recolle | ( CLOSED )

[ NOPE.

When the door swings open, there's a rapid thudding, followed by a large black shape that hops into view with a flash of ears and tail. Anya's adorable cat Polaris??

No, it's just Yato in a stupid cat onesie. ]

Anya! С возвращением! Welcome b...

[ a c k ]

[ fuck it's Yukine ]

[ He slowly melts back around the corner.

Maybe Yukine didn't see him... ]

[Why yes, yes she did say Yato.

And her expression manages to do a full 180 as it first lights up when he greets her in Russian and then he - dodges. Ducks. Automatically she frowns and puts her backpack aside once she's done taking off her shoes and goes to follow after him.]

Yato is not feeling well? [??? he's still recovering maybe who knows, her mama's the nurse as much as anya's trying to learn] Oтдых.... If you need rest, please do that. Anya will bring you dinner once it is done.

Kuh. . .!

( he bites his bottom lip hard enough to bleed, trying to silence himself from screaming as an entire storm of emotion sweeps through him. he thinks briefly that he might choke on nothing, suffocated by fury alone. his hands are shaking, just barely, a minute tremor before he clenches his fists and turns his face forward. that bastard had definitely been yato.

that voice, that face—

but it also wasn't yato. not the yato he knew. the yato that he had known wouldn't be here in some stupid cat pajamas, skidding around like a child, and then hiding from him. that last part was the worst part of it, knowing that yato had seen him and then immediately dodged.

the worst, the worst, the worst.

he feels sick. was he the only one who had wanted to see him after all this time? was it just him? again? why was it always like this? didn't he matter? how long had he been looking for this guy, always holding out hope that he was alright and they'd see each other again? yato had just vanished! he didn't know what happened or if he was even alright!

just that he was gone.

there's a sharp intake of breath as he walks past anya, right into her house without a shred of humility. )

Kill you. . .!

( he's crossing the distance within seconds, turning the corner to find where yato had slinked away in his pathetic shame. he should be ashamed! it's only right for him to be ashamed! he should be grovelling at his feet in an effort to beg for his forgiveness! yukine had trusted him! he had trusted him more than anyone! yato was supposed to be the one person who wasn't going to betray him like this!

yet, yet, yet . . .

here it is! of course!

there's thunder in the way yukine moves, arm striking out to grab onto the collar of yato's stupid cat pajamas with the kind of practised ease gained from years of stupid back-alley grappling. all is takes is one good look, one good look at his stupid face, and he's yanking yato downwards to meet his other fist. there's audible crack as yukine hits yato face's with enough force to crack the skin on his own knuckles.

then, then he's screaming.)

I'll kill you!

( then he's swinging again. )

[ Yukine's reaction catches him off guard. Yato was expecting... well, he's not sure what he was expecting. At an optimistic best, pleasant surprise. At a more realistic worst, disappointment. But all this anger -- he's not sure what to do with that. So he simply watches as Yukine bounds up to him, grabs him by the collar, and pounds him in the face.

Yato's head snaps back. He sees stars. Of course it hurts. But he's more bewildered than angry as he looks back down at Yukine, wincing. ]

Yuki--

[ His voice is swallowed up by Yukine's scream, and here comes another blow. Yato doesn't dodge this one either. His head snaps to the side, and then his whole body tilts. As Anya guessed, he's still recovering -- from more than a couple blows to the head, at least one stab wound, deep cuts to his hands and arms, and the kind of comprehensive bruising that leaves the skin under the silly cat pajamas looking like a palette of all the wrong colors.

So even if he wanted to dodge, he probably wouldn't be able to manage it. Yukine is still a shorty, but he packs a punch; Yato's head goes light, and he stumbles to his knees. The physical pain is blinding, but he can't focus on that. His mind is reeling.

What happened to Yukine to make him react this way? ]

[It's not like Anya hasn't seen a fight before - she's admitted into shady places by virtue of knowing those in charge, seen belligerent drunkards get tossed on their ass, and been told to duck into the back when things get dicey so she doesn't have to see the violence. But the occasional thrown punch is something that makes her wince, but otherwise unaffected.

She's never actually seen Yato get punched. It was implied, from all the injuries that he'd come to her with not too long ago, but she'd never seen harm come to anyone important to her before. Not until this second.

Something remarkably negative festers in her chest for the first time as her eyes widen and her blood runs cold - she hears the scream, the impact, and thinks it's as loud as a shattering bottle in one of those bar fights.

There's no way for her to properly get in between them, not without risking bodily harm to herself - and that'd hurt Yato even more, she knows that - but she's still moving so that even though Yukine managed to get two hits in, she'll be damned if he manages a third. They know each other and she wonders if there's something pained in Yukine's reasoning that makes him lash out so violently, but she thinks it'd be easier to listen once he stops hurting one of her most important people.]

Yukine! No!

[Her hand reaches out to catch Yukine's fist at the wrist, grip much tighter than when she's ever held his hand and the other covers the fist bunched around Yato's cat kigurumi, already trying to uncurl his fingers with the guiding motions of her own. She doesn't want to hurt Yukine but he can't keep doing this to Yato. She won't let him.

If there's small tears of shock in the corner of her eyes, she doesn't notice as she tries to break through - to find reason.]

Нет. No more... Please stop.

( a sort of sick satisfaction thrums through yukine from each connected hit, relishing in the fact that yato is finally close enough to hurt. this bastard is finally right here, right in his grasp, and there's no where that he can run. not while yukine has such a tight hold on him and not while yukine is so dead-set on reminding yato what sort of miserable piece of shit he really is. he's scum, just fucking dirt underneath his shoe, and the worst kind of person! the more that his thoughts race, the angrier yukine gets, and the worse his mental image of yato twists. he had held yato on a pedestal for so long, idolising him, and hoping that he could eventually come to emulate some of yato's best traits.

yato had meant so much to him when he was his "aniki", his older brother and protector.

too bad that didn't mean anything to yato. he doesn't even need to hear what yato has to say or any excuse he might offer him. the pedestal crumbles, destroying his idolised visage of yato along with it.

the third punch doesn't come. yukine is more than willing, unconcerned for the way the blood from his knuckles had already intermixed with yato's, and almost eager to keep going because this isn't even the beginning of the assault that yato deserves. it's a pair of soft hands that stop him instead, snapping him out of his blind fury like a splash of cold water. anya's hand is tight on his wrist, strong, as she tries to pry yukine's fingers off of yato with her other. he can't help but look at her, guilt hitting him like a sledgehammer as he sees the anguish in her expression and the tears welling in her eyes. that's when he realises that he had fucked up—not with yato, yato deserves this, but with anya. anya didn't deserve to have to see this or even be anywhere near this. this is her home and yato is someone she willingly let crash here (for whatever reason). it's a little fucked up to start beating on someone's house-guest.

even if they really deserve it.

he just doesn't want anya to hate him. it'd be fair if she does, but the thought of it is terrifying.

maybe it's the anger, the rush of adrenaline, or just the panicked concern he has for what anya must think of him, but he can't help the frustrated tears that slide down his face. this is all too much. way too much. yukine doesn't let go of yato, not really, he just lets anya uncurl his fingers one by one until yato is free from his grasp. he doesn't pay any attention to how yato slumps after that, doesn't even really care about yato right this second, because all he can see is anya. he's already scrambling for some way to justify himself, for anything that'll make her understand, but his thoughts feel more like useless static than anything. instead, all he croaks out is: )

I hate him.

[ In crisis, Yato is not an emotionally volatile individual. In the face of hostility, he is calculating. In the face of anger, he is steadfast. In the face of hatred...

There's no denying it stings. The last time he and Yukine spoke, they got along well -- that's a fact. Yato drops to hand and knees and clutches his pounding head, faintly aware of Anya coming to his rescue. He loves her for it, sincerely; he's never been prouder of her, or more grateful. He has never doubted that she would do anything to aid him, the same as he would do for her, and there's no truer evidence than the momentary reprieve she grants him.

And yet he wonders how much it actually helps. Yato sees how Yukine looks at her. She is a good presence. And she is a distraction. There are some things that can't be achieved through words or rational action.

Sometimes you have to go a little crazy.

Yato raises himself to his feet, slow and deliberate, and moves toward the front door. ]

Yuki. Come with me.

[Yato's movement so soon after he just experienced a beating manages to get Anya's head to whip in his direction - and the tears in the corners of her eyes to fall with the movement. The moisture of her own face surprises her as she blinks, raising one hand up to her face to confusedly press fingertips against tear trails. Why is she crying...? Even if there's an ache in her heart, she's sure that it's nothing compared to the pain that the other two feel.]

Yato - [she struggles, trying to sort out feelings into words, and then those words into English] - please...

[even if she's not entirely sure what she's asking for

still, she keeps Yukine's hand in hers and turns to him next, her own expression still muddled in confusion and concern. there's something here that she missed entirely, more secrets that were kept from her, and she wonders why for that too....

but she takes a moment to pause, free hand reaching out to brush away at Yukine's tears. she doesn't know why he's crying either. even if there's something heavy in her chest saying that this is a person who hurt her Yato, she doesn't want to see him cry. she glances down at the hand she's still holding, loosens her grip and looks at the blood on his knuckles. her brow furrows as she thinks about how that must hurt too. she's careful not to touch the blood itself, but does move his hand up so that she can press her lips to the back of it.

her eyes flick up to him]

Yukine.... is a good boy, even if it is not easy? Yato is also trying to be a good boy, even if it does not always work. He is hurt from old mistakes too.

When he is hurt, I am hurt too... please be careful.

[her words are firm and certain, even though her fingers tremble slightly holding onto yukine's hand before she lets him go]

( if this were any other moment than right now, yukine likes to think that he would have felt blessed to have anya kiss his hand like that. maybe he would have smiled at her and softly held her hands in response, maybe they would have had a nice dinner, and maybe they would have spent the night talking and watching movies. maybe, maybe, maybe. too bad it's too late for any sort of "maybe". the night is lost and the only thing left for him to do now is accept it and go home.

there's no coming back from this. not after he's made anya cry, worried, and scared all in the same night. she makes herself clear through not just her words, but her actions as well; she doesn't want him to keep hitting yato. for whatever reason, this bastard means a lot to her as well and something about knowing that stings. it feels like a punch to the jaw and yukine is left staggering in the wake as he tries to squash the weird feelings that it strikes up.

flicking the sleeve of his shirt over his unbloodied hand, yukine reaches up to dab at her face to swipe away at the wetness on anya's face. )

Anya. I'm sorry.

( there's not much more that he can say. well, there is, but nothing he is currently able to voice while it feels like there's electricity rushing through his veins. all he wants to do is scream, scream at yato until his throat is raw, and then maybe after that he might be able to speak properly again. maybe then his voice won't crack. maybe then he won't feel like crying. he holds her gaze, searching for any signs of hatred, before finally turning to look at yato standing by the door.

silently and embarrassingly obediently—because some part of him still wants to follow his aniki's words—he walks over to him, hands shoved deep in his pants' pockets as if that might reassure anya that he isn't going to fly off the handle.

—except that's totally still a possibility. )

[ Both Anya and Yukine are shedding tears, but Yato remains impassive. He watches their exchange patiently, absently rubbing his cheek. Punk kid had to go for the face. It's going to look ugly in the morning, he can bet on it. One more bandange for the pile...

It isn't that he's unfeeling. Seeing Anya cry, especially over something he's apparently had a hand in, steeps him in vague regret. She shouldn't be a part of this. He'd like to hug her and show her that things will be fine -- he'll live -- but he only continues to stand at the doorway, watching.

And Yukine. Somehow, Yato never suspected these explosive feelings in the kid. Has he not been watching closely enough? How long has this resentment been burrowed in Yukine's heart? Yukine has friends and hobbies, loving parents and a decent household. Yet he's reserved this much vitriol for Yato, and when Yato thinks back on the cute, wide-eyed kid who followed him around years back, he feels an inexplicable, hollowing loss.

But it's not Yato's place to feel upset. He's the one who's caused the upset, so his place is to absorb the blame. Solve the problem by whatever means necessary.

As Yukine heads toward the doorway (Yato never doubted Yukine would obey, despite the circumstances), Yato looks over at Anya, expression softening minutely. She's saying "please" -- and he'd like to give her what she's asking for. His safety, their peace, a happy resolution. But he won't promise her anything that isn't his to give. He turns away and leads Yukine outside. Anya can stay or follow; he won't stop her.

He walks until they're off Anya's lawn, then turns to Yukine. ]

Yuki. You've got a chip on your shoulder. I don't know what that's about, but it's clear you're not in a place to talk about it.

So don't bottle it up. Let it all out. I'm giving you my permission to do whatever you need to do.

[ Yato points a pawed thumb at himself, completely serious. ]

Once you're ready, we'll talk.

[One of these days, Anya will talk to someone about this - when she feels like the wound isn't so raw and maybe it'll be something that she can talk about even though the injury isn't hers to bear.

And one of these days Anya will be given the words "male bravado" and hate everything about testosterone and manpain, just as god intended.

— but for right now, she's just confused.

She didn't flinch away when Yukine brushed away the last of her tears and she doesn't seem to hold even a flicker of hatred against him despite the fact that he'd injured one of her friends. Normally Anya's quick at the defense of her friends, quicker at the defense of Yato than most, but it's hard when the assailant is... also a friend. Even Yuuko only ever gave Yato some derisive words, but there's something pained in Yukine's face that makes Anya more worried than offended.

Still, she follows to the doorway and catches some of Yato's words - permission? - and can't help but blink owlishly, almost entirely thrown off.]

... почему?

[Why?]

( permission, huh?

it's such a weird and complicated thing because yukine honestly isn't sure what to do for a good long moment. a very big part of him wants to refuse and just walk away as a sort of "fuck you" to yato. yato walked away from him years ago, so why shouldn't yukine? the only problem with it is that it felt very. . . final. yukine was pretty sure that if he walked away then he'd never look back and that would just be it.

it'd be over.

as furious as he is about it, yukine is pretty sure he doesn't want to completely wash of his hands of yato. )

Okay.

( yukine answers as he reaches out to grabs yato's wrist, leading him away from anywhere that anya could witness what's about to happen. she had been bothered well enough about this. enough was definitely enough, but apologising to her was a problem he'd have to tackle another day. for now, all he could do was put a solid distance between her and this. he guides yato a few houses down to a small grassy space between two houses. this should be enough. )

[ oh, well

bye anya...

Yato was prepared for a lot of things, but getting dragged away wasn't one of them. He'll follow along without resistance though, shooting Anya a pawed salute of reassurance before they disappear from view. He's got this handled. (He really doesn't.)

He'll go the distance without comment, watching Yukine's back. Yukine still walks in that same certain way, the same as Yato does. A slightly defiant slouch, an unconcerned ease of movement... It strikes Yato as odd. He half expected Yukine to have grown out of it by now...

His thoughts wander until Yukine stops. Yato can guess at why Yukine wanted to move even further away from Anya's house. He looks down at Yukine and waits. ]

All this time, huh?

( he says softly, almost whispering it into the air, as they come to a stop at their little wedge of finely manicured lawn. the time spent walking has settled his nerves a bit, at least enough for him to form words without his voice cracking. his eyes flick over yato, taking proper note of him. the weirdest thing, of course, are his eyes. had they always been this blue? did yukine just forget? he thinks about asking, but that's stupid.

who holds a conversation about eye colour right before knocking someone in the throat? well, potentially yukine.

no, the important question was this: )

How long have you been here?

[ His hands settle loosely on his hips, watching Yukine watch him. The question isn't what he expected either, but he answers it readily. ]

A little over two years. Hopped a few towns before I settled on this one.

Haha.

( what a shitty answer. lifting a hand to his mouth, he tries to hide the bitter way he laughs about it. for months, they've both been living here without each other knowing. so close, yet so far.

how stupid.

his other hand clenches into a fist inside his pocket. )

I looked for you after you vanished.

[ MORE SURPRISES. That gets a reaction out of Yato, a slight lean back and raised eyebrows. He doesn't like the way Yukine laughs, either... ]

You did? I was waiting for you to come in contact with me. When you never did, I figured you were busy with other things.

[ Like school, family, friends. No reason why a kid like Yukine should stay stuck on a wanderer like Yato, he told himself. Far better if Yukine was focusing on more stable things in life. ]

( yato's words put another crack in his already feeble composure. he frowns, pressing his fist against his lips like that might help keep him calm. he already wants to swing at him, knock yato right in his stupid teeth. he doesn't, but only because he wants to yell first. )

How? How did you expect me to do that?! You didn't have a house! Or a phone number! Or even a Facebook!

I looked!

I looked for you for years!

I was still looking after I moved to this shithole! No one had any answers for me! No one knew what happened to you!

No one even knew your last name!

( he pulls his hand away from his face, expression falling into a scowl. )

But you always had my phone number. I never changed it. You could have at least said goodbye.

[ Whoa.

Wow.

Hey.

Coming on a little strong there, Yukine. Yato's puzzlement reaches a peak. Yukine is very obviously upset, but Yato can't help trying to defend himself even a little. ]

Wait, wait, wait. I so had a Facebook. Look!

[ He flips his phone out from a little kitty pouch on his onesie and... okay he didn't really think this one out. But he'll try to hit the buttons with his giant paw hands anyway, even if takes some trial... and error... and trial... and error... and trial... oh there he got it ]

This!

[ He raises his phone to Yukine's eye level, revealing a Facebook profile that is definitely Yato's, if the annoying selfie along the side is any indicator. His name is written proudly across the top as

🅨🅐🅣🅞... ]

And it's true I had your phone number! But when I stopped to clean my phone [ it may or may not have had blood on it ], I popped out my SIM card... and it fell into a river!

[ His face is completely serious because he somehow really, actually isn't lying. ]

( . . . )

( immediately snatching yato's phone right out of his hand. within just seconds, he puts his number in as a contact that'll save to yato's account and not physical memory and returns to facebook to insert "yato" into the search field. just to prove a very obvious point that yukine cannot physically voice at this moment—

—not unless he's punching while doing it.

pushing it back into yato's hand, the phone's display clearly states: no results found for "yato". try another search? )

You complete idiot! How is anyone supposed to search that? What kind of asshole even sets their name like that?

( and just like that, yukine is swinging again. this time he's aiming for the stomach, hoping to knock the wind out of yato for his sheer nerve alone. )

[ Yato squints at his phone.

Hm. Would you look at that? It really doesn't show up. That kind of explains a few things. Like why no one ever friends him... ]

... Okay, I--

[ Or he can get punched in the stomach. Far more than it would normally, the wind is indeed knocked out of him. A sharp and tender pain lances through him, enough to double him over, though he manages to keep his feet. His healing bruises are screaming to make themselves known again. His legs are starting to shake, but he fights to straighten. ]

I... wanted my name to stand out! I thought it was just a fun highlighter effect!

[ HE'S NOT VERY GOOD AT TECHNOLOGY, SUE HIM. ]

( then a swift knee to the chest just on principle. )

It's not! That's not how it works! Not how any of it works!

[ Well that... helps him back up in a way... he rears backward for a precarious moment before finding his balance again. ]

... I get it! I messed up.

[ Could he have tried harder to get back in touch with Yukine? Yes, definitely. But... ]

But there's more to it, isn't there? You wouldn't be so worked up otherwise.

I—

( the question catches him off guard. it's more than what he thought yato would ask. it's more than he was prepared to be asked. his throat feels tight.

against his will, tears are already welling up in the corners of his eyes, threatening to make themselves known. )

—thought I mattered to you. . .

( there's a swipe at his face, trying to get rid of the tears before yato could even notice. it's too late though, no amount of swiping is going to hide the way that the tears slide down his face or the way his voice cracks. all he can think about is how devastated he was to know that yato was gone, how lonely he felt in being left behind, and the way the betrayal had felt like a sharp cut from a knife. )

I didn't. You just left without saying anything. Like I was nothing. Just like everyone else.

I always thought I could always at least count on my aniki.

[ Yato watches Yukine's tears spill over, and he feels heavy. No matter what excuse he tries to offer, this is the consequence of his actions. A boy with a small voice and bloodied knuckles crying over loss. ]

Things got too hot overnight, so I left because I couldn't stay. I realize it's small consolation now.

... Believe it or not, to me, you were the best thing to come of that town. When I felt lonely, you always made it better. But I didn't think you needed me the way I needed you.

[ Because Yukine's parents were decent? Because he had a home? At the time, Yato couldn't have wished for more in the world than those two things. But he knows now that that was the wrong way of framing things.

He was simply too young back then. ]

I see that I was wrong. Your aniki is human like everyone else. And humans make mistakes. I'm sorry, Yuki.

( trying to hide his face behind his sleeves. he doesn't want yato to keep looking at him. not right now, not like this. he hates this. he hates all of this. he just wanted to come out here and hit yato until he finally felt better.

instead he just feels worse.

it's impossible not to yell. )

I always needed you!! You were the most important person to me!!

I still need you!

( it's a complete mistake to say that, but the words fall out of his mouth before he can stop them. in hopes of hitting yato hard enough to force him to forget, yukine swings out with his other hand to clock yato right in the jaw. )

[ This time it's one hit too many. Yato barely has time to register what Yukine is saying before he's seeing stars again, and when he opens his eyes again he's looking up at Yukine from the ground.

What's there to say to that? "Still need", after all this time? Yato can't quite comprehend it. So he only stares up at Yukine with a slow turning of cogwheels, struggling to make sense of Yukine and his life until now.

I still need you... huh. ]

Tell Anya I'm sorry. Cuz 'm going home.

( nudging yato in the stomach with his shoe like that might do something. )

And I hate your pajamas.

( an eloquent parting line before yukine walks off. )

( CLOSED )

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3/3 my expectations were wrong

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