recolle | [ closed ]

[ closed ]

WHO: Kei and Ai.
WHERE: Shigaraki residence.
WHEN: Backdated to 2/7.
WHAT: Two empty people drink and talk about their memories.
WARNINGS: Talk of murder, suicide, violence. TYPE-MOON fun dialogue choices.

[ The space he lives will never be warm and inviting. Very few people actually came to his apartment. If he is interacting with people, it is in his restaurant, the clinic, or on the street. That said, his apartment is close to where he works -- one room split with the kitchen that fits all of his belongings. That is not to say the room is not spacious, but rather, he has very little that he covets.

The metal bed is shoved in the corner with a small nightstand at its side. A wind-up clock sits on it with a cellphone charger. There is a large wooden dresser on the opposite wall by the bed. A stand-up lamp and a light fixture above the kitchen area is the only light sources seen for the room itself. There is a small wooden bookshelf pressed flushed against the wall with books that have so worn bindings that the words are illegible. A couch and armchair rest close-by, indicating that's their function. Of course, a laptop rests on top of the bookshelf. But no pictures of family members. No rugs, no other adornments to make the place look more lived-in.

Indeed, someone could make it look homey and comfortable, but this is his own personal space. So it reflects the person that lives in it. The curtains always remain drawn leaving the room always looking a little darker and emptier than it actually is. And with it so late at night, the shadows crawl all over the space of the walls and floor. His steps sound heavy as he walks across to open the door, offering a small tilt of his head in greeting to the young woman on the other side. ]

Luna's asleep, I take it? I would dislike to have to have spirited her foster mother away just to tend to my poor attitude, but... there was a lot left unsaid in the grocery store, wasn't there? Like what it is that you saw in those brief minutes? [ As always, he gets right to the point, and opens the door up wider for Ai to enter. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[If Ai's house didn't need to be presentable for her students and the foster care workers, it probably would have been as bare as his. Still, it's not the first time she's been there. Normally they had their discussions near closing time in the restuarant. She places the case of beer near the couch.] She should be. If she sneaks out, well, I'll deal with it later.

[She doubted Luna had a reason to. She might have tried anyway but that was something that could be dealt with later. At the question she pauses as she opens the case.]

Yes... Yes, there was. It's taken me a while to try to comprehend what exactly it was.

[There was the child, the pain, the scent of blood...some kind of occult circle behind the girl? Probably another person in the room, judging by how the girl's eyes darted just briefly.] There was a child calling me 'Mother'; it felt like the first time I saw her. If it had been just that perhaps I wouldn't have been so shocked.

[That child was sweet but... Something about her didn't seem natural at all.]

Fair enough.

[ Indeed, he can count the number of people who came to his apartment on one hand. He is aware that the minimalistic manner which he lives tends to give a "serial killer" living arrangement versus he literally cannot bring himself to care about how he lives beyond that it's clean and manageable with little fuss. ]

Oh? [ Kei is already walking back, and sitting down in the chair. He only stops on his path to pick up a can before. ] A child calling you "Mother?" [ He parrots it back to her, opening his drink. ] Could it be that your other self also decided -- no, you're saying that if it was just that, it wouldn't be so surprising.

[ He pauses to take a drink. ] What else was there, then?

[It's a lifestyle she can appreciate. After all, it was only the kitchen and living areas of her home that seemed normal. Her own bedroom was quite sparse. If she didn't have others come on a weekly basis there was no doubt she'd have less.]

For starters, well. [She picks up a can before settling on the couch. Her finger traces the rim in thought.] It was as if she was saying two words at once when she said that. 'Master' and 'Mother'. [She shivered just a little at the thought.]

She looked strange as well, in her clothes and the way she held herself. There was something drawn on the floor behind, as well. [Ai stops before opening the can.] ...If it were just those things it would be surprising enough, I suppose. The air smelled of blood, Kei. I think--no--it had to have been my own blood.

[ Kei hums as he attempts to place the pieces together. His finger flicking the side of the can in thought. He wonders if, perhaps, this talk shouldn't happen so late in the night and the drawn curtains do not help with the darkening thoughts. ]

That certainly is odd. Why would she call you "master?" [ He scratches the side of his neck. Something drawn on the floor? ] Could you have gotten involved with some sort of cult in your previous life?

[ His fingers tighten around the can in his hand at the comment of the air smelling thick of blood. He knows that smell. From his work. From his memories. The scent of them both -- it is different. Of course, it would be different. ] Had to have been your blood... you were dying?

[Perhaps this conversation was more suited to a more bright location. Somehow, though, this was fitting for them. Her fingers continued to trace the rim of the can absently.]

That is something I don't know. My previous self seemed, through the pain, surprised at this turn of events as well. [There had been a knife as well. A strange, oddly shaped knife that seemed...occult.] It might have been. Though, I feel I would have been on the receiving end of one. Someone else was there, too, but I couldn't see them and I don't remember their voice.

[Her feet had been tied. Several cuts on her body--no, there was no question she had been dying but that girl...] I think I was close. That girl--I think she saved me, somehow. She was telling me she'd fix it.

I suppose anyone would be to have a child suddenly appear before them while... [ "... they are dying." He doesn't say. Crossing his legs, he leans back in the chair. Clicking his tongue, he pieces together what happened carefully. ]

She would fix it. How -- no, there is no way of knowing how. [ Lifting his hand up, he waves off his foolish question. Ai said she felt she could be a mother from that memory -- a memory of her slowly dying in some bizarre ritual with a child close to her offering comfort. ]

I think that speaks well for you, Ai. For the "you" that you are remembering. In that moment, you saw a child reach out to you and your first thoughts were to comfort. Indeed, you have it in you to be a mother. [ Kei, however, doesn't have it in him to love anyone. It isn't a sad thought. It never was. He lifts the can to drink deep. No, it is a terrifying thought. ]

I don't that child was human. I don't know what she was but the circumstances were too strange. [Ai knew children well. While it was true children often didn't know what was harmful and what wasn't, from what she could remember from that scenario there would have been enough alarm bells for any child even a naive one.]

It was more the other way around. She was comforting me. She chose me to be her mother. [No, there was no mistaking it. In pain and dying there was no way she could have offered comfort to anyone in that state. Her eyes closed. That child chose her to be 'Mother-Master', whatever that meant. She takes a drink and stops.

She was meant to be a mother? Yes, that was right but unlike with Luna the child chose her. She gives out a small laugh, unlike her normal giggle.] Some occult child chose me to be her mother. It's almost funny.

She didn't look human? [ His finger keeps flicking the top, thoughtfully. Master? He closes his eyes for a second as he muses over all the information that he had gained upon suddenly having all that information dumped on him by his other self. Wouldn't that be funny? Only it wouldn't. If they were from the same world, he would have been -- what would he have been doing? Kirei Kotomine did not covet after the Grail.

He takes a drink and holds the alcohol in his mouth for a time. What is he doing? What are my goals? Yes, they're my goals, aren't they? He swallows and decides an odd occult child from some cult choosing Ai to be her mother is far more interesting than the Holy Grail War. ]

One would think that would make her a demon, but I think that is quite rude to call your daughter from another world. [ He ducks his head. ] An occult child sounds better, at least. It would seem like your life in another world was rather interesting. To be chosen to be a mother by their child... few have that luxury. It is always the parent that does the choosing. [ Adjusting how he is sitting in his chair, he rests his cheek against his free hand and swirls the liquid in the can with his other. ]

What happened to the person that you had moved in with, then, I wonder? Or perhaps, the sequence of the memories are out of line... perhaps, you move in with someone with your new daughter?

She looked human enough, even if I have no idea who would let her dress like that. [It might be shallow to criticize based on appearances but that child needed proper clothes. That aside, even with silver hair and scars the child looked human. No. It wasn't how she looked.] It's how she talked. How she acted. I, for one, have never heard someone say two words at the exact same time before. It's physically possible but not to do it so clearly.

[Besides, a child wouldn't have the time to practice such a thing.] That and I know how children act from my own experiences. I doubt any one of them would act so calmly at--[Ai's voice stumbles at that.] At a person with their stomach cut. That alone might make her like us at best.

[Is it a luxury? Is it interesting? She's unsure. Ai's almost sure of her other self's reaction. If they were similar they'd accept it. It would be too much trouble to deny it.] I don't know. There was someone else there but... I don't know if it was him. I doubt it. If we were moving in why would he do something like that to me?

[Ai knows why. Easy target. It was common enough in crimes and in horror stories but... A cult? A demon child? Her other self felt grateful to this child, Ai felt... well. She felt unsure.]

[ He rocks the can left and right, slowly. Kei had thought that, perhaps, he had reminded Ai of something positive in her past life. It would seem that is not the case. He breathes out his amusement through his nose, but it's a bitter feeling. His eyes cast down to look at the beer in his hand before flickering back up to Ai's face. ]

It depends on the circumstances. I'm not all that calm all the time around blood. [ Kei tilts his head a little as he recalls how he responded to that woman's death in his memory. Even Kirei Kotomine had been feeling the trauma seeping into him at the event. ] In a clinical setting, even an unorthodox clinical setting, I can detach. But in other situations, it's hard to say.

[ His index finger taps lightly against the can, sounding almost like a metronome. ] It probably wasn't. If someone was asking you to live with him, I'm certain they would have invited your daughter, too, right? Which means that you did survive somehow? The sequence is an odd one, but so long as you lived, well, then there is a chance for a happy end. [ And he takes another drink, pausing to set the can down at the side of the chair. It is already finished, it seems. He stands to walk over to grab another. ]

Still, how did you feel about the child? [ The hissing sound of the can opening as he walks back to his chair. ]

Edited 2018-02-14 02:44 (UTC)

I think my past self accepted it at face value; she was in pain and someone told her that it would be over soon. [It could be a good memory. Ai wasn't sure whether it was bad or good. Probably good, considering she had been on the verge of dying. It could meant that she would be healed or finished off. She took a long drink.]

That's what I mean. You're used to it and yet it's hard to detach. I felt relief in the memory that someone, anyone, seemed to be there but now that I'm away from the situation of life and death it's different. [Could she love that child? Probably. Even with her apathy, if that child did save her life then of course she'd love her. She was chosen.] There is a chance, yes.

[Something about that man, too, seemed odd but.. Maybe that's just in Ai's mind. She looks at her beer, still half drunk. She finishes it before answering.]

I don't know how I feel about her yet. If she is my daughter, then I suppose I must love her. That's a mother's duty. [Could she devote herself to someone she barely knows?] Aha...more questions on questions. I'm talking awfully a lot about myself tonight.

That makes sense. [ He flicks his finger on the tab of the can. Click, click, click. ] Stomach wounds are always the worst to deal with, but I won't get into that with you. It is merely... the person that did that... either didn't care or hated you. So it's ... yes, it's good that you weren't alone and maybe that occult child saved you... that would have been certainly mean something.

[ His eyes close as he realizes that his mood isn't as melancholy as he would have thought it would be. He speaks in the same calmness as usual, but it may just be that he's not yet drunk. His finger continues to lightly drum on the side of the can. ] I see. Well, you are away from it now... and it is good to know that you're safe.

[ The bitterness he feels is that he can only incite feelings of despair in others. It is bitterness due to realizing something awakening inside of himself. Each time he sees the broken faces of people who have been forced to recall something agonizing from their past or his sharp words tear violently through their emotional walls, he feels something.

Kei has kept his insides still, like a pond whose waters looked black and still. Nothing to see in the dark depths. Nothing. But all these encounters are like stones being thrown into the water. Ripples upon ripples. Striking down and something is being struck each time. His bitterness is that he was content with his emptiness, because it hurt no one.

He opens his eyes then to look at Ai, mulling over the wording. There is a very soft hum like he may add something but he decides against it. ] It's fine. You know that I rarely like talking about myself, anyway. [ A slight pause. ] Besides, it would seem like this is weighing heavily upon you. I would not wish for it to be something that gets in the way of watching over Luna.

[ He pauses to look at the can held in his hand. ] You must have a lot of concerns about it. Indeed, there is a lot to be concerned about with it. And you're not certain of your own feelings toward the young girl that reached out to you. [ Kei starts to drink -- it takes awhile before he pulls the drink away. ] But there is a young girl here who is also reaching out to you, isn't that right, Ai?

[ A half-smile. ] Well, what do you think of Luna?

Edited 2018-02-14 06:56 (UTC)

[There was more than that but she held her peace. Those wounds were hers. The fact that it had stirred her out of her apathy had been shocking enough. It wasn't something she wanted to show more of.] Honestly, I would have preferred it if the person who did it hated me.

[That would have given the violence meaning. Attacking to kill without feeling anger or passion or even simple need frightens Ai. It was the same reasons that the occult child was disturbing. There was kindness--wasn't that Kei had said about her? Her grip tightens around the empty can.

Placing it aside she takes another one from the case. The bitter taste of cheap beer was better than thinking about it. If she's the child's mother, she must love her. It's her duty. Like it was his duty as a doctor to heal patients.] Luna...

[Right. Whoever that child was, she has a daughter now. It was her duty to Luna first. That child wasn't in Recolle, most likely, and even if she was she probably didn't know Ai's face from some other woman.] Well. She's certainly a character. I think we get along well enough.

[But what did she think of Luna? That was a difficult question.] She most likely doesn't see me as a mother for the moment and I think that's alright.

Hate is a much more understandable emotion. [ Kei gives a small nod in agreement. His gaze slips away as he looks off to the barren side of his apartment. The woman of his memories that killed herself -- he didn't feel any love for; he didn't feel any hate toward. But he did want to kill her himself. With his free hand, he rubs his eye with the heel of it before his hand slides down to slide over his mouth.

He drinks another mouthful, and he knows this isn't the same sort of drunk that he will get with Howard whenever he sees the man. This one is more one that wraps itself in the dark shadows of the apartment.

It is more of a soft buzz due to just how much he actually has to drink in order to really feel much of anything. Even if he isn't much of a drinker. Normally, he wouldn't be so reserved, but he did try to kill someone recently due to a regained memory. Kei worries that the memory of the young woman will come back to him in an intoxicated state. Howard stands well over him and he doesn't believe in a drunken state he could do much. Ai, however, is much smaller and delicate -- he isn't so sure she would survive.

The drumming starts up again, tapping lightly on the top of the can. ]

Young girls can be a little bit of trouble so be careful. [ He closes one eye as he looks to Ai. ] I am merely thinking of the young ladies that I happen to know that visit my restaurant. There is a strength and weakness to them that they've not yet grown into. I'm certain that Luna has that, too, about her. She's someone that has yet to have anyone say that they want her, after all.

[ He breathes out slow. ] I don't believe she'll ever see you as a mother until you see her as your daughter. [ His chin lifts slightly, as he thinks about the conversation he had with Kara about her foster sister. He thinks, too, about Atsushi and his adoptive father. ] I don't think that they can do it. The strength and weaknesses that they're growing into... they can't quite do it.

[ His head cocks to the side. ] If they give themselves up to hope, the weaknesses will grow too large inside of them. It will take a long, long time for them to overcome the hope they built within themselves. So, I'm not saying that you suddenly decide that you are her mother.

[ With his other hand, he gestures as he speaks: ] You've said that you have that within you, and you like Luna. That's enough. That's more than enough. She'll only weaken herself when you're willing to weaken yourself, too. That is... you have to be willing to possibly hurt another person by giving them hope. [ His chin dips down. It is a weakening of morals to be willing to crush the spirit of someone else with something as heavy as a happy future. And this is why I could never be a father. ]

Edited 2018-02-14 08:55 (UTC)

I can't say I agree that Luna has no one else.

[Ai felt something shift in the air, just enough for to sit up more straight. It was probably incitement at his words. The still fresh thought of her state of mind when she saw that child: the thoughts of a woman convinced she was going to die and didn't want to.

She pushes them aside. No, it didn't matter. It didn't matter for the moment. She shouldn't care too much. Her shoulders just relax slightly as her grip on the can tightens.]

She does have a sister that she cares for. [She tries to swallow that bile down. No, there was no need to be jealous of some other person.] Luna would be living with her if she could. I haven't met that girl yet, myself.

[She liked Luna but she was just a substitute for a sister that had no money. Foster care was just a stepping stone, after all. That had been fine for a while. Ai's gaze shifted to the can.

No, it still was. She liked many people.] Giving her hope... That's something I can't do.

[It wasn't as simple as giving the brief hope of success to her piano students. No, that was a fleeting thing. Just memorize a few phrases and any young pianist could do enough to please themselves. 'Like' was mild. To put her heart into something that much would require much more than simple 'like'.]

[ His eyes had wandered to watch the creeping shadows across the floor. He snaps his gaze back to her when Ai moves and confesses that Luna is not as alone as Kei thinks that she was. The metronome tapping continues against the side of the can -- having only paused to digest the information that he has been given. ]

So... that is why that you feel like you're the one that isn't chosen. [ Because of the sister that Ai has yet to meet. ] Did Luna say that much to you? Ah, probably. It is not as though that is a thought that would come from nowhere, hm? [ His head shakes as a way to apologize for asking an obvious question. ]

It is something that you had started to humor, however. [ He looks down at the top of his can. Tilting it, he looks down the hole into the black where he swishes the contents slow. ] To give her hope. You wouldn't be feeling anything about her sister if you didn't want to, after all, Ai. It would be feeling even more temporary than it does now, and you needn't even put forth any effort.

[ A beat. ] You could simply wait until her sister comes to claim her -- either by Luna growing up and out of your care, or whatever is separating them to fade. [ He rolls his shoulders as he sits more comfortably in his chair. ] Or you could take the place of her sister. After all, Luna's under the belief that even if she is wanted by no one there is someone that wants her outside the system.

[ Kei believes in fostering mundane happiness that he'd be able to feel something like that himself. To experience something as simple as being happy to be a family, but vicariously through friends. He does truly think that Ai could seek out and have something like happiness of this kind; she doesn't have the unfortunate mentality that he does.

Furthermore, she remembers being murdered and an occult child comes to save her -- she remembers in the moment of blood and insanity, there is someone that reaches out to love her. Shouldn't she feel that same peace in this lifetime, too? ]

And so... if you want her, that is something beyond what her sister can give or offer her, right? So, the path and journey... walking in something called happiness to some unknown destination... that is still within your power.

She told me that she would if it were financially possible.

[Ai, of course, tried not to care like she usually did. That was the strange thing for her. A thing like jealousy shouldn't effect her any more than missing a bus should. If this child that was going to pass through her life cared more for her sister, so what? That was probably better for her.

Her fingers shift along the can uneasily.] Honestly, I probably should. Even if I stepped up I'm an outsider, someone unsuited to be stepping in a situation I barely understand.

[Yet that occult child had done the same thing, hadn't she?] I thought I didn't care about the future. This.. is new.

[She's not sure she likes it.]

That's the spirit. I believe that you'll be able to come to eventually understand the situation, too. I believe that the situation could become one that you are part of, Ai.

[ Kei smiles at nothing in particular. His eyes close for a second before he stands so that he could set the can down on one of the shelf close to the books; it tetters close to that it may fall over. ]

Perhaps, it isn't that you didn't care, but you did not find anything that interested you in the future. [ He thinks that hope is a poison; he's been thinking this for some time. His own hope was just that he could live out his life merely existing as some residue presence in other's lives. Neither hurting nor helping anyone to a degree worth anything. But that was taken from him -- so he has a new hope that he could do something "good." The intention of good.

His hand poised next to the can as it rests against the shelf. If he struck it, even flicked his fingers against the side, it probably would fall. The mess would be something he would have to clean up. It would be detrimental to the books that he has held in his possession for years. In fact, the books may end up ruined if he dallies too long to clean up the excess beer that would splatter everywhere.

He lowers his hand. ]

In small ways, you're walking yourself toward happiness. Even if it may be impossible that the ending to what is happening will be a happy one... the journey there will be something, won't it? A difference than what you've lived. I suppose I am hoping that you can report back on such soft joy. It is like I told you... I believe the happiness that you will obtain will be mundane and ordinary to anyone else. The love towards a daughter and the love of a small family.

But to you, who has never experienced any simple joy with others, it will be special.

[She's not really sure what's happening anymore. Maybe it's the alcohol and the confusion of all these memories. Was there something lacking in being hesitant towards her future?]

That might be true. [Perhaps Kei's right. Perhaps her problem was just not finding something that interested her. Once piano had filled that hole. She glances up to watch the potential disaster. In it she saw an opening.]

It would be a shame if that fell. [Would she care? She doesn't think so. He probably wouldn't either...or if he did, it would be an interesting interaction. Better than dwelling on what she wants.] Perhaps you should be carefull.

[What do you mean she's deflecting?]

[ Kei gives a small nod before he looks back to what she's talking about. His stare darkens for a second on the comment that he should be careful. A small sigh before he reaches out to snatch the can from how it precariously sits. ]

I should be, but I'm not so responsible a person.

[ So he says, he barely feels anything. It is because he is certain that the darkness of the room -- the scarceness of it very much resembles what Kirei Kotomine entered when he came to see that ailing woman. His eyes close as he sighs, thinking that perhaps he should not have had her come over.

It was a good time to have her enter this space that his friends did, and speak as they did on the world with their eccentric views. But everything is far too close to the surface. He can feel it itching just beneath the skin. ]

How are you feeling, Ai?

[It's just like her to notice something so mundane during a conversation like this. She shouldn't focus on something like that. It wasn't any of her business--]

It would be a shame.

[It would be such a mess to clean up. What a waste of a beer, too. At the question she suddenly focuses on her beer.]

Uncertain about all of this.

Only if I considered it meaning anything.

[ Kei is merely being dramatic, if he is honest with himself. The situation would be better if he simply turned on more lights and let himself literally watch shadows as he thinks of the implications of memories. Somehow, he feels like he's desiring being a little bit grandiose in his feelings -- even if it is shown in the smallest of ways. ]

As you should be, Ai. There is nothing that can be easily learned from anything... other than in weakness, someone held out a hand to save you. The reasons for it need not matter. What matters is that a hand was held out. [ A beat. ] And the same action is now within your hands. Luna is one that is in a state that one could say... uncertain. If she leaves your care, where will she go? Will she become one of the lost of the system? Will she run away from it all? If her sister cannot care for her, what place does she have?

With these questions in mind, you can hold out the hand to save her from it. [ And he lets out a small sigh. ] But I fear my emotions are what they are. It may be best for us to part for the night.

[She doesn't quite want to go but there was no point in arguing. She stands up, shrugging. This was how things are. Besides.. Well.]

So many questions, so little answers. I'll think on it, Kei. I promise.

[She can drink in silence at her own home. It was better than possibly getting into an argument.] Then, I suppose I should say goodnight.

[She glances at the beer.] Do you want me to leave it?

You needn't promise me. These are your own thoughts. I am merely someone giving you more to think about, if anything.

[ He gives the smallest of shrugs. ] I was also thinking that it would be unfortunate for Luna to wake without her mother home, too. [ Was he? No. But he had just thought of it now, so it isn't a complete lie. ]

A good question. [ Does he want to continue his line of thinking alone and drunk? He chuckles at the very idea. ] I'll keep it and be sure to reimburse you at the shop for your trouble. That sounds fair, doesn't it?

I doubt I would have been out that late. That aside, if she woke up at this hour I would worry about her.

[Since she'd probably sneak out. Well, it's a distraction after all.]

Mm, I suppose it is. [She gives a giggle of her own. She'd just buy something on her way home.] Do be careful.

[She heads towards the door, gently picking up her coat.] Good night, Kei.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ closed ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject