recolle | (open) prevolt

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WHO: Clover + you
WHERE: All around Recolle, Pesgare, Magatus
WHEN: the first half of April
WHAT: Clover tries her best to keep herself together, but she's ultimately too much of a melodramatic hot mess to do so. If you want to get insulted, come to Magatus.
WARNINGS: ~~None really unless you count that~~ Four is a very extra, terrible person. Violence. Mentions of self-harm.

i. an unwanted new strength (recolle)

a. when one door closes

[ It could be at the grocery store. It could be any building at Recolle Univerity. It could be at the Towers.

Either way, for some reason, Clover is in a rush, and in her hurry, she pushes a door open too hard, and it crashes into the wall hard enough to leave a dent. Or she pulls a door open, and it comes off one of its hinges.

She freezes in her spot. flabbergasted. Her face turns pale. ]

What do I do...?

[ She can't be terrible enough to make this a hit and run, can she? She has to hold herself responsible, but she can't afford these repairs. ]

b. you throw it away

[ Clover has broken one too many doors already, and she can't deal with another one. She's getting desperate. She doesn't want to deal with this anymore. She can't take it anymore. She's done. She can't face the music.

That's why she hides her contraband in her purse, and she dashes (a little too quickly) for the nearest alley. If there's no dumpster, she moves on. When she finds the nearest dumpster, she stops before it. There's obvious hesitance in her movements, but she reaches into her purse and takes out a broken doorknob.

Catch her in the act of running from alley to alley like a suspicious runaway or in the act of throwing away the evidence of her crime? ]

ii. rescuers down under isn't a ghibli movie (pesgare)

[ If a tsunami caused damage, and there are calls for relief services, of course Clover will go. How could she not? How could she look herself in a mirror if she didn't help?

Of course she stays underwater longer than she should. Of course scales develop where they can. The scales covering her hands make her feel hideous. She's helping, but that's what matters, doesn't it?

Instead of a cliff by the sea, Clover can be found at the dam. The problem is instead of using tools like a reasonable person, she's using her bare fists to break it apart, turning them into a bloody mess. If you're nearby and also working on the dam, she'll turn to you, gesturing as if the skin on her her knuckles isn't broken: ]

Will you let me handle that instead?

iii. the upcoming battle (magatus}

[ Despite its cold climate, Magatus usually gives Clover a sense of odd comfort. A curse is not that.

The forest and its whispers immediately take her down. She tries to drown the voices out first by covering her ears and then by her screams. ]

I'M NOT LIKE THAT!

[ Clover can't bear it anymore. Her newfound agility and strength has her climbing a tree in no time. She rips branches from the trunk and hurls them as hard as she can. They crash into nearby trees and slam onto the ground. Leaves and needles that lasted winter flutter to the ground. ]

That's not who I am! I don't want this! I don't want to be that kind of person!

[ Clover can be found in the midst of all her destruction, or she can be found when all her energy is spent.

She'll be curled on the ground with her face covered by her hands, the lurid green light of the curse mark on her forehead shining through her fingers like a beacon.

There's no use hiding all her failures. ]

iv. wild card

[ If there's anything else you'd like to play with, hit me up via PM or at defenestrates! ]

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No.

[ Clover thinks the trees have a new trick and have morphed their whispers to sound like her sister. Her denial has reached a point that she's stopped trying to listen to words. She can't deafen herself, but she can refuse to understand.

She curls in on herself even more. She keeps her eyes shut because seeing makes the reality of the forest that much greater. ]

I don't need to hear what a monster I am in Rose's voice.

[ She whimpers, sad and pathetic. She's not strong enough for this. ]

Clover. [The hand she puts on Clover's back is gentle, but her tone is firmer. She can't imagine what her little sister might've seen, and it breaks her heart to think that whatever it was, it's made her think like this.] You're not a monster. I would never think that. Do you really think I would?

[The only monster here is me. She doesn't need the forest's whispers to tell her that.]

[ The touch is solid, and Clover's eyes fly open. She stares at Rose with wide, wide eyes, and her breathing goes shallow. She's struck with fear because the flower is there and real and she remembers Zero.

What about Zero? Isn't that why you've been afraid to talk to Rose? You'll hear that she actually is Zero in her memories, too, and not just yours? Aren't you dumb to think that flower could exist in any other world?

Instead of answering her question, instead she asks: ]

Who is Zero?

[ Does Rose know? What does Rose remember?

Four is a monster. ]

[If Clover's reaction alone wasn't enough to make her freeze, that question is. Of course she asks, of course she's scared of Zero, who wouldn't be? She definitely is.

Her hand slips away, curled into a fist as it hangs uselessly by her side. This is why she's let all this time go without a word to her little sister. Just like she thought, they remember similar things. Clover must know exactly how awful Zero is. How awful she is.

You haven't spoken to her because you're a coward, plain and simple. You'd rather know nothing than think that she hates you.]

A piece of shit. A monster. I don't think I've ever hated anyone like I hate her.

[She wants to say, "But I'm not her." Is that even true though? The flower in her eye says otherwise. No matter how much she tells herself she loves Clover, she remembers—knows—what it feels like to try and kill Four without so much as blinking. Four pleaded and cried, and all Zero did was shout that she'd strew her guts all over the ground.

It makes her want to vomit. She doesn't want to believe that's her, but when she sees that mark on Clover's forehead—for a moment, she can only see Four.]

[ Clover's heart calms almost immediately. Rose hates Zero. Rose isn't Zero. Rose doesn't think like Zero does. One plus one is two. The alphabet goes A, B, C.

... it's cemented. Their memories are the same.

She sits up, so she can get a better look at her sister. ]

But... she has to have a reason to want to kill Four, doesn't she?

[ Her question is eked out in a small voice. She's scared to know if Rose has an answer.

Why do they even have to fight like that in their memories? Clover doesn't know, and she doesn't know if Four knows. ]

... Maybe. Honestly, I don't really know.

[There has to be some kind of reason she thinks, it wouldn't make any sense otherwise. Why would you go out of your way to kill anyone the way Zero does, let alone your sisters? However Zero might feel about them, Four at least seems to care a lot about her as family.

Then again, if "senseless slaughter" could be personified into a person alone, well.]

I don't think she even needs a reason.

Edited (forgot a whole half of a sentence wow) 2018-04-14 07:54 (UTC)

That's stupid. I hate them both. I hate Zero. I hate Four.

[ She's frightened of them. She's terrified they'll both end up like them, fighting and threatening and running away from each other. They already do run away from each other. ]

I don't want these memories! I don't anything to do with them! Why do you even have a flower in your eye?!

[ It's a stupid thing to ask, but she's so tired and so scared and so angry that she's barely filtering the words coming out of her mouth. The flower is what symbolizes Zero the most in her mind.

She's on the verge of tears. ]

I just want to go back to the way we used to be!

I know.

[... She doesn't know what else to say though. That things will be okay? That they can stop getting these memories? That they really can go back to the way things used to be?

They're lies, all of them. More than anything, she wants things to be okay. Her sisters' happiness means more to her than anything. How can she promise that though when she knows she spent her past life terrorizing all of them? Trying to kill them? If things could really go back to the way they used to be, she could make everything okay. One way or another, she was the oldest, and she had to. For all of them.

But now, she's the problem. Don't kid yourself, you were always the problem.]

I know, and... I'm sorry. I don't know how to fix this. [It seems stupid to say when it's so obvious, but before she aged out of the orphanage, before things fell apart so badly, it felt like she could always find a way to fix things. She would if she could, if only for their sakes, for Clover's sake.]

The only way this can be fixed is if I forget it all.

[ She spits out each word like she can't swallow her bitterness. If it's not an impossible wish, it's a doomed one. Ignorance is bliss at the cost of exclusion. Not knowing, not being part of Retrospec is signing an unwritten guarantee to be distanced.

If she forgets, her family will only fall apart more. Your family is falling apart now.

Is there any way to fix this family when all you ever do is run away from your own problems? When all you do is lie to yourself? ]

You still love all of us, right? I still love all of you.

[ As if love could save this. As if love could help this. ]

I love you guys more than anything in the world.

[For all her usual embarrassment and avoidance, there's no hesitation in her voice. The voices, for once, have nothing to say to her either for it. It's the complete and honest truth, after all.

But it's not enough. It was never enough. If love was all it took, their family wouldn't be like this in the first place, would it? Retrospec isn't the reason why they're as fractured as they are.]

I always will. [Even still, this is the truth. Her truth, no matter what she remembers. (It has to be.)]

[ I's enough. Those words are more than enough for her. Clover lunges forward to wrap her arms around Rose in a hug. ]

Me, too. I love you guys more than anything in the world. [ She wants to believe she always will. ] I will, no matter what.

[ It's an echo of Lina's words. No matter what. Lina may not remember the threat of sororicide yet, but Clover and Rose do. Retrospec may not have fractured their family in the first place, but it drove a drill deeper than necessary. She wants to yank it out. She wants to fill in the cracks. ]

If you didn't... If you stopped... I don't know what I'd do.

[ She'd turn into Four without a ghost of a chance otherwise. She'd want to destroy the world because there'd be nothing left. That much she feels deep, deep down, and it frightens her to her very core that she can't see it as an impossibility. ]

The world would be a terrifying place.

[It already is, she thinks. The world they live in has left her so scared to even touch her sisters, to be near them. It takes her a moment to hug Clover back, still so angry at herself for what she must be to her sisters. What is she but the monster out to kill them? For all that she's remembered of Zero, there's nothing else to paint her otherwise.

But when she finally raises her arms and holds Clover back, her grip is tight as can be, like if she lets go, she'll lose everything. Her sanity, the person she thinks she is, all of it.]

I'm not going to stop, alright? I'll always love you, no matter what. [She has to, she has to. As much as she believes it now, she is is so, so terrified of what it means to remember being Zero. But if she doesn't believe this, what can she believe in?] So you don't have to be scared of that.

[ Her relief escapes in a rush of a breath. Her shoulders don't sag, but some of the tension noticeably eases. ]

I really was afraid of that. [ Her voice is soft, weak, as if admitting it is slowly killing her. ] It's... hard to remember otherwise when I have nightmares about it all the time now.

[ The more her sisters fight, the more nightmares she has—just like Four.

She hasn't helped anything by running away and hiding, but it's instinctual. She can't help it, but she should. She should try. She'll try. Rose deserves better than Clover running away. Does she really reject her memories if she's fleeing from them like they're real? ]

I know I should know better. I know you love us. I know you've done so much for all of us. I know all that, but...

[ It's harder to believe when you could still be loved when you think there's less to love about yourself with every day that passes. ]

[She relaxes marginally as well, running her hand down Clover's hair, like back when they were kids. Despite all the years and all the things that have changed, this at least still comes easy to her.]

It's okay. [It's not okay, none of this is okay, but she doesn't blame her in the least. If Clover's remembered anything like she has, she thinks it's no wonder that she'd feel this way. How do you remember your sister loves you when you dream about her trying to kill you, right?] I know I don't say it as often as I should, but it's true.

[She'd rather die than it not be true.]

And I'll tell you as many times as you need me to.

Edited 2018-05-04 09:32 (UTC)

[ It's easier to believe they're back to times when what was most wrong was Rose's relationship with Jasmine with that nostalgic motion. It's easier to try to believe they'll be like how they used to be when things were a little simpler, when she didn't have to worry they'd all end up dead. ]

Tell me everyday.

[ It's a childish request, a nigh impossible one, she thinks, but it's what first pops into her mind. It's honest. It's selfish. It's what she wishes could be. ]

That way, I know you're Rose.

[ And not Zero. ]

Alright.

[It's easy enough to promise it right now, and maybe she'll think it a hassle every now and then, but it should be easy enough, shouldn't it? If this is all it takes for the both of them to remember she isn't Zero, then she'll take it. Rose wants to prove to herself that she isn't the person she remembers, too. This is a start.]

Every day, then.

Okay. I'll tell you everyday, too.

[ Clover is fairly sure Four loves her sisters, too, but what can hurt from saying she loves Rose or any of her other siblings? If Rose is willing, what else matters?

Clover's curse mark fades. ]

Oh, I think that's a sign I can finally leave the forest.

[She breathes out a sigh, the relief palpable in how her shoulders sag.]

About time this stupid forest let you out.

I wouldn't have been surprised if I had been cursed to die.

[ Her bitterness is sharp. ]

You're not gonna die here, so quit talking like that.

[She says it like she's exasperated, but there's an edge of genuine concern too. Rose might've spent her life making sure her sisters grew up well enough, but she never actually thought about the possibility of them dying. Her memories of Zero have suddenly made that far too real a fear.]

Not anymore, but it started feeling like it before you found me.

[ She won't admit it, but a part of her did wonder if that was her punishment for being the way she is. ]

Thank you for finding me.

[ She's trying to put on her best face for Rose, trying not to think about how for a fleeting second she thought ripping out the flower in her sister's eyes would solve anything. ]

I always do, don't I?

[She smiles because it should be funny. Back when Clover ran from the orphanage, the rest of them practically tore up the city looking for her, only for Rose to find her at her apartment almost accidentally. Looking back on it, it should be funny.

It's not. She can only wish that was their biggest problem still.]

[ Clover covers her face, and she can feel her ears burning. It's years later, and it's still so embarrassing to think about. She was young and melodramatic and felt so victimized. (She's still not that different, but she likes to fool herself into thinking she is.) ]

You do.

[ Her words are muffled. The reminder is enough to show her Rose still cares, that Rose is still Rose. ]

God. Let's go home.

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