recolle | hello, how are you, my darlin, today?

hello, how are you, my darlin, today?

WHO: kuro kiryu (

taishou) and nazuna nito (

pronounces)
WHERE: kuro's apartment
WHEN: 2/15
WHAT: spending 24 hours in recolle means spending 24 hours playing with your pet rabbit, obviously. also, a talk that really needed to be had is finally had.
WARNINGS: cuteness probably.

[ who knows why the retrospec employee decided that the group members needed a break, but nazuna's definitely not complaining. he hopped on the boat again just like everyone else, and shot off a quick text to kuro, because if there something he really wanted to do, it was see tsuchin. the little rabbit has been his closest companion since he left showbiz, and four years of bedtime snuggles and chasing him across the house and grooming and treat feeding and loving means that for the first time, nazuna being away from him made him feel very lonely.

so! he's going to kuro's.

(he's also not thinking about the holiday. it's a day after valentine's day, and he just had a long, long conversation with apollo about kuro. the event isn't lost on him, but there's something bigger that needs to be talked about, first.)

it's late evening by the time he finally thinks he's had enough tsuchin playtime. nazuna's settled on kuro's floor, the rabbit now passed out asleep in his lap, as clingy as possible with his dad, and nazuna has his hand settled between his ears, petting him quietly where he leans against the couch.

he has to say something. there's an apology that's been on his tongue for weeks since kuro came onto retrospec, and the guilt of it all has been weighing on nazuna since he was twelve, let alone since kuro smiled at him and opened his arms and it felt like the whole world changed. ]

Kurochin...? [ he looks up towards where kuro is sitting, chewing the inside of his cheek. ] Can we... mmm. Can we talk?

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[ While there are some suspect things about what Retrospec is doing, and what its employees do, Kuro isn't the type of guy to really think about it. He's not about deep-thinking, he's not about the big picture, and he definitely isn't smart enough to figure out what it is they're up to. Really, all he can be is thankful that Nazuna came back relatively unharmed, enough so that he could fuss over where Kuro had been the one to get a little banged up and then fuss over his rabbit for what seems like eight hours.

He's just been hanging out with him in the relative peace of the apartment, family in and out but mostly gone. Tora is asleep against his hip where he's sitting, one leg folded with his foot under his thigh and the other close to the warmth of Nazuna's body on the floor. He opted to not go in for work, if only so that he could make sure that his recently reunited friend was all right. After all - they haven't seen each other in practically a decade.

Nazuna went somewhere he couldn't. He's not about to let him out of his sight for the next 24 hours if he can help it.

So when he says his name like that, Kuro shifts a little to look down at him from where he'd been scrolling on his phone, moving to set it down, his other hand rubbing over his dog's head. ] Sure, Nito. What's up..?

[ there's something warm about being at kuro's. even when they were kids, nazuna really never got a chance to go over, but his house feels like home, anyway. it reminds him of being back with his own family, the general bustle, the decorations in the house, the sheer nostalgia that comes with being home. that includes with kuro, too. he's an anchor, someone nazuna can come to and forget about the world for a little while.

that's why he has to say something. he has to.

if he can spit it out.

he looks down at tsuchin in his lap instead of at kuro. it's easier that way, gives him something to focus on--tsuchin sleeps on, unaware of his big brother's plight, and nazuna takes a deep breath. he can't stutter through this, it has to--it has to be right. ] I...

[ the first piece of the dam cracks, and nazuna just lets it go. ] I didn't want to do it. [ to leave you, to disappear without a trace. if nazuna had his choice, he would've talked to kuro every day, about nothing and everything, would've snuck off with him to movies and rode on the back of his bike, squealing and laughing, until it was dark out every night. kuro was the very representation of the innocence of his youth, the thing he gave away.

but you had to, a voice tells him, somewhere in the back of his head. you were too talented for that. were. and what had nazuna done with it? nothing.

he cuts the thought process off before it gets too far though, and finally pulls his gaze away from tsuchin. he looks hurt--you can read the guilt, the sadness in his big pink eyes--and he bites the inside of his cheek to keep from crying. ] I'm sorry.

[ With the silence that stretches on, as Nazuna so obviously steels himself,
Kuro's brow furrows. He has to sit there, of course. He's patient, far more than anyone else would ever believe him to be, but the concern builds almost immediately as something about their entire afternoon since Nazuna showed up at his place shifts into another feeling. What'd once been relief and more time spent bonding and reconnecting quickly feels like it's on the cusp of that same chasm he thought would just grow wider and wider, even if they were reunited.

They're still mending it. He's a pretty simple guy, in the grand scheme, but he's aware of that. He's aware of the progress. Worries over something that's fragile but growing regardless.

At the same time, though, it's just like it used to be in a way. Kuro knows that once the weather calls for it, he's going to take his bike out of storage. See if Nazuna will want to go for a ride on it, even if it's powered by a roaring engine and not two beanpole legs. He just wants to see if he can make him scream until he laughs again, the same way he did on his bicycle when they tore down hills. Maybe take him for ice cream after.

But it's not all the same. Something happened to even create that chasm in the first place. And when Nazuna looks up at him like that, he can feel that same, painful clench in his chest when Nazuna Nito phased him out of his life the way he did. This was an important friend to him, someone that he'd grown close to quickly and then never saw again. Someone he still held onto, for years, with unanswered text messages until he stopped sending them. Nazuna wasn't there when his father left their family. He wasn't there when his mother died. When he dropped out.

In the end, Nazuna was gone. And that was his choice.

Kuro could've fought more, though. Could've gone to face him instead of letting him end it without so much as a goodbye. He could have done more to be a better friend, one that such an up and coming talent could have kept. Even if, now, he's dead certain that Nazuna deserves a whole hell of a lot better than him, someone that's done some terrible things.

But, by some wild goddamn chance, here he is.

Without a bit of hesitation, he shifts so that he can move Tora off his hip - the dog snores in his sleep, but doesn't stir much more than that - and then moves to get onto the floor with Nazuna. ] Hey, no - you gotta know I don't blame you, right? Not in a million years.

[ suddenly, kuro's right there in his space, larger than life and present, in a way that he always was. nazuna had been utterly overwhelmed by him the first time they met (and frankly, kind of terrified), but he'd apologized for the behavior of the people he was with and asked nazuna if he could make it up to him and the rest, as they say, was history. he can remember a thousand different ways that he made his life better: time with kuro was fun. going out to eat at fast food places and pretending nazuna wasn't on a strict diet, jumping over fences (or, well, kuro giving him a boost) and sneaking into movies they weren't supposed to see. it was normal, the kind of blessed, childlike joy that came from having friends.

nazuna looked forward to hearing from kuro every day. he used to text him under the covers at night, small fingers dancing across the keys of a flip phone, about anything and nothing and everything at all. he liked to think maybe kuro looked forward to hearing from him, too, and then... everything happened.

that close, that kindness to his deep voice--it's a lot, and he takes in a shaky breath, turning just a little to make eye contact with him. the sincere look on kuro's face makes him tear up, and nazuna sniffles, reaching up to rub his eyes when a tear escapes, and then another. ] I--I know. [ of course he doesn't, because kuro was always so kind, so good, just like his mother ] But I shtill, I left, I didn't even getta shay goodbye, or--

[ another hiccup, and he scrubs his hands over his face to keep from crying more, tilting his head up to look at the ceiling to try and make it stop, the stutter and the tears alike. ] Y'should hate me.

[ Truthfully, the Kiryu family had to expand their phone plan to account for their son's texting. It had been a point of tension for him and his father, but Kuro had regardless paid for it himself with money he'd gotten from small jobs (and a few more frowned upon activities) just to make sure he could keep texting the boy that he'd met because his "friends" had harassed someone they'd thought was a petite preteen girl. Just because they were wrong about that, didn't mean it was right of them to do in the first place.

So he'd done what he could to make it up to him, and then it just -

It went downhill from there, faster than anything he could have anticipated. And now, this, this friendship that they're slowly rebuilding into what it had been. What it could have become, if those texts had never stopped. Kuro watches Nazuna, now, and sees someone who's hurting, even if he seems so much happier, if tired, now that he's living his own life the way he wants to. ]

You didn't get to say goodbye. [ His voice, low and deep as it is, stays soft, and he reaches out to curl a big hand around the delicate curve of his shoulder. ] You didn't get to. I never - I would never hate you for somethin' I know wasn't totally your choice. And it wasn't just you, either way, y'know? I could've tried harder to keep in touch.

[ Even if his entire world was falling to pieces around him at the time. ]

[ it's true, he didn't get to say goodbye. if nazuna had his way, there wouldn't have been a goodbye, right? or at least that's what he likes to tell himself, maybe what he feels deep down. his lame attempts at goodbye might have been even worse, but at the time, nazuna knew it had to be the right decision. it was the right decision for the nitos, who were desperately in need of the money, and it was a decision he made for himself, to use his assets to help the people he loved the most.

(except kuro. kuro, his first friend, who was thrown to the wayside.)

his gaze flicks away from kuro's face to look at the hand on his shoulder. there's shades of familiarity here, when kuro would comfort him a little after a bad day, or find something else to do or something, anything to let nazuna forget about his real life for a while. it felt like being a spy, sometimes, letting the real nazuna nito peek through.

it's happening now, too. apollo told nazuna once that he could lean on other people if he ever wanted to. he likes to pretend that he's infallible, but here, with kuro, he's safe.

it's always been that way, hasn't it?

he sniffles, reaches up to scrub his eyes to keep from crying. ] I-I know, but I wanted to--I missed you so much.

[ in his lap, tsuchin seems to respond a little to his owner's distress--he wiggles a little, and nazuna runs his hand over his fur, lower lip wobbling. ] I sh--[ breathe, nazuna. ] thought, thought I was never going to see you again.

[ A huge part of him would like - he'd like to believe that Nazuna would have said goodbye, if he could. If that was what he wanted, then he would have said something to Kuro if he had the chance. Maybe it would have hurt, sure, but it would have been something else. It would have been a door easing close instead of being so suddenly slammed into his face. But... he doesn't want to think that Nazuna really wanted to do what he did. No matter the reasons for it.

But this isn't about him, right now. This is about Nazuna, who's on the brink of tears now. He curls his lips in to bite them for a moment, trying to think of something, anything, that he could tell him to try and make that wounded look on his face just go away.

Ever since he was younger, he's always said the same thing. You can lean on people. You can depend on them, if you need the help. There's always something that a person can't do alone, after all. ]

You weren't the only one. Nito - [ Tsuchin moves, and Nazuna pets him, and it derails Kuro for a second. I thought I was never going to see you again. Words like that, they definitely ring true, and it was made abundantly clear when Retrospec reconnected them by some twist of fate. But would they have run into each other in the city, if the app hadn't linked them like that through a stupid misdial?

He doesn't know.

And Kuro hates that uncertainty most of all. Because ten years have gone by, and so much of it has been hell, maybe for both of them. He can't help but think, maybe, if they had met again sooner, it would have been so much easier to get through. ] I missed you, too, Nazuna. [ Quieter, softer, as his hand slides down a little to Nazuna's bicep, his eyes falling to the rabbit in his lap. ] It wasn't the same after. It... it really wasn't.

[ the name echoes in nazuna's head a little, the familiarity of it all. it makes his heart sing as much as it makes him ache, for all the things that could've been. how many conversations they could have had, how much stronger their relationship could've been. how many more nights of ice cream and sneaking around could've led to more, more dates, more everything.

(and it's not about him, he would argue. no; this should be about kuro. maybe they're both too outwardly focused for their own good.)

he watches kuro's hand slide down his arm, and resits the urge to reach up to hold his hand for the tenth, fifteenth, hundredth time. it feels so easy, falling back into this--this conversation would've been easy to avoid, and they could've just pretended things stayed the same, but... it's better this way. nazuna's not a coward anymore, or at least he likes to think so. he ran from kuro this first time, and this time, he's ready to suffer, if that's what it takes. ] Whatever happened...I know it's late, but you can tell me now, and--

[ abruptly, he clenches his fists in front of himself!! ] If you want to hit me to get it out, you can do that too!! As hard as you want!

[ honey ]

[ The sudden shift startles Kuro a little, bringing his focus out of what if, what could've been, what was lost and to the way that Nazuna clenches his fists and holds them like he's about to puke his dukes up. It makes him blink stupidly, once, twice, especially since the words rattle around. Hit me.

Give me a slap in the face to keep me awake, Kurochin!

That's - he doesn't know what to make up the sudden memory. It's not the first time it's happened, after the other two memories he's gotten, but... this one has Nazuna in it. This one is different. But he doesn't know what to make of it.

Kuro's a pretty simple guy. He decides to focus on one thing at a time.

Slowly, he reaches out and folds his hands over his balled up fists, squeezing tight and pushing them down. ] If I hit you, you'd fly off out the window, I bet. [ Strange, how the words echo like that. Resonate. How is it possible to discover that he might have had "another life" with Nazuna Nito, a different one from the decade of missing opportunities? ]

... so it's a good thing that I don't want to.

[ completely unaware of kuro's memory, nazuna holds that little pose, squinting his eyes shut like kuro's actually going to hit him...but, the hands folding over makes him open them again, and he looks down at them for a moment, when he pushes them down.

he has a point, though nazuna doesn't really want to admit it... he makes a little "mmmm" noise of displeasure, but lets kuro push his hands down towards his lap, his cheeks pinkening a little. ] You could've, I wouldn't have gotten mad...

[ a little pouty, maybe? nazuna doesn't let go of his hands, though, turning his up a little, and squeezing. ] But...you still have to tell me, okay? Anything you want to. I want to hear all of it, I don't care how long it takes.

[ finally, he lifts his eyes up to look at him properly, small smile on his face. ] I don't have to go back until tomorrow morning.

[ Really, it's something that he should talk to him about. But Kuro thinks that they probably have enough to talk about right now that they should focus on - what isn't a strange, sudden wave of deja vu, in a way. He doesn't know how to explain it, or the feelings it leaves with him, so it's best to just... leave it be for right now. Especially when Nazuna pouts at him like that.

... and takes his hands like that. Nazuna's are delicate and small, especially when compared to his, rough from a rough life, big enough to enclose his easily. ]

I know you wouldn't have. [ There's a problem with that. But he squeezes back, rubbing his thumbs over his knuckles. It feels good. Kuro thinks he probably shouldn't enjoy it so much as he does, and that thought makes him feel a little guilty, but. But he nods, anyways. ]

That's a lot of shit to catch up on, y'know? I meant it when I said things weren't the same. [ Careful, he gives their joined hands a firm little shake, insistent and putting emphasis on it all. ] But you gotta tell me, too, Nazuna. I want to know everything, especially what's made you so happy.

[ kuro's still holding his hands. it's not unfamiliar--he used to do it when they were younger, grabbing his hand to run from whoever was looking at them when they weren't where they were supposed to be, helping him down from his windowsill. it used to make him feel something, shy and embarrassed and flustered and happy, and he clung to that.

now, it's all of that, but it's colored with shades of guilt, now. shades of you didn't deserve to feel that way, and you still don't. slowly, he pulls his hands away from kuro's, edging away from the shake, and gives him a little smile. ]

...okay. [ what's made you so happy. the smile softens, a little, and he looks sheepish. ] You first? And--we should have tea, or ice cream, or something, right? Here-- [ and then, he hops up, rather abruptly, as if distancing himself from that level of affection. ] I'll get it ~ ♪

Ah. [ Kuro doesn't make him stay there, of course, because he never would. For as often as he says he's not smart, or clever, he's fairly observant regardless, and this - this he can pick up on. Nazuna never much liked to talk about himself back then, either, so this doesn't shock him, but he lets him have the out anyways. ] You'd be lucky if we even have any ice cream here in February, y'know?

[ They probably do. It wouldn't surprise him if they did.

But he shifts to get up, going to follow after him into his kitchen. It's a modest place, given the fact that he's been paying for it all this time on his own, with a family to take care of. But it's still nice. It's still a home, and he's welcome in it no matter what. Any time, for any reason.

Kuro leans in the doorway, crossing his arms and scuffing a heel against the floor briefly. ] It's not... really all that great of a story, to be honest with you.

[ And it wasn't your fault, there wouldn't have been anything you could've done, he thinks. Even if his presence would've helped ease the pain of it. ]

[ by the time kuro speaks up, nazuna's already gone, making his way to the kiryu's fridge. he's standing on his tiptoes, poking around through the freezer and coming out successfully with a pint of strawberry ice cream. ]

Hmhm! [ he makes a successful noise and shows it to kuro, raising his eyebrows: take that, he wins! his niichan senses are that strong. he'll take the moment to compose himself as he pulls out bowls and starts to scoop out the ice cream, but kuro talks behind him and his expression softens.

the guilt is obvious, but he tries to hide it, scooping out a bowl and sliding it over towards kuro. when he turns to look at him properly, he's smiling a little, though it's sad. ] ...that's okay. Hey, you know, you have to unload all your troubles on your nichan, okay~?

[ he uses the inflection on purpose: nichan instead of niichan. ]

Edited 2018-03-06 01:27 (UTC)

[ With a fond roll of his eyes to his take that, Kuro sways away from the doorway of the kitchen, pushing away the cute image of Nazuna standing on his tiptoes to look into the freezer. He really hasn't grown over the past decade.

Not physically, anyways. It's obvious that he's grown a lot in other ways, as he sort of takes him in, observing. But he's still behind him, still can't see his expression, not until he turns to face him and gives him the bowl of ice cream. It's funny to him that it's there, like it was meant to be.

Slowly, he curls his hand around the edge of it, thumb hooking, drawing it towards himself and looking down into it. Kuro figures that he deserves the truth, right? ]

It's sharing, not unloading. [ Helping. Never be afraid to ask for help, if you need it. ] It's been long enough that it's not really unloading, not anymore. But... if Nichan wants to know, then, I guess I can tell him.

[ Even as he says it, his grip tightens softly on the bowl, his brow tightening briefly before everything in him relaxes again. ]

Of course I do. [ it's soft, but it's genuine. nazuna missed everything, after all, and if kuro's ready to talk about whatever it was, then he's more than happy to listen. at this point, he'd listen to him talk about what he had for breakfast, and he'd still be happy.

nazuna's still soaking up his presence, the fact that he's here. there's something so unendingly warm about being able to spend time with kuro, each conversation and moment novel. even if it's emotional, or sad, it's feelings, a luxury once upon a time nazuna nito couldn't really afford.

so, with a little smile, he makes his way out towards the couch, looking over his shoulder to make sure kuro's following him. tsuchin settles back in his lap the second he returns to his spot, and nazuna gives him an imploring look. go on, it says. tell me everything. ]

[ That answer doesn't shock him, really, so Kuro picks up the bowl and goes to follow after him back into the living room. Tora is still asleep, snoring softly, so he opts to sit on the floor again, instead, dropping gracefully and easily into crossed legs. There's no real move to start eating his ice cream, although he does swipe the spoon through it absently as he considers where to begin with it. ]

Mom was sick. [ Was, and his voice is soft again. ] She'd been sick for a while, actually, but I don't know if you remember much about it. But we had to admit her to the hospital a couple months after - well, after. [ After Nazuna left. He shrugs a shoulder absently, with a little huff as his brows furrow again, down into the strawberry pink of the bowl. ]

... the old man left, finally. For good. Wasn't surprising, considering, but it didn't make anything easier. [ A soft clink of the spoon against the bowl, and Kuro sighs now, leaning back, reaching to rub at his neck. ] I had a couple part time jobs, before that. He left, I started working full time to cover what insurance didn't.

[ And he dropped out of school, but he's sure as hell not telling Nazuna that right now. ]

[ nazuna is perfectly capable of reading between the lines. mom "was" sick--he remembers kuro's mom as a beautiful, kind, fragile woman, who used to ruffle his hair when he'd come visit. she was sick even then, and he remembers, which means...

his heart drops into his stomach, and he reaches forward, small hand coming to touch kuro's shoulder, sliding across it a little. the idea of losing a family member shakes nazuna straight down to his core, and he gives a tiny squeeze, the heartbroken sympathy obvious in his voice. ] Kurochin, I'm so sorry.

[ what do you even say to that? not only was his mom sick, but his dad walked out? the sorrow aches, and there's a little guilt gnawing at him already--you could've helped, you could've paid every hospital bill if you knew--but nazuna ignores it, keeping his hand there. ] You've been taking care of your sister...?

[ It had been hard, watching his mother waste away slowly in the end. In the end,
the hospital bills had been to ease her way through it, to take care of her, make sure she wasn't in pain during her last days. Because they caught it too late, and it was just... it had progressed too far.

There was a lot that they could have done. That Nazuna could have done. But he doesn't think that, now. Nazuna is here, now, and rather than pull away from the gesture he leans into it, finally looking at him properly and offering him a wan smile. ]

It's okay now. I miss her, and I can't say I don't, but ten years does a lot to heal that. [ Slowly, he reaches up and closes his hand over Nazuna's, completely covering it as he curls his fingers around his slender ones. ] Mm. Been hard, but we've had help. Turns out the old man was a lot shittier than we thought, so there's some half-siblings around Recollé. Not that any of us have heard from him since he left, though.

[ it's not okay, he wants to say. nazuna should've been there, should've helped kuro somehow--even if it wasn't with money, he could have supported him, could've been there by his side. he knows, logically, that would have been impossible no matter what, but that doesn't make the hurt any less real. he hurts for kuro, for his mother, for their family.

all he can do is squeeze his shoulder where their hands are connected, now, feeling the bite of tears at the back of his throat. nazuna holds it back for now, though, biting his lower lip and nodding. it's been so long... she must have passed away not long after nazuna left.

and all that with his dad, too... ] Kurochin, that's...amazing, that you've been supporting them for this long all by yourself.

[ he goes for a tiny smile, trying to focus on the positive. ] What are your half-siblings like?

[ Even now, a veritable decade later, Kuro knows two things.

One, that he does miss his mother. All the time. And it hurts to remember, sometimes. But then he focuses on her bright smile, even when she was in the hospital for her last days, and he remembers everything she taught him. He's not done a good job, he thinks, of being the man that she would have been proud of. In recent years he's done better, he's gotten his life together, and maybe, just maybe, that's what would matter most to her.

But, two, he remembers Nazuna any time the Kiryu household suffered for whatever reason. A bad day for his mom, his dad being a bastard that he butted heads with so frequently. A bad day for Nazuna, too, one that he tried to draw deep inside himself. That decade later, and he sees the way he bites his lip and he recognizes it. Reaching with his other hand, he hesitates - it hovers in the air between them, visibly - before he touches his cheek. It's for a moment, a brush of his thumb across the soft skin, before he draws back. Reassurance, and hopefully keeping the tears at bay. ]

Had to do something. If I didn't, sis and I would've been split up for sure. It was... hard, for a while. [ He doesn't sound proud of himself, when he says that, but he tries to smooth over it and onto something else. ]

The one I talk to most is a year younger than me. Kazuma. He's, ah. [ A laugh, actually honest. Kuro thinks the juxtaposition is funny. ] He's in real estate, but has memories of being part of the yakuza?

Edited 2018-03-12 23:24 (UTC)

[ nazuna can't help himself--he sucks in a tiny breath when kuro raises his hand between them, but when he touches his cheek, his head tilts into it, just a little. the touch gives him goosebumps, and he nods after he pulls away, taking the moment to compose himself to keep from actually crying.

(how many times did kuro do that for him when they were younger? how many times did he take a shy, terrified nazuna and tell him to keep his head up, to tell him it was okay to cry?)

he exhales that breath he was holding, shakily, and pushes back against that urge to cry. it's easy, once you get used to it. all you have to do is push the feelings down, imagine they're an old car being crushed, and they'll just vanish. any of the sadness fades, with barely a change in nazuna's expression, and he can turn on his heel and pretend that whole moment never even happened.

...besides, kuro helps a little. he laughs too, a little startled, pink eyes going wide. ] The yakuza?! Kurochin, it runs in your family!

[ that's teasing, just a little; you could almost hear the singsong to his tone. ]

[ It'd be better, he thinks, if Nazuna would cry. Watching him swallow it down and lock it away, compartmentalize, hurts something in Kuro's heart. Acting, in its finest, rawest form, he thinks. But he doesn't say, and he instead just holds onto Nazuna's hand where it's curled against his shoulder. Delicate but strong, that deceptive combination that Nazuna Nito's always been.

He's wiped away tears, even in the same breath as telling him it's okay to cry. But he remembers the first time they met, the fight he was prepared to put up even if his so-called friends scared him. It's the best way to describe him. ]

Ah... [ That single noise makes it sound a lot like there's more to it than just Nazuna's teasing, cute as the singsong voice is. ] Must run on the old man's side of the family. I'm a little jealous, though - Kaz got a tattoo without having to go through the inking process. Would've been nice to pass on that for mine.

[ He takes his free hand, and sets it on his bicep just below where their hands are still settled together. Not that it hurt too much, despite its complexity. His artist did a damn good job. ]

[ nazuna nods, his gaze flicking down to look at kuro's other hand. it's been cold enough that he hasn't really had a chance to see any of kuro's ink, but... it's not surprising. he was always like that, tough, a little edgy--once a punk delinquent, after all.

but, nazuna had known the kuro beyond that, too. he was always so much more than the attitude that he put on with his friends, and nazuna had always liked that about him. he's been through so much, and it's made him the person he is today, the person sitting right here with him, in the quiet of an almost-empty apartment, spending time together, reconnecting--kuro's still kuro, and nazuna's still nazuna, even if they've both changed.

a little ink definitely doesn't disprove that.

the curiosity shows in his voice, and he asks-- ] Can I see? [ the tattoo, that is. ]

[ A part of him thinks that he maybe shouldn't show Nazuna. It's a reflection of what he did, who he was, everything that he went through as a teenager and then his early twenties. But Kuro just inclines his head in a little nod, and it's - reluctant,
when he finally draws his hand away from Nazuna's. He gives his fingers a little squeeze as he goes, and then shifts, leaning his weight away from Nazuna so that he can snag the bottom of his shirt.

There isn't any move to pull his shirt off completely, though. His movements are for him to pull his arm out of his sleeve, turning it inside-out in the process but not paying it much mind as he shrugs his shirt up over his shoulder. It keeps half of his chest covered, but exposes most of his stomach and one pec along with his arm.

For good reason.

The tattoo comprises the entirety of his arm, and a portion of said pec. A lot of craftsmanship went into the design, the process itself, and it shows - whoever did the ink was careful with it. The wispy dragon in the dark, thick lines and colors stares out boldly as he holds out his arm, as if offering it to Nazuna to turn whichever way he pleases. ]

...Wow.

[ it's a little breathy, surprised, because what else can you say? kuro's tattoo is gorgeous. it looks like something lifted directly off of a canvas, brush strokes instead of the pinprick of a needle--it's lovely.

it takes him a second, but he reaches up to gently take his arm, fingertips brushing against the darker lines, down his bicep. it feels way too intimate, though, and abruptly, he pulls his hand away, though it still hovers a little between them. ] When did you get it...?

[ it's a stark, inked reminder of the fact that they've grown up. kuro always seemed more adult than nazuna, when he was young and small and cute, always, but this blows that feeling out of the park. nazuna feels more childish than ever, for a moment, his hand finally dropping into his lap. ]

[ Just the delicate touch causes a chill of goosebumps up and down his spine, and he can feel them on his arms, too, but Kuro pretends that he doesn't feel it and that Nazuna might not notice. Because it's easier that way. Because he could laugh at himself, for the sheer fact that such a small moment of contact could elicit such a reaction out of him.

It really is too intimate. He misses it when it's gone, regardless.

But he shifts, easily, rotating his shoulder with no discomfort so that Nazuna can get the full picture - it's mirrored, from his pec to the back of his shoulder, a literal and actual sleeve in the longrun. It just doesn't quite reach his wrist like a sleeve would, the shape of it a more organic end about mid-forearm. ] Mm, I had it started... four years ago?

[ When he was twenty. The prospect of a tattoo had been present for a solid, additional four years before then, but he'd just never done it, like it was going to seal the deal on the lifestyle he lived. This is different, though. A sign that he came out of it. Especially since - ] It was finished two years ago, though.

[ wow. the full thing is even prettier, and nazuna tilts his head when he moves so he can see it properly, following the end of the dragon down his muscles to his forearm, and nazuna nods as he tells him about it, interested.

he curls his hands in his lap as he looks, holding onto his pant leg. there are so many things he missed that ink, of all things, should feel inconsequential, but it's just another story they'll have to catch up on. emotions process across his face, just briefly--something sad, something guilty--before he settles on a little, somewhat sheepish smile. ]

It's hard to imagine this even fitting on you when we were kids. [ he'd always been such a beanpole... ] You've grown so much ~

This would've covered up my whole body if we're goin' by that. [ His comment is dry, but just as playful as Nazuna's. But that doesn't mean he didn't catch that look. Kuro often says he's not that bright - and, really, he often isn't, in terms of academia and more complicated things - but he gets people well enough, and Nazuna above all else. They've been in each others' lives again for long enough that he can still pick up the little ticks.

He moves to pull his shirt back on properly, pushing his hand through the inside-out sleeve to right it. ]

Can't even imagine you with one, though. [ It's better to just tease him than to focus on the guilt they both feel, right? Because it sinks like a stone in his own gut, another reminder of the chasm that was built. They're repairing it, but it's still going. ]

A tattoo? [ that makes nazuna laugh, too, and he can hear leo's cheerful voice in his head trying to convince him just at the thought. it's a much more cheerful subject, something a little less heavy, as he watches kuro shift and pull his shirt back over his head.

nazuna looks down into his lap at his ice cream, stirring his spoon absently in the bowl. even if he's obvious, even if he might be complaining, there's a smile on his face that's sort of fond, thinking about someone he's pretty close to. ] A friend of mine has been trying to convince me to get one for ages! There's no way. If he can't do it, there's no way you can either!

[ "repairing, but still going" is a good way to describe it. nazuna still feels like he has a hundred things to fix, but that feeling of comfort, of safety? that's never gone away. there's nowhere in the world that he'd rather be than right here--even if the conversation is hard. nazuna's ready to stop running from his feelings. giggles aside, he's still smiling. ] You know... you haven't really changed all that much. Even with all the things that happened to you.

[ a pause, and a pink flush blooms onto his cheeks, enough that he reaches up to fuss with the longer piece of his hair, keeping his gaze away. ] ... I'm glad.

[ That makes him laugh immediately, but Kuro reaches and snags his own bowl of ice cream once it seems more... right. Now that he's settled there on the floor with his shirt on properly, looking at a soft, pinkened Nazuna. He wants to keep looking at him like this, a sweet smile on his face as opposed to the distant, sad thing that had shuttered across it before. He hated that sort of thing back when they were kids, and he sure hates it now.

His lips purse slightly, as if he's hiding a smile of his own. It doesn't really work, because he goes from the amused, joking thing to something soft of his own.

This is the friend that he made, the important person that fit himself so easily in his life, chaotic and messy as it'd been. Nazuna made everything brighter for having been his friend, and made a rough time that much easier, even if he didn't get the full story of every situation every time. Having him here, now? Being able to help him again, just spend time with him... ]

Yeah? [ While Nazuna looks away form him, Kuro keeps looking at him. They've grown up, and Nazuna looks -

He finally looks away, if only to stop that train of thought, scooping some ice cream out of the bowl and huffing a little laugh. Soft, almost sheepish. ] I feel like... even with all the things that happened, and the whole - y'know, ten years. It feels like it did back then.

Edited 2018-03-19 00:21 (UTC)

[ that distant sadness feels like it's always there, even as he's gotten older. he's worked hard to get where he is emotionally--therapy has helped, time has helped--and he's changed himself, from the empty little shell he was for so long to who he is today. nazuna's proud of who he's become, and the warmth that kuro gave him when they were young--holding his hands as he jumped over rocks in the creek, sneaking him into movies, letting him act like a normal person--was something he kept coming back to, even when things were at their worst.

even if he's guilty now, even if he hurt this person who gave so, so much to him, nazuna's going to work his way through their relationship. he's going to try to fix everything, no matter how long it takes.

when kuro looks away, nazuna looks at him, this time. he's still so handsome--he grew into himself, from his strong jaw to his muscles to--of course--his warm, bright eyes. those are the same. a twelve-year old nazuna had a puppy crush on him, adoring, but this. this is something else. this is something deeper, a bone-deep fondness and something that feels more adult. they've grown, and the feelings that nazuna had always repressed have too. this--kuro inviting him over just to spend time with him, pulling him into this serious, emotional talk, giving him space to say what he wanted when he needed it--this has just rekindled a flame that's going to be burning for a long time.

(he won't say anything, though. kuro deserves someone who didn't leave him on his own at the worst time in his life. it's better that way.)

still, nazuna's smile stays soft and fond, and he nods. the open warmth of the expression is directed at kuro, this time, and he doesn't feel the need to hide it. ] I think so too. [ there's a hesitant little pause, again, and he reaches out to gently set his hand on kuro's forearm again, giving a tiny squeeze. ] ...I'm really glad Retrospec brought us back together.

Edited (typos?!?!) 2018-03-19 16:23 (UTC)

[ Grief is an interesting beast.

Kuro Kiryu has faced it in any number of ways, for over half of his life. The grief his father gave them, the grief of his mother falling ill, of Nazuna leaving, of his father leaving, of his mother dying, of everything that came from the life he lived after that. He's dealt with a sadness and an anger that he's had to force into being distant, because if he didn't, then the world would crash down around his shoulders. After all, he was the one that had to take care of his sister, to make sure that she was okay and taken care of. Everything was compartmentalized, because that meant that he could keep going.

And now he's - fine. Actually pretty well adjusted, now that he's had the chance to channel all of it into an outlet that's earned him trophies displayed in the apartment. He has a consistent job, a happy sister, a half-brother he's in contact with, good friends.

Nazuna was missing, of course. The boy that stamped his foot exactly like a rabbit, cheeks puffed, every time he got so embarrassed he was mad with it. Sometimes he can't believe the last memory he has of him is a date that he snuck him out on.

His last memory of Nazuna is him stealing his first kiss.

The spoon clacks softly against the bowl as he chuckles a little, his hand shaking with the quiet amusement with the memory. It hadn't taken long for a young Kuro to find himself with a crush on the boy his friends had heckled and he'd apologized to. It had taken even less time for an adult Kuro to realize that it was a whole hell of a lot more than that when, ten years later, they'd reconnected so swiftly like this. ]

Even with all the weird shit that they throw at us? [ Kuro looks back up at him from beneath his brow, smile a little crooked and boyish on his face, just like a thirteen year old with bruised knuckles and a recently broken nose once did. ] Yeah, I'm glad, too. I wouldn't change that for anythin'.

Me either. [ that smile makes nazuna's heart squeeze in his ribcage; he feels it skip a beat. it's not a totally unfamiliar feeling, because he remembers it plenty from when they were kids, and if nazuna had ever doubted that he'd still have some sort of feelings for kuro, here is his absolute reminder. it's more than just attraction--because really, he's so handsome--but kuro is still the same as he was when they were kids. he's still kind, still warm and caring and safe, and this is it.

if nazuna thought he ever had a hope of playing this off like it's nothing, it's gone, now. he's still just as in love with kuro as he was when he was twelve. and all of that? came from a smile.

still, he can't get too close. it can't be too much. his hand comes away from his arm, and nazuna returns to his ice cream, desperate to look for something to lighten this heavy mood. it's too much, and he might do something stupid if this lasts any longer, so, nazuna digs his spoon into the sweet, melting strawberry goodness and takes a bite, taking the moment to chew it over. ] It can't be all bad, though, right? What else happened? You have so many trophies!

[ he gestures up with his spoon, clearly just happy to keep the conversation all about kuro. ] And a cute dog!

[ Being who he is, and having faced the life he has, Kuro confronts things as they come at him, in whatever way the situation demands. This situation... this one means not confronting it at all. Nazuna is obviously evading, and he has a feeling that it's going to take a certain moment to be able to get answers. And he can wait for that, without pressuring Nazuna into something he doesn't want to talk about.

Because he waited a fucking decade to even see him again. This bright smile, this kind heart, the bits of sass that have obviously grown over the years. All of this is what Nazuna was meant to be, and he's happy to see it all out on the surface.

So he lets it stay there, leaning back to look at the trophies. ]

I've gotten those over the, I dunno. Past four years. Most of 'em, anyways. There's some more in storage. But everything major is from adult competitions. It's how I got my job, actually, 'cause I met my coworker at different competitions and we started talking more often.

[ Slowly, he looks at where Tora is passed out on the couch, snuffling and snoring softly. Fondness settles across his face, along with amusement, but Kuro doesn't rouse him. ] Dog was definitely newer.

Kurochin, that's amazing! [ nazuna clasps his hands together, thrilled to hear about his oldest friend's accomplishments--he's utterly genuine in his astonishment, and he ends up abandoning his spot on the couch to get up and go look at the trophies. some of them are seriously huge, and he stands on his absolute tippytoes to read the inscriptions on them, examining each one closely. ]

I always knew you were into these things, but I didn't know how much...! You're really talented, Kurochin. [ and it definitely explains why he's like the size of mack truck, also, but nazuna's not going to say that out loud. he settles back down on his feet and pads back over to the couch, moving back into the same spot, but putting a little more distance between them.

it's safer that way. it's better that way. he'll keep telling himself that every single time they get close, every second there's a moment for an almost.

...even so, his shoulder sinks a little into the soft couch behind him, and nazuna ends up naturally angled towards kuro. it's just to reach over and gently pet tora, he'll tell himself, reaching for the soft, bristly fur behind his ear to give him a scratch. that's all. ] Because of your sister, right? It's hard to resist spoiling your little siblings, nihi ~

[ Almost immediately, Kuro ducks his head under the praise, reaching up to rub at the side of his neck and huffing a soft noise that could almost be a laugh. But, even with a little bit of humbleness, he's still... proud. He worked hard for those trophies, and in those competitions. It was an outlet, and it also brought them in some money before it really gave way to a career.

And it got him out of the trouble he was in. Having his sister to take care of, he had to find something else, had to do something else to provide for her without her getting dragged into the same thing. ]

It's a big part of my life, now. Teachin' kids to take care of themselves, and get rid of some of their frustration in a way that ain't hurtin' anybody else... it's good. I still do competitions, but not as many as I used to. Newest trophy is probably from last year.

[ Nazuna comes back to the couch, and he looks back up at him, hand dropping down to cup the side of the ice cream bowl. It's chilly there, and it's a distraction from the fact that Nazuna's right there. Nothing wrong with that, right? Tora sneezes in his sleep, as if to distract them, and stretches towards the fingers scratching behind his ear. It makes Kuro snort. ]

He's gonna be a year in June. But he's been a pretty good addition to the family, spoiled sibling or not.

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