Syaoran Li | 李 小狼 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cardcaptured) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
recolle2018-05-16 08:20 pm
cardcaptured) wrote in recolle2018-05-16 08:20 pm
Entry tags:
[closed] the price quest
WHO: Xiaolang Li, Leon Zhong, Mio Sonozaki, Izumi Sena and Cloud Strife
WHERE: The wild, wild woods of Bosuma
WHEN: May 18th-20th
WHAT:who keeps sending the thirteen year old on missions-- They're on a Zee Quest!
WARNINGS: Language on Sena's end?? Also probable violence towards not so friendly forest creatures and possible mentions of murder-memories with Mio! Will update when needed!
You know, there’s something about Retrospec users that draws a lot of secrecy and hidden talent. It’s kind of interesting if you think about it, but that’s what makes you perfect for this assignment. Interested?
[arrival + painting | monster fighting | witch's house | downtime]
WHERE: The wild, wild woods of Bosuma
WHEN: May 18th-20th
WHAT:
WARNINGS: Language on Sena's end?? Also probable violence towards not so friendly forest creatures and possible mentions of murder-memories with Mio! Will update when needed!
[arrival + painting | monster fighting | witch's house | downtime]
no subject
I guess there goes that theory. It was worth a shot, though.
[He stares at the brush for a little longer, trying to go over his own experiences with this in his head. There had to be something that was working for everyone else and maybe not for Mio...]
... do you think it depends on the well-being of the person holding it? You're not feeling sick or anything, are you?
no subject
[She sounds almost angry as she says those words, almost immediate. Her grip on the brush tightens, even as it drips that muddy color.]
I'm not...
no subject
I was only asking a question.
[His voice is a bit terse, and unbeknownst to him, the paint in his hands was turning a bit more watery in hue as it dripped from the nozzle. Oops?
However, his concerns over Mio, and the random instances of odd behavior she's displayed over the past few months, can't help but rear their head. He considers his next words carefully, keeping his eyes trained on her.]
It could be something on your mind too. Something that's making it hard to focus.
no subject
[It's too late when she realizes what she's done and her breath immediately stills. Lowering her gaze, Mio can't help but stare at the blank floor underneath her feet, her voice low as she finally says:]
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...
[Her voice is definitely apologetic and it shows.]
You're probably right, though. I just-- [...] I know I should talk about it, but I'm still scared that you'll hate me for it.
no subject
... it's fine.
[His own reply is quiet, because in all honesty, he wasn't ENTIRELY okay with it, but he hadn't wanted to aggravate things further. She seemed genuinely sorry by her tone, a shift from the usual flippant apologies she'd give, and, in a way, he understood her reaction. How many times has he gotten touchy about subjects that were bothering him?
He can't help but look back over to her, though, at that last admission, the stunned expression subtle but clear on his face. Was she really so concerned about what he thought over the whole matter?]
I'm not going to hate you, Mio. [It's said simply, matter-of-factly, with the pure naivety that comes with someone of his age.] A lot of us here haven't done good things in our other lives. The other me... did some terrible things too.
But we're not those people. What the other you did doesn't reflect anything of the you right now. You can't decide how I'm going to feel about this without even telling me.
no subject
And then she finds herself laughing a little bit, in a way that makes her sounds a little bitter.]
Leon said that too, you know. That what she did doesn't reflect the kind of person I am now.
[Her voice continues to be soft but there's something melancholy there. But she tries to catch herself as she takes a deep breath in, and then out, finally raising her head to look at him with serious eyes.]
I trust you, but... you have to promise not to tell anyone else what I tell you.
no subject
[..... sorry for the burn there, Leon, but he didn't want to try to inflate his ego even when he wasn't around. There's a small crease in his brow at her laugh, though, but he levels her serious expression with one of his own. He didn't know what she was about to tell him, exactly, but he knew there was a certain gravity behind it. Something grave enough to have been causing her this distress after all this time.]
I promise. Your business isn't mine to share in the first place.
[There is a certain irony to all of this, of course, considering he had always been afraid of Mio sharing his most embarrassing secrets in the past, but he was a boy of his word.]
no subject
[While Mio might be quiet, she's definitely listening to him. But he does promise and she knows that at least with Xiaolang, he wouldn't tell anyone. She trusts in that. Tugging at her arm a little uncomfortably, she has to suck in a deep breath before she finally says it in one go.]
My past self was a mass murderer.
[There. It's out in the open now.]
no subject
He stares at her, incredulously, before tearing his eyes away and taking in a sharp breath of his own. He wasn't sure what he expected. He knew it was something awful, something terrible, but... he was naive enough to think it only extended so far. That his problems could possibly compare to hers, and that he could help somehow. But this...]
... oh.
[That's... real eloquent there, Xiaolang, really. But it's the only thing that can come to mind, as he struggles to find something to say. Should he say something more? Or just let Mio get the rest off of her chest?]
no subject
[She keeps her voice low and soft, sounding almost regretful but at the same time, there's something about finally telling him that sends waves of relief all throughout her body. Closing her eyes, she keeps her voice calm and even. Or at least tries to, anyway.
But it's hard for her to hide the tremble in her voice.]
I remembered some of it... back when we were in Respatum. Although that wasn't the only thing I recalled there.
no subject
... not that he was going to let it show, though. She already seemed to be regretting the decision, and he wanted to prove that he could handle it... even if he himself seemed to have second thoughts about opening this Pandora's Box. The mention of Respatrum does make certain things click, though, and he glances back over towards her.]
When you were on the ladder with us, right?
[His mouth feels dry, and maybe he shouldn't ask, but they were already this far--]
What else... did you remember?
no subject
And she thinks she's made the right decision in the end, telling him.
Even if deep, deep down she knows she shouldn't have.
There's a bit of hesitation on her end; contemplative silence that makes her wonder if she should actually answer his question. If she should go into details. And she decides to turn on her heel so her back's facing him because she can't bear to see his reaction right now. She doesn't want to, especially when she says the words, attempting to be casual but unable to obscure the quaver that's settled beneath the surface:]
I remembered dying again.
[They're a few simple words, but they're words that say a lot. 'Again' being the huge key here to showing that it's not the first time that it's happened, somehow. And that alone explains that post she made, back in March.
When she asked about two contradictory memories.
Her grip around her arm tightens as nails dig into the skin and it's then that she suddenly... laughs? It's a pretty terrifying, chilling laugh that sounds borderline crazed and in clear pain, like broken piano keys as aquamarine eyes stare at the vast empty ceiling above them. Nothing to look at but white.]
Ahaha. [And then, her voice suddenly finds its way to even itself out, but there's something sad there. But she still can't face him.] Hey, your impression of me by now has changed, right? It's okay if it has. It's okay if you hate me, you know. I won't mind if you do. I said what I did even though I knew that once I did, there was no going back.
I won't tell you more than this if you don't want to hear it. I guess you can say this is your last chance to pretend I didn't say anything...... but it won't change the fact that this probably will make you change your opinion of me. Whatever you thought I was. I told you last month, didn't I?
[She shakes her head.]
That I'm a horrible person.
no subject
He opens his mouth, to question--again? How could she die again?-- but Mio's sudden broken laugh stalls the words on his lips before he could get them out. The discordant sound that comes out of her, uneven and manic and scared, frightens him, but not for the obvious reasons. This wasn't her. This wasn't the Mio he knew. She was usually so confident, so brash and unflappable, dealing with whatever problems came her way without a care.
But was that ever truly her?
She was hiding this for all this time. She would smile, laugh, say she was fine and looked like she meant it, but... it was a lie. It was all a lie. Did he even really know who Mio was to begin with? Or did he just see her the way she wanted him to see her? It was a sobering thought, hanging heavy atop of everything else this had wrought. In reality, he knew nothing about her. He knew nothing, but...
And then she speaks, and speaks, and it's as if she's read his mind. But the more she goes on, the more his shoulders tense, and his lips press shut, his nails leaving impressions onto his palm with how tightly his fists are curled. Something is chipping away within him, bit by bit, fracture by fracture, and by the time she's done, it's more than he can take. Sucking in a deep breath through his nose, he strides forward, closing the gap between them, reaching out to grab at the fabric of her shirt to pull her towards him. It's not a hug, not really-- outside of Sakura, he's still awkward about giving hugs, and receiving them, and even with Mio giving him one back in Magatus, he wasn't sure about overstepping that boundary. But his forehead touches between her shoulder blades, right where all of that long green hair cascades, his voice clear and determined as he speaks.]
You're NOT a horrible person, Mio. And I don't... I don't hate you for this. Not one bit.
That was your past self, not you. She's the one who did those things, she was the one who suffered... it's not fair to say you're awful by default for something you yourself never did.
You... [And his voice wavers a little, wondering if he should be this frank, but... no. He had to be clear on this.] You can be a menace. You can be annoying, and invasive, and you go too far with things...
... but you're a good person, Mio. You care for people with all your heart, and you look after them kindly, despite how you act. I refuse to believe you'd ever do something like that. The other you might have, but... you're not her. Despite what Retrospec wants you to believe.
I want to hear it, Mio. I want to know more about the you from that other life. I want to know so I can tell you how much you're NOT like her.
cw suicide mentions
[She's absolutely quiet to the point where her breath practically stills. There's nothing else that she could possibly say, not immediately anyway. But her eyes widen when he finally grabs at the fabric of the shirt and she just finds herself closing her eyes to actually listen.
And she lets him talk and it makes her chest twist in a way that makes her feel a mixture of pain and relief in some ways. She was right to tell him. She thinks that this was a good decision, even if it was a difficult one to make.
Taking a deep breath, she finally speaks up again.]
Thank you. [There's something in the way she says that seems almost sad.] If you really want to know, I can tell you one other thing. I... snapped at you earlier because my past self — Shion, she has an illness. But it's not like a cold. Not really, anyway. It's-
[She chews on her lower lip in hesitation. She has to say this. If he wants to know the truth, then she has to allow him to know this, too.]
It's something that causes people who have it to have a persecution complex, hallucinate and causes them to... harm other people. To kill them and then in the end they- [...] They kill themselves.
no subject
There was something that she said in passing that gave him pause, though. Shion? Did she name her other self, or was that her previous name? Out of the people he'd spoken to, none of them had mentioned having a different name than their current selves (and in his own case, Sakura calling him 'Syaoran' wasn't all too different from how she pronounced Xiaolang'), but Retrospec certainly had it's quirks. But before he can question that and 'Shion's' illness further, Mio drops that particular bomb, icing the blood in his veins.
The fabric of her shirt drops from his numbed fingers, the breath in his lungs stuttering to a stop in his chest. On one hand, one could argue that maybe 'Shion' wasn't a horrible person after all, only a victim of an illness that wasn't treated in time, but... murder was still murder. She still did terrible things to other people, even if it might not have been something she would have dreamed of doing in the first place. A much more pressing matter comes to the forefront of his mind, finding the true meaning behind Mio's words and fear.]
And you think...
[He can't contain the tremor in his voice, no matter how hard he tries to keep it steady. In the end, his voice comes out in a hoarse whisper, as if he's frightened that saying it out loud would make it a reality.]
... you think that's something Retrospec can give you back?
[The fear that grips his heart is nearly as bad as when Sakura had told him about her trial, the possibility they could one day be wiped from one another's minds. But this was ten times worse. Mio wasn't the only one at risk-- anyone else involved with her could be too. His hand fists in her shirt again, his voice fierce.]
They can't. They're not going to do it to you!
[Even though he knows better by now, at the people with their missing limbs and missing eyes and missing bodies could attest to, but-- no. There was no way. There was absolutely no way.]
no subject
And even though she hears his words clearly, her breath stills and her eyes widen as she hears a voice in her head. Her own, and another one. She's very much aware of the fact that it's a memory that surfaces right then and there that she can't knock out.
".........You can still go back now. I don't know what kind of impression you have of me, but..... it will surely change... once you go in........................"
"It'll never change. I will tell you as many times as you want... You're my best friend."
To be honest, this isn't something she expected from talking to Xiaolang, but it's enough that this, mixed with the words spoken by herself and Keiichi-- it's enough to bring tears to her eyes. The reality of it all makes her want to tear her heart out and she has to force herself to wipe her tears, shaking her head to keep herself afloat.]
I think it's...
[Her voice cracks a bit as she has to hide a choked sob that nearly comes out. She wants to deny the possibility, but she knows better than that.]
It's possible. If I remembered it, then there has to be a reason.
[Even though she absolutely hates it. She can feel his hands gripping tightly onto the back of her shirt and while she feels rather guilty in some ways for making him feel this way to the point where something in the pit of her stomach makes her feel sick... she still doesn't regret her decision, in the end.]
Even if I don't like that reason. I'm sorry.
no subject
Quietly, he lets go of her shirt, reaching into his pocket to get a pack of tissues, before tapping them against her arm gently.]
... here.
[She wasn't in tears just yet, but they were there in case she needed them. And really... he couldn't help but feel responsible for all of this. Maybe he shouldn't have tried to pry the information out of her In the first place, and while it was good that he knew now, and she had one more person to share the burden with... was it really worth all of this?
He can't help but frown a bit, though, at her reasoning behind it. Again, there were uncomfortable parallels with Sakura remembering her trial, and him recalling her failing it, but he wasn't about to bring that up. It seemed trite in comparison to what could possibly afflict her in the future.]
Not all the memories we get have real reason behind them. It could just be explaining... Shion's actions. It doesn't necessarily mean they'll give it back to you. They've done stupid things in the past, but-- they can't do it. There's no good reason for it.
[Whether he's trying to convince Mio or himself of this fact was debatable. Xiaolang wasn't much of an optimist-- he tried to look at things as realistically as he could-- but he couldn't help but hope for the best for this. That this was just to put things in perspective in her memories.
But Mio's memories were another thing on their own, and getting concerned about the disease covered up the larger issue at hand. She knew about these murders, these deaths of hers, because she saw them play out in her head. She had to witness all of that, with hardly anyone to talk to about it...]
... you don't need to apologize, though. If anything, that should be me doing that, not you.
no subject
In fact, she brings her arm to her eyes to wipe any tears that tempted to fall, any tears that were already dotting her lashes and dared to fall to begin with.
When he taps her arm though, she turns around and smiles in a way that's an attempt to be reassuring. As if she's trying to brush off all the pain and sorrow that comes with such a heavy burden.]
I don't know about that.
[While it might be kind to convince her otherwise, Mio's thought about this long and hard in her head.]
It's like asking "why do they give us our memories back", I guess...
[To her, saying those words alone feels foreign; as if she's struggling with saying it in the first place. Maybe there would be no good reason normally. But everyone has been getting things that belonged to 'their past lives', so to speak, so that means that there has to be something behind it...]
I mean, I don't even know if they can control what's given back like that or the reasons behind it. But explaining Shion's actions, huh? I wonder.
[She's always felt that she can't entirely blame it all on an illness. It would be stupid of her to shift it like that. Because she's well aware that isn't entirely the case. Because she knows Shion's feelings. She understands it, all too well in spite of the fact that she shouldn't. And it makes her sick.
Sick because she does get it.]
Thank you. [Those two words are enough to convey so much.]