( OPEN ) living in a nightmare

[secare]

WHO: yukine and you!
WHERE: all over the city.
WHEN: march 19th-23rd.
WHAT: the beginning of an adjustment period as a spirit.
WARNINGS: talk of death, language, and so forth.

[ 1. FORGOTTEN ]
. . .the "you" who once lived is now gone.

( one of the very first stops had been his mother's tailoring shop, a quaint little building tucked away on a corner in enprise. yukine needed to see his mom, needed to tell him that he was sorry and that he had managed to come back despite all logic and reason. he wasn't gone, not really, and he wouldn't leave them either. marcell hadn't been there that day, the day he died, so he felt that he owed it to him to come see him first.

pushing open the door to the shop, yukine feels an immeasurable amount of relief in seeing his mom sitting behind the desk. he looks so tired, so worn down, and listless, but he's still at work because that's his mom. marcell has always been like that, responsible to the core, or maybe he just couldn't sit at home? it's hard to tell, but he doesn't need to worry anymore.

or so yukine thinks. his mother doesn't recognise him when he walks through the door or even when yukine insists on who he is, half hysterical. in fact, he only gets kicked out of the shop by one of his assistants, furious that he would dare bring up the name of a boy who had only just died.

yukine was dead.

it's true, but it's not.

he cries somewhere behind the shop, weeping into his hands as he tries to figure out what he's supposed to do with a parent who couldn't recognise him. was this because of what he was? because of the app? both? neither?

he doesn't know.

yukine ends up walking, afraid to go home for fear of seeing his dad couldn't recognise him as well, and his feet take him to a familiar place: the park. laying across a bench with an arm across his face, he wonders if it was like this for yato too. )

[ 2. WANDERING ]
. . .there must be somewhere to go.

( of course, any reasonable person couldn't spend an entire day wallowing in the park. somewhere during the afternoon hours, yukine eventually picks himself up to set off towards a list of destinations. he needed to settle his affairs, apologise profusely to his friends and the people he had involved, and see if he still had a job. he couldn't live at home anymore with things as they were, could he? that takes money and yukine doesn't have enough squirrelled to cover his expenses for too long.

fuck.

the places yukine visits are:

1. the mochi house (for akira & elliot)
   
2. club sunshine for majima
   
3. chiyo's house
   
4. kashuu's and yamato's apartment
   
5. the good bean (just for coffee)
   
6. the ocean (to walk barefoot in the water, just to get his feet wet)

the ocean is the last place yukine visits, wasting away hours just walking along the shoreline with shallow waves lapping at his feet. there's nowhere else for him to go, nothing else for him to do. at least for the time being. he holds his shoes in one hand, continuously resisting the childish urge to chunk them into the water in a petty display of defiance against the world.

he ends up just sitting in the sand, peering up at the sky and all of its bright stars.

he hates everything. )

(( ooc: Can your character notice Yukine? Additionally characters are also welcome to catch him wandering the streets or make your own toplevel. ))

Comments

Mochi House

[fiddlestick]

[Elliot is home in his room. His second-floor window is open to let in the fresh spring air, so as Yukine approaches he'll hear the sound of a piano playing and Elliot singing. Particularly this song, because you better believe when Lin-Manuel Miranda drops free sheet music, Elliot the fanboy is gonna be all over it.]

♫ We may not yet have reached our glory
But I will gladly join the fight
And when our children tell their story
They'll tell the story of tonight ♫

[And so on. From how he's performing, Elliot's sure using this time as some musical therapy, pouring his emotions fully into it.

If Yukine's coming in, he better hope the door's unlocked or knock very loudly]

[secare]

( although yukine certainly does knock, no one seems to be home to answer the door for him, which isn't all that unexpected. it isn't like he had told anyone to be expecting him or anything—not that he could have done that. part of the reason for the housecall was to reconfirm that he wasn't gone entirely and express some apologies. none of those things were really acceptable conversations to be had over the phone.

yukine is just about to leave when he catches the faint sound of music coming from one of the upper windows. whose room was that?

he doesn't know the house well enough to tell.

unwilling to walk away on the off chance that the person home is one of his friends, yukine decides to pick up a few small pebbles from the ground and toss them against the siding near the open window.

hopefully the noise will get someone's attention. )

apartment!

[sharplydressed]

[The ability to sense other spirits is, to him, like a prickle at the back of his neck. It was something that had stood out terribly when he first regained it, but acts more like a new sense now that he's gotten adjusted. Barely noticeable, but still there - and it's why he's at the door to the apartment before Yukine so much as knocks. He's learned not to ignore that feeling, after all.

Granted, Yukine's unique signature like this is unfamiliar to him, so he's still visibly startled when he sees him standing there in one piece like he'd never died. Like the funeral never happened. Like people aren't still mourning him, fresh death that it is.

Seems like being aware of the fact that this can happen doesn't actually change much.]

Yukine—?

[Give him a second here.]

[secare]

( for the most part, yukine looks just the same as he did when he was alive. the only major physical change was the shift in eye colour, from an intense green to an unnatural bright orange.

he's a little startled when the door opens before he even knocks, kashuu standing behind it with a slack-jawed expression. fuck. he had been rehearsing what he was going to say during the entire walk over, but now that he's here, he can't think of the words. instead he's just flooded with feelings of embarrassment and he's immediately bowing low as if that'll express his remorse for the situation. )

Kashuu. I'm sorry.

ii.ocean

[compendiem]

[ Sleep. Work. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Work. Minato's been letting the days blur by, content on just letting time pass and carry him along with it. Between his apartment, the vet's, and the Tea Kittle, he isn't very hard to find, but he'd gone back to staring at his feet, lips sealed, the barest minimum of interactions; if Yukine had called out to him, it's hard to tell if Minato even heard, or simply chose to drown out everything with the headphones permanently clamped over his ears.

It's Friday evening. There's no work. He'd gone straight home and slept so much in these past few weeks, it's flipped over and become insomnia instead. It's cold. He's got a cough. But he sits out there on the pier, sliding his feet out past the railing so that his legs dangle off the edge, watching the sun sink into the ocean. ]

[secare]

( sometimes things just work out.

naturally, yukine had been hoping to come across minato again since his death so that he could properly apologise to him for getting him caught up in the swirling disaster of his death, but he hadn't had any such luck. he had been trying to keep an eye out for him as he spoke to some of his other friends, but he never managed to cross paths with minato. to make matters worse, he didn't know minato well enough to really know where to find him.

it was a little frustrating to say the least.

or a lot frustrating.

minato had suffered because of him. yukine couldn't just let that sit. how was he supposed to apologise for getting someone locked up for suspicion for murder? was that even something that could be forgiven? he's not sure. he just knows that he needs to do something. yukine figures that he can nail down the details once he manages to actually find minato.

of course, he doesn't actually find him. it's more like he happens to stumble by him when he's loitering at the beach, resistant to go home and resistant to go anywhere else. that's when he finally spots minato—when he's finally not looking to come across anyone—and it's almost funny. minato is just sitting there on the pier, staring off at night, and yukine wonders if he had wanted the same thing. you know, to be alone.

it's probably rude, but yukine doesn't want to pass up the chance, so he makes his way to the pier to take a seat beside him. rather than talking, he announces his presence by gently poking minato in the shoulder. )

HOUUUSE

[maskreant]

[ Akira has been doing better... There are times where he wants to be alone, sometimes to mull in the thoughts that he kept running away from, but overall he has had some good moments thanks to his friends. It doesn't mean that he doesn't think about Yukine, that he has forgotten him at all, but he knows he has to move on.

He goes to class, sometimes goes to work when he feels like it (his managers both understand), then comes home to his cat and roommates. There's always something that coaxes him to act out, to not come home, to dwell somewhere secluded away from the eyes and ears of others, but he knows better. He wants to do right to his friends that care for him deeply...

So he's cooking dinner for them since they're not home yet, but Morrigan is out and about. The cat senses someone outside, someone familiar yet different, and constantly meows at the door. Nothing stops him, so Akira lowers the heat to check out what's going on. Lugging the tuxedo cat up with one arm, he checks the door viewer to see who it is. A chill... Runs down his spine yet his body acts so quickly, opening the door without a second thought. ]

Yukine?

[ He... Looks different. They're mere outlines, making Akira doubt himself, but he desperately wants to believe. Instinctively, his eyes switch to a different view to see his friend in full. This still doesn't answer his questions, all of them, but it would be a lie to say he isn't overjoyed. Completely unaware, tears well—he's crying. ]

[secare]

( as far as yukine is concerned, he's put akira through hell and back. nothing would ever make that okay again. there's just nothing that yukine can do to turn back the clock and erase that traumatic mess of a day, but he wants to try. he wants to do anything he can to put akira at ease.

he's an important friend and yukine can't help but feeling like he had forsaken him by inviting him to hang out with him that day. if he was going to die, he should have done it alone.

granted, it's too late to really do anything about it, but it's a thought that yukine keeps having. it's thinking about it again when akira opens the door, just a moment after gently tapping his knuckle against it. )


Akira. Hey—

( he starts, looking at akira with his now bright orange eyes, as he tries to work out the words to say because the sight of akira's tears effectively robs him of his voice. akira shouldn't have any issue seeing him, not when he's called attention to himself, leaving him to watch as yukine internally struggles with himself. after a split second of indecision, he reaches outward to wrap his arms around akira and hug him for the first time. )

Hey.

ii!

[okitactless]

[Death in Recolle is weird.

Yasusada found that out back in October, when that whole mess with Chuuya, Yato, and the fog was going on. Honestly, he's no longer sure what to think; but that, and a number of other things, have had him quietly growing more and more convinced that he won't have to deal with people leaving forever again, as long as he stays in the city.

So when he comes home, a bag of groceries in one hand and his keys in the other, to find Yukine hovering outside the door, he's almost not surprised. But it's impossible for him to ignore that distinct sort of energy, which is why there's shock and confusion on his face, rather than relief or joy.]

Yukine-kun? Is that you?

[secare]

( here's the thing: yukine wasn't expecting anyone to come up from behind him.

in life, he had been a pretty observant and alert person, but not so much in death. since he returned back to the land of the living, so to speak, yukine has been so consumed by his own thoughts and feelings that he's had little time for anything else. as a result, he doesn't notice yamato until he's right behind him and talking to him.

yukine nearly jumps out of his skin, twisting to turn towards yamato and say—

nothing. he says nothing. he has no idea what to say. "hi, i came back, but my eyes changed colours!" is that it? is that what he's supposed to say? or maybe he should apologise for all the stress that he's put kashuu under? he's not sure. )

Uh!

( is what he actually says, sounding like an idiot. )

Yea—I, uhm. I thought I should come by.

2.3

[admiringly]

[ Chiyo's on her way back from work, and she looks tired and haggard more than ever despite the fact that she is doing better than how she was a week ago. She does her best to seem her usual self around other people, so she doesn't drag them down with her feelings, but walking by herself... she doesn't try to put on a face.

Her eyes are aimed at the ground most of the time, but she brings her gaze up once she nears her home. She has to see where to unlock her door, and she stops right in her tracks before she can get to the door.

Is it...? It's only a faint outline, but how can she mistake it? Has he finally been found?

A strangled sound bubbles up in her throat. She doesn't know the feeling churning within her—joy? Shock? Relief? Hope? She shuts her eyes and opens them again. ]

Am I...? Are you...?

[ It comes out in a whisper.

Please don't tell her she's hallucinating. ]

[secare]

( waiting has never really been one of yukine's strong suits. he's always been impatient and eager to cut to the chase, but that's not really something that he can do this time. he's been holding strong onto his refusal to text anyone—not because he didn't want to tell them as soon as possible, but because he feels like he'd be some kind of monster if he didn't talk to them in person. yato might be able to jump through phones, but yukine can't.

or at least not yet. he's not sure how it works. to be honest, he doesn't even want to know how it works yet. he just wants to figure out how to make it through the day without jackknifing in on himself. part of that, as far as he's worked out, involves extending his apologies to his friends and family in hopes that they won't hate him.

unfortunately, in this case, that means waiting in front of chiyo's house for a couple hours in hopes of running into her. as it turns out, it isn't nearly as easy to stalk someone as tv tries to pretend it is.

by the time chiyo arrives home, he's crouched down in front of her door with his phone in his hands as he scrolls through the network aimlessly. he doesn't care about any of this and he's honestly tired of reading through it at this point, but then he hears chiyo speak and he's standing up to greet her. )

Chiyo.

( he says, calling attention to himself, and she should have no issue seeing him now. it's definitely yukine, definitely her cousin, but now sporting bright orange eyes instead of green. he makes a noise in his throat, trying to think of something else to say, but he can't find his words. every time this happens, he's suddenly speechless. it doesn't get easier, but he can't just stand here.

he walks towards her slowly, trying to give her ample time and room to run from him if she wants. of course, chiyo doesn't and as soon as he's close enough, he's wrapping his arms tight around her. )

I came back.

1

[notbunaga]

[Her one and only meeting with Yukine was brief, not to mention a very long time ago. She'd never made any real connection between him and Yato, not even knowing the kid's name or being able to put it to his face, so any time Yato had mentioned him it meant practically nothing to her.

But the news reports on his death and the time she'd spent trying to help mitigate Yato's sorrow, as well as realising just whose son Yukine was, well. That was enough. She's passing by the park on her lunch break and catches sight of him nearby, wondering if he was merely feeling the after effects of having died. Aki herself had never died, but the memory of taking her own life in Honnoji felt so very real that she may as well have. Even to her, stoic as she can be, it was a traumatic experience. It's understandable anyone would need time to deal with that.

So ignoring her usual route back to the arcade, she approaches the bench Yukine's taken for himself and sits down, even if it involves just planting herself on the edge.]

You okay, kid?

[Obviously not. But how else do you broach this?]

[secare]

( the answer to that question is a resounding "no" screamed so loudly that it might shatter someone's ear drums. yukine is definitely not okay—in fact, he's the least okay that he's ever been. it's just that he can't really tell anyone that. it's hard enough on all of his loved ones as it is, he doesn't need to add onto by letting them know that he's falling apart.

he definitely can't say that to a stranger either. it's nice enough that she asked. )

No, but that's okay.

( yukine answers after a moment, slowly adjusting on the bench so that he's sitting up and aki isn't forced to sit on the bitter edge.

he's just about to tell some thin lie, but—

she spoke to him first, didn't she? )

Mmm, you saw me from over there?

1

[goen]

[ Did something happen today? I've been hurting here the whole time.

Yato's own words resound in him from a lifetime away. Yukine's sorrow has been weighing down on Yato: naked feelings of confusion, broken hope, and despair.

He expected something like this. As much as he tried to prepare Yukine for life on the Far Shore, he knew there would be nothing like the experience of living it. It's the little things that burn: a gaze that slides over you like you're nothing more than litter, a door shut in your face, a vacant smile from someone you care about.

Yato is used to it now, but it was only a year ago when he felt this same pit opening up in his heart, desperate for direction. Grasping for normalcy, only to find it escaping like smoke. It was a hard adjustment for Yato -- and now, looking back, he recognizes that he still hasn't been able to recover who he used to be. The human Yato had more ambition, more interest in the strangers around him, more excitement for life.

How will Yukine change?

Yato can't decide that for him, but he can hope to ease the pain of Yukine's transition. Simply being there will help, he thinks. He knows he would've appreciated someone who understood how he felt in truth one year ago.

When he spots Yukine's shock of hair on a park bench, Yato decides to check up on him. He hops down from a lamppost and sits lightly on the bench's backrest, his back to Yukine. ]

Not easy, is it?

[secare]

( all of the thoughts in yukine's head have devolved into nothing but abject misery on repeat. everything sparks back into that encounter with his mother in his tailoring shop. all he can think about is how his mother couldn't recognise him even though he was standing right there and the way his face had twisted in grief and fury. he had never seen marcell like that, never seen him so upset, and knowing that he was the reason for it was to much.

everything was too much. it was so, so much and yukine feels like he's drowning in the wake of it. what's the point of coming back if it's going to be like this? wouldn't it just be better to stay dead?

his heart aches.

yukine barely even acknowledges yato when he appears, his voice cutting through the dull sounds of the city. yukine keeps his gaze on the sky, regarding it hatefully. )

I want to die.

( he doesn't mean that, not really, but he can't stop himself from being honest with yato. )

2. THE OCEAN

[devilsadvocato]

[Foggy had been out drinking that night to drown his sorrows. Now in his intoxicated state it seems like an evening stroll on the beach is a great idea. When he arrives he realizes he wore the wrong shoes for this and the wind keeps blowing his hair in his face but these small frustrations only make him stubborn and he stomps his way out toward the water as if he has something to prove.]

Now what? [He asks himself aloud when he gets to the edge of the tide. Is there anyone else at the beach? Maybe he can scream at the ocean like a lunatic to let off some steam. He looks up and down the beach and notices splashing in the water. Foggy rubs his eyes.] What the? [He swears he saw something moving over there.]

[secare]

( for the most part, the beach is abandoned. the sun has fallen below the horizon and the air is still unseasonably cold for march, effectively driving off most people who might have otherwise considered star-gazing at the beach.

it suits yukine just fine. he doesn't really want to see anyone right now, especially not people who might also treat him as if he were thin air. he just couldn't get used to it. it wasn't getting any easier and he was starting to think that he'd never get used to it. how yato be so blasé about it? didn't it kill him inside like it was killing yukine?

fuck. he kicks a little sand around with his bare foot, tossing it towards the ocean in an idle gesture.

that when he hears a familiar voice. isn't that one of his teachers? turning towards the source of the sound, yukine sees that yea, it's definitely one of his teacher. mr nelson, to be exact. )

Hey?

( he tries, calling attention to himself so that foggy can see him. then, just to make sure he definitely has his attention, yukine picks up one of the tiny seashells from the sand and tosses it towards him. )

1

[matchbreaker]

[ So Elda actually works at Marcell's shop part time. She's been planning to tell the man she needs to quit (her recent regains have made things much harder for her to be out in the sun and there's no logical way she can keep the position) but there's no way you can tell a grieving man that. Just like, when she sees the argument from behind the register, there's no way that the 41 year old woman can possibly counter-act the man in argument with the young man standing there looking desperate for some affection that Marcell isn't able to give.

And so...

Maybe Elda's the one asked to escort Yukine out, maybe she just intercepts the kid, but either way as he's leaving there she's going to whisper to him, ]

You're really him, right?

[secare]

( when it's time for yukine to leave—by his furious mother's demand—it's elda who guides him out. marcell doesn't want to look at him, doesn't want to speak to him, and is close to rounding his way around the counter to give him a better piece of his mind. he doesn't, of course, but he knows that he wants to from the look on his face. yukine has never felt so bitter and miserable in his life than in this moment.

he almost doesn't even recognise elda speaking to him, heading snapping up to look at her as he tries to make any kind of sound that isn't a scream. after a moment's pause, he's finally able to find his voice. )

Yes. I'm who I say I am! I swear! I wouldn't. . . I wouldn't do this to him. I wouldn't lie!

club sunshine;

[sotenbori]

[ majima's tired. he's trying not to look it, he's trying not to let the weight of all the nonsense thats in his life pull him down. but it's hard. it doesn't matter how many times he tells himself that like people before him, yukine will come back. but there's always worries. there's what ifs. what if yukine lost retrospec the moment before he died, what if he became like everyone else and is never coming back, what if...

he knows - or at least guesses - that shit is gonna get worse when yukine comes back anyway, and thats not really a comfort. marcell didn't know retrospec anymore and majima can't imagine what that does if you have a dead kid, but he's guessing it isn't good. that was the trouble with coming back, really, sometimes pain didn't become less, it only got worse.

so it's hard not to be sad for yukine. there was something to mourn, even if yukine was coming back. things wouldn't be the same for the kid. it's another in a long line of retrospec things to be angry about.

unfortunately, majimas not a spiritual dude. there are times he barely remembers yato, and yato used to work for him. so when yukine comes in he doesn't notice him at first. which is why yukine can catch majima smoking in the backroom, a moment of trying to calm down before people get to work. trying to be centered. ]

[secare]

( it doesn't get easier. every person that yukine seeks out is more heart breaking than the least and he feels like he's rapidly splintering. each time takes something new out of him, breaks off another piece, and he's a skeleton lumbering around with what little remains.

some part of him vaguely wishes that things had turned out like they did in his memories—where he didn't remember anything from his mortal days—but there's nothing that could be done to change it. it is what it is. all he can do is his best.

which isn't enough, but it's something.

he rolls around to club sunshine somewhere during the later hours, simply walking inside without anyone so much as noticing him. this part, at least, is getting a little easier. he's starting to cope with people overlooking him. somewhat. it takes him a little bit of time before he finally finds majima, holed away in the backroom to enjoy a cigarette, and making an expression that yukine isn't really used to seeing. )

Hey.

( he says as he knocks against the wall, bringing attention to himself so he knows that majima can notice him. )

Is this a bad time?

1

[blessmefather]

[ Ever since resonance had started to spread among the citizens of Recolle Matt had been forced to go back to taking headache medicine and meditating. An entire new layer of sounds, of spirits wandering had been added to the world he perceived. Suddenly he had to separate the noises of the physical and spiritual to be sure he was navigating correctly. Heartbeats for the most part gave away nearby people and animals.

When he hears the sound of someone weeping in agony however his mind goes straight to making sure they're safe, forgetting for a moment about pulses or feeling for body heat. When he reaches the back of the shop where Yukine had been crying he hears no sign of trouble but just to be sure he taps his way forward and calls out. ]

Is someone back here? You okay?

[secare]

( after the rough encounter in the shop, yukine really hadn't been expecting for anyone to call out to him. why should they even notice him? he was just a ghost, a useless shade of a person who no longer walked the earth, and he chokes back another pathetic noise at the thought. this is going to be his life: his every single fucking day until the end of the time.

looking up from his hands with red eyes, he looks over the person who had called out to him. it's a little hard to see through the haze of tears, but he can make out most of him. yukine frowns then, unwilling to get another person involved with his shit.

he waves an hand in a dismissive gesture. )

Go away!

( he answers, voice cracking in the process. this might actually have some punch if he weren't all but bleeding misery. )

wandering

[crudest]

[Baren can't say what it is that brings him to the ocean - the last time he'd been there was when he'd offered to take Shouto somewhere with less people, some place where the ocean waves could drown out the sound of his crying. Yet his feet carry him there, tanuki skipping ahead of him a few steps.

Tanuki finds Yukine first, as youkais are wont to do with spirits. He sniffs at him a few times, tilting his head before moving closer and closer if Yukine allows himself to be made into a little jungle gym.

Baren, head tilted to the side, raises a brow.]

He likes you.

[ - thanks, buddy.

Give him a few moments for the recognition to hit. It'll take time - but it'll be there.]