recolle | i brought the dragon right to you [open]

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i brought the dragon right to you [open]

WHO: Lina Geteilt and you!
WHERE: Dreamsville, USA and neighboring areas
WHEN: July 10th through the end of the month
WHAT: Dreams! Dragons! Dysfunction!
WARNINGS: Discussion of dying but no actual death, some mild making out, will update as things happen

a. the dragon's breath was a blast from hell [dream, cathedral city]

Standing on the top of what she assumed was a cathedral, looking far too pleased with herself and surrounded by four others who all looked equally like they belonged more in one of Lina's Japanese animes than in real life, Lina (Two?) stared down the scene in front of her. She'd just... won something, but she wasn't sure what, and she knew that there wasn't any way for whoever she'd been fighting, down there on the ground, to retaliate now.

Until the visage of a great and powerful dragon (Michael, and that one she knew) appeared behind the person she was fighting. And he opened his mouth and began charging a blast of fire that looked like it would absolutely kill her, and—

The dream froze, the dragon hovering in midair with its fire ready to incinerate everything in its path. Lina's body shook as though she was finally taking control of herself, but she didn't know what happened next. She didn't know how this memory ended, but this was the first time she was ever able to do something as the inevitable death by dragon bore down on her. She looked around at the giant dragon and the people around her and the person down on the ground in front of the dragon, and Lina finally spoke, loud and clear.

"Holy shit!"

b. i fought through her army [dream, land of sands]

"TWO!"

Lina's head jerked up, a brief flash of recognition in her eyes, but she couldn't tell who was speaking to her. All she could do was listen to the words. Someone knelt down in front of her, but she didn't recognize their face.

"...Her mind's gone, isn't it." Is it? The hazy state she was in right now, where words were just happening around her... was that what the voice meant? "She wasn't fully developed. Her body couldn't handle the power of her song."

What song? What happened to her?

"Hand her over. I'll end her suffering."

Lina's eyes went wide. She... she didn't want to die! She just had a conversation about this and she didn't want to die and she didn't want to be killed and she could... she could handle life! It didn't have to be this way. She didn't want... she tried to protest. She tried to cry out to the person kneeling in front of her who she couldn't recognize, but her voice was weak. Almost dead in her throat. And her body couldn't move.

She wanted to live, but she was at the mercy of two other people. Somebody who'd already offered to end her suffering, and somebody who stood between her and death. What choice were they going to make?

c. let's go back to my place [real world]

Jesus christ. These nightmares were murder on Lina's already stressed-out psyche, and waking up in a cold sweat after one was only refreshing in the summer heat the first time. Still, the evening was pretty calm and cool (unlike Lina herself), so once she realized going back to sleep wasn't going to happen, she started taking walks around the city instead. Whether this was her first dream or her twentieth, it wasn't going to sit any better with her.

She didn't expect to see anybody out here at this hour, but foregoing her usual overshirt and cap in the interest of keeping cool, her blue hair and tank top were probably going to draw attention whether she wanted it or not. (She probably didn't.)

?. ninety million hundred fifty thousand hundred [future prompts]

((hit me up on

roseward or on this journal if you want any more prompts!!))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Jen hasn't had a proper breakdown in ages. but she knows that look in Lina's eyes. she gives her roommate's hand a gentle tug, voice softer now too. there's absolutely a time for her anger and displeasure over the timing of such a revelation to Lina and you know what? this is not that time. ]

Hey. [ another tug. she scooted closer, her stump twitched upward since she can't very well reach out with that arm right now. ] Hey, c'mere.

[she wishes it were the time. she wishes that she and Jen could just sit here and be angry at things that they can't control until the sun rises and they both collapse from exhaustion. but that's not how this is going to go, apparently. it takes Lina a moment to realize what her roommate is asking for, and with less hesitation than somebody as negative as Lina probably should be showing, her arms are wrapped around Jen again.]

[this is that same feeling from the dream. she falls back into it immediately, needing so desperately to be comforted as her face buries itself in the crook of Jen's neck. she's not going to start sobbing yet, but she knows it's going to happen and she wants to be prepared when it does.]

I don't want to die. [they'd had this conversation. but it's more relevant now, and she hates that it is.] And now it's all I can dream about.

[ it's relevant but also different. the first time it was making sure Lina didn't think about taking matters into her own hands. now? now it seems that some force in the world was trying to make her think about what would happen if someone else was responsible.

absolutely unacceptable. ]

I ... don't think I can be there with you in your dreams the next time this happens. But. You know now that it's possible to fight it. To beat it. [ more patting. ] That was you, right? Guiding me to take a step forward. To break the cycle. I didn't do that on my own, and you don't have to go through this alone, either.

I know. It hurts, I know. But right now, I've got you. I've got you.

[ she repeats herself, softly, with slow strokes of her hand along Lina's back. she isn't sure what else she can say right now that isn't so hollow. Jen doesn't have the power to take those nightmares away. no one does. perhaps giving Lina the support promised wouldn't amount to much but it was all she had to give. ]

[Lina could tell Jen the truth. she could say that this is the only time it's ever ended differently and that she can't actually do this on her own, because every time she's tried she's just been locked into the role of Two while things happen around her that she can't fight back against.]

[but that will destroy... everything they're building here. all this closeness, wrecked with a single blast of negativity that, just because it happens to be true, doesn't need to be said. and besides, as soon as Jen starts saying that she's got her and stroking her back, Lina can feel herself starting to break down. people don't... treat her like this. she hasn't felt this in years, like there's someone in her life who actually cares enough about her to try and make her feel better. even if it's only in these twilight hours, even if it's only until the sun rises... unless it isn't. but she can't. think too much about that. right now.]

[first Jen's shoulder gets wet, and then Lina lets out a choked noise in the middle of a sniffle. it's dramatic. it's so dramatic and she's so pathetic. in between sobs, while she hopes desperately that this will remain under cover of darkness, her fingers press more firmly into Jen's back. any voice she can muster is tiny and muffled by Jen's body, but sincere.]

Thank you.

Mmn. [ the affirmative hum is the closest she can get to saying "you're welcome". it doesn't feel like she's done a lot. or that she can do any more. but if Lina's satisfied enough with this, that's fine with her. if the other woman can let whatever confusion, pain, sadness, or grief just well up into those tears and allow them to flow for a time, then that would have to do, for now.

sunrise is still hours away, and Jen isn't so sure it could compare to the warm all-encompassing light from before. she kept her eyes closed, thinking back to it. wishing she could just harness that and channel it through the embrace into Lina. bathe her soul in soothing radiance and keep the shadows of that distant past at bay.

it's what she'd want others to do for her, when or if the time came. ]

[it's what she will get, when the time comes. now that Jen has seen Lina like this and knows more about her than anybody else in the city—even her own sisters, such that they are—Lina will do everything it takes to keep her secrets safe. or that's how she'll justify it to herself. she'd never admit to caring about another person's safety and health.]

[least of all her roommate, who she's still having problems speaking to right now. there's a question brewing in her mind and after the worst of the first wave of sobs has calmed down—about not being able to get a good night's sleep in weeks, about constantly dreaming of her own death, about thinking that Two killed in cold blood and remembering how it seemed so easy to consider it when she'd invaded Clover's dream—she lets it form on her tongue and pushes it past her lips before she can stop it.]

Can I sleep in here tonight?

[she immediately hates herself and shuts her eyes and can't decide whether she should hold Jen closer or let herself inevitably be pushed away for asking. she sounds pathetic. she sounds like a child. she sounds like a grown woman who's never known how to deal with trauma properly and is taking any chance she gets no matter how wildly inappropriate and invasive it is.]

Of course. Whatever you need. [ the words left Jen's mouth before she thought too hard on it. before she could even start to parse through all the potential options of what "whatever" could entail. maybe she felt that Lina deserved it as an apology to the other situation that made this the first time they'd said more than two words to one another again in the past several days. or spent more than a minute in the same room together, avoiding eye contact at all costs. going from literal strangers, to awkward roommates, to almost friends and back a step in the span of less than an hour...

and now? now it didn't matter. these circumstances went above and beyond whatever Jen might have felt about the barriers raised by accidents and shame. none of that had a place here any longer. Lina needed her - or at the last needed something - and if filling a few requests as part of being a decent human being could help with that, Jen was more than willing to put everything else aside and step up to the plate. ]

Thank you.

[she doesn't want to repeat herself, but it apparently isn't much of a concern based on the next flood of words to come from her mouth.]

I'm sorry. I know this is so stupid and I'm being weird and you don't have to do anything for me. I'm sorry.

[she can't let being negative go that easily. she can't recover from everything she's told Jen with one cry session, and maybe she needs to be able to have insurance that offers mental health coverage instead of using her roommate and whoever else will listen for therapy but some things just aren't realistic. it's easier to keep everything inside but if she keeps everything inside then she can't get the feeling of. safety. that being next to Jen provides.]

[she squeezes herself tighter against Jen for a moment, trying to shut herself up.]

It's okay. You're okay. [ she's said that before, and it might sound hollow, but Jen means it in earnest. despite always telling people to be positive like it's a switch to be flipped, there's a large part of her that knows it's not that easy. but telling people that life is hard, and cold, and unfair sometimes, and that the answers aren't so simple just isn't in her. it isn't socially acceptable to be the one to go "hey, you know what, depression is real and pervasive, and not something you can cure with exercise and sunlight and water" because she believes it to be the core of her own treatment.

and what works for her won't work for everyone, either. that's a lesson Jen had to learn by watching others drop in and out of regular sessions in exchange for other methods of treatment.

but what it does do, for Jen, is create an environment where she can do something productive and stimulating and work toward a life whereby she doesn't sink as low as low can go, and the highs are so much more satisfying. planting the seeds of hope is one thing, but they must be fed and nurtured and kept safe.

she kept stroking circles on Lina's back, trying to find more words to use. better words. ]

And you don't need to tell me right now. But... when you're ready, if you need me to help you calm down, just tell me what I can do. If you can't think of anything then, well... we can just sit here, too. I'm okay with that.

[Lina knows she isn't a fool, but she feels foolish anyway. anything Jen could tell her about any of this would be absolutely brand new. as far as Lina knows, there is no solution, there's never been a solution, and this is just something she has to be strong enough to live with. she knows that getting lost in stupid free-to-play games helps and that she has enough sense not to put herself in the poorhouse with them because no jpeg is worth that but it's just. it's all temporary. it's band-aids on internal bleeding. or something.]

You're helping. I just... [she takes a second, presses her face against Jen again in a vain attempt to wipe her eyes dry. her voice is thick and words come out with difficulty.] I don't know the last time I talked about this with anyone.

[and she's sorry it has to be her roommate and she's sorry it has to be now and she's sorry, okay, she's sorry? but she doesn't say any of that because Jen doesn't seem bothered.]

Everyone has better stuff to do than listen to me cry about stuff I can fix if I just... [sniff] Try to be happier.

[ the only thing bothering Jen is the fact she's convinced of, about Retrospec being behind this. but she absolutely fails to understand the motivation behind doing so. what do they hope to accomplish by tormenting people like this? to try and reconcile that "reality" with this one is one thing, but to shove trauma like this right in a person's face like this, suddenly, without warning or provocation or context. just to... what? keep their distance? tell them "hey, you're on your own now!"? cruel isn't a good word for it. there are no words for it ]

Try. But not... so hard you collapse from it. [ Jen recalls one of her more peaceful dreams, and the words that other "side" of her used. despite the obvious pain felt and the past trauma "she" experienced, she still had the guts to open herself up to her teammate - friend? - and use it as an example. not in a selfish light. not as any sort of entry into a tragic backstory pissing contest. but just. a lesson. a lesson into what footsteps not to follow; what mistakes to avoid.

in this context, though? it doesn't help much, because that story doesn't yet feel like hers. her actual story isn't something to easy encapsulate into one specific type of ridicule, or event, or even emotion. it'st just a long string of days spent exhausted despite being active and happy. ]

I mean... this is going to sound simple and maybe even childish but I don't care. That? Can't hurt you here. You're alive. I can feel it, and I know you can too, and that's what you need to remember after everything else is said and done.

[ Jen brought her hand to Lina's shoulder and tried to gently pry her away for just long enough because she needs to see her face. she needs to look in her eyes; it's the only way to get across what maybe her words and her voice cannot adequately express. because, in a way, the words themselves were kind of ridiculous even if the sentiment was not. ] The only "great dragon" around these parts is me, and I'll never hurt you. Count on that.

[Lina's content to listen, and her body moves freely as Jen repositions her. it's not a "get off me" kind of motion, anyway, so she's fine with it. she can tell that Jen's doing it to make a point. in the lamplight, her face is different. the red, puffy eyes, the shining trails down her cheeks, the way her mouth is hanging slightly open, unable to settle on an expression, guaranteeing chapped lips in the morning as it gets harder and harder to breathe through her nose.]

[but when Jen says that, Lina is first touched before anything else. it sounds like something she might have said to one of the other orphans, once upon a time. back when she had others to care about, when she could devote time to tending to the children there because she hadn't yet aged out. her lips close slightly, still giving her enough room to breath but turning up in the best approximation of a smile she can make herself do right now.]

[second, after she's touched, she tries very hard not to laugh. but Jen is saying something so incredibly corny that she can't not comment on it. the laugh that she wants to make comes out as more of a scoff, quick and breathless, and her hands trail down Jen's sides and come to a rest just above her hips, barely touching her.]

You're such a dork.

[ there. that right there was already an improvement over the situation, and it made such a corny line worth it. Jen reaches up for Lina's cheek, slowly, and stops if she shows even the slightest bit of reluctance or hesitation in her trying to wipe the tears from her cheeks. there's a tissue box on the nightstand but she'd have to actually move and reach past her to get to it, so. this would have to do for now.

her own smile is brighter now, too. the light shining off of pearly whites as she did all that. ] Hey, I told you before. And, as it turns out... the other "me" has the same thing going for her so that's double the proof.

[ in case that was at all confusing, she continued. ] Her name was Yang Xiao Long... though I guess it should be Xiao Long Yang but hey. Different world, different rules.

Anyway! It means something like "little light dragon" or... "small dragon of sunshine" depending on what site you go with. Though I think "great dragon" sounds more impressive.

[ forgetting all that earlier stuff about finding a sun, and so on. ]

[Lina is trying her best to not feel stupid at how nice this feels. not just to be close but to have Jen touching her face, wiping at her tears. showing her basic human decency, but in a way that Lina's never experienced before. god, that's sad. she sniffles again, but there's a much more obvious smile trying to form on her face.]

You're a lot nicer than Michael.

[it feels like this is... important. like this isn't something Lina would get to know if they hadn't made some kind of permanent progress in their friendship—something that Lina can't fuck up. which is more than a little encouraging, and she'll appreciate that more when she's in a better mindset.]

I wish I had a story like that for her. But her name's Two because she was the second one. I guess. [of what? she doesn't know yet. she has some guesses, but who even knows. it's not important.] Guess I'll just have to [sniff] bask in your sunlight for a while instead.

[she's not going to let it go.]

[ Jen thought about quipping that, unlike Michael, she's never actually tried to set anyone on fire before but... that wasn't technically true. good thing there's no chance to put that out there.

she made a quite sound, not quite a laugh. Jen had forgotten all about that until that moment, and guessed it was sorta relevant after all. maybe her ex wasn't an entirely useless font of pretentious advice. maybe he was in on this whole thing, too?

nah. Jen would have tracked him down if he was around.

in any case, Jen feels the slightest bit self-conscious about that sun metaphor coming back around full-circle like this. she glances downward just so long it takes to wipe her hand dry on her shorts. ]

I promise I won't - hurt you, Lina. [ Jen thought about saying "burn", but. given that had two meanings they could immediately go with, she opted to reinforce the statement like before. Lina deserved to feel safe and secure. happy, too, if that can be managed, in any small measure. ]

[and Lina, human disaster as she is, she's too self-absorbed to really notice that she's made Jen self-conscious, but even if she did, it didn't seem to bother Jen too much, did it? Lina hopes not. the words of encouragement help, even if Jen's repeating herself. this is something worth repeating, after all.]

Can I say the same starting tonight?

[one hand moves up Jen's body slightly before Lina starts talking, and her fingertips have only just pulled away when she asks that question. she comes very, very close to touching the bridge of Jen's nose unbidden, but even she knows that that's kind of an invasion of privacy. her hand hovers between them for a moment instead, then falls to a rest on Jen's shoulder.]

You know, [sniff] you're making me want to try harder at being a better person.

I mean, that's a good thing to work on. [ before she can sit like this, awake, aware, too much longer there's something she has to do. or take, rather. ] Hey, uh, can I get by you a sec? [ she gestures at the nightstand behind Lina. more specifically, at the glass of water and the prescription pill bottles. ]

[ Jen isn't... really sure what that gesture was supposed to be. it leaves her cross-eyed for a brief moment before it's gone again. she blinks a couple of times then focuses back on Lina's face. ]

I am...? [ she gives a little smile. it's good that Lina's reaching out - figuratively, if not literally - to move past what's got her down. Jen sets her hand atop her friend's and nods. ]

Oh yeah, um.

[wait, is this another test? it doesn't really matter because Lina's about to pass it. or fail it. whichever one Jen's going for. she pulls her hands away entirely, drapes her legs over the edge of the bed so she can actually move her body a little more freely, and... realizes with an audible "uhh" that she doesn't know what pills Jen is actually going to take. and she isn't about to grab at all of the bottles.]

Sorry, I was going to get them for you and I didn't think it all the way through and... [Lina's still in the way. she sighs and leans back until she's flat on Jen's bed, which she knew was going to be nicer than her own but it's still. a surprise.]

Just ignore me.

[ Jen chuckled quietly. she leaned over Lina's prone form briefly as she was on her way to her feet. ] You're fine. Thanks for trying.

Besides, which ones I take depends on how long you'll be awake. [ she took up her glass first, for a quick sip of water, and then set her fingers to touch one bottle, then the second. ] This one's good for the pain, but this one makes me extra drowsy.

...oh. Right. [ Jen also reached over and flicked a switch on her alarm clock. ] I'm guessing either way you don't want to be up at 4 AM.

Not exactly what I call a good time.

[she's forced into a pretty regular sleep schedule by her job, of course, but every so often she does let herself stay up later than she needs to, arguing on the internet with her friends about some meaningless bullshit that they all pretend to take super seriously. this is a much less fun use of these twilight hours.]

I probably won't be up much later anyway. [there's no heterosexual way to explain her reasoning for that, so she just won't. and hey, she's getting better at talking without getting interrupted by her sinuses! even if she still sounds stuffed up.] Take whatever pills make you feel better. Don't...

[well, the whole reason Lina's here is because she decided to impose on Jen. which makes what she's about to say a little strange, maybe, but she's resting on her roommate's bed and coming down from an adrenaline high and actually starting to feel a little better and maybe words are just happening.]

Don't change stuff up just because of me. [sniff] You know?

I'm not. I'm just... adapting. [ yeah, that's a good word for it. Lina isn't putting her out any more than she ought to, given the circumstances. Jen takes care of popping out the sleepy-time version and downing it. ]

Besides. I think we both deserve some more rest.

[ she holds the glass outward for Lina to see, there's still a good couple of gulps left. ] Water?

[Lina's first inclination is to refuse after she sits up, but she feels kind of like garbage and could probably do with some water. lost a lot of hydration through her eyes, or. whatever. she takes the glass and finishes it off, which is probably impolite but she's working on it.]

Thanks. I think you're right. Like, sleeping and also... [she gestures with the glass in kind of a broad motion, which is definitely rude, but at least she stops before hitting Jen with it.] Rest. We have too much shit happening all the time. I just wanna have a day where I don't have to worry about anything, you know?

That would be good. [ Jen rotated her stump a few times, and stretched her neck out this way and that. ]

Are you working tomo- [ ... ] Today?

I... don't think so?

[give her a second to remember. her memory has gone kind of to shit lately since she hasn't been sleeping very well, but she's pretty sure she has... later today off. and she can guess why Jen is asking.]

Good luck getting me to stop worrying about stuff on short notice.

[ Jen chuckled. ] I'm not going to predict results one way or another. But!

[ she sat back down on the bed. ] I'm thinking you. Me. [ Jen leaned over closer. ] Spa day.

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