i would do anything for love

[foeyay]

WHO: Kamui Brisby and Usopp Barreto
WHERE: Around Recolle
WHEN: February 14th
WHAT: Event shenanigans
WARNINGS: Gag manga humor collides


Kamui treated Valentine's Day the same way he would have treated any other day of the year. There was nothing special about the holiday for a guy who had no intention of looking for a partner, let alone finding one. He stayed in bed until the very last minute, only giving himself time for a quick shower before throwing together a haphazard breakfast and running out the door with it. With a banana in his mouth, a bagel in one hand, and a protein drink in the other, he careened down his empty street and around the corner just in time to get slammed by a crowd of people. He just barely avoided the wall of passersby with an abrupt twist. That flung his precious half-peeled banana square into an unfortunate young man's face.

Oh. Good morning, Usopp.

Comments

[liarboo]

Usopp as well wasn't treating the day any differently. He doesn't have any SOs, has no current crush, and he's also not bitter enough to hate the holiday, so he's just heading out with his archery gear on his back, thinking about making a stop at Lessy'sSanji's place to feed his cat, just like a normal day.

And it was going pretty normally until he suddenly finds himself with a banana smooshed between his eyes, peels slapping over them.

He stops dead in his tracks, unsure how to process what just happened.

[foeyay]

Usopp was clearly frozen, with surprise or anger Kamui didn't know. It was hard to read the guy's face through that slapstick banana peel. Seriously, what a waste of good fruit... Still, Kamui wouldn't find out whether Usopp was mad or not unless he provoked the poor guy out of his shock. Being proactive was always best.

Kamui relaxed his shoulders and grinned. "Yellow is definitely your color."

[liarboo]

He still had been at a loss until the stranger dares to open his mouth and say something smart alecky. He reaches up and swipes the banana off his face and violently to the ground, shouting, "That's all you can say after throwing your half eaten food in someone's face!?"

[foeyay]

Kamui watched the banana be flung violently to the pavement. He sighed, full of regret.

"Well, at first, I tried to think of a banana pun, but I couldn't come up with any that didn't sound stupid. So yeah. That's the best I could do on such short notice."

[liarboo]

"Oh, well, that's okay then," he says pleasantly, a serene smile on his face.

Then the mood changes on the dime, and as if he was channeling a catch phrase from a 90s sitcom, he shouts, "Not!!"

[foeyay]

How dare. Usopp had now insulted not only Kamui's breakfast but his witty comeback as well. Kamui very nearly stopped smiling.

"If it's an apology you're fishing for, you're gonna be seriously disappointed, 'Nananose. You're the one who should be apologizing to me! That was a whole third of my breakfast you just ruined with your face."

[liarboo]

"Nananose?" he repeats incredulously. Was this guy 8 years old? "Ugh, I don't have time for this," he mutters, telling a bold-faced lie because he's literally going to the archery range because he had nothing else to do all day. He steps aside to brush past Kamui and continue on his way...

[foeyay]

Except when Usopp rounded his redheaded obstacle, something strange happened. Every inch the archer pushed forward forced Kamui to tip backward. He rocked on his heel, trying to fight the alien pressure, but before Usopp managed even four steps down the sidewalk, Kamui's backside collided with his archery gear.

He managed to let go of his bagel upon impact. It rolled into the street and was immediately run over by a car. This time, Kamui really did stop smiling. He glared up over Usopp's shoulder, clearly convinced this was all his fault.

"What the hell, asshole?! What kind of twisted meat magnets are you lugging around in there?"

[liarboo]

Trying to walk away felt very odd, like he was suddenly walking through molasses or something. Right as he was beginning to freak out about it he was slammed into from behind, a body colliding right into his bow. He barely registered Kamui saying anything as he spun around, pushing him away--not in an overly confrontational way, but out of fear for his belongings. His bow was practically Olympic-grade in quality, his father had bought it for him and it had cost a lot.

He stumbled back a few steps, starting to grow more anxious, not realizing that doing this was just going to cause another magnetic issue. "H-hey! If you're gonna get so worked up about a dumb banana I'll just buy you another one!"

[foeyay]

It was a good thing Usopp didn't actually mention the value of that bow. Kamui might have kicked it out of spite right then and there. As things were, he would just have to debate on whether kicking Usopp himself was worth the potential assault charge.

...Naw, not yet.

Usopp stumbled, nearly dragging Kamui off his feet. This time though, Kamui managed to keep his balance. He followed Usopp's shaky steps rather than fall into them.

"It's not the banana!" he snarled in frustration. (Though that was good to know. He was going to have to ask for a replacement breakfast later.) "It's whatever you're doing that's jerking me around! Literally!"