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[semi-open] harbinger of suffering and grief
WHO: Ryoji and whoever doesn't sleep at night, I guess
WHERE: Apprassage to various places around the city, Recollé Woods
WHEN: midnight 5/17 and onward towards the end of the month
WHAT: Ryoji regains his Thanatos form; unable to control his powers, he flees, leaving destruction in his wake. He's generally very upset about it all. Please help.
WARNINGS: fighting, violence, mentions of death and suicide
[ —a screech pierces the stillness of night over the quiet streets of Apprassage, the bite of burnt rubber and asphalt filling in the space where a car now lies turned around and stalling traffic, shattered windshields spilling glass onto the street and the crumpled hood sending smoke into the air. The blaring of the car alarm falls on deaf ears of the boy standing before it, eyes wide and unseeing as he clutches his head and screams, the shimmering barrier around him dissolving back into darkness and then— ]
A. midnight, 5/17, various (CLOSED to those I talked to on May's plotting post here)
[ A brilliant flash lights up the sky outside, brief, overwhelming, then everything is plunged back into darkness. Whether the noise had woken you up, or you were awake in the dead of night to begin with, eyes lifted towards the sky might spot a shadow take off past the rooftops, deep rumble felt through the earth behind it.
Those who venture closer— the curious, the brave, the foolish— would find deep gashes on the roads, dragged long as if a sword pulled across the ground, scattered potholes still burning with the last wisps of an eerie glow. The sky flashes again, the shadow in the middle a dark hole that swallows up all light, monstrous figure apparent with the stark contrast that makes it easy to follow; even blind, one can do so by listening for the unearthly wail that cuts through the air and may dizzy the mind even from so far.
Close, it's hard to see, harder to believe: a sharp white mask reflecting the moonlight; serrated sword out of its scabbard and caked with dirt and rubble; coffins draped across its shoulder, rattling and coming for you. Every encounter brings it further and further out away from the innermost parts of the city, and each time, Thanatos stops and turns, breath visible as it chills the very air around it, waiting.
>> Hollingberry Field
>> Recollé Woods
>> Peach Beach
>> The ocean
>> ???
Select your arena, and let's go. ]
B. nights, 5/18 onward, Recollé woods (CLOSED to those above, and anybody who has interacted with Ryoji at least once before)
[ The pain disappears faster than it should have, but Ryoji would have preferred it to the emptiness in his chest, the way his hands won't stop shaking. He fumbles with his phone, startling when a twig snaps underfoot and he throws it from himself as if it burnt his hands.
He leaves the phone there for the time being, nestled on top of damp, rotting leaves as he picks his way a little deeper into the woods, a mutter under his breath: "Keep yourself together." Because whatever... whatever happened yesterday, he can't let it happen again, losing control and hurting others— killing, for all he knows, because he'd fled to the woods and hasn't gone back since the night before, hasn't talked to anybody in person except for some texts on the phone.
He's got to figure it out. Somehow.
It's here in the woods he'll stay until he can, out of the way and hoping nobody would come near after the unnerving draw of the woods earlier in the month, practicing under the veil of night. He'll manage it eventually, the flicker of shadow and a rumble, a light show, the splintering crack of felled trees. He's not as careful as he could be, frustrated, exhausted, distracted enough not to notice whoever approaches to see the arched back of a boy, head bowed and clutching his knees as he struggles back to his feet... or the back of a monster, sword in hand gleaming with the moon. ]
C. days, 5/22 onward, various (OTA)
[ Days pass, and it feels like he understands less and less of who and what he is... and why... The first time it happened, only a handful of days ago, it was a car accident. He'd frozen there in the middle of the street, staring down the pair of headlights as they approached. He had not died. He should have...
...Ryoji shakes the thought out of his head. Something had protected him, a power that welled up from within and then- gone. He couldn't do it again, hold out his hands and block the fluttering of petals onto his head in the park, or the cat that meets him on the road, rubbing its head against his ankles twice and then runs.
Maybe it had to be something similar, either to the situation or the feeling; there's no way he can know but to try, reckless and stupid as he stands by the busy streets of Tisse contemplating stepping out into traffic; holds a switchblade in his hand on the rooftop of an apartment building in Apprassage, flicking the blade in, out, in, out; up high on the bridges of the Towers, leaning dangerously over the edge as he stares down at the ground far, far below; at the zoo in front of the lion's cage trying to get it to wake up so he can climb the fence and stick his head inside its mouth; he doesn't know, nothing's working and he needs to know. ]
D. 5/26 onward, various (OTA)
[the one lighter prompt, save me ]
Hey. Hold out your hand for a moment? I want your opinion on something.
[ If you comply, Ryoji tugs out from beneath his collar a thin silver chain, on the end of which a gold ring dangles momentarily before he presses it into the palm of your hand, closing your fingers back over it. Despite having been tucked under his shirt, the ring is cold against your skin, a faint glow emitting from in between your fingers while no sun reaches it inside your hand. ]
...How does this make you feel?
[ Stupid, probably, as if holding a ring would evoke some sort of emotion, but that's what it does for Ryoji, looking equal parts expectant and hopeful as he looks from you, to the ring delivered to his door courtesy of Retrospec, and then back. ]
--
( ooc: Aside from being able to shift into the form of Thanatos, Ryoji's powers include: ghastly wail (fearful opponents fall unconscious), tempest slash (sword attack), megidola (almighty magic attack), moonless gown (barrier that reflects all attacks, max three activation per day))
WHERE: Apprassage to various places around the city, Recollé Woods
WHEN: midnight 5/17 and onward towards the end of the month
WHAT: Ryoji regains his Thanatos form; unable to control his powers, he flees, leaving destruction in his wake. He's generally very upset about it all. Please help.
WARNINGS: fighting, violence, mentions of death and suicide
[ —a screech pierces the stillness of night over the quiet streets of Apprassage, the bite of burnt rubber and asphalt filling in the space where a car now lies turned around and stalling traffic, shattered windshields spilling glass onto the street and the crumpled hood sending smoke into the air. The blaring of the car alarm falls on deaf ears of the boy standing before it, eyes wide and unseeing as he clutches his head and screams, the shimmering barrier around him dissolving back into darkness and then— ]
A. midnight, 5/17, various (CLOSED to those I talked to on May's plotting post here)
[ A brilliant flash lights up the sky outside, brief, overwhelming, then everything is plunged back into darkness. Whether the noise had woken you up, or you were awake in the dead of night to begin with, eyes lifted towards the sky might spot a shadow take off past the rooftops, deep rumble felt through the earth behind it.
Those who venture closer— the curious, the brave, the foolish— would find deep gashes on the roads, dragged long as if a sword pulled across the ground, scattered potholes still burning with the last wisps of an eerie glow. The sky flashes again, the shadow in the middle a dark hole that swallows up all light, monstrous figure apparent with the stark contrast that makes it easy to follow; even blind, one can do so by listening for the unearthly wail that cuts through the air and may dizzy the mind even from so far.
Close, it's hard to see, harder to believe: a sharp white mask reflecting the moonlight; serrated sword out of its scabbard and caked with dirt and rubble; coffins draped across its shoulder, rattling and coming for you. Every encounter brings it further and further out away from the innermost parts of the city, and each time, Thanatos stops and turns, breath visible as it chills the very air around it, waiting.
>> Hollingberry Field
>> Recollé Woods
>> Peach Beach
>> The ocean
>> ???
Select your arena, and let's go. ]
B. nights, 5/18 onward, Recollé woods (CLOSED to those above, and anybody who has interacted with Ryoji at least once before)
[ The pain disappears faster than it should have, but Ryoji would have preferred it to the emptiness in his chest, the way his hands won't stop shaking. He fumbles with his phone, startling when a twig snaps underfoot and he throws it from himself as if it burnt his hands.
He leaves the phone there for the time being, nestled on top of damp, rotting leaves as he picks his way a little deeper into the woods, a mutter under his breath: "Keep yourself together." Because whatever... whatever happened yesterday, he can't let it happen again, losing control and hurting others— killing, for all he knows, because he'd fled to the woods and hasn't gone back since the night before, hasn't talked to anybody in person except for some texts on the phone.
He's got to figure it out. Somehow.
It's here in the woods he'll stay until he can, out of the way and hoping nobody would come near after the unnerving draw of the woods earlier in the month, practicing under the veil of night. He'll manage it eventually, the flicker of shadow and a rumble, a light show, the splintering crack of felled trees. He's not as careful as he could be, frustrated, exhausted, distracted enough not to notice whoever approaches to see the arched back of a boy, head bowed and clutching his knees as he struggles back to his feet... or the back of a monster, sword in hand gleaming with the moon. ]
C. days, 5/22 onward, various (OTA)
[ Days pass, and it feels like he understands less and less of who and what he is... and why... The first time it happened, only a handful of days ago, it was a car accident. He'd frozen there in the middle of the street, staring down the pair of headlights as they approached. He had not died. He should have...
...Ryoji shakes the thought out of his head. Something had protected him, a power that welled up from within and then- gone. He couldn't do it again, hold out his hands and block the fluttering of petals onto his head in the park, or the cat that meets him on the road, rubbing its head against his ankles twice and then runs.
Maybe it had to be something similar, either to the situation or the feeling; there's no way he can know but to try, reckless and stupid as he stands by the busy streets of Tisse contemplating stepping out into traffic; holds a switchblade in his hand on the rooftop of an apartment building in Apprassage, flicking the blade in, out, in, out; up high on the bridges of the Towers, leaning dangerously over the edge as he stares down at the ground far, far below; at the zoo in front of the lion's cage trying to get it to wake up so he can climb the fence and stick his head inside its mouth; he doesn't know, nothing's working and he needs to know. ]
D. 5/26 onward, various (OTA)
[
Hey. Hold out your hand for a moment? I want your opinion on something.
[ If you comply, Ryoji tugs out from beneath his collar a thin silver chain, on the end of which a gold ring dangles momentarily before he presses it into the palm of your hand, closing your fingers back over it. Despite having been tucked under his shirt, the ring is cold against your skin, a faint glow emitting from in between your fingers while no sun reaches it inside your hand. ]
...How does this make you feel?
[ Stupid, probably, as if holding a ring would evoke some sort of emotion, but that's what it does for Ryoji, looking equal parts expectant and hopeful as he looks from you, to the ring delivered to his door courtesy of Retrospec, and then back. ]
--
( ooc: Aside from being able to shift into the form of Thanatos, Ryoji's powers include: ghastly wail (fearful opponents fall unconscious), tempest slash (sword attack), megidola (almighty magic attack), moonless gown (barrier that reflects all attacks, max three activation per day))
no subject
The breaths he draws aren't ones he needs anymore with his body being what it is, but the air clears his head and the slow inhale, hold, and release, quiets him and gives him something to focus on. Outwardly, he looks very much the same, if somewhat exhausted, clothes smudged with enough dirt that suggests he hasn't gone home for several days, wayward strands of hair falling into his eyes instead of neatly brushed back as he used to have it.
But he looks fine, all things considered, with a smile offered to Lucian despite the circumstances, tentative and wavering, as if he isn't sure how. ]
no subject
Thank goodness. [ He closes the distance between them, careful to go slowly in case Ryoji expressed his discomfort. At the minimum, he would have liked to be within speaking distance. ] I brought you some things to use.
[ A small bag that had some snacks as well as a fidget spinner and two small books. He did promise the boy to show his own change, though he would wait until they're both settled first. ]
no subject
He takes the bag in his arms without opening it or glancing down to see what is inside, clutching the weight to his chest and holding it the same way he'd been trying to hold himself together, arms tense.
But he keeps his voice light, if a bit rough from nights of muffled screaming into hands clamped over his mouth, though less and less with each passing day. ]
Thank you. Did you find here alright? I know it's a bit far from the clinic... but I'm glad you came out to see me.
no subject
It is alright. I only wish I could get here faster. A desk job does not promote athleticism, unfortunately. [ This is said softly,
in jest so that the boy can hopefully relax. ] I can stay here until late afternoon.
[ Implicitly prompting Ryoji to direct how he wishes to spend this time. ]
no subject
...There's a stream nearby, where we can sit and talk on the rocks. You can cool and rest your feet there. [ He starts off for the stream, trying to lead while keeping Lucian beside him instead of behind, a touch of wariness every time he slips from his field of vision. ] I like watching the water flow. It catches the moonlight even at night.
no subject
Nature holds beauty. We need only look.
[ Never mind that Ryoji might have destroyed some of it. For now he deigns to speak little, waiting for the youth to voice what he thinks. ]
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[ He admits this reluctantly, holding the bag closer to his chest as if it contained all the secrets he's so reluctant to share. ]
About beauty, and joy, and many things. When I'm alone, I'm scared of many things, and in a way... I feel closer to being that monster.
no subject
I believe you would regain your familiarity with them if you could walk amongst us again.
[ It's said softly, no sign of chiding. ]
Perhaps not in person right at this moment, but we have our phones and other media.
no subject
...Yeah. It would be hard to explain why I haven't been around. It was hard last time too.
[ He wonders how long that would be sustainable, when he longs to see a person's face, hear their voice, hold their hand. ]
Ideally, people won't have to see me, or know that I am there, but it would be nice if I could just... be with them again someday.
[ Just kind of lingering like a ghost, company but only one way. Selfish. ]
no subject
You can come back with us. We can find a way, it just takes time.
[ Don't give up. ]
In the time that I have spent with you, you have shown me that you are a person pure of heart. I believe that you have the strength to master what has befallen you. It may not be apparent to you right now, but - I am sure your friends have faith in you as well. If we work on it together, we can reach a solution.
[ His voice is quiet, steady - hopefully convincing. ]
no subject
Why would a person of a pure heart hold such a terrible power within him? Why- that other Ryoji... [ He shakes his head, wondering whether that Ryoji in his visions is so different from himself. ] ...Why me?
let me know if this is unclear or anything, i can rewrite it!!
We know not the full story of what happened in the past. With a full story, I am sure we can reason out why. But in the absence of that knowledge - the past is a circumstance different from the present. You are the Ryoji in this world. You have your own merits, your dreams. These are yours, and yours alone. To force upon us a burden that belonged to someone else... it is a grave injustice.
[ And it is in this instance that he allows his calm to recede, a firmness rarely seen in him. ]
When I was younger, I spent my time volunteering in areas wrecked by disasters. The people there did many things only to survive, even if it went against what they believed in - because they wanted to protect those dear to them. Some things can be explained by desperation or a lack of options.
It is important to make the distinction between your past life, and your present one. I will remain here and believe in you regardless - because the shadow of someone else's past is not one for you to bear. What matters more to us is who you are in the here and now.
[ Some humans struggle with handling one life. Two is definitely pushing it. ]
no subject
He just wanted to be happy.
Looking up at Lucian now, Ryoji wonders whether that was a mistake, whether immersing himself in things that brought him comfort is why he struggles to empathize and accept this. ...He looks away, gaze cast to the ground. ]
I... hurt people. Even if it were for survival, that does not excuse me, nor makes what I did okay. The distinction between the two lives, it's blurred— breached, now, because I am like this. I have to bear that shadow. I don't have a choice anymore.
no subject
Things are not set in stone. It can be changed. That is what you have been working towards, is it not? Learning to control this shadow. You can take back your life and make it your own again.
[ Nothing is impossible unless dictated by laws of physics, but even then... ]
no subject
[ He shifts the bag to one arm, touches the other hand to his chest where he can feel Thanato's power the strongest. ]
It's all I can do to keep it locked up. Would that be enough? Vigilance, at all times of day. Fear. I don't need to sleep, but I can't rest, if I'm scared.
no subject
[ Though its impact on Ryoji's own health is something that needs to addressed too. ]
We can take it one step at a time.
no subject
[ That was at first, though. Now, he shakes his head. ]
But, I'd gotten it wrong. It's harder to come back when I'm afraid for myself. But sometimes I'm able to when I'm afraid for others. Of them dying. [ And the implication that they're dying by Thanatos' hands; he could not allowed it. ]
no subject
[ Honestly he's just kind of running off what seems the best to him, rather than concrete knowledge. He can only hope it'll have an effect. ]
no subject
I haven't talked to anybody in days- not properly. Minako keeps trying to call; I said my phone only holds enough charge for two days, which is true, but still an excuse. My girlfriend, Yuuko, I pledged my heart and soul to her and the moment something happens, I cut everything off and ran...
[ Distance is easy. It's safe. ]
no subject
Then you should change that.
[ Running away is also irresponsible, but this is hardly the time to scold him. ]
Honesty is always the best policy. True friends will never reject you for being yourself.
no subject
[ It's all Ryoji can do to bite back resentment and regret, and he fails even that. He falls quiet, ashamed at the outburst, and tries to temper his voice to keep it from shaking. ]
...I don't want to be like this- how can I ask anybody else to be alright with it?
no subject
So in absence of a reply he merely takes off his trenchcoat, revealing a pair of pure white wings folded against his back. Ryoji's response to that would let him gauge the conversation better. ]
no subject
He would never reject Lucian because he knows him, he's his doctor, his confidant, his friend. Turned around, Ryoji has little confidence others regard him the same way, because he can control no other opinion than his own. And with wings of pure white, Lucian could only be regarded as an angel; Ryoji, Thanatos, a creature straight from hell. Appearances do matter, but... in the end, it's the same, isn't it? Both of them, no longer human. ]
...What are you going to do? [ Hide? reject? embrace the changes? Who would he tell? What should Ryoji do? If they're the same, then if he had a role model, then maybe he'd be able to bear it. ]
no subject
At their full length, they would be between three to four metres, but that would be too much space. ]
When I was younger, I served outside of Britain. Do you know about Doctors Without Borders, Ryoji? I spent a good amount of years there. A few months during that period, I was in Sub-Saharan Africa. They needed a specialist for malaria, so I went with a few others into the rural hills.
[ He's not looking at the boy, no. Only out into the distance. ]
When I first started tending to the people there, they would not see me unless they were accompanied by one of the local doctors. Because I was the only staff member who was not from Africa. Because of how I looked, they did not trust me. White people had done them injustice before.
[ It's a reasonable suspicion to have, which is why he didn't hold it against them that much. But it was not conducive to work, no. ]
Your feelings right now - doubt, fear, anxiety - they are every bit as valid as anyone else's feelings. But at the same time, we have people to look after, do we not? Friends, family, the like. What I faced back then was a challenge, but I had to push through for the sake of my duty. I would have found it hard to have faith in myself if I did not have colleagues to support me. And in this same way... I will continue to work despite having these wings.
[ Other people are more important then themselves. ]
Inhuman I may be, but I can still think clearly. Your appearance may have changed, but you are still Ryoji inside. That is what matters the most.
no subject
He has Lucian here now, though, so he turns to him, and faces it again. ]
—it's the thinking clearly that I cannot do, not always. Not when I share in Thanatos' body, and have to temper instinct.
[ He can try to ground, but imagine Thanatos with a fidget spinner as it hacks heads off people's shoulders. ]
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