willing. Yu still doesn't look afraid, letting himself sit instead of in the battle stance Thanatos is never without; Ryoji is afraid, holding onto Thanatos now because it has that mask that can hide him. So long as he stays like this, he won't scare Yu away because he can't know that it's him, but he wants-
-he can imply, but he won't say.
Thanatos turns its head, a whisper. ]
Dandelions.
[ Impossible to find in the forest at night, the weather not warm enough for the flowers to drop their petals and put out puffs of seed. He can't wish this away. It's impossible. ]
1/2
no subject
That one single word, that barely audible whisper of dandelions, is enough to do it again. An electric shock to his heart that restarts its rhythm so suddenly he could hiccup if the situation were any less deathly grave. He feels unsteady, undone.
Dandelions.
That voice. The way it knew his name, because he would never believe that wasn't his name.
I've made a lot of wishes on dandelions. Not all of them came true— most of them, actually, don't. But they're fun, and each seed that's dispersed will grow up to spread even more hope. That's why I like them.
This monster... is not a monster.
Is he jumping to conclusions? Making a connection that just isn't there? His name, a voice, and a flower - they're all such subtle little clues, so small that if this situation weren't so life and death he might never notice them. But with a terrifying monster before him and very possibly his own life on the line, he just can't fail to reach this conclusion.
Yu opens his mouth, staring up at this monster -- this ... ? -- with something like awe. Wonder. Not a positive emotion, but not a negative one, either.
His teeth click shut again. What can he say? How can he do this? ]
I like them too, [ he whispers, swallowing back a wince when he realizes his voice has disappeared. With a little more strength: ]
No matter how tough their environment, they still thrive, pointing their faces towards the sun like they can reflect its light. Isn't that amazing? They're warm and positive, and they never give up. That resilience... is something I admire about them.
[ His chest is so tight. ]
If I found one, I'd make a wish. I think I'd dedicate it to my friends, so that they'd never be alone.
[ Please understand. ]
no subject
He wonders whether Yu remembers. If he'd cared. If he'd listened at all to Ryoji's endless drivel about all the things that he liked; there used to be so much, everything between the sky to the dirt, people he'd just met and might never meet again. He was overbearing, flippant, "like sunshine," people would tell him, but sunshine ever present that it is gotten used to, forgotten.
Dandelions.
He told Yu once that he liked them.
"I like them too," he responds now, and Thanatos lifts its head, as if continuing a conversation from long ago.
It's why he likes them too. Buds of yellow sunshine the moment winter melts away, everywhere that he looks, their continued existence relies on wishes. He'd told this to Yu once too: "Dandelions don't stand alone. You'll find more." ]
I have a wish too.
[ Thanatos looks Yu straight in the eyes, holding him there. Hoping. ]
I want to hear my name.
no subject
[ A murmur, simple and straightforward under a just-barely furrowed brow. No honorific, no qualifications; just Ryoji, the simple thing, the wonderful person, that boy is to Yu. That boy and this monster, apparently one and the same.
Yu doesn't make to leave. He doesn't even stand. He just gathers his arms in his lap and leans slightly forward on them and looks up at what is undoubtedly his friend. Hulking and breathlessly powerful and possessed of a chilling aura Yu's never known Ryoji to project.
... if this is a "superpower," then Ryoji got quite a scary one, some wry piece of his mind thinks.
He spends a long moment staring up at his friend, as if deciding whether or not to leave it at that or say something else. It's emotion that seizes his chest and gets his mouth to move again; rational consideration would probably have made him keep his trap shut. But he doesn't. He blurts out: ]
I won't leave you,
[ with a tremor in his voice made of raw emotion, weakening his lungs and making his breath come a little short.
Yu is a boy of few tells; often only the closest to him can decipher the subtle, tiny hints that make up his body language and betray his true feelings. Right now there still isn't much on his face or in his bearing to show how he feels. Instead it's in the way he leans forward and not away, in the way he can't keep his voice from shaking with the strength of his feelings. Small things. All he knows how to give. ]
no subject
Hearing his name grounds him.
"I won't leave you" quells his worries.
Yu, simply being who he is and nothing more, that Yu who he loves, brings him back. Thanatos falls back and becomes the shadow under Ryoji's feet, his knees as they hit the ground. However small, he takes those tells and mirrors them, multiplies them— head bowed and shoulders hunched, voice choked in his throat with tears that blur his vision without spilling. He was never very good at locking up his emotions; held inside, they burn like fire, but in sitting here before Yu, it's warm. ]
no subject
[ This time his breathless voice is filled with alarm as he scrambles to his feet. There he is. He's here, he's back-- It's an ungainly thing, the way he lurches forward, because he has to almost immediately fall to his knees again. But he doesn't care if he looks awkward or silly. What he cares about is getting to Ryoji, because that somehow feels like it's of critical importance right now--
And once he's there he reaches out without thinking, without hesitating. His hands find Ryoji's shoulders, and he stares at his friend for a wide-eyed instant before simply pulling Ryoji into his arms and hugging him tightly.
The fear that's burned his throat since the moment he sensed something amiss in these woods finally starts to dissipate, in its place an overwhelming relief. He's still worried, incredibly so, but his friend is warm and real and breathing in his arms and right now that's all that matters to him. ]
Ryoji, [ he whispers again, but what he means is thank god and i'm here and it's okay. ]
no subject
Thank... [ goodness he came, thank goodness he did what he did, seeing him and less the monster and talking him down, listening, being there, thank goodness ]
...you. Thank you. Thank you.
[ And he'll repeat it, as long as Yu would let him or until his voice grows hoarse, mumbled into Yu's chest, his heart, hoping he knows just how much he means to him. ]
no subject
What he does not wonder about is what he's doing. This is right. This feels right. Ryoji is his friend. Whatever that thing ... creature? ... was, if it's also Ryoji, then it's also his friend, menacing as hell aura or no. This is a person he cares about. A person who tries so hard to make others smile, a person who will go out of his way for anyone just because, just to make their day a little brighter. Ryoji seems to give so much of himself and never asks for anything in return. It's about time someone gave back. If he can be the one to do that, then... maybe that's something he can be proud of.
Yu sighs out and lets Ryoji cry, eventually lifting one hand to gently cup the back of his friend's head. The thanks feel strange, alien, like they should belong to someone else, but he's hardly going to protest and throw Ryoji's sentiment back in his face. Instead, eventually he'll say: ]
If I've done something worth being thanked, then ... I'm glad, that it helped you.
[ He won't let go, but he'll shift slightly, a gentle movement of his head. ]
... do you want to stay here? I can help you stand, if you want.
no subject
If he could, he would stay here forever. Safe. Warm. Unwilling to stand because any larger movement would mean breaking the spell that's held time frozen for him in this moment; it would mean having to face whys and hows and what nows.
But time isn't his to command, and Yu isn't his to keep selfishly to himself, so although Ryoji stays for a moment without answer, eventually he nods and pulls away, takes Yu's hand that once reached out to him, and staggers to his feet, knees weak. He wishes he had his scarf so he could hide his face, but sleeves would have to do for now- two, three passes over his face before his eyes are dried and he can look up at Yu. ]
Yu... Sorry... I wish you didn't have to see what I've become. But I'm glad you did.
[ His voice sticks in his throat, dry, breath still hitching, and he feels wildly embarrassed, but... it's okay. He's okay. ]
no subject
Maybe guarding him from himself.
Yu will consider those words for a long moment, still looking down at Ryoji inscrutably. Hearing, watching, Ryoji cry is tearing his heart to shreds. This whole thing, everything about it, every little realization that comes with knowing that monster and Ryoji are one and the same, threatens to rip him open where he stands and leave him gored and bleeding. What can he possibly do? How can he help? Can anything he would do be enough? What if he fails? What if he messes this up--?
(Breathe.)
Very carefully, with a kind of halting heaviness that makes it painfully clear he's choosing his words very deliberately: ]
... you're my precious friend. No matter what we discover about ourselves, abilities or powers... the Ryoji that's standing in front of me is still the Ryoji that I care about very much. [ soft, hushed by the sheer force of his emotions.
what do you want to do... leader?
leader.
someone who leads.
someone who is strong.
There's a steel in what he says next, a fearless determination. It's quiet, almost muted, but it's there in his eyes and the set of his shoulders. ]
I'll stay by your side, if you'll let me.
my heart's in shreds, it's mine.
Yu talks of friendship, of how he still cares about him— all of him. No matter what. Him of the past, who he feels had forced his way into Yu's life, as he tended to do, curious about the boy who is like the moon to his brother's sun. Him of the present, an absolute mess of tears who had almost nearly killed Yu— him of the future, who might follow through with it, he'd seen more of what he's to become and he's-
overwhelmed with gratitude, affection, Yu still promising to stay by his side. ]
"Let"?
[ The word might as well be a breath of air for how hushed it is, as if he's never heard of the term. But then Ryoji continues to speak, each word more adamant than the next until he's breathless with it, tripping over his words and rushing from one thought to the next so he's not interrupted, because he needs Yu to know. ]
There's no "let," no need to ask for permission. I want you to stay with me— you who would use your wishes for others- who invited me into your home- you indulge me when I'm being silly- explain to me what I do not know, with endless patience— you say you don't like being the center of attention, but I can't help but see you, look to you— if you stayed by my side... [ he hushes ] ...I would be so happy.
[ so relieved. ]
this is the worst. i didn't ask to die like this.
He jumped.
Yu doesn't move, doesn't remove his hand, but it would have been impossible not to feel that. He won't back away, not now, not when it seems like Ryoji needs someone, but he can't help but wonder about it. He only flinched, didn't step back, so ... it doesn't seem necessarily like Ryoji wants to pull away, but then what? What was that flinch for?
It's all filed away in the back of his mind, a little detail he'll remember later. Right now, what Ryoji actually says to him in response has the effect of wiping out any other thoughts or feelings he was having. From the hushed, incredulous "let" to the speech that ensues, the rushed and breathless way he says all of it, his voice rising--
Ryoji feels this passionate?
About him?
Someone... a person in this world... anyone can feel this way... about him?
Yu ends up staring at Ryoji in open shock, paling a little. He wants to speak, overwhelmed enough by this tide of insistence that some piece of him (which he should maybe be ashamed of) wants to make it stop, but he can't. It's like Ryoji's sheer volume of sentiment steals the breath from his lungs and leaves him wordless.
Souji. He's always been able to accept, maybe at least a little, that Souji could care about him and want him around this much. But another person? Someone that wasn't his precious twin brother?
It's ... a lot ... for him to process.
Blinking a few times, swallowing against a tightness in his throat, Yu ducks his chin for just a moment before forcing himself to meet Ryoji's eyes again. He's not used to feeling so much emotion. Anything too extreme would normally get locked down behind walls of stoicism, something he could detach himself from. But he won't do that now. He lets all these feelings wash over him and kind of wants to cry and instead says, just above a whisper: ]
Then that's what I'll do.
[ Again he ducks his head, overcome, blinking and swallowing once or twice more.
Get it together, Narukami.
After one last steadying breath, he'll try again, the way he looks up at Ryoji almost shy. ]
What do you want to do?
you signed up for it when you said hi to ryoji
cracks my knuckles i'm back
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