recolle | Date Night in Bosuma

"Enough not to get us lost."

Andrew was extremely antsy about the conversation, even after how the one with Eren on the same topic had gone, but he seemed utterly incapable of not smiling, when the light seemed to be caressing Gen's face as it filtered through the foliage, and he called him Andy, and everything seemed too beautiful to bear.

"Not much further to where we're going, anyway. We'll be fine."

He actually had gone on a quick recon before taking Genesis out there. This would be difficult enough without ending up talking while tired and confused and all.

Well, Genesis was already getting tired but he didn't let it show. Aside from the few moments of tripping on some shrubbery here and there, but he was always quickly saved by tightening his hold on Andrew's hand and regaining his balance.

"If you say so," He replied. "I trust we won't get lost."

"Not even a little bit lost."

Yes, Andrew could tell, but he wasn't too worried yet, more than holding on to Gen's hand when the redhead stumbled. They only had three, four hundred yards before the path opened up to a clearing, part of it bathed in the late April sun and another half-hidden by dappled shadow.

"Pick a spot. I've got sunscreen if you'd like the full sunlight."

Genesis really had no words for the clearing. He let go of Andrew's hand to looking around, taking in all the sights, sounds, smells... it really was beautiful. Even if he wasn't sure where this area came from and how it wasn't really on any U.S. map.

"I have an umbrella, actually," He murmured, picking a spot that was partly in shadow and in light. He wanted both. Besides, sunscreen was a pain to put on when he was full dressed. The spring time air wasn't excessively warm, but Genesis was the type who got cold too easy, so he was in a thin, long sleeved shirt. It was loose, and belonged to Andrew. "Let's sit here."

Andrew also had a spare jacket for Genesis. Just because of course he did. Just in case.

"'course. Looks really good to me." And he was going to get their picnic spread out and settled in no time at all, ready for Genesis to flop on it as he wished and for Andrew to start setting out the food.

"Tea, while it's still hot?"

That moment when Andrew was both really happy with where they were and how much Genesis did seem to like it, trek there notwithstanding, and being incredibly nervous.

Genesis, however, also brought food. It was in the backpack he wore and there was actually quite a bit. So much so, he didn't really pack much else. Oops. That being said, Genesis sat down once the blanket was spread and nodded to the idea of tea. It certainly sounded refreshing for now.

As the tea was being brought out, Genesis opened his own pack and pulled out, for a start, a small plastic bag tied with a ribbon holding several swirl cookies. "To go with the tea," he said with a small smile.

They'd go with whatever Andrew brought for lunch.

"Ohh." Andrew couldn't quite stop the smile brightening his eyes in response to Gen's. "Thoughtful. Thank you - let's try those."

It was better not to go with what he had to say on low blood sugar, anyway.

"Any more edibles found their way stashed in their bag?" He was just asking!

He thought, with a small bit of embarrassment as he opened the bag up, that he should have transferred these to just a regular ziploc, but he had more at home for the store. He looked a bit more embarrassed at the question.

"A bit more," He replied. "I'll show you later."

Reading, for once, hadn't been cutting it. Baking, however, had. And cooking whenever Andrew was over.

The thing was, Andrew know him well. He may have missed a bulk of that baking, but he knew what Gen's stress would have resulted in. So he just hummed.

"It's all right. Might be a good thing. This conversation feels like it'll probably go well with a lot of sugar."

He hadn't been quiet about it because it was nice, of course. Not even a little. (Except for the part where he was home with Genesis. That was nice. And if it doesn't last past today, well.

It had still been nice.

Andrew breathed in, then tried to loosen his shoulders.

"Getting our blood sugar up, the I'll be ready to go whenever you're up for listening." The sooner out of the way, the better.

"I'm fairly certain a sugar high won't help matters," He replied. "Besides, there's not much sugar in these. I substituted with applesauce. I ran out of honey, which has been my latest go-to."

He set the cookies down and took out the tea from Andrew's bag, pouring it out in the cups provided. "Andy, I'm always ready to listen. You just need to be ready to speak."

"It won't hurt." It was... kind of an attempt at a joke, but it fell... less flat and more just sour, with Andrew's expression, with the look in his eyes.

He ran a hand up through his hair.

"I know you're ready to listen. It's just that...

"There's a far too real chance that, after you know the full story, you won't want to be anywhere near me anymore. I sure didn't want to be near me for a while." And there were days when he still didn't. He stared into his tea, then took a hard gulp. "It just wouldn't be fair for me to answer your question without you knowing this and if you still want me to move in, after that. And I've been silent long enough."

Unlike the weirdness of the retrospec app, Andrew hadn't tried to talk to Genesis about this, before. And he was sorry.

Genesis set his cup down carefully so it wouldn't spill and sat up straight, hands folded on his legs. "Andrew," He started, using his full name rather than the nickname to get across how serious he was being. "You won't know that answer until you tell me what's going on.

"I'm not here to make you speak, I know it's clearly going to be a hard topic. But you're going to need to take that chance and talk to me. And then, I'll decide whether I should be insulted or not that you would think I wouldn't stand by you."

He's been with Andrew long enough to know what kind of person he is. There wasn't much in the world that would get him to see differently or leave him.

Genesis... Genesis knew him so well. The use of his full name made Andrew's eyes snap to him, and then soften, some of the tension easing off, the release of a spring until it had settled just right.

"You're not making me do anything, Gen. And, also, I love you very much.

"This is just not going to be easy to hear, in several ways. That's all I meant to warn about."

One more time, he ran his hand back over his hair, then let his shoulders slouch, looking out through the trees.

"That last tour. The last base. I found something going on that was... wrong. Bad. With prisoners of war. It..." He squeezed his eyes shut, then carefully set his tea down on the blanket because he could still not think about that without being so, so angry.

"Anyway. I tried to start up an investigation. To make that all stop. But... I guess I ran into the wrong person about it all." Chain of command. He'd been playing by the rules. Doing the honorable thing. Trying to help people.

How little it all meant, in the end.

Genesis was quiet for the moment, for several moments really. it was tough to think about, but not like in the way Andrew might think. What Andrew was put through, the position he was left in, it wasn't something anyone could take likely.

Or, perhaps, some could, depending on their morals. But not Andrew. This was clearly eating him up inside, that he ended up obviously choosing the option that got him to leave the army. He knew he was honorably discharged, so that had to have been part the deal. For Andrew to leave it quiet and not be discharged dishonorably. There had to be more to it than that as, were those the only two options, he was certain Andrew would have chosen the latter and to hell with any of the consequences in regards to himself.

"You're a good person, Andrew," He finally said. "And you made a tough choice, so I won't tell you whether or not it was the right one. All I want to know is what you're doing about it now."

Edited (words) 2018-05-17 04:34 (UTC)

Andrew made a noise, almost like an aborted laughter, at the first words. He'd done his best, for so long, and yet for the last not-quite year he'd stopped being able to think of himself like that.

But then the question, for all its pointedness, soothed him, and he unwound, just a little. Still not enough to be able to look at Genesis, but less feeling like he was trying to twist himself out of shape. He took a breath and went on.

"To answer that, I should say what the choice was, shouldn't I.

"I could continue raising a fuss about it. Under which circumstances, the prisoners would be killed as the first step to erasing their tracks, and by the time formal investigation would have reached the base, they'd find nothing. Which would result in me getting kicked out in the worst way possible. Or I could stay quiet about it, get discharged in a rather cushy way, and get proof that they keep on living."

He raised his face, his lips twisted, though he didn't quite look up to Genesis's eyes. "That was the package I got, by the way. That day in the park, when all the mail suddenly arrived." Andrew swallowed. "Every day, I wake up and I'm aware of what I have - and what they don't. 'm not sure that counts as being a good person."

Deep, deep breath.

"I've gotta go back for those people, though. It can't be through the general military channels, because then they'll just get killed. Eventually I had the thought. Maybe if I try some sort of investigative journalism, I could get the evidence solid enough that the actions would be fast enough for their lives to be saved. But you know how not good I'm at writing, so... photography."

Right. As though saying it like that made it any more than a vague, slim, stupid chance. Andrew wasn't even aware that he was trying to make himself smaller, not that it was something that could work.

It was certainly a lot to take it and it would be a lie to say Genesis didn't wonder why Andrew didn't try harder, before quickly dropping that line of thinking because he knew Andrew better than that. He likely tried with all his might but with literal lives on the line, what more could he do?

So, he simply continued to listen and remain silent. It was hard to imagine being in that position. He really had no right to judge, even if Andrew thought he did. He was no military man, he simply didn't know what he could do in that sort of situation. He could reference the countless books he had read over the years, with characters pulling heroic acts or not, depending on the author and story. But just because he often escaped from reality within the cherished pages didn't mean he wasn't aware that the real world was generally quite different and people don't act like those in a story. Not usually, anyway.

Andrew wasn't some heroic storybook character. He was a real human being who was unfairly placing too much on his shoulders for something he had no control over. Genesis didn't know what to really say or do just yet, but he decided to take a page out of one he rather enjoyed. He reached over to rest his hand on Andrew's face, waiting until the man finally looked up.

Then, he pinched a chiseled cheek and pulled. "It's not fair for you to try and be a hero, Andrew," He started, pulling until he was sure the pain would snap him out of it and from there, he let go and then leaned forward, resting his hands on the blanket. "Do what you can, but don't forget about yourself too."

He was a bit heartbroken, to be honest, to not really be able to give an adequate enough answer. But he thought this would be enough for now. Maybe later he could articulate a better one, but while those POWs really should be handled, it wasn't necessarily Andrew's job either. There would be no way to help if Andrew was too busy beating himself up for it, for having survivor's guilt, in a way.

When Genesis's hand went to his cheek, he could probably feel Andrew's entire body twitch. In surprise, though, because he turned his face into that touch even before he braced himself to look up.

And then Gen pinched his cheek, and his eyes went wide, the darkness clearing from them in surprise. Blink. Blink.

(Yes. He fought. But there was only so much that he could do.)

He breathed out, softly, and his shoulders slumped again. But, this time, there was relief mixed with it, too.

"If not I, then who?"

Because there was clearly nobody else taking the poor people's fate in their hands, not for good.

But then he turned his face a bit, placing a kiss on Genesis's palm. "I'm sorry. This really isn't the kind of thing you ever volunteered to deal with. But you see why it'd be unfair to you to accept the wonderful offer of moving in with you without you... knowing. 'cause I want to. Be close to you and wake up by your side and all of it. But there's baggage of the kind that you might not want to stick, inside."

Genesis's hand on his cheek had been enough answer to the question of Gen now wanting to have anything to do with him, at least. The rest - well. He'd said enough words, he thought.

"I'm not going to stop you," He replied in kind. That's why he advised for Andrew to do what he could. But he knew he couldn't stop Andrew even if he wanted to.

He shook his head. "Don't be sorry. We all have baggage. I'm happy that you finally told me and a bit upset that you waited so long, believing I would even think, even for a moment, to not want to be with you because of it."

He poked Andrew's cheek hard, looking mildly annoyed at that.

"So, Andrew, will you move in with me, or not?"

The offer still stood.

"But you still think it's unfair." Softly.

But then.

Then. He winced a little. "Sorry. I wasn't lying when I said that I didn't want to be around me for a long time. But I really should have known you're stronger than me that way."

And there was not even a trace of mockery in Andrew's words. He meant it, completely.

"Yes, Genesis. I will move in with you. Please and thank you."

Beat.

Then Andrew shifted a little to avoid any of the things already set out on the blanket, and half tugged, half scooped Gen up until the redhead was in his lap, wrapping himself around him carefully but very, very tight.

"Have I mentioned yet that you're the brightest light shining on my life?" The words sat a little awkward in his mouth, but that was because he was very much not into the habit of trying to express things prettily. What he felt, what was behind them, was very much real.

Genesis let himself be tugged and scooped into Andrew's lap. To anyone else, it was probably emasculating. But he always knew that was never Andrew's intention and he rather enjoying being in his boyfriend's arms like this.

Since his tea was now out of reach, he took Andrew's as he leaned the side of his head against Andrew's. "Not enough times, but I'll enjoy it every time."

He sipped Andrew's tea with a small smile. He could address how he thought it was unfair and such later, because the main issue had been resolved. Andrew came clean and he was moving in. They could deal with the rest of the demons later.

For a little while, Andrew just stayed like that.

Clung, honestly.

Then he turned his head a bit, to press a kiss into the bright strands of Genesis's hair, and he let his soft chuckle out. It almost sounded like a normal chuckle; the proper normal was going to come back soon, but.

No, talking about this wasn't easy, and he still didn't understand, not really, how it could just be .... accepted.

But he couldn't not accept it, either.

"It's true. And I love you so. Ready for something more substantial than tea?"

Well, considering he nearly drained all the tea in Andrew's cup, he was certainly ready for some actual food now. "Yes, I am. Tea can only sustain me for so long after a trek like this."

Genesis accepted it because he had to. Shit happened, Genesis couldn't really do anything about it either. He couldn't turn back time, he couldn't give what Andrew needed to solve this. All he could really do was support and be there. He didn't like it, sure, but he would just need to do what he could amidst all the rest of the crazy from the app as well.

Andrew never, ever wanted to be the reason for Genesis to grit his teeth and keep going, because what else could he do? But here they were, and the heavy feeling in his stomach wasn't going away anytime soon.

But ... he had to trust Genesis to know if it would be too much for him. He had to. Even with Genesis's history of pushing himself beyond what was good for him, even.

For now... Andrew smiled, a bit. "And that's why we've got a lot more than just tea." And he was going to get started on setting out the food so they could eat.

"Gen? Have you ~remembered~" yes, he made air quotes, "anything of significance recently?"

Remembered anything? Genesis thought about it for the moment as Andrew worked on setting out the food, leaning and moving as to not get in the way.

"Aside from that dream I had, not really," Genesis finally said. "Nothing significant, I guess. Why do you ask?"

"Mm. I remembered a name that might have belonged to the person I've been remembering." Lightly. Because, as far as Andrew was concerned, that person couldn't be him. And a different name made it eve more so. He offered a plate of sandwiches to Genesis.

"Angeal."

It did sort of echo oddly in his mind, but it didn't fit him, so there was ... that.

"Angeal?" It rolled off his tongue nicely, but he couldn't say he heard the name before. He shrugged and shook his head. "You're saying it might be the name of the person you were before? I suppose it fits, you are an angel."

He grinned. Yes, he had to be cheesy.

Andrew was beginning to smile goofily, because, even questioning, it was nice to hear Genesis say it, for some reason.

But then Gen finished with that, and Andrew actually choked a little on his next bite. By the time he'd finished coughing, assisted or not, he was looking at Genesis with his eyes tearing up.

"I'm so not."

Less an argument than a retort, because if he let himself be serious on this topic, it'd circle right back to the serious issues from earlier.

Then his frowned deepened, just a touch.

"But there were wings. White wings. In my memory, Zack called them angel's wings."

"Well," He said after a few moments. "Then, I would be a fallen angel, for I apparently had a dark wing in mine. It would explain calling myself a monster... with 'neither dreams nor honor'."

Andrew flinched, just a little, blinking at Genesis. Then he raises his hand to cup the redhead's cheek, stroking the arch of it with his thumb.

"You're not. Whatever may be in those memories, Gen, you're not a monster, and you won't be one. Not you." Softly, but with determination.

"And not you either," He said.

Genesis leaned back against Andrew's chest, taking a sandwich with him as he did so.

"Whatever these memories are, they are not who we are today," He continued. "You aren't Angeal. Not anymore, anyway. You're Andrew Hughes."

Andrew stilled for a moment, his food settled back on the blanket and his arms both wrapped around Genesis's body, before he buried his face into his hair and laughed. Quietly, but very firmly so.

"My guiding light. Thank you for the reminder, and you are absolutely right." He remembered Angeal's hatred of himself, after all. It was different from his own, so much more fundamental.

Gen's word truly made sense. And he was glad.

Then he tilted his head, just so he could see a little bit of Gen's face.

"If you have a wing and it works," oh yeah, that made sense to him, he had seen his own wings and they were rather one-sided, yet he-- no. Yet Angeal could fly on them all the same. "And we get those, both of us. Would you go flying with me?"

Genesis laughed softly around his bite of food, shrugging a bit in his hold. Of course he was right.

"If we get them, sure," He didn't think he would though. Because why would Genesis get something like that? The hand dealt with him this life was clearly against him. Sounds like it was against his previous life too. Sigh.

"Good. I'd like that."

Finally, he shifted just enough to get started on his own sandwich, his stomach unclenching in ways that it hadn't felt free in a very long time, now.

A little later, he added, "I think, even though I didn't see well in the memory, that Angeal knew somebody who looked a lot like you. Except more... bulked up. A little more bulked up."

Sure, the redhead's hair in the memory had been covering his face, other than a bit of cheek and the chin, and the ear, but - Andrew knew that sweep of hair.

"More bulked up?" He echoed, chewing thoughtfully. That hinted that, in this previous life, he was probably healthier. "Should I be jealous?"

Because he has no idea what this other life was, aside from the little he got so far, he's not sure if that would be better or worse.

"Jealous of what?" Softly. "People who probably no longer exist? I don't think so."

If they had the memories of those people, it would be a reasonable assumption?

Still, Andrew... Andrew would wish Gen healthier, if it was possible, but for Genesis's sake, not his own. For himself, he loved him just the way he was.

"Well no, but," Genesis seemed to sink into Andrew's chest a bit further, curling up on himself as he nibbled the food. He sighed. "I don't look like other guys. Or a soldier. Or... Anything, really."

Why that mattered Genesis still didn't really know. He just always had this fear that Andy would just get tired of this sickly, gangly boyfriend of his and move on to someone else.

"Gen..." Andrew's breath caught in his throat, and he craned his neck a little to place a soft kiss right behind Genesis's ear-lobe. Let his lips linger.

"You look like you, and being with you, holding you like this, hearing your voice - it's the happiest I've ever been. The happiest I can imagine myself being. I don't want a soldier. Or a random other guy. I want you." He wanted to express more. The way the light caught in the red strands of hair, or that familiar feeling when Andrew stroked the sharp lines of Genesis's face, or the gentleness in his voice when he was helping a child, or the firm way his eyes glittered when someone made him mad, or just the way the cookies he baked balanced between too sweet and not sweet enough, or the way he cuddled into him in the morning...

But all of these things, he knew but could not put into words. So they were all just there in his voice, thick with emotion.

"Just you."

Genesis nodded, relieved but still insecure about what he was hearing. He didn't know why he seemed to have doubts. Andrew never really let him down, not about these things anyway. He tended to be honest with his emotions. What would he gain by lying about this?

"Okay," He said softly. He put the food down to hug Andrew's thick arms that wrapped around his middle. "Okay."

Andrew breathed out softly, holding his boyfriend and kissing into his bright hair. Trying to think.

"Think of it this way. If we were... the other way around. If it was my health that was not good and you who were always stronger and protecting me. Would you care about me any less?"

... and.

Andrew was rather sure that the answer would be no, it wouldn't be different. But, mixed with Genesis's own worry, suddenly his heart was beating hard in his throat.

But he kept still, letting Gen reach his own answer, and his own explanation of why Andrew asked him that.

Date Night in Bosuma

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

I keep staring at this icon IT IS TOO CUTE

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject