Okita Souji (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
spes_phthisica) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
recolle2017-04-10 12:17 am
spes_phthisica) wrote in recolle2017-04-10 12:17 am
[Closed] I will hold the balance
WHO: Soujirou Satsuma and Yasusada Tomato
WHERE: Yamato's mom's place, in his room
WHEN: Evening of the 7th
WHAT: Soujirou needs to distract himself from awful stabby memories, Yasusada needs to distract himself from falling out with Kashuu. Possibly they can distract themselves by trying to distract the other one? IDK it's worth a shot.
WARNINGS: Possible references to violence with these two? Nothing else.
*
[It's pretty surreal, being back here. The pangs of guilt come and go when it comes to the way he'd isolated himself from his old friends, but it's particularly bad with Yasusada. Soujirou hadn't dropped off the planet the way Kashuu had - for one thing, he'd stayed in the same city - but depression and dealing with a chronic health condition as a teenager had meant retreating away from all social contact for a while. Once he started recovering, it was with the idea of a New Life that wouldn't make him feel like a failure, and reconnecting with people had just felt too complicated. Besides, he had his studies...
So for a while Yasusada had lost Soujirou on top of his best friend in the whole world, and it appeared as if everyone else had sort of drifted away from the kendo club for less dramatic reasons. The worst part is that even when he'd slowly stopped outright avoiding most of them, there had been a cowardly part of Soujirou that meant he still put off reaching out to Yasusada specifically. The reasons were complicated, painful - but that didn't make it any less of a shitty thing to do.
The point is, it's a bit hard to meet Yasusada's mother's eyes when she greets him, and he can't help but feel like he should apologize somehow. Walking to his room is like walking through a memory in a much more concrete way than whatever Retrospec is doing. He's pretty sure there's a faint dent in one wall that he caused with a stray bokuto.
Their complicated past aside, though, it feels completely natural to immediately walk up to the same spot on the floor where he always used to sit, as a skinny child with buzzed hair and eyes that permanently looked too big for his head, like a perpetually cheerful alien. He sinks down there, knees still hugged to his chest, although he has to shift a bit to avoid sitting on his now much longer hair. Then he looks up at Yasusada with a bright smile, trying to not lett his confused state of mind show.]
This still feels just like home. Isn't that weird?
WHERE: Yamato's mom's place, in his room
WHEN: Evening of the 7th
WHAT: Soujirou needs to distract himself from awful stabby memories, Yasusada needs to distract himself from falling out with Kashuu. Possibly they can distract themselves by trying to distract the other one? IDK it's worth a shot.
WARNINGS: Possible references to violence with these two? Nothing else.
*
[It's pretty surreal, being back here. The pangs of guilt come and go when it comes to the way he'd isolated himself from his old friends, but it's particularly bad with Yasusada. Soujirou hadn't dropped off the planet the way Kashuu had - for one thing, he'd stayed in the same city - but depression and dealing with a chronic health condition as a teenager had meant retreating away from all social contact for a while. Once he started recovering, it was with the idea of a New Life that wouldn't make him feel like a failure, and reconnecting with people had just felt too complicated. Besides, he had his studies...
So for a while Yasusada had lost Soujirou on top of his best friend in the whole world, and it appeared as if everyone else had sort of drifted away from the kendo club for less dramatic reasons. The worst part is that even when he'd slowly stopped outright avoiding most of them, there had been a cowardly part of Soujirou that meant he still put off reaching out to Yasusada specifically. The reasons were complicated, painful - but that didn't make it any less of a shitty thing to do.
The point is, it's a bit hard to meet Yasusada's mother's eyes when she greets him, and he can't help but feel like he should apologize somehow. Walking to his room is like walking through a memory in a much more concrete way than whatever Retrospec is doing. He's pretty sure there's a faint dent in one wall that he caused with a stray bokuto.
Their complicated past aside, though, it feels completely natural to immediately walk up to the same spot on the floor where he always used to sit, as a skinny child with buzzed hair and eyes that permanently looked too big for his head, like a perpetually cheerful alien. He sinks down there, knees still hugged to his chest, although he has to shift a bit to avoid sitting on his now much longer hair. Then he looks up at Yasusada with a bright smile, trying to not lett his confused state of mind show.]
This still feels just like home. Isn't that weird?
no subject
(He'd never expect Kiyomitsu to say that he loves Yasusada. But it's pretty obvious that he does, right?)]
Maybe he didn't come home for you. But when you came home, you were there, and you forgave him. I think, even if he never said anything, something like that would matter to someone in his situation.
[He remembers the lack of identity he'd experienced when everything went wrong, the way his mind could not stop asking, What good am I, then? That was the other reason he hadn't reached out to his friends. He just hadn't been able to let go of the thought that they wouldn't be interested, that he had lost the one thing that made him valuable in their eyes. The one thing that made him important.
He has a feeling it's similar for Kiyomitsu, too, passed between the two of them in everything they don't say and don't acknowledge. So surely it must've meant something to come home and find someone waiting? Someone who still valued him even after they no longer shared this huge part of their lives.
He's not sure he should elaborate on that, though.]
I've seen him. He's... around, and I don't think he's sleeping at home right now. [He shrugs slightly.] But he doesn't look like he's going anywhere either. I'd just give it time - though I know that's not easy. [Yasusada quite frankly looks dreadful.]
no subject
But I don't really have any reason to go back there, so it doesn't matter. I'm not going to look for him. [He says it quietly, but with a finality to his voice that makes it obvious he's thought about this a lot already. Yamato's always tended to shape his identity around the people he cares about. But for once, for possibly the first time since they've known each other, he refuses to bend himself around Kashuu's insecurities. He can't--not unless he wants nothing more than to break apart.
If they run into each other on the street, well... that might be a different story. And if Kashuu comes to him--
--but no. There's no point in speculating on things that aren't going to happen.]