It's as much her nature as it is his - she doesn't have a concept of a safe-haven, of a place that's sacred where no one else can reach. Trauma is so painful because there is nowhere to run from it; you can only find a way to live with it.
Mariko meets his glare unflinchingly, her expression almost doll-like save for the knitting of the eyebrows. She envies him for how his hearts bleeds and adores him being the kind of person she just can't be anymore.
He yells like he's supposed to, holds the wound he might as well have and she doesn't flinch. Mariko listens, because he's still her friend, even if they can't seem to understand each other on this one point - then his dream arms itself and Mariko feels everything shift and go distant.
Everything stills and Mariko presses hand to her heart, her touch drifts up to the pulse at her throat. It's still there, thank god - but why doesn't it feel right.
"I hate you so fucking much I can't stand it sometimes." It's Mariko's standard hyperbole and it's the only thing that sounds like her as she speaks.
"But fine you're right. Retrospec very clearly has the power to wipe us completely and sometimes they do because they're a bunch of fucking clumsy idiots that can't merge information sets cleanly to literally save anyone's life - but sure Retrospec is trying to destroy us."
Her fingernails dig at her throat and for all her stillness, her hand is shaking and glaring is too paltry of a word.
"You treat me like I don't understand anything because you've been on the app longer, because you remember more of the world we come from. You lost your daughter and it hurts, boo-fucking-hoo."
She's crying, fighting the inward turn of her shoulders. He wants the truth, fine he can have it.
"You have one up on me, Togusa. You have Hikari, she's just not here. No matter what happens, I never get my mother back."
And it's only then she stalks forward, grabbing his wrist and forcing his hand to the back of her neck - where they both know she has a port.
"Tell me I don't understand, Hitori."
She releases him and tilts her head, so he can see the dark wire she unspools from the back of her neck.
"Tell me." She pulls and pulls and pulls until it's tangled in her fingers and her head starts to pull to follow where the wire leads.
"Tell me I don't think enough or could never understand or because I've never been married or given birth that I don't know how bad you hurt right now."
She forces her fist forward, the wire fraying as she forces the snarled wire in the line of vision between them. Tears run as the static prickles on her fingers, but she will not bow to this. It is insane and it makes her feel soulless, but they have to keep going.
"Say it and leave me alone. Or admit that past all the hurt and insanity that these morons with the control switches keep giving us, the truth is still there."
whoops hope you like text.
Mariko meets his glare unflinchingly, her expression almost doll-like save for the knitting of the eyebrows. She envies him for how his hearts bleeds and adores him being the kind of person she just can't be anymore.
He yells like he's supposed to, holds the wound he might as well have and she doesn't flinch. Mariko listens, because he's still her friend, even if they can't seem to understand each other on this one point - then his dream arms itself and Mariko feels everything shift and go distant.
Everything stills and Mariko presses hand to her heart, her touch drifts up to the pulse at her throat. It's still there, thank god - but why doesn't it feel right.
"I hate you so fucking much I can't stand it sometimes." It's Mariko's standard hyperbole and it's the only thing that sounds like her as she speaks.
"But fine you're right. Retrospec very clearly has the power to wipe us completely and sometimes they do because they're a bunch of fucking clumsy idiots that can't merge information sets cleanly to literally save anyone's life - but sure Retrospec is trying to destroy us."
Her fingernails dig at her throat and for all her stillness, her hand is shaking and glaring is too paltry of a word.
"You treat me like I don't understand anything because you've been on the app longer, because you remember more of the world we come from. You lost your daughter and it hurts, boo-fucking-hoo."
She's crying, fighting the inward turn of her shoulders. He wants the truth, fine he can have it.
"You have one up on me, Togusa. You have Hikari, she's just not here. No matter what happens, I never get my mother back."
And it's only then she stalks forward, grabbing his wrist and forcing his hand to the back of her neck - where they both know she has a port.
"Tell me I don't understand, Hitori."
She releases him and tilts her head, so he can see the dark wire she unspools from the back of her neck.
"Tell me." She pulls and pulls and pulls until it's tangled in her fingers and her head starts to pull to follow where the wire leads.
"Tell me I don't think enough or could never understand or because I've never been married or given birth that I don't know how bad you hurt right now."
She forces her fist forward, the wire fraying as she forces the snarled wire in the line of vision between them. Tears run as the static prickles on her fingers, but she will not bow to this. It is insane and it makes her feel soulless, but they have to keep going.
"Say it and leave me alone. Or admit that past all the hurt and insanity that these morons with the control switches keep giving us, the truth is still there."