recolle | [muffled one piece rap]

WHO: zoro and yOU
WHERE: [spongebob voice] ALLL AROUUUUUND TOWWWN
WHEN: december
WHAT: it's a catchall bc lbr i missed the event log
WARNINGS: idfk it's zoro so it's gonna be real fucking stupid

OTA: DECEMBER 15TH, 3:17 AM

[while the amount of people who are visiting the hospital at 3:17 am is a select few, if any at all, should your character be there and walking down a certain hall they will hear quite a commotion. What sounds like a rhino has awakened in one of the private rooms, crashing about and--oh. no. not a rhino.]

I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!

[just zoro. a fact made clear as he kicks out the door to his room, outraged, and wearing only a hospital gown. and antlers. and a reindeer nose. with a tinsel boa around his neck. and arms. and... yeah. just coated in tinsel. he's shouting back at someone in the room.]

SHUT UP! [and now, directing his anger at a gaggle of nurses who are losing their shit and failing to hide it, despite their best efforts.] YOU TOO! WHICH OF YOU ASSHOLES LET HIM DRESS ME UP LIKE A DAMN TREE?!

[and, if you're staring at him:] WHAT?! GOT A PROBLEM?!

[oh. also his hair is green.]

CLOSED TO BAREN: DECEMBER 15TH, 3:05 AM

[rewind. zoro doesn't expect to wake up in a room. he expects a plaza, kyouko's face hovering above him. not a christmas ornament dangling from medical equipment as monitors murmur around him.]

What the...? [he turns his head. something scratches his throat. he ignores it once he catches sight of baren.] What are you doing here?

[from his surroundings he definitely made it to the hospital. makes sense. he remembers a significant portion of the... whatever that was. it was painful–the worst he's ever felt–but it had only lasted a couple hours, hadn't it? no reason for baren to come down. not yet.

he sits up.

–and immediately gets strangled by tinsel.

hope baren enjoys the noise of choked, angry squawks for his wake-up alarm.]

OTA: MISTLETOE BATS, DECEMBER 16TH - END OF MONTH

[either zoro is extremely stubborn or extremely oblivious because oftentimes he can be spotted walking down the street, a flock of mistletoe bats fluttering behind him. mariah carey blasts in a disharmonious choir around him like a hellish disney princess. he doesn't seem to mind. the most he really does is stop in the middle of the street and shout at them:]

AC/DC! [they had a christmas song too.]

OTA: SNOWPECS... CAN'T BELIEVE I WROTE THAT

[so how about those flurries, huh? they come quick and they hit hard, leaving a thick coating of snow in their wake. so thick that a good amount of things are covered. cars, plants, sidewalks, a mysterious lump lying down on a bench.

–wait, what?

don't worry, it gets weirder. the closer one gets to said weird lump, the more one sees that the only thing to be seen are...

chiseled. pecs. and a tuft of green hair further up. yes, even in winter zoro does not wear a shirt under coats. which means he is possibly going to die from the cold. that might explain why he's not moving? maybe help.]

OTA: SNOWPECS, CHIPPENDALES ALT

[basically the last prompt except you find him frozen in a park or something logical for fitness and instead of having a coat he just. has pants. not even shoes or socks. just. pants. and swords. in winter.

fucking weirdo]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[Shouto's out getting presents because he finally has a solid idea for what his friends might want.

And then he catches somebody familiar screaming at bats.]

... Do you think that's going to make them leave?

[fuck it we're saying that this is when chuuya is still at the inkwell or something because baren is - a light sleeper? the murmurs manage to get him to open his eyes, the sound of choking on tinsel is what really wakes him up as he jolts and turns to zoro and

immediately starts laughing

he pulls out his phone from his pocket and takes pictures of his hard work]

Merry Christmas, fucko!!

[IT'S TEN DAYS TOO EARLY]

[kid cop gets a weird look.]

Who said I'm trying to get them to leave?

[stupid...]

You're yelling at them.

... What's AC/DC?

[This poor deprived child.]

[zoro is getting slightly pale in the face, flailing wildly. his eyes may be bulging a bit?? might be an optical illusion. either way he's making weird choking noises that roughly translate to:

WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?!?!?!]

[both zoro and all. the mistletoe bats. stop and stare at shouto.]

... That a joke?

[He shuffles uncomfortably with all their eyes on him.]

I'm serious.

... Why did it sound like a joke?

[it's fine he's immortal.

but regardless baren's laughing once he's done taking enough pictures, wandering over to the side of the bed where he's going to take a seat because why wouldn't he. and then just working on untangling zoro from his mess, but not taking off his... reindeer antlers or rudolph nose.... zorudolph is awake.]

I had to kill time while you were out.

You're a really ugly sleeper by the way.

[but well. he seems - relaxed? his hair's a mess and he's a bit more unkempt than usual just given how long he's been at the hospital and only leaving for half an hour max each time to run and get a change of clothes or shower but. he's calmer now. happier.

zoro's awake.]

[choked swearing until he's finally free and then he's just. shoving at baren's face and then grabbing his shirt collar and dragging his face close enough to properly shout in it.]

LIKE I WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE FIRST THING EITHER!!! WHAT THE HEL–[wait. why can't he pull baren close enough to him? it's almost like something's... on... his... nose.

he checks.

his entire being darkens.]

Kaiyou...

Because they're gods.

[the bats nod in solidarity.]

I'm not religious.

[He even says it with a straight face.]

I wasn't being literal!

[He just looks baffled. Or as baffled as his face can manage.]

... Explain?

[WHY DOES ZORO MANHANDLE HIM THIS WAY.

But he's getting pulled around and - yeah there's something on Zoro's nose. His head too. Baren's grin grows wider and honestly he should probably worry about self-preservation but also consider: he's just going to laugh.]

Your breath stinks, Ryou-chan!

[GOD.]

That's the only song they know. Trust me.

[Mohammed had been walking in the opposite direction, but he had to stop and give sound advice to Zoro. In his hand, he carries a candy cane that he is slowly working on.]

[There are very few reactions that are appropriate to seeing somebody covered in snow. Maybe there would be more if he recognized the now-green hair right away, or if he knew that Zoro had just come out of a coma, but he doesn't and he didn't.

All he knows is that some idiot isn't wearing a shirt in fucking December.

Shuji doesn't have anything handy, so he just shoves snow off the person-shaped lump with his (thankfully gloved) hands.]

Why the hell aren't you wearing a shirt??

[ . . . But is he dead?

Okay no, she isn't just sort of shocked and non-plussed she is a medical ... not professional but she was at one time and she does have super strength, so on seeing someone like this he first instinct is to go over to this frozen person and check him for frostbite because what the hell is this. ]

They're a band.

[all the bats nod in solidarity.]

Haaah? That so...?

[THEN HE'S GOING TO BREATHE ALL OVER BAREN'S STUPID FACE. aggressively. and stretch baren's cheeks back and forth. mostly just angrily blowing breath, though. ]

Yeah? How many bands you ask them?

[maybe they just haven't stumbled across the right one. also he's kind of judging mohammed's candy cane addiction but whatever. some people like nasty sweets.]

[he's goinG TO SUFFOCATE THIS WAY.

There's the obvious noises of irritation and choking, then he'll just go ahead and plant his foot directly on Zoro and try to kick him off because what else do you do with your annoying husband who just woke up from a coma]

Motherfucker!

[ok but zoro was asleep and he wakes up only because he feels hands on his body, gloved or not. the fact that they're on his chest may freak him out.

well, not may. definitely freaks him out. he nearly rolls of the bench in surprise.]

W-W-Why the hell are you touching me?!

[is that tremble in his voice a shiver or because he's flustered? the world will never know.]

[yeah. no frostbite. just kind of. muffling shouting?? kind of sounds like shouts for help. looks like there may be icicles covering his mouth.]

[he is definitely suffocating. which the shoving doesn't help, especially when it successfully manages to send him tumbling out of bed and onto the floor, fully wrapped in tinsel.

return of christmas bondage i guess.

anyway he's trapped on the floor now, wriggling about and actually choking. the nurses are actually getting an alert for it or something. baren can probably hear the sound of them running towards zoro's room.]

I've never heard of them before.

... Are they really that popular?

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[muffled one piece rap]

Mistletoe bats

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BATS

snowpecs

Maximum Snowpecs I THINK

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i don't know if that means he's mostly naked so i'll go with yes

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