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Mᴀʟɪᴋ Isʜᴛᴀʀ ([personal profile] godcards) wrote in [community profile] recolle2018-04-14 08:09 pm

( OPEN ) you believed in all your lies, didn't you

WHO: Malik Ishtar and Others (You!)
WHERE: Around, mostly in Freshens
WHEN: Mid to late April
WHAT: Malik is suffering the effects of the dreaded Magatus Mark
WARNINGS: Malik’s dubious mental health, teen angst, mentions of self injury in first prompt.


Magatus was disorienting in its newness. The blacking out that came after was more familiar to Malik than should be considered normal, but when he awoke and discovered that he hadn’t gone on another attempted murder spree and that things were relatively okay, he had ventured forth with a kinda-familiar person to see about getting rid of the new glowy mark on his skin.

He didn’t find the answer.

So he had left, huffing and pouting as he does, only to find that in the following days in returning to the city, the mark had started to spread. And sting. Like it wanted to remind him that it existed, and about the faint voices from the forest, whispering to him. He handled that the way he handled most other things: by ignoring it and hoping it went away. Like most other things, it didn’t go away, and it got worse.

ONE.
The mark had started on his forearm and had spread down towards his wrist. The glow was obnoxious, but not quite as bad as the sting. Malik had taken to picking at it, scrubbing it, and rubbed the skin red and raw. Still, the mark persisted. Even after wrapping it in bandaging (mostly to keep from ruining himself further), it still glowed.

He felt like people stared at him. Like they knew. Doesn’t matter where he was going or what he was doing, he couldn’t shake the feeling of silent persecution. It was really only a matter of time until he snapped at an unfortunate passerby:

“Stop looking at me!”


TWO.
Things continued to get worse. Malik found himself feeling ill and groggy. As completely wrong, delusional, and irrational he could be, he didn’t actually attribute this directly to the mark. More than he was getting sick in conjunction with being cursed. Being kicked while he was down, because that was definitely par for the course as far as he was concerned.

A simple illness requires a simple fix. Except with how tired and disconnected Malik felt, something as simple as getting cold medicine from the pharmacy inside of Freshens seemed a lot more arduous than it should be.

In fact, he doesn’t even know if he’s in the right aisle. Or the right store. Or the right plane of existence, as he stares blearily at children’s gummy vitamins.

Some of the store patrons plainly ignore him. Some get a bit unnerved. Because he just continues to stand there, unresponsive.


THREE.
The nightmare wasn’t over yet; in fact, you could say it was just beginning. A long, long series of nightmares. Everything Malik has been trying to push away, trying to ignore, hoping that it’ll solve itself and disappear on its own following him all hours of the day, beyond wakefulness and into his dreams. Everytime he drifted off, he had a nightmare. His cold was getting worse. The mark had spread further still. He was at rock bottom again, emotionally, despite making feeble attempts to put himself on the right path. However, he’s too exhausted, mentally and emotionally, to scream and tantrum about how unfair that is. He’s tired, he looks tired, as he zombie shuffles through Freshens, again, to get… something? Maybe? Out of his room, at least, so he doesn’t fall asleep again.

“Stupid… trees, stupid curse, stupid cold, stupid everything.” He repeats, several times as he goes up and down the grocery aisles. “They always want to make it my fault… I didn’t curse myself, it’s their fault.”

He picks a package of cheap, offbrand cookies from a nearby shelf and starts to tamper with the packaging. He’s unaware of anyone watching or scrutinizing his behavior. He keeps going, eating cookies as he does so: “Anytime I do anything, something goes wrong, that’s not my fault.”

In a stunning twist, he seems to recognize that people - at least one person - is watching him. This does not stop his cookie thievery, and instead he glowers, “The hell do you want?”


FOUR.
( choose your own adventure, or I’ll write something for you.)

[personal profile] compendiem 2018-04-24 01:50 am (UTC)(link)
That's fine. I couldn't care less if I were dead.

[ ...That could have been worded differently. But permission has been granted, and Minato goes forward with bringing the gun up to his head— a flash of blue light on the opposite side like an exit wound, and then bright, blinding light in the form of a bird. ]

[personal profile] compendiem 2018-04-25 12:51 am (UTC)(link)
[ It kills things, for the most part. That's what Personas are mainly used for, but he tends towards the healing aspect of the ones who have the spells. ]

Mediarahan.

[ It's a group healing spell, so Minato gets to enjoy the effects of it too, a warmth that settles about his body, limbs less heavy with fatigue and mind a little clearer for it too. Any cuts, scrapes, and bruises stitch themselves up together, and he can breathe slightly better. All of this comes at a cost of being spiritually drained in Minato's case, but it's like riding a second wind: he feels great. ]

[personal profile] compendiem 2018-04-26 02:06 am (UTC)(link)
[ He lets Horus fade away as soon as the spell is finished being cast, with no point of keeping it around and continuing to blind them. ]

That's why I called it a bandaid. Masking the problem without fixing it. I don't think it's poison, or else I could try curing that... so this is the best I can do for now. Anything you buy on the shelves would be the same, probably. Taking the pain away three times a day or whatever the dosing schedule is.

[personal profile] compendiem 2018-04-26 08:56 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Minato wishes he had answers for him, but there's nothing concrete he can offer besides trial and error, comparisons between the cases he's seen and its limited sample size of three not giving him much to work with. He rubs at the back of his neck a little, staring as if burning the mark into his vision would give him answers, but it doesn't. ]

...Are you hearing voices?

[ Let's start with that. His personal experiences, and see what matches up. ]

[personal profile] compendiem 2018-04-27 12:37 am (UTC)(link)
[ This might be some armchair psychoanalysis, but it's backwards, with Minato being put on the spot to explain what he means by voices. In relation to the curse marks, anyways, all he can provide is what he heard back in the forest, and hoping it matches up. ]

Voice saying stuff like... you're selfish, or that you abandon people. That you don't care enough about people to think they're worth the effort. That you hide from the world because you don't want to deal with it. That you're broken. Stuff like that.

[ The voices had a lot of things to say to Minato, evidently. ]

[personal profile] compendiem 2018-04-27 08:59 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Maybe Malik doesn't think it's a good thing, but Minato does- it means their experiences might have some overlap, and his time with that curse was mild and short. ]

That's easy, then. All you have to do is tell that voice, "Yeah, that's right."

[personal profile] compendiem 2018-04-27 09:45 pm (UTC)(link)
[ There's not much more he can offer but a shrug, and the belief that one should try whatever they can instead of dismissing options. ]

It's hard to argue against "Yeah." The curse's voice will shut up, and maybe it'll find somebody else to contaminate.

[personal profile] compendiem 2018-04-28 06:23 pm (UTC)(link)
They don't have to be.

[ He leans back against the wall, staring down at Malik's shoes, wondering why these faults seem so universal to people, that they can be shared between him and another person he barely knows. But if the faults are shared, the solution can be too- his solution, maybe still just temporary, but one nonetheless. ]

Those are all things that can be changed, if you don't like them. You can take your time with them, and go about them however you want. But the first step still saying yeah, it's the truth, if only in this transient moment.

[personal profile] compendiem 2018-04-28 11:20 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Minato falls silent at these words, letting them extend in between them. There isn't very much he can honestly say he knows about Malik, other than what's been told to him secondhand: something about a jail, something about threatening to shove people into lava, something about not having a home. By principle, Minato never asks questions, accepting these things and not prying any further, but hearing these words...

They're echoes of words he used to tell himself. His parent's deaths were somehow his fault, he was nothing but a burden to his grandparents, all he was good for to his sister was somebody who makes her cry. He didn't have the energy to care, didn't have the ability to return affection, all he was was a drain on everybody around him, and his existence would never be good. ]


Is that what you believe?

[ It's what Minato believed for himself, for almost fifteen years. And he was wrong. ]

What is it that you want to be? That's more important than what you are, I think.

[personal profile] compendiem 2018-04-28 11:50 pm (UTC)(link)
The past can influence the future, but it doesn't determine it.

[ Past selves, past lives, all of that shouldn't matter— but it does, it imposes upon people's lives with what could be and would used to be. The future, though, is never so concrete. ]

"You" are not defined by a word, or concept, or a role. It's a lot more than that. It's... an entire life. Which is constantly changing.

[personal profile] compendiem 2018-04-29 12:17 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah.

[ The answer is simple, and immediate, with no deliberation behind it at all. Of course Malik is capable of change. ]

Change isn't a complete 180. It can be little things, bit by bit. So yes, I think you're capable. I think everybody is.

[personal profile] compendiem 2018-04-29 05:30 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It's relief that settles upon Minato's shoulders. There's pride in there too— he's proud of Malik, for deciding this for himself, for being unhappy with his life and wanting to change it rather than accept it- he's proud because it took himself too long to get to where Malik is now; he knows how hard it is, and knows how freeing it is to make that first step. It's scary, directionless, but freeing all the same, to shake off the shackles of "how things are supposed to be." ]

I believe in you. That you'll find things you like, people you like, people who like you. It all comes in time.

[personal profile] compendiem 2018-04-29 05:42 pm (UTC)(link)
You're welcome.

[ It's a simple exchange— thank you, and you're welcome— but things can sometimes be that simple. For all the insecurities Minato holds close to himself about not being able to reach people on the account of not knowing them well enough, it's a revelation for him too. He doesn't have to understand everything. He just has to understand enough, to be able to relate in some way, and just that much is fine. ]

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[personal profile] compendiem - 2018-04-29 17:49 (UTC) - Expand