recolle | ( CLOSED ) it comes, it comes, it comes, it goes.

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( CLOSED ) it comes, it comes, it comes, it goes.

WHO: Yato & Yukine Matsuoka.
WHERE: Yukine's aunt's house.
WHEN: early january '18.
WHAT: a conversation about morality and swords.
WARNINGS: language, teen angst, conversations of death.

( memories have started to return to him little by little—that is, if you can truly call them memories. yukine isn't entirely sure what to make of them most of the time. they seem real enough at least, so he's been trying not to think too hard about them.

however, there's been something nagging at him. it's just a little thought, one that lingers in the back of his mind, and up until now he's had no problems simply ignoring it.

what had yato wanted to tell him before? )

hey yato?

( a quick and short text. when yato doesn't immediately reply, he continues on. )

are you doing anything?
i really

( a pause. how does he explain this without sounding alarming?

oh.

no, he knows. maybe if he puts it like this, yato won't panic. )

i really want to talk to you
about "sea cucumbers" again

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[ Yukine knows Yato too well, because putting it that way does alarm him less than "so let's talk about how I'm a sword"... Though it still gets him to sit up. ]

Ok
What's on your mind

( he pauses, considering, before ultimately deciding that he definitely doesn't want to have this conversation over text. it would be better if yato just came over. )

a lot
i'm at my aunt's house
if you remember where that is
come see me

i'm ready to hear you out

[ This might be the most receptive Yato's ever heard him. So be it. ]

If you're sure
Give me a few and I'll be there

[ Yato grabs his sketchbook. Before he hops off, he hesitates, stops. Almost without thought, he finds himself ripping a few key pages from the worn spiral binding. The evidence that those pages were ever there is easily hidden away. He cannot say why it feels so important to do so -- but it does feel important, and irresistably so. Frowning to himself, Yato hops off to Yukine's aunt's place.

He arrives in short time. If Yukine isn't already there to let him in, Yato will hop up to find him on an upper floor. ]

( there's no need. thankfully for yato, yukine is already outside on the front porch waiting for him. it doesn't matter that there's no one is inside that could be possibly be disturbed by yato's entrance, it's yukine's intent to look like he's taking this seriously and he figures he can best show that by being prepared for this visit.

you know, the visit where yato finally spills the beans.

the big one.

distantly, he considers backing out. maybe he doesn't truly want to know. when yato approaches, a notebook tucked underneath his arm, yukine has half a mind to shoo him away. he'll just laugh it off and tell him fuck off, but he does nothing of the sort.

what he actually does is wave like an idiot. )

You got here quick.

[ If Yukine had tried to laugh this off, Yato might've just given him an odd look and made his way in anyway.

As things are, Yato still gives Yukine an odd look for the dweeby wave. Mostly because Yukine never lets himself look eager to receive Yato anymore... If he feels awkward enough to be waving at Yato in greeting, Yukine's mind must be all jumbled up. ]

Nerves getting you or something?

[ Anyway, he waves a hand. ]

It's not like I have to worry about traffic anymore. Travel's a cinch.

Kind of, yeah.

( an honest reply. yukine has spent a lot of time thinking about this issue, but actively avoiding the conversation that would actually answer his questions. he has no idea what pieces of the puzzle he's missing, which makes him feel anxious. he's heard so much weird shit from others about their own backgrounds, so—

how bad is his?

then he just shrugs and hums a response. )

Mm.

( then he's on his feet and pulling the door open to let them inside. )

C'mon inside. ( a pause. ) Do you want tea?

Only if you don't have beer.

[ He tugs off his boots before heading in. His reply came on a whim, but a beer really does sound like a good idea... Either way, he'll follow Yukine throughout the house. ]

So you're ready to listen now, huh? What changed?

'Kay.

( casually as he leads yato into the kitchen. he gestures for yato to sit at the breakfast bar as he digs into the fridge to retrieve a cold can of beer and place it on the bar for him. )

There's food too.

( then a pause. how does he say this? )

Two things, I guess. One, I was talking to someone else who is a sword and then two, I remembered something else. Something weird.

[ Yato snaps up the beer and pops it open. He won't even bother asking who the other sword is; it's not like they're exactly rare around here, and all things considered, it was probably Yamato. It's more of a miracle that it took this long for Yukine to talk shop with other swordfolk. ]

And? What did you remember?

( funnily enough, it was not yamato. he isn't exactly the most coherent person and talking to him anything sword-related was vague best. thankfully, yato isn't really pressing on this matter and he's glad for it. he doesn't really want to go into kashuu's whole princess and the pea thing.

yukine pauses at the question, knowing he needs to elaborate. in an effort to stall for a few more seconds, he grabs a package of cookies and pushes it yato's way. )

I fought someone. ( he presses his fingers to his forehead. ) He busted my forehead. Sorry, I don't really know his name or anything, but it was weird. During the fight. . .

( he trails off, hands moving to cover his face. )

Hiyori was there. Cheering me on and she said you called me your "one and only". Your blessed shinki. So, I should believe in you. Well, I'm believing in you.

[ Needless to say, Yato now has a cookie in his mouth. He nibbles on it as he tries to think of what memory Yukine could be talking about... but nothing comes to mind. He doesn't have any memory evidence that Yukine was much of a fighter, except of course when he was a sword.

Yato bends his ear in closer to hear Yukine when he covers his face...

And here's good old Hiyori with the assist. Yato still hardly knows who she is as a person, but it seems like she's always helping him out, in that lifetime and this one. He's starting to feel like he owes her a debt. ]

So that's what it takes, huh? And what're you getting all embarrassed over?

It's not like that! And I'm not embarrassed!

( an immediate protest. he doesn't want yato to get the wrong idea with this. it isn't that it came down to having to hear it from hiyori or anything for validity, it was just more along the lines that he was acknowledged to be something special. all of his friends have all of these wild powers or impressive companions, but yukine has been pretty accepting of the idea of not measuring up. yato and yukine were basically japanese ghost-busters, so what could be better?

apparently, having some kind of energy fight and winning. that was pretty frickin' cool. not only that, he was special to someone. no one else could fill his shoes! or at least that's how it sounded and he was really hoping that was true. )

It was just the first time I remembered anything like that. Be more impressed! Lord Tenjin was there too.

( a pause as he drags his hands down his face to rest on the counter. )

He named him, the guy I beat up. With the red symbol. Thy name is "Saku", as a vessel "Shi".

( mimicking him, yukine makes the motion with his hand. )

Tenjin, huh...

[ Yato doesn't know what the guy looks like, but he does remember that name getting kicked around in a memory. He savors his cookie for a moment longer before taking a bite. ]

So he took your opponent for his own shinki after you beat him up. Like a game of Pocket Pals.

[ Yukine cast as ~~Pikachu~~ the spunky electric pal is startlingly appropriate. Except instead of not getting along with the trainer for one episode, it's like 200 episodes. ]

Well, whatever. That's not a bad intro to all the weirdness in our past lives, but it's only the tip of the iceberg.

[ He sets his sketchbook down and leans against the counter. ]

So what do know about shinki?

Pocket Pals—?

( jesus christ. what's the matter with him? doesn't he think these things out before he says them? grabbing a wooden spoon from the caddy on the bar, he whacks yato in the arm with it. )

Gross. Don't put it like that. Have some tact about it.

( then there's a pause. he hasn't thought too much about it until recently but even then he's been confused by it. what does it really mean to be a shinki? )

Uhm. Hmm. I guess they're weapons? For the gods? They're used to fight each other and bad spirits or something. Kind of like Ghost Fighters but with swords and a lot more in-fighting.

[ Yato is so unfazed by Yukine smacking him by now that it's kind of pitiful. He sucks on his cookie some more and talks around it. ]

That's right. Shinki aren't just two-bit weapons, though. Aside from all the cool stuff they can do in a fight, they form contracts with gods and share an emotional bond.

[ He points. ]

That tattoo of yours is proof that you're my shinki. You got it when I gave you your name.

Is it just one god? Like samurai or what?

( because it's an important question.

he nods at the second part of that. that's about what he figured after watching tenjin name a shinki. he almost doesn't think any further about it but he repeats the sentence back in his head. that can't be right. his dad named him, not yato, so what the fuck. )

Wait. What was my name before?

Huh? Yuki. That's what the tattoo says, don't it? "Yukine" was like... your everyday name.

[ He strokes his chin.......... as if he could ever grow a beard. ]

Can't say I've figured out all the rules yet, but Bishamon had a whole lot of shinki at once. Hundreds, maybe?

[ He's guesstimating... like a lot... His eyes drift upward in thought. ]

They all seemed totally devoted to her. Kind of nutty about it, actually. Calling them samurai loyal to their lord probably isn't too far off.

But also know that names can be revoked. If a shinki isn't up to snuff, a god can give 'em the boot. Could be that Bishamon got rid of the shinki that weren't loyal enough.

( the heaviest sigh of his life. )

You dumbass.

( there's another sigh as he takes a seat on one of the bar stools. )

If you named me "Yuki" then I had to have a name before that. The one my parents gave.

( but hundreds of shinki, huh? probably not that much. he figures it's probably like a dozen or something. )

[ For a moment, Yato is confused. Why would he know about the name Yukine had before Yato met him?

Then he parses Yukine's meaning. Yukine still thinks he was a regular kid in his past life, albeit chosen to be an instrument of a god. In Yato's head, the layers of the present, his past life, Yukine's past life, and Yukine's past life's past life are starting to run together... But now, at least, Yato doesn't have to attempt to wrestle with the complexities of their last lives in secret.

It's time to get everything out in the open. Now or never. ]

... About that. I don't know what your name was before we met. I was the first god to get to you.

Shinki aren't just people chosen by gods to become tools. A shinki without a name is a ghost. A spirit. Your parents weren't in the picture anymore. For all intents and purposes, the name I gave you was your only one.

( "for all intentions and purposes, the name i gave you was your only one".

the realisation of what this means is a slow one. it takes yukine a moment for the understanding to set in, seeping deep into his skin, as he grips the edge of the counter until his knuckles appear white. if yato is saying what he thinks he is, then he's saying that yukine is dead. what the fuck else is a ghost? or is he a spirit like kashuu and yamato? someone who was never alive in the first place? )

What?

( his voice cracks out, vaguely disbelieving. )

Are you saying I'm supposed to be dead? Yato, is that what you're saying? Shinki are the dead?

Yes. And as long as you're on the Retrospec app, there's a high chance that you'll return to that state eventually.

[ As afraid as Yato was to get to this point, it's surprisingly easy to let the truth out now. His gaze is unwavering as he watches Yukine's reaction. ]

You've been able to avoid it for longer than I expected. Make whatever you want of that. But if I were you, I'd start living without regret. It goes without saying that things will be different once you're a ghost again.

( what the fuck does that even mean? he was able to avoid it longer than he expected? when was he supposed to have died? was it back during halloween? was the fog supposed to be the thing to snuff him out or was there some unseen threat that yato never bothered to tell him? how long had yato known about that?

yukine couldn't tell if he was more frustrated by the fact that yato was just telling him all of this now or the fact he was telling him at all. he lets out a noise, something like a sputter, before he sweeps a hand outward and knocks a glass clean off the bar. it shatters upon impact, scattering across the floor, but yukine doesn't take his eyes off of yato. )

Get the fuck out.

( anger bleeds across his expression. )

I thought you came here to talk to me about your memories, but you're just fucking with me.

Get out.

( he knows this shit isn't true. )

[ Yato doesn't react to the smashed glass, even though it's as loud as a thunderclap. It's the accusation that hurts. To have guarded this secret so closely, only to be dismissed and called a liar by the very person whose sake he kept it for -- it stings more than a little. Yukine assumes Yato is lying whether he hides the facts or lays them all out. It's painful to wonder what kind of person Yukine thinks Yato is.

Regardless, this isn't something Yato can just give up on; he remains seated, his voice taking on steel. ]

You said you'd believe in me. Was that a lie?

Either way, sit. You can think I'm delusional, but listen to all of what I have to say first.

( some part of yukine had been hoping that yato would rescind his words. he had hoped that yato would have realised that these jokes weren't funny and he didn't have the time nor the patience to be jerked around about their shared memories.

watching yato harden, refusing to budge on his remarks, is terrifying. he needs this to be a lie. )

No.

( he answers after a moment and a hard, frustrated sigh. he had definitely said as much and he does want to hear him out, but—

he doesn't want to hear this. he doesn't want to hear he's supposed to be dead.

reluctantly, he takes a seat. )

Then go on.

[ When Yukine sits, the tension Yato didn't know was in his shoulders begins to drain. Back to business, then.

He grabs his sketchbook and opens it to a sketch of Yukine in a white robe, as well as a gleaming Sekki colored in marker. Along the side of the page is some scribbled dialogue. "I am Yato, your master. I've called you back from the Far Shore to make you my shinki. I hereby permit you to be closer than kin..." In the corner, it's dated to May of last year.

He pushes the sketchbook toward Yukine. Most of the pages are like that: key images with dialogue and commentary jotted down, some more vivid than others. Some are just rough sketches, quick outlines of a flash of battle, but others are splashed with watercolor or fastidiously shaded with marker. ]

This was my first memory of you. Does it look familiar?

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( CLOSED ) it comes, it comes, it comes, it goes.

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