Left-Behind Trace [Open]

[standalonehuman]

WHO: Togusa and people!
WHERE: The hospital, oops.
WHEN: January 7th and onwards.
WHAT: Togusa got shot, he's in the hospital, and finally knows how his Other got shot.
WARNINGS: Discussion of violence, medical treatment, and the like.

The news probably didn't take long to reach a lot of people. Togusa got brought to the hospital with a gunshot wound. Togusa's official story is that he got shot stopping an opportunistic mugger trying to steal things in the chaos of the fire. So what actually happened?

Comments

[frostythehitman]

James is still, frankly, uncomfortable with watching Togusa telegraph his uncertainty and nervousness so blatantly to him. It's so different to the more stern and confident attitude he's used to from him.

"Well, I was gonna be angry because I figured you did something really stupid to get yourself shot. But hearing what happened...I get it. Either you got shot, or Malik or maybe even the both of you got killed. This was the better move."

[standalonehuman]

Togusa hesitates, because when he watches James' reaction, a thought filters into his mind from out of nowhere. Normally, he'd be more cautious, but maybe his caution has been tapped out trying to find a gentle way to tell James he had been shot for Malik. So the words just spill out.

"Have you forgiven him?" Even Togusa blinks at those words.

"Not saying you need to," he makes sure to clarify. "But." It sounds like he has.

[frostythehitman]

Well. This hardly seems like the time to be discussing this, considering Togusa has been shot, but it was bound to come up eventually, he supposes.

James shrugs and averts his gaze towards the foot of Togusa's bed.

"I kind of had to, didn't I? Because it's not like I'm any different myself. If he doesn't deserve forgiveness for something he did under something else's control...then neither do I." James isn't totally sure he does deserve forgiveness sometimes, really, but he also knows Malik isn't sure all the time either. So. He figures it about evens out.

[standalonehuman]

Togusa immediately feels bad for putting James on the spot, but his brow wrinkles tightly. It wasn't quite the answer he was looking for, or the question he was really asking.

"I'm not asking about his deserving. It's-" how to put it?

"I'm asking if you are truly ready to forgive him. That's what surprised me. You can logic it as much as you like, and still not actually be ready, emotionally. You shouldn't force yourself to do it, if you don't feel it. It's not about taking the burden off his shoulders, but about you taking a step in healing."

[frostythehitman]

That Togusa is questioning him on this makes him frown a little.

"Yeah. I am. Because it wasn't him. Whoever the other guy in his head is, he's the one I have a problem with."

Because if Malik is at fault for the asshole in his head, then it means James is just as irredeemable as the Winter Soldier, or whatever weird half-version of him was running around the city all summer. In James's head, forgiving Malik and forgiving himself (at least enough to live with himself) are inextricably linked. They're too similar--there can't be one without the other, and vice versa. So he has to forgive him.

(Even though he still wallows in guilt sometimes anyway.)