recolle | semi-open catch all

Entry tags:

semi-open catch all

WHO: oda and you! (+1 post locked to

crudest)
WHERE:All around Recolle+Magatus
WHEN: All through April!
WHAT: Catch-all
WARNINGS: to be added

prompt 1. ( locked to crudest )

[ it takes a magatus local to point out the strange marking on odasaku’s inner arm. they tell him about the curse, and point him towards the trees. it’s not something that he questions too much and instead decides to simply go to the forest.

and boy does he regret it.

after an unpleasant time of getting talked down about his inability to be honest with his best friend, oda decides he’s had enough and walks out of the forest—to find baren. ]

prompt 2. bakery

[ in an attempt to escape the constant retrospec related stresses, odasaku decides that he needs to try to “treat himself” or however they call it.

in an attempt to do this, he currently finds himself in a bakery, drinking a cup of coffee. there’s a book on the table, but he’s not paying attention to it. he’s spacing out, if anything. come bother him?]

prompt 3. the inkwell

[ or maybe you’ll find him earning his keep at the inkwell! he’s dressed in his bartender uniform, technically ready to work.

except it’s a slow night, so he’s more focussed on re-reading a book while he waits for someone to actually need him. and, if he has his way, he hopes that nobody will need him. he just wants to continue reading— so clearly you should bother him. ]

prompt 4. pharmacy

[ thanks to the sudden attack of crazy sentient mail, odasaku has ended up gaining a nice number of superficial injuries. there’s cuts and bites from multiple junk mail that had been scattered on the streets, plus some books he had ordered but never arrived.

needless to say, he’s in the pharmacy shopping for first aid. you might find him looking over different types of gauze, trying to see if there’s a difference besides price. ]

[ his arms are covered in like half a box’s worth of band-aids. clearly he’s not very good at this. ]

prompt 5. wildcard

( if you have something you wanna plot with me, hit me up at

odasaku!! )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ shit. odasaku feels baren’s hand against his forehead and he knows there’s nothing to hide anymore.

but he’s still stubborn to a fault, and wrenches out of baren’s hold to continue making his way out. he wants nothing more than to go home. ]

I’ll run if I want to.

[Why.

Baren's brow furrows - and he moves automatically, placing himself in front of Odasaku both so that he can catch him in case he stumbles again, and also to meet him head on. Go ahead, Oda. Be stubborn. Baren's not used to not getting his way.]

You're sick. You're not going to get far.

What's the point, huh?

[ odasaku does stumble, luckily into baren’s arms. at least this time, what baren says manages to freeze oda in place.

what’s the point?

what’s the point of your friendship with shuji if you can’t trust him? what’s the point of loving shuji if you envy him? what’s the point, sakutarou? what’s the point of anything in your life?

oda swears that he hears that in shuji’s voice and that sends a shiver down his spine. ]

They sent me there... ‘cause they said I had a curse. It’s on my arm; a mark or something. Guess this is just part of it.

[Baren takes Odasaku's weight surprisingly easily - doesn't even so much as stumble as he's completely unsurprised by his lack of balance.]

You can't just keep walking around with a curse, Sakkun. If you keep up with this fever, your health's gonna take a turn for the worse. Your own body will betray you. We're not even gonna make it back to the city.

[He gets that, doesn't he? Baren is speaking facts, here. He doesn't trust this place. He doesn't trust that they can go to a hospital and get it solved.]

We have to fix it.

[I'll fix it.]

[ there’s no use in struggling anymore, then. odasaku sighs, clearly unhappy with this turn of events. because of him, baren has to go out of his way to help him solve whatever is wrong with him, somehow. again and again oda’s put himself in his debt, and he’s no longer sure how to repay it.

maybe it would be better if it did fail on me, he thinks. ]

Do you know how? [ although he has an idea of what baren plans to do to find out... ]

I'm going to figure it out.

[With confidence - because that's what Baren does. He solves problems, he has to. There's no other option and failure isn't acceptable. He helps ease Odasaku back into standing up straight, expression calm even now.]

... was the forest that bad? What was in there?

[Followed by - ] If there's a reason why you're hesitating to tell me, there shouldn't be.

Trees.

[ at least odasaku manages to keep some sense of dry humor despite the situation. he leans against a tree for extra support and, if it wasn’t for the color on his cheeks, he might even pass as a healthy person from a distance. ]

They spoke. Said things I’ve told myself a thousand times before, but it’s always worse when it comes from someone else. Even a tree.

[He's going to slap you upside the head.

But Baren listens - and ah, he understands. That's why Odasaku doesn't want to go back. He sighs because - ]

Knowing this place, you probably have to deal with some shit and what they're saying to you. We probably have to go back.

It doesn't matter what I hear - I won't care about it, so.

[NONCHALANT!!!! he's still pretending he doesn't care about odasaku thanks baren]

[ it’s fine. he deserves that.

a sudden panic rushes over odasaku when he hears baren say that they’re going to have to go to the forest. he doesn’t want baren to hear it, and much less does odasaku want to hear that from someone that isn’t himself. it’s infuriating and humiliating and—

yet that would mean he would have to tell baren himself. if he’s told himself all of this a thousand times before... why not make it a thousand and one? in the end, it would make no difference and, if baren truly doesn’t care, then it would be all the better for odasaku.

cut your losses, he supposes, and sighs in defeat.

when he speaks up again, his voice is duller; an attempt at shielding his emotions. ]

I’ll tell you myself. If you don’t tell anyone—especially Shuji. Don’t tell him.

That guy?

[Baren blinks.

And he tilts his head - and he's a liar, always. He's a liar and he has no issues betraying people's trust in him if he thinks that he's doing the right thing. He doesn't agree right away though, because Odasaku needs to know what's on his mind:]

If it's about that guy, you realize he might have to be involved to solve your...

[a vague gesture at oda]

Everything.

Knowing how this place works.

Yeah. I know that.

[ he saw it on heigo before. he saw the way the man’s condition improved almost immediately after the two of them had spoken. he may not be a scientist, or even smart, but he knows what his gut feeling is telling him. shuji is necessary to deal with this curse.

and yet, he thinks of shuji finding out, about the feelings of love and envy that he’s kept hidden from him for months, and that makes him hurt more than anything this curse is doing. the idea of shuji suffering because of him...it’s too painful. ]

But you can’t tell him.

[ . . . . mmm.

Baren doesn't hesitate for more than half a second.

But in that half a second, he weighs it. He weighs his options between not being able to make this promise, and figuring out a way around the curse that doesn't involve telling Shuji about what the trees are telling Sakkun. He thinks it's worth a shot. He'll probably try it anyway.

But if it doesn't work, Sakkun will suffer until his condition worsens and then what -

Well, it's not like Baren ever held himself to a normal person's moral code or anything anyway. It's cold. His hands retreated to his pockets after he steadied Odasaku. It's simple work for Baren to press his phone in his pocket in order to pull up the microphone to record, angling it so it can still catch their conversation as clearly as possible while still being out of sight.

Technically he won't tell Shuji - Odasaku will. He just won't know it.

Will it break Odasaku's trust in him? Almost definitely. But it's not a risk that Baren won't take, if it means keeping him alive.

It's a last resort.

But Baren's not the type to be above desperate contingencies.]

Ah.

Shoot, Sakkun.

I’m sorry.

[ he feels terrible, he truly does, and not just physically. imposing this on baren was not something that was in oda’s plans—well, none of this is.

and yet, he thinks nothing of the lengthy pause between what he said and baren’s response. he feels weak, and it’s hard to steady himself but that’s the perfect moment to start talking, voice deadpan and devoid of most emotion. ]

I’m a terrible friend to him, Baren. I can’t even be honest to him about my feelings towards him.

[ he pauses, running a hand through his hair before he finally admits it ]

I love him. I love him to the point that it hurts to think of him with his boyfriend or even just hearing him talk about him. But even that... I can’t even do that right.

You know what it’s like to be a failure, Baren? Time after time I get rejected by publishers and Shuji just—without even graduating—

[ there’s a slight inflection of emotion there; anger ]

So I can’t even love him right. I have to love and envy him at the same time and, trust me, there’s no worse mix of emotions than that. If I tell him, I risk losing our friendship. If I don’t, then this’ll consume me whole.

[ and, as if to accentuate that, odasaku leans further against the tree, his gaze unfocused with fever. ]

I think the answer is obvious.

You think that because you're an idiot.

[Thanks, Baren.

Regardless he starts with the sharpness, the barb, because he's irritated. He's irritated at the fact that Sakkun seems to think that the "obvious" answer is to not say anything, if even now he refuses to tell Shuji. Baren's eyes narrow and he tilts his head because the first question he has is - ]

And you think falling to an inexplicable illness is better than telling him something that's already eating at you? Sakkun, how does that make any sense?

[Baren's words are sharp, but he steps forward and moves to encourage Odasaku to lean on him instead of on the tree. Baren's been to Magatus before. He knows where the inn in town is. They're going there.]

I don't know anything about love, and I'm not going to pretend to. Envy doesn't make a lot of sense to me either.

But you're beating yourself for having emotions, do you realize that? Love - it's... not something you choose, is it? It's something that happens to you, when another person enters your life. Or envy - even if it's ugly, denying it means denying a part of your own existence.

Why...? Is it because you're ashamed? Because you don't want him to know that you're just as human as the rest of us?

[ - because all of those things, they're human. There's no judgment in Baren's voice when it comes to the way that Oda actually feels. His anger resides only on the way that Oda is willing to tear himself apart for another person, who doesn't even know the sacrifice that he's making.

But his feelings?

Even if they're not beautiful, even if they're not the storybook ideal that people chase after, they're real.

And Baren doesn't see why that's bad.]

Ngh—

[ in no way is baren wrong. everything he says hits the intended marks, to the point that oda’s actually gritting his teeth in frustration—he doesn’t like to be seen like this, raw and full of emotion. because emotions hurt and he’s been hurt enough by one person to let someone else do it again.

he walks with baren’s help, blue eyes focused on his feet as he continues to listen unwillingly to baren’s response as they make their way. even after he stops, odasaku doesn’t reply immediately, but after half a minute, as he sorts out his thoughts. ]

I don’t want him to change for me.

[ he pauses for a long while again, before continuing. ]

If he finds out... he’ll hurt. He’ll be angry at himself at not as much at me, even though he should. He’ll blame himself and ask what he did wrong and go to any lengths to fix it.

I don’t want that. I don’t want him to hurt. I don’t want our friendship to be ruined.

Then why don't you just fucking tell him that?

[baren doesn't get it. he doesn't.

the way that odasaku lives his life and the way that baren lives his is different. odasaku shares the pieces of his life with the person that he doesn't consider a friend, because it feels safer. because he doesn't want to worry the people closer to him - but who would know him better than those that he calls friends?

for someone like baren, who tells strangers nothing and tells his small handful of confidants as much as he can get past his lips - this doesn't make sense.]

Hurting is a part of life. Arguing with the people close to you is a natural thing that happens - having disagreements, feeling contempt, being annoyed by them...

Someone once told me that I can't make other people's decisions for them, but why do you get to? You're not even giving that guy the option to answer what you need. Even if he can't return your feelings, that doesn't mean he can't give you a response.

[Shuji is happy - as far as Baren knows. Baren only wants Shuji's relationship to go well, given how much he likes the other party involved. It's not about getting Odasaku's hopes up in regards to whether or not he'll get what he wants, it's—]

Sakkun, I hid away parts of my life for too long - pretended to not feel certain things because I thought it's what I had to do.

But you're changing yourself for him.

Do you think he'd want you to make that choice for him?

[ guilty as charged.

truth be told, odasaku never saw it as that until this moment— making decidions for shuji. he thought he was doing this for shuji’s sake, to keep him from hurting. but if baren is correct, then... maybe odasaku’s only protecting himself. from failure, from heartbreak, anything that can leave his heart out and ready to be smashed into bits.

but even if baren is opening himself, giving advice that oda neither expected or wanted, he doesn’t go back on his decision to not tell
shuji.

if anything, he remains silent. partially out of not having a proper retort and because even a stranger like baren (who’s barely a stranger in oda’s life anymore) has their limits on what they can know.

you’re pathetic, the voice in his head sneers in shuji’s tone of voice. he wouldn’t want someone like you, even if mista wasn’t in the way.

oda grits his teeth, forcing himself to continue walking in silence. ]

Sakkun.

[there's the exhaustion, the exasperation. baren shakes his head because it's not something that he's unfamiliar with - he gives a half-hearted wave to the innkeeper and is very glad that he's at least stayed here before so he doesn't have to explain himself entirely. but for now he lets odasaku rest, at least up until baren get him to a room and let him lay down to rest.

he lets the innkeeper know that odasaku's running a fever and they help bring him a towel, some water, and baren makes himself into a nurse quietly and immediately.

he doesn't even know if odasaku is awake, which leaves baren just murmuring]

... People can surprise you, you know.

Even when you expect the worst of them - or for them to run. Sometimes they don't.

[and those sometimes can be enough.]

[ whether it’s luck or misfortune, odasaku manages to stay awake. he has his own exhaustion to deal with, one that leaves him dreary and almost unable to move, but he forces himself to stay awake for a little longer.

the cloth on his forehead feels like a small blessing because of the fever, but it’s quickly obscured by what baren has to say. he stays silent for a while after, in thought, before he finally speaks up, voice quiet and full of exhaustion. ]

You think he’d run, Baren? ‘Cause if he didn’t...I still dunno how I’d be able to face him again.

[ there’s a pause and his eyes close. but before sleep can finally take him, he says one more thing: ]

I’m sorry. [ an apology meant for not only baren, but for shuji as well. ]

[baren wonders if it matters if odasaku hears his response - if the other man is too stubborn to accept it, if he's not yet in a place where he can't listen to other people. it's not something that baren doesn't recognize. it's not a place that he hasn't personally been in before.]

Give yourself more credit, Sakkun. You'd be able to.

Because some relationships are too important to lose, even if they're not always perfect.

[baren sits by odasaku's bedside and runs the other man's words through his head. so I can't even love him right sits in baren's chest, right next to a feeling that he'd borrowed from a heart stone when he reunited with his own important person, his own imperfect relationship that was too important to lose -

he reaches up to check odasaku's temperature, brushes his bangs away from his face, and even if he's just talking to himself]

I think you'll be happier once you stop hiding.

The darkest parts of you aren't that bad.

[ at first, his sleep is troubled, full of nightmares. even though asleep, his dreams continue to haunt him, whispering about the ways he's failed his best friend and how worthless he is.

and then, it stops.

and once it stops, he has the best sleep he's had in months, if not years. his temperature goes back to normal and the mark eventually fades away. when he wakes up, he feels rested and no longer burning.

it's strange. it's wrong. and if his previous experience with the magatus curse says anything--

it means baren told shuji.

the feeling of betrayal doesn't sit right in his stomach, and part of odasaku wants to boldly ask baren what the hell happened while he was asleep. but he has no right to do that, does he?

he merely sits up, and runs a hand through his hair. ]

Well, that was worse than any hangover I've ever had.

[thank god oda sleeps.

he seems to get better after baren tells shuji, and he's relieved for that. it also means that he has to start planning a cover story. he leaves tanuki behind, since he trusts the little youkai to fetch him in case an emergency comes up, and then he wanders out. he continues to pretend like he doesn't know a cure. he asks the innkeeper. he wanders around the town.

and he walks back to the forest. the trees don't say anything to him, but he wastes time there. he does investigate, if it'll tell him anything more, but it doesn't. still, it's not about finding a cure. it's about pretending that he did. if anyone asks, he did in fact spend plenty of time out in the cold searching for a solution.

and then he'll wander back. odasaku's still asleep when he does, but baren is still sitting by the chair. there's snow on his clothes that's still melting, and he's snorting as odasaku wakes up.

he looks every bit the part a man who went to greater lengths than just sending a text message to solve the curse. he grins.]

You're welcome, asshole.

Thanks.

[ oda scoffs as he turns to face baren, and he immediately feels a pang of guilt upon seeing him. there’s melting snow and clearly looks like someone who was actually out there searching for a cure. the doubt in his heart is not completely dispelled, but he wants to try and give him the benefit of the doubt.

he may not be grinning, but at least there’s a small smile on his face. ]

You actually managed to do it.

Yeah, it took a while. I had to go back into the fucking forest? The villagers weren't entirely helpful with it, but I got at least some direction.

[Not too much detail - because providing too much detail implies a guilty conscience, and can make the lie more obvious. Baren seems to wave it off.]

You wanna try standing? Then we can figure out if we can catch the bus back to the city.

Mm. Sounds good.

[ there’s nothing that baren says that sounds like a lie. if anything, it sounds all so truthful that it’s slowly pushing the doubts and accusations he had in his mind. maybe he was just being paranoid about it and that, in turn that brings a sharp pang of guilt in his chest.

he pushes himself off the bed into a standing position quite easily, as if he was never sick at all. but when he’s about to say something, his phone rings. a text message.

from shuji tsushima.

all the doubts come rushing back in all at once, and it probably shows in the way he stares blankly at his cellphone for a second. is baren really telling the truth? it’s hard to say.

but he’ll do his best to act natural. ]

Speak of the devil. Shuji.

semi-open catch all

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)