recolle | ( CLOSED ) give into sin

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( CLOSED ) give into sin

WHO: Chiyo, Akira, Ichirou, Yato, & Yukine
WHERE: the park. it's always the park.
WHEN: April 6th (?)
WHAT: a group of unlikely adventurers convince a vengeful spirit not to kill the god of calamity.
WARNINGS: body horror, foul language, talks of death, and so forth.

( reality is a nightmare.

the days following yukine's death didn't really get any better or any easier, yukine just became a little bit more adept at handling them. he stopped trying to pretend that he was okay, complicit in the destruction of his mortal shell, and just let himself feel as miserable as he truly felt. he was sick of trying to fake a smile or reassure others that he wasn't standing on the knife's edge. no amount of make-believe was going to disguise the truth: yukine was miserable.

dying had been a mistake, but reviving as a shinki had been an even bigger one. yukine wasn't grateful for it. if anything, he was resentful. it grated on his nerves to watch other people continue about their lives, knowing that he was perpetually frozen in time. why? why couldn't that be him as well? or couldn't he have been put to rest at least? how could this be in any way fair?

it wasn't.

it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair.

yukine had never gone to see his father, ichirou, after the failed attempt to reunite with his other parent. he couldn't take the risk of his dad not remembering, so he'd rather just not see him at all. for marcell, he could only see a stranger. he couldn't reconcile yukine as his child. would his dad be the same? see him as a stranger with a similar name? fuck that. he wouldn't do that twice. his dad would be better off without a ghost haunting the house anyway.

it was too much.

everything was too much.

the stress was wearing him down to the bone, a constant simmering of outrage boiling underneath his skin, and yukine stopped bothering with everything else too. he stopped going to school, never bothered going back to the animal shelter to even say he wasn't really dead, and barely even used his phone. social media didn't mean anything anymore. his phone was just a way to send out regular texts to people he couldn't stand to be forgotten by. hell, he wasn't even going to work at club sunshine.

why should he? what did it matter?

it felt like a chore.

nothing felt like it was worth doing. it was too much for him to even keep visiting shouto, his very own boyfriend. yukine always made up some lame excuse whenever he wanted to see him. there was always something or other that kept him from coming by, something not entirely true but certainly not a lie either. while he felt guilty about it, a kind of sick twist in his stomach, he really didn't want to see shouto or anyone else. he just wanted to be alone. he didn't want anyone to look at him, especially since patches of purple bruises had started to bloom across his skin.

he didn't know how he got them, but he certainly didn't want to have to explain himself to anyone either.

today, however, had been an exception. bundling himself up with a thick scarf and a fluffy jacket to hide any suspect marks, he had invited akira to spend the day with him. it wasn't much, but it was the least he could do when all he had managed on akira's birthday was a text. he had been sent an invitation to his party, but he hadn't bothered to show up for fear of bumming the party out and his current general dislike of company. it didn't seem right to inflict himself on everyone there.

to make up for it, he had dragged akira around the city, treated him to a belated birthday lunch, and even bought him a really stupid looking pair of cat headphones. for the first time in what felt like an eternity, the day hadn't been so bad. maybe this was what he needed? maybe he didn't need to avoid people?

or maybe he was kidding himself.

the final stop of the day is the park, a place that yukine tends to gravitate towards without rhyme or reason. with a quick wave of the hand, yukine urges akira to follow him to one of the benches. )

C'mon, c'mon, let's sit. You're probably tired.

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[ Akira has been giving Yukine much needed space after the ordeal, but he does once in a while send texts that don't need to be answered... Like cat facts. Cat pictures. Stuff without much substance or content in them. Stuff that shouldn't add to the pressure at all. He doesn't even blame him for not coming to the birthday party—if anything, it gives him the opportunity to present himself with utmost composure rather than the nervous wreck he was before people even arrived to the restaurant.

He's surprised, but definitely elated to be invited. Ever so grateful, he thoroughly enjoys the lunch and wears the stupid looking headphones with pride. It's his first birthday with friends that care for him and even think about buying him gifts, so he's grateful... Even if he has to lead the conversation a bit, maybe even take up most of it. He does what he can to make Yukine comfortable, not finding his dampened mood as a deterrent at all. ]

Me? Tired? [ Though... Yukine isn't wrong. Akira feels like 2018 so far has been tiring. Physically, mentally, everything. ] Speak for yourself, gramps.

[ A jooooke since Yukine is younger and smaller than him, but he follows him to the bench without other complaints and seats himself. The park is a place he tends to visit a lot, too... Especially late at night, so that's something they have in common. ]

Thanks for inviting me out today.

( every text, regardless of how stupid or impersonal, gets a reply or some sort. nothing is left unanswered even if all he can manage is a simple "LOL" or a cat picture in response. after all, it really isn't about what he has to say. that doesn't matter (not really), it's just about the fact that he replies at all. yukine doesn't really understand the fine details of what he needs to do to stay in people's memories, but he can't imagine that it could benefit him to ignore anyone.

there's a small shrug and something like a smile. )

I am timeless. Nerd.

( a lame joke, but it doesn't stop yukine from making it. )

Thanks for coming. I know it's kind of—

( a pause. probably shouldn't continue that sentence. instead, he waves a hand before sitting down on the bench himself.

might as well just say a different sort of honest thing. )

Uhm. I really wanted to spend time with you.

[ Meanwhile, a blighted Yato is not what Chiyo expected to see upon meeting him today. Those marks... Her concern skyrockets out of the stratosphere, and she can feel panic clawing up from her chest to her throat.

Talk to Yukine, Yato said. What's going on? What's wrong? Why has it come to this point?

Her phone is out, and she puts it on speakerphone for Yato's sake. She's calling Yukine and will keep calling until he picks up.

Please pick up. ]

[ Wow... He can't even follow up with any quip when he's countered with some genuine words. For today, Akira spares Yukine the usual teasing and roasting. There's no need to drag it out, so he laughs a bit instead as he clasps his hands together, letting them settle on his lap. A little nervous, he needs a moment to settle or else he might start crying again. No tears today. ]

Same here. [ Every moment means so much. ] You know you're always welcome to our place. Elliot seems really attached to you.

[ Leaning back against the bench, he looks up to the sky for a moment. It feels so long ago, but it has only been a couple of weeks. He wants to talk a little more since they're seated, but ah. ]

Are you going to get that?

Elliot's too nice and so are you.

( simply said. both of them were way too nice to him and way too willing to show him kindness. he's about to say something else, make another joke, but then his phone is ringing in his jacket pocket and akira is looking at him with expectant eyes.

he was going to ignore it, but now it feels like it'll be weird.

with a small nod, he fishes his phone out to answer the call.

oh. wait a minute. that's chiyo. )

Hey. I can't really talk right now.

( he tells her. she needs to know that he's going to have to call her back. )

This can't wait! [ The words tumble out of her mouth. The urgency is unmistakable. It's an emergency. ] Are you okay, Yukine? What's going on with you?

[ Yukine sounds fine, but then— ]

Why does Yato look like he's dying?

[ ... Chiyo...

Next to her, Yato does look a little like he's dying. Small patches of rotten black have started to creep beyond the places where his clothes can cover, and he seems perpetually out of breath. His focus is divided between what's in front of him and the constant burning of the blight spreading on him -- or in him, as it feels. He watches Chiyo's phone tiredly when the conversation begins, but he glances up at her response. ]

I'm not dying.

[ He protests, more out of stubborness than truth. But it's audibly half-hearted, and he doesn't have much more to add. ]

What?

( the question just slips out, the tone entirely too harsh. yato hadn't exactly been in the best of shape the last time that he saw him, but it wasn't anywhere near the state of dying. his chest feels impossibly tight as it seizes up with raw panic and an impossible level of guilt for not checking in with yato sooner. he just didn't want to see him, didn't want to deal with his incessant questions about how he was feeling or doing, or the way he kept looking at him.

fuck.

fuck, fuck, fuck.

when he speaks again, he's all but yelling into the phone. )

Chiyo! Slow down! What do you mean? Where are you two?!

He... He doesn't look good. He looks really, really sick. It's almost... it looks like he's being poisoned?

[ She looks at Yato's state of "I'm not dying" and wishes she knew what was going on. There's none of his usual energy, none of his usual verve. The patches of black frighten her to her core.

What could solve this quicker....? ]

I think it might be faster to go to you. I'm sorry. Are you doing something important? Can Yato teleport to you?

[ They need to figure this out. ]

[ When Yato came to Chiyo for help, he didn't expect it to be quite this direct. Yukine's panic is another layer on top of an already suffocating blanket of ill feeling theatening to swallow Yato whole. He hoped to avoid alarming or provoking Yukine for just this reason, but the deed is done. ]

Calm down, Yuki... I can feel you freaking out from a mile away.

[ In his head he knows the panic isn't his own, but he can feel his own heartbeat quickening in response. This god-shinki link was never so troublesome in his memories. ]

( protip: telling someone to calm down never actually calms them down.

it's also true for this case. while yukine is certainly aware that the two of them have some kind of creepy bond that lets yato voyeur in on his emotions, it doesn't mean that he can squash down the panic he's currently feeling. )

I—Wha—Shut up!

( yukine stumbles in trying to provide either of them with an answer. in the end, all actually manages to do is tell yato to shut up because he feels he has a perfectly good reason to freak out at the moment. )

Come here!

[ This whole time, he had been watching his friend carefully. Akira can only interpret so much of the conversation based on Yukine's flailing here, but he can tell that it's dire. What he wants to ask is if everything is all right, but that's a dumb question.

Instead, he reaches out to place his hand on his shoulder, hoping that will keep him from losing his mind. Calm down. ]

Hey, breathe in. Breathe out.

[ What is even going on? That can wait. He's sure he'll know if he sticks around. ]

[ Chiyo is here to helpfully shove the phone at Yato.

Go through the phone. P L E A S E. ]

Yato, go!

[ It's hard to say no to Chiyo... When did Yato come to be bullied by so many teenagers? He looks at her, then her phone with clear hesitation. He doesn't want to go, if only because he doesn't think Yukine seeing him like this will help him calm down. But not going at this point won't be any better...

He stalls for a few seconds before disappearing from Chiyo's side in a zip of white.

He reappears in front of Yukine and Akira.

Yato looks like trash and he knows it, but he stands as normally as he can manage. Pre-emptively, he says: ]

It's nothing I can't sleep off.

[ Probably. ]

( talk about a fucking understatement. yato couldn't look worse if he had been dead for the last three hours. it almost looks like a curse from a fantasy novel, dark purple stretching across large patches of skin, and the sight of it makes yukine's stomach churn uncomfortably. )

Are you fucking stupid?

( he spits out, more from shock than any true anger, as he yanks himself up from where he had been sitting on the bench. )

What happened to you?!

[ There's a clear moment of hesitation in which Yato beats down the blunt truth.

This is because of you, Yuki.

Yato doesn't need any stray memory to explain that for him. Yukine's black mood has settled in so deep that it's become a part of them -- Yukine and Yato both. The blight is only a natural result of that blackness contaminating Yato, like a fresh wound bleeding through a bandage.

But who is Yato to chastise Yukine for feeling lost and angry and bitter? Yato knows just what it's like. The blight burns, but not enough to make him forget what it was like to be in Yukine's position. ]

... It's called blight. Dumb god stuff. I'm dealing with it.

( did yato truly think him to be this stupid? how could anyone take one good look at him and not want to panic? yato looked like he was dying! he calls it "dumb god stuff" and "blight" with remarkable ease, almost as if it didn't look like it was corroding his skin.

he gives a quick glance at akira, just trying to find some of sanity in this situation, before he's talking into his phone again. )

Chiyo! We're at the park. Can you make it here? And—

( he needs her here. if anyone is going to know how to keep yato from springing off somewhere, then it's going to be her. the problem is that he needs someone else too.

he needs... his dad. but if anyone is going to strongarm yato into actually getting help, it'd be his dad. he's the best at this kind of thing. )

Call my dad. Please. Because Yato definitely isn't fucking dealing with this!

[ You don't understand how lost Akira is, someone that comes from the world where you summon your other selves by either shooting yourselves in the head or ripping a mask off. Yato came out of a phone. This may not be the first time, but he's still bewildered all the same, but his expression turns grim when he sees how... Awful Yato looks. "Dealing with this" doesn't seem to be working for the most part.

He should help out the best he can, so he picks himself up onto his feet, taking out his phone and readying the map app. ]

I can pick her up really quickly if you tell me where she is.

[ The least he can do. ]

Yes! Okay! [ They're automatic responses. Say yes in whatever way to help. ] I'm on the outskirts of the city. [ She gives a more specific place where Yato generally likes to teach Chiyo how to use a sword. ]

Please be careful! I'm hanging up now, so I can call your dad!

[ She doesn't know what they need to be careful with or how they can be careful. All she knows is that it needs to be fixed. If someone else is needed, who is she to say no?

Maybe all of them together can find a clue. ]

[ Chiyo coming here is one thing, but Ichirou? The bigger the fuss, the more uneasy Yato feels. But before he can raise a protest, Chiyo has already hung up and Akira is already volunteering to go. The parts are already in motion. Yato addresses Yukine with a grimace. ]

Dammit, Yuki... You're making a circus out of this.

[ Having more people present is the exact opposite of what Yato wants. But Yukine's estimation was right in at least one regard: the threat of Chiyo's presence is enough to keep him from bouncing. Not that he's in the shape for any kind of running at the moment... He sits heavily on the bench and leans back against it tiredly.

Then quietly, a reluctant admission: ]

... This should be between us alone.

( akira is a blessing. it's unfair that yukine keeps managing to drag him into weird stuff that he can barely articulate, but here he is trying to help just the same. frowning as he turns back to akira, he considers whether or not he should insist that he goes home.

maybe he should. )

Akira. It's okay, you can go home if you want. ( then a pause because he's not sure if it's even fair to say that. ) Or. . . I guess, Chiyo is just outside of town. If you're sure you're okay with getting her.

( he relays the more exact information of her location to akira then, parroting it just as chiyo had before she hung up. goddamnit, he owes everyone so much.

then finally, he's looking back at yato as he repockets his phone. )

No, it shouldn't be. You shouldn't be dealing with this alone.

( he says it firmly, as if he knows anything at all. )

Edited 2018-04-24 09:03 (UTC)

[ Yato watches Akira's retreating back before returning his gaze to Yukine. ]

You're so quick to pry things out of me... but if anyone's been tight-lipped lately, it's been you.

[ There's a touch of bitterness there, but little accusation; he can understand why Yukine has acted the way he has. ]

I told you before, didn't I? I can feel what you're feeling.

( there's no hiding the way that yukine flinches at the words. he's absolutely right about this, but it doesn't feel fair. why is it the time when he starts hiding stuff that it gets thrown back? doesn't yato hide stuff all the time? )

I remember.

( he says, stiffly and a little mournfully. didn't yato get how gross that was? )

But it's different for me. You know it is! You're not going to understand! So why bother even mentioning it?

[ He wants Yukine to have his emotional privacy. He does. But the bone-deep burning of the blight on his neck is a louder voice than he can silence. ]

I'm mentioning it because it's relevant. I don't contract blight like this all on my own. It's inflicted on me. And the only thing out of the ordinary since I've started feeling it is you.

[ He doesn't like drawing this conclusion -- the conclusion that Yukine is at fault for having emotions. But something in Yato knows. ]

Your spirit isn't healthy, Yuki. This is a reflection of that.

( this is his fault? is that really how it's supposed to be? the stab of guilt is sharp in his chest and he looks away from yato immediately. he wants to scream and he wants to cry. he doesn't need to hear anything further; he gets it.

having emotions is killing yato.

all of his anger and sadness? this is what it amounts to. yato had been fine before—without him. with him, he's decaying.

yukine is decaying too. instinctively, he clasps a hand over the arm of his jacket with full knowledge that there's a similar sort of blight underneath. )

( it would have been better if he had just stayed dead.

it's a thought that resounds through him, echoing through every fibre of his being. if he just stayed in the ground, none of this would be happening. everyone could live on without him poisoning everything. )

I know. I know, alright! It doesn't get better! No matter what I do!

( then he's yanking his sleeve up to show yato the sickly flesh underneath. he knows, he knows, he knows, and he needs yato to know just how intimately he knows. he's been watching it grow, watching it snake around his limbs like an infection, but he's not been able to get it to go away. it just only ever gets stronger.

the eye on his forearm opens and flicks its gaze onto yato.

he had thought it was some kind of side effect to being a shinki, some price he had to pay to remain alive, but hearing that it isn't makes him . . .he's not sure. sick, furious, disgusted. it's hard to describe.

all he knows is that it's his fault. he did this. to himself. to yato. )

( how is any of this fair? in what kind of fucked up was it supposed to be okay to be like "you've been brought back to life but you can't feel any kind of way about that or you'll kill your contractor and yourself"?

what was the point of living if you can't feel anything?

anger strikes hot in him and a vine of purple stretches across his face. )

You should have left me where I was.

( dead. )

[ The corruption on Yukine's skin is surprising enough, but the eye -- Yato freezes as its gaze turns on him. It's intimately grotesque, and he wonders (hypocritically) how Yukine could've kept this to himself.

But those thoughts drop away at Yukine's bitter sentiment. Two things happen then: first, a knife of anger flares up in Yato at this boy who thinks himself so easily abandoned, and Yato so easy to do the abandoning; and second, a new wave of ugly, tangled feeling seeps into Yato's being. Nausea threatens to overtake him, but he bulldozes past it, rising dizzyingly to his feet. His voice raises, but his fists stay balled at his sides. ]

You idiot! That isn't the point! You'll get better, but not by wallowing in self-pity. As long as you're alive, I won't be giving up on you, so you'd better get used to it!

You're the idiot! What's the shit that you're spouting about "as long as I'm alive"? I'm dead!

( immediately, yukine's skin feels hot as his temper flares. what the hell is yato talking about? he should know better anyone exactly what kind of existence yukine is. he isn't alive, will never be alive again, and it's a complete fucking insult to refer to it any other way.

childishly, he whips a hand towards yato to flip him off. )

I am not going to pretend to be anything else and neither should you!!

( he's yelling without realising it, but the words take the wind out of him. then he's falling backwards, right back onto the bench, as blight strikes continues to strike across his skin.

he's so fucking sick of this. )

[ It was a poor choice of words, yet Yato could think of nothing better to describe an existence that still matters. No one would count eloquence among Yato's best traits.

At any other time, Yukine's rude gesture would be sparking righteous indignation. Now, Yato hardly notices it as the burning of his blight resurges. Even more, he's certain it's spreading; he can feel it consuming him, fueled by Yukine's blackening mood.

For all the energy Yato was able to show a second ago, his reserves are gone in an instant. He's able to keep to his feet for a moment longer before sinking to his knees, too absent of mind to even aim for the bench. A harsh cough escapes him, bending him low to the ground. As he removes his hand from his mouth, he sees the blight beginning to lace its way up his wrist.

His hand, too, is splotched dark -- but not because of the blight itself. He's coughed up something wet and black. It isn't blood, but something else from inside him. He can't help staring at it in distant wonder before slumping the rest of the way to the ground. ]

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( CLOSED ) give into sin

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