recolle | Family holidays

[It takes just a little bit longer for Xiaolang to fall asleep himself, not quite as tired as Sakura was and much more tense, but he eventually relaxes enough to drift off into a comfortable slumber. Minutes pass, and then hours, the New Year's quietly ringing in without either of them the wiser.

It's about two in the morning when it happens.

He's ten years old again. The ground around him is shaking uncontrollably. He's leaning over the lip of a gaping chasm in the earth, desperately holding onto someone's hand, being the one link between them and a drop to utter oblivion.

'Give me your other hand!!' He shouts, extending his other arm, straining to hold up the other person despite the rocking earth and the chaos around them. The girl looks up at him, worry and panic in her large green eyes, trying to reach--

... oh. Oh no. That wasn't just any girl. That was Sakura.

Her eyes screw shut as she strains to meet his other hand, fighting against the tremors that are getting worse by the second, her grip on him pulling more and more at his glove until--

The garment abruptly slips off of his hand, pulling her out of his grasp, her eyes wide and terrified as she plummets into the abyss below, still clutching the traitorous glove.

'SAKURA!!!'

Xiaolang doesn't even realize he's yelling her name until he bolts awake, breath ragged and shaky, a fine sheen of sweat upon his brow. His heart is hammering in his chest, and his arms tremble as the dream-- no, the memory-- flashes through his mind again.]

No-- no, Sakura--

[His distress is so intense, he's forgotten where he was at the moment, so disoriented and terrified from the nightmare to realize that the girl he's panicking over is only a scant few feet away.]

[Sakura had no such dream, but she was a light enough sleeper to awaken to him calling out in his sleep like that, as he himself awakes, even if she didn't wake from the movement of him sitting up so suddenly. Disturbing the blankets of their makeshift bed, she too sits up, one hand raising to his back as she frowns.]

Li-kun? You've never called me that before. What's wrong?

[Maybe when she -- they both had calmed down she might just take that as invitation to call him by his first name, but. Priorities. Of course she wants to be sure he is alright.]

[He starts, badly, at the hand upon his back, the fact that he wasn't alone in his own bed completely forgotten as he turns to Sakura. For a moment, the emotions swirl across this face, more than he's ever bothered to show her, or any other person for that matter. There's fear, panic and helplessness in his eyes as he searches her face, finally registering her there, the terror of losing her, of letting her slip from his grasp still fresh in his mind. His lips part for second, as if he's about to say her name again, before his body acts on it's own accord.

She was already nearby, touching his back, but he moves closer, wrapping his arms around her body and tugging her towards him. She was safe. She was here. She wasn't lost in the bottom of a ditch, never to be seen again, because he wound up failing her. Xiaolang wasn't used to giving hugs-- heck, he wasn't used to recieving them-- but seeing Sakura, here in this lifetime in one piece, was enough to break his reserves and try. He was very much not alright, not if the slight tremble still in arms were any indication, but it was going to be just a bit more before he could regain his composure and finally tell her what he remembered.]

[She blinks, a little surprised but she doesn't resist the hug either. It's easily returned more once she disentangles herself from the blankets, Sakura bringing her own arms around his shoulders and waist as best she could. Her fingers clutching a little at the fabric of his shirt.

She's not sure what has him so worked up. That he called out for her like that, using her first name. But something obviously happened. He'd tell her when he was ready. For now, all she could do was be there for him. If that meant hugs in trying to comfort him, she'd allow it and return the embrace.]

It's okay.

[What was it about Sakura saying that one simple phrase that made him want to believe it unconditionally? A shuddery breath escapes as her arms enfold around him, warm and comforting, his grip on her tightening instinctively in response. His head dips a little, brow nearly touching her shoulder, trying to force himself to steady his breathing and find his usual center, though that's easier said than done. In, out. In, out. The more he breathes, the more his heartbeat calms, Sakura's scent helping him focus back on the present. It was a just a memory-- a terrifying memory, one that dredged up so many fears and so many insecurities-- but that was another life, another time. This was now, and Sakura wasn't in any immediate danger, she was here, in his arms, soft and warm and--]

[--oh.

Oh NO.

With his mind finally a little more calmed, the immediate situation hits him like a brick truck, and his heart nearly scrambles out of his throat. His head shoots up from where it was rested on her shoulder, face nearly scarlet, his hold on her loosening considerably. Oddly enough, though, he makes no move to push Sakura away-- maybe it was just the lingering panic from his memory that needed some more comforting, or maybe, just maybe, there was something nice about being held by somebody, so he wasn't about to disengage her as of yet.

Swallowing hard, he glances down at her, trying to find his voice. He had worried her. He woke her up in the middle of the night with his panicking, and, instead of being the one for her to depend upon, he was clinging to her for help instead. How could he even try to protect her when he was like this? ]

Sa...

... Sunny. I'm sorry. I'll be fine.

It was just a memory so don't... don't worry yourself over it.

[... Xiaolang do you honestly believe she will buy that after you WOKE UP YELLING HER NAME AND THEN HUGGING HER, you stupid nugget of a child????]

[Really, if she paid better attention with his usual reactions around her, she wouldn't be surprised with him suddenly pulling back like that with such a flushed face. But that might just be from the nightmare, right? Or whatever it was. So she tells herself, just hoping that's all and he isn't coming down with something.]

Just a memory? With you waking up like that from it? What happened in the memory?

[He does not seem fine. Or, well. More fine than he was at first but still. Of course she was worried.]

[Yup!!! Totally from the nightmare!! Definitely not getting sick or hugely embarrassed over how close they were, nope!!! His body tenses in her hold, though, her questions dredging up the memory he was trying to quell just moments before. No, of course she would ask them that. With their unique situation of shared memories and all, whatever he remembered of Sakura would eventually be recalled by her too, in one way or another. He didn't want to talk about it, to describe the terror he had experienced just minutes before, but... she had wanted to know. Had their situations been reversed, he'd probably be pressing her to tell him about it too.]

It...

[His hands, which had settled somewhere on her shoulders when he had pulled out of his embrace, tugged a little at the fabric there as they curled into fists. It was difficult to say, but he had to do it. His lips purse, and there's pain in his eyes, but he continues, his voice quiet.]

... there was an earthquake. It opened this huge split in the ground, and you must have been knocked into it, since I was trying to pull you back up, but--

... but you slipped out of my hand. My glove came off of the one you were holding onto, and you fell. You went straight down to the bottom of that-- of that abyss, and...

...I couldn't do anything.

Eh? I remember that! There um.....the big lion? With wings? He helped me back up though.

[She has no idea it's Kero. The same soft toy thing they realized seemed to connect their memories initially. Just that there was apparently a flying lion around somehow. Which clearly isn't the important thing as much as she tries to focus on reassuring him. She was fine in those memories and she was fine now.

And not focus on that she didn't mention this earlier. Probably because she hadn't wanted to freak him out and worry him like this.]

So....so it's alright! I was fine! And I'm fine now, okay?

[You can almost hear a pin drop as Xiaolang takes a moment to process what she just said, so casually and cheerfully, that he wasn't sure if he had heard her correctly. He draws backs a bit more, dislodging himself a little from her hold (but not entirely-- please keep hugging this dumb, over-worried child, Sakura), his eyes wide and confused. He had been preparing himself for her own fear, her own worry as he described the memory to her, but... this. This was entirely not what he expected. He gapes at her, not even bothering to mask his surprise and disbelief as he sputters out an answer once he can find his words.]

I-- You-- You what?

[And then, a beat--]

I don't remember a lion!

[STILL... given how unperturbed she is, hearing about the near brush with death she had (and his overwhelming guilt he had in not being able to prevent it), it probably was true. But why didn't he recall that last part, then? It felt like a lead weight had been lifted off of his heart, though, and, with a small sigh, he tips his head forward again, letting his brow settle on her shoulder in quiet relief. She had survived. He didn't quite know how (seriously... a lion with wings??), but she did, and he was glad for it. Not so much so that he had been responsible, in a way, and that was still going to bother him no matter what, but it still was good to know...

... although it does bring up another matter.]

Sunny. [... that's not a pleased tone of voice.] You should have told me. How long did you remember this? [Because, even if it would have worried him then, at least he could have prepared for eventually recalling it later. And, y'know, not remember it out of nowhere and jumping to the worst of conclusions.]

Edited 2018-01-22 16:04 (UTC)

Yes.....I'm not sure why or how it had wings though. But ah -- I just....I didn't want to worry you? Since I was fine and he helped me back up?

[She still probably hadn't quite been expecting this. This reaction. For him to get quite this worked up. She tries to reassure him, while still feeling a little guilty and sheepish over the excuse.

Would she have wanted to know? If it were her? Eventually, they would get the same memories anyway. She should have figured he would get the same memory eventually. She just isn't sure why he doesn't yet recall her rescue.]

[PROBABLY BECAUSE RETROSPEC IS A JERK AND LIKES TO DESTROY HIS FEELINGS?? ~~No, that's just my fault~~]

I was going to be concerned either way. At least if you had told me when you remembered, I wouldn't have thought that I had--

['--lost you forever', but he stops himself there. That was a bit too much for him to admit at the moment, even in this emotionally bare state. When he speaks again, however, there's a bit of a softer edge to his voice.]

...

... it doesn't matter. I'm just... glad it wound up being okay in the end. That... you wound up being okay.

[He's not even going to touch the subject of that lion at the moment, though, nope. It could wait for another time, when it wasn't so late and he wasn't so worn out from the nightmare, and he wasn't being held by--

--oh. OH RIGHT. That was definitely a thing that was still happening, wasn't it?

Eyes wide, he jerks his head up from Sakura's shoulder, arms going stiff at his sides as he drops them away from her body. His own form goes rigid in her hold, unsure of what to do. Does he break off the hug? Part of him, the easily embarrassed part, wanted to, but it was warring with the side that... well, kind of didn't. There was something soothing, something... warm about her hold, and wondering why he wasn't so keen to get out of it was beginning to fluster him.]

U-Um-- But I-I'm fine now, so you... you should go back to sleep. I didn't mean to wake you. [Although he still hasn't acknowledged the fact he used her first name yet...]

Had....?

[Had dropped her to be hurt or killed? Is probably the answer here. But she doesn't get much if any more chance to say much else before he ends up jerking back, seeming suddenly more conscious of their position. Not that Sakura thought much if anything of it, simply wanting to comfort him after he'd woken up so worked up and all.]

A-alright then. But um. Before we go to sleep, since...since you called me 'Sakura', is it okay if I call you 'Xiaolang-kun'?

[She still says it more similar to 'Syaoran', with her accent but. That's what she's more used to calling him in these other memories so far that have him in them.]

[Xiaolang was already trying to (badly) shift out of Sakura's hold, to further press the need for her to go back to sleep, but he freezes the moment that question leaves her lips. It stopped. His heart actually stopped. Or that's how it felt like, anyway, as he heard her say his name, his first name, out in the open like that, with relative ease. She mispronounced it, of course, like most did, and usually that was a source of irritation for him, but... for whatever reason, hearing her say it as 'Syaoran' felt... appropriate. It felt right. His heart started working again, fluttering on nervous butterfly wing his chest, his face heating up the more he dwelt upon it.

But something else she said caught in his mind, something more important--]

W-When did I call you--?

[... oh. Oh wait. He did, didn't he, in that memory he had-- that they both had. He wasn't even aware that he had yelled her actual name when he had jolted himself out of his sleep, but now that he was thinking back on it...

The color in his cheeks deepen as the implications finally dawn upon him, and his eyes flick away to avoid her gaze. He had only let family use his first name, prior to this, but... not everyone had somebody they shared memories from another life with. That certainly could be an exception.]

... d-do as you like. [A beat, and then--] Would you... prefer me calling you that instead of 'Sunny', though? [Because he never really thought she had an issue with the nickname-- it was just something that had stuck-- but if she was happier with him saying her actual name, then...]

When you first woke up. I guess I don't mind 'Sunny'. But you know that's not really my name.

[As cute and fitting a nickname as it is. She easily loosens her hold to let him shift and have his space now if he needs to though. Sakura doesn't want to force anything if he wants to move now, wants to pull back to have some space between them.

She's aware that there are certain implications, a certain degree of closeness that doing so implied. She is more used to using people's first names than most Japanese, living here for so long anyway. But with certain friends or such she still uses surnames. Depending on if they were also from Japan or allowed her to be less formal with them. Which is why she is asking, here.]

[He frowns slightly, realizing the truth in her words, and moves back enough to maintain a respectable distance between the two of them again. His hands settle into the blankets, tugging them a little in his hands as he gives this some thought.]

... no, I know it's not. I guess it's just something that sort of... stuck.

[But, in a way, it's a relic from their older days-- the days when Xiaolang had been a cold, arrogant jerk to her, before she managed to worm her way past his defenses with her kind personality and sweet smile. The nickname seemed cute now, but if he wanted to emphasize how much she mattered to him (as a friend!! A FRIEND!!), he was going to have to move on from it.]

But... i-if you like it better... I suppose I can start calling you that. [He swallows a little, a bit more unsure of saying her name now that he wasn't in a memory induced panic. His voice is quiet, shy, and almost?? A bit tender as he gathers the nerve to say it.]

...Sakura.

I know. I won't force you, but. Just, if you wanted to. If you're letting me call you Xiaolang-kun, I mean.

[It seems only fair. To at least put the offer out there. Whether he goes with it or not. The name and softness of it still seems....right, somehow. When she hears him say it again. This time less panicked and frantic. There's something of a quiet intimacy of it, but that might also be the dark, the timing of it, them being in the lounge alone together like this at such an hour.]

[The moment her name leaves his lips, it's immediate just how... right it was, to him as well. There was no other way to describe it. Much like how she said his own name, with the odd little accent that turned it into 'Syaoran' instead of 'Xiaolang', it felt familiar, almost achingly so. But the intimacy of it all isn't lost on him-- the dark still of the night, illuminated by just the moon and the streetlights filtering through the windows, with just their hushed voices cutting through the silence as they spoke to one another with names reserved only for those dearest to them. When was it that they got close enough to one another to become comfortable with all of this?

... well, no. Maybe not comfortable, exactly. It's a wonder Sakura can't hear his heartbeat in the quiet all around them, as strong and loud as it feels in his chest. A small noise of acknowledgement comes from the back of his throat, too flustered from just saying her name to really say much more along this topic, aside from--]

Is... is that all?

Huh? Oh. Um. Y-yes.....

[She can't help but to savor it. Him calling her by name. It's something special for the two of them. Just them. Still, she can't deny the lingering tiredness from being woken so suddenly in the middle of the night like that. So she does then try to shift a little more, in lying down.]

We should probably get back to sleep.

Family holidays | semi-open

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