VISITATION CATCH-ALL: DECEMBER LIMITED EDITION

[godcards]

WHO: Malik + visitors!
WHERE: Psych ward
WHEN: Saturday, December 9th, 16th, 23rd, and 30th
WHAT: Visiting hours for inpatients at the psychiatric hospital.
WARNINGS: None


The setting is still the same. The holidays have no effect on the ward, everything remaining sterile and nondescript. No ounce of festive cheer reaches inside, not even to the patients, as Saturday rolls along again. All part of the routine.

After being denied visitation privileges for a weekend, well... Malik doesn't seem fussed either way. Grouchy, tired, unhappy. It's the new normal, after a month of serious and radical (and artificial) adjustments. Even his physical state seems to portray a different person, with long grown out hair, his natural color creating a dark streak down the middle. Same as with his facial hair - similarly dark - finally starting to show on his jaw and lip. The well maintained image of Malik Ishtar is gone, leaving a hollow, derelict shell in its wake.

Comments

9th

[parodeity]

[ well at least today they're both trainwrecks! dave hasn't fucking slept but who can actually tell with him, and he didn't. bother to wear an ugly christmas sweater which actually means he's nicely dressed but definitely ignoring a contest he's dedicated eight days of his life to. he slides into the chair opposite and just kind of nods to malik for a second before deciding he may as well also use words: ]

...Hey.

[godcards]

Hey. You still showed up.

[ it sounded like maybe dave was making it his mission, last time they talked in person. it still escapes malik as to why anyone would bother, but as he's spent many many therapy sessions learning to let things go, he... guess he shouldn't fuss about it. ]

[parodeity]

What else was I gonna do? [ his eyebrows raise. ] It's Saturday, those're your visiting hours?

[godcards]

You have so few friends you still find it worth stopping by every week? I told you, it doesn't hurt my feelings if you decide to not stop by anymore.

[ that's actually a lie but, whatever. ]

[parodeity]

I actually know a lot of people, but like. I made a promise to you?? [ also, like. ] Usually I spend the rest of Saturday with my best friend after.

12/23

[hauhra]

[ With Islam no longer holding the bearing over his life it once did, the alienation that Bakhura has always felt during the winter holidays should have had less dominance over his thoughts than they currently do. Unfortunately, without the sense of community that Islam had afforded him as a child, the isolation only seemed to grow in strength, now aggravated by the emphasis these holidays, particularly Christmas, placed on such themes as peace, love, joy, and most importantly, family.

For a time, some of the burden of the crushing loneliness brought on by Christmas and the season that accompanied it had been eased by his former friendship with Malik Ishtar, one of the few people to whom Bakhura could relate to on the matter. Indeed, Malik had shared Bakhura's resentment towards the holiday season not only because of their similar cultural backgrounds, but also because he happened to have a birthday that fell just before Christmas, and as a result had often been overshadowed by a holiday he would never have even celebrated to begin with.

Now, however, not even Malik could relieve his loneliness, not after the falling out they had had just after the Thanksgiving holidays. In fact, Malik had worsened it, trivializing Bakhura's feelings the very moment Bakhura had had his chance to show Malik how much he really... cared about him.

Still, even though Bakhura had been hurt, he has nevertheless been thinking about Malik after a conversation he had had over the network at the beginning of the month about Malik's "other" self, a habit that has only increased two-fold as Malik's birthday creeps ever closer. Much to his surprise, however, he has been dedicating most of his attention to the good elements of their short-lived friendship rather than the bad, with a particular focus on how he had been quick to jump to Malik's defense in that discussion despite all of the names he had called him in the same breath, and it is those elements that ultimately compel him to show up to the ward for the first time in three weeks on December 23rd.

Contrary to his previous visits, however, Bakhura is there as soon as the ward opens its doors to visitors, taking the seat across from Malik and setting an edible arrangement on the table as though nothing had happened four weeks ago. Given Malik's sweet tooth, he ought to have brought cupcakes, but with taste continuing to remain absent from sugary foods it would seem more like he was mocking Malik than trying to reconcile. Not exactly a smooth move.

He addresses Malik in Arabic, his voice steady but more hesitant than usual: ]

...long time, no see.

[godcards]

[ It's a strange thing, being in the ward. Despite the regular rotation of nurses, and the constant presence of the other patients, it was depressingly lonely. Isolation had started to creep in from week one, and only grew as Malik's allotted stay extended further and further. He had started looking forward to his Saturday visits, even if he was still pretty moody and difficult. Still, it was the only semblance of normalcy he had, despite his daily routine. He was bored. He was lonely.

Those feelings were only compounded after tripping into an episode and then, after trying to do what he thought was damage control, causing even more damage in turn and breaking off one of the few remaining relationships he had. He didn't relate to other people quite in the way he related to Bakhura, and that was made markedly apparent once they were no longer speaking. Every other person he ran into was an enemy again, some unknowable stranger on the opposite side. His relapse was met with restrictions, privileges taken away.

It's hard to tell if it's better or worse in the unchanging environment; Malik hated feeling alone and outcast on Christmas, but that was once a year. The holidays didn't reach inside the ward, so this was a stable kind of emptiness and inadequacy that he felt. It felt like an echo of everything he had done wrong, everything he didn't feel that he was supposed to. The feelings of isolation amplified. He didn't deserve nice things. He's not a nice person. He's half a person with a quarter of the emotions.

Still, he managed to summon some sort of response today, as Bakhura sits down, bearing another offering of food.

Malik stares, dumbfounded. ]

Yeah... you get lost or something?

[ Just gonna casually gloss over everything, this is fine, who needs to know about how he's spent nearly four weeks in therapy trying to work on his avoidant behaviors. ]

[hauhra]

If that were the case, then they'd have turned me away at the door, idiot.

[ Bakhura is rolling his eyes at Malik, but deep down, he is welcoming this opportunity to call Malik an idiot as well, albeit for more reasons than simply riling the other boy up as would have been his motivation several months ago. Rather, Bakhura is appreciative of this moment because it is reflective of the relationship they had had before Malik had gone and wrecked everything — before he had gone and wrecked everything. Certainly, Bakhura had been well within his right to call Malik out; Bakhura had his own mental health to worry about, after all, and needed Malik to understand that his needs did not always have to take a backseat to Malik's if they were to continue being "friends". However, after a few difficult sessions with his therapist (whom Bakhura had also avoided for a time until he realized that he was missing Malik despite everything), Bakhura had come to recognize that he too could have done things a little differently, including waiting until his own treatment had gotten further along prior to approaching Malik.

But given how few friends Bakhura actually has, giving up time with even one is asking far too much.

He breaks the brief silence that had allowed these thoughts to sink in in the first place, adopting a gentler tone to soften the conversation: ]

...how have you been?

[ It feels like a stupid question what with Malik's current appearance, his hair growing all over the place (including, apparently, his face, a sight Bakhura had never thought he would see, though he'll refrain from commenting on it until he's had a little more time to gauge Malik's mood towards his presence there) compared to its usual fine trim, but it was better than talking to him about anything related to Retrospec, which is how their past fights had started. ]

[godcards]

[ Malik huffs, though he doesn't keep up his pouty presence very long, deflating when Bakhura asks that question. ]

Oh, you know... same as always. Bored and psychotic.

[ Just like before, his gaze focuses on the food, though he doesn't take anything. He realizes a little too late that he ultimately dragged himself. While unusual to others perhaps, in contrast to his baseless bravado and narcissism, his self-loathing had been fermenting, seeping, spreading in this last few weeks. ]

[hauhra]

[ Bored — bored is the answer Bakhura had been expecting, and the reason he had written his question off as stupid as soon as he had asked it. Even though Bakhura has only visited Malik a few times over the past two months, having nothing to do had been the one thing Malik had consistently complained about each and every session, and lent itself well to teasing.

Psychotic, however, had come as something of a surprise. Yes, it was why Malik was in the ward, but it was never an issue that Malik had discussed so openly before.

Bakhura grips his arm and turns his head away as he mulls over what to say next, keeping his therapist's advice in the back of his head all the while. Once he's chosen his words carefully, his gaze shifts back to Malik. ]

...sorr... [ No, no, no. Feeling guilty is what led them to stop speaking to each other originally. It also just wasn't in his nature to say "that" word no matter how much he and his therapist had talked about it. He'll proceed as though he had meant to say the following all along: ] yeah, I figured.

Did no one else visit you while I was gone, then?

[ Another stupid question.

He winces. ]

9th

[constellates]

[PROBABLY AFTER DAVE.

But well, Anya's schedule has been busy - even now, it's still busy. That doesn't stop her though. She makes time for this, because they wouldn't let her before. She slips out of practice and goes to the visiting hours, her silver hair covered up by her hood as she goes to sit opposite him.]

... Malik? Mm... Прости... I am sorry - I took too long to see you.

[She should've been here earlier - she knows that. Even if other people told her to stay away entirely, it's not like this is one of those times where she can listen obediently and let this pass by.]

[godcards]

[ To their credit, they had the right idea. Last month was a lot of frustration and slow burning anger - he learned quickly to not lash our, lest he faces immediate and very real consequences for his actions. Something which he lacked before.

Now he's burned out. Less aggressive and hostile, but that doesn't mean his anger has gone away. But it's more benign now, and he doesn't even seem all that upset that Anya is here. Prickly, maybe, but not mad. ]

I don't really care either way.

[constellates]

Do not?

[She's a little surprised - but mostly for personal reasons rather than she expected anything else of Malik.]

Одинокий...? It does not get lonely here?

[ - the main reason why she thinks that he'd care. She's heard that his visitation hours are limited, and that's a scary thing for her to think about it. How much time is spent alone?]

23rd

[prometheanflame]

[Mohammed's coworkers (and many of his friends) were too busy to spend time with him. As the 24th and 25th approached, people who celebrated Christmas were busy with party preparations of spending time with relatives that remained in the city. Christmas Day was always lonely, but in the previous years, he had gone home, taking advantage of winter break, to visit his family and neighbors. Volunteer at the community center. The town he grew up in since he was 5 years old...will Retrospec erase that, just like they could erase anything that does not fit the narrative of the invading souls?

There is a mosque in Recolle, but it's not the same that he regularly attended as a boy. There's not nostalgic value in that. He already missed Mawlid al–Nabi earlier in the month, and it was on a Saturday this year. He could have gone home if it weren't...

This is no time to mope. Malik could use visitors.

Mohammed arrives with a box of warm Sambousak Bi Lahm - Egyptian pastries stuffed with ground lamb, spices, and nuts. They were being sold at the Arabic grocery store, and it only felt right to celebrate the ability to taste meat again.]

I brought something for you.

[He slides it to the attendant for inspection.]

[godcards]

[ Speaking of moping, that's practically a past time as far as Malik is concerned. It has nothing to do with the holidays, although he'd be griping about that too if it actually affected him in any way this year. No, instead it's his dull routine, his forced sessions of introspection, and the winter doldrums mixing together to make a rather put-out individual. He didn't like examining his actions or coming up with reasons why he wasn't feeling so great. He hated being cold, he hated winter, he hated Christmas and its monolithic presence overshadowing everything. Even his birthday. It's not that deep. And yet...

And yet, Malik perks up at the implication of a gift. Better yet, food. The hospital meals were already tasteless, and as such, the recent loss of taste wasn't much of a tragedy for him. He more or less picked at his food anyway, so something more substantial was seen as a welcome and much needed change to his diet.

However, he gets exactly one bite into the sambousak - without even acknowledging Mohammed or saying thank you - before stopping. ]

I don't eat meat.

[ Still better that hospital food though. ]

[prometheanflame]

[Mohammed can't hide the look of disappointment on his face.]

Oh. I didn't know.

[He could try to run and find some stuffed with vegetables, but that depends on how long visiting hours extend. Malik really needs to eat.]

Are you vegetarian?

[godcards]

More or less.

[ He doesn't make a point of advertising his diet, but this is what he gets. Although he didn't - and still doesn't - expect anyone to bring food for him, much less on a regular basis. Not enough to actually have it matter. Malik won't say sorry, but he doesn't seem quite as bristly. ]

I don't like meat, is all. Call it what you want.

16th CAN BE IGNORED FOR NOW, but i do them as they hit so i don't...forget...

[parodeity]

[ on the 16th dave is unfortunately wearing this sweater over a long-sleeved white t-shirt and red skinny jeans.

save everyone from his sense of dumb holiday fashion. ]

Yo, sup? [ but he seems? happier this week than last week so that's whatever. ]

[godcards]

[ malik regards the sweater before looking at dave properly. what the fuck. actually he doesn't really even acknowledge dave, he's more focused on the sweater. ]

Same as always. You should know this by now.

[parodeity]

Well, next week is your birthday? I have been bothering John to teach me how to make pumpkin cake and whatnot in preparation.

[godcards]

Yeah... Next week. [ believe it not he's not too thrilled about it! ]

Who the hell is John? Someone I should know?

12/30

[hauhra]

[ Seven days should have been more than enough time to prepare Bakhura for this visit, but instead, they only seemed to compound on Bakhura’s anxiety as they dragged on, each day giving Bakhura one opportunity too many to look back on his last conversation with Malik. Indeed, despite Malik’s seemingly positive response to Bakhura’s confession, the interval between visits always marks a period where Bakhura will be unable to ask Malik all of the questions that are bouncing around in his head the moment visiting hours are over, leaving Bakhura hanging or worse, compelling Bakhura to attempt to fill in the gaps on his own.

This time, for example, Bakhura has been wallowing in his thoughts about where his relationship with Malik will be going once Malik is released, whenever that will be. (Malik had given no indication that it would be any time soon last Saturday, and Bakhura was neither going to ask lest he ruin Malik’s mood further than it already had been given what day it was nor was he going to hold his breath even though, from what he could see at least, Malik appeared to be getting better, however slowly — surely not getting into another fight had to count for something). He had tried to weasel a lead, any lead, out of Malik the last time he had spoken to him, even going so far as to drop hints that he had wanted (and, to be honest, still wants) to be “more than friends” with Malik, but the truth is, he had been foolish to expect Malik to somehow know any more about the future than he did. He could only learn what would happen to his relationship with Malik as whatever days they had together passed, including today, the day before New Year’s Eve.

Bakhura takes a deep breath before taking his usual seat, setting a tupperware filled with koshari on the table. He leans on his chin as he gives it a lazy shove towards Malik with the tips of his fingers. ]

I actually got my hands on some alcohol, too, but I wasn’t about to let myself get caught by bringing it here. Too bad for you… don’t worry, though! I’ll have a shot in your honor tomorrow night.

[ This, of course, is said in Arabic to avoid not only implicating himself in front of the people around them but also to avoid giving Malik the chance to be a smartass in that regard. ]

[godcards]

[ Malik doesn't think too hard about his days. Like everything else, good and bad, it kinda just rolls around in his head as one disorganized mass. He lives for the present, letting the past stay behind him and not looking too closely at his future, afraid that it might end up more bleak than bright. He just. Exists.

Yet he gets some good news from his social worker. He's shown progress. Recovery, even, though he still has a long way to go. However, he's no longer in an unmanageable and volatile state and thus, he can be released. It's conditional of course, and they can change their mind if he shows any signs of relapse, but the news seems to lift his spirits enough that it carries over to the following day. Saturday, visiting day.

He's pretty pleased when he sits down, his favorite food before him and promise of alcohol. It causes him to grin as he gets a spoonful of koshari. ]

Why not take one with me? They're letting me go.

[hauhra]

[ The low hum of the conversation around them seems to fade into the background as Bakhura hyper-focuses his ears on Malik's words, hesitant to show his glee on his face in case he had misinterpreted them. They're letting me go. For a moment, he stares at Malik blankly, giving himself a few seconds of awkward silence to process those four little words, then following up with incredulous chuckling. ]

What? Are you serious? [ The chuckling dissolves into laughter, joyous and genuine instead of menacing and disbelieving. ] And here I thought I'd be drinking it all by myself... in fact, that was why I grabbed it in the first place. But if they're really letting you go, then I guess I don't mind sharing... this time.

It's sounding like all of that other stuff you talked to me about last time won't be as much of a problem as you thought it would be, too.

[godcards]

[ The silence, no matter how brief, gives Malik opportunity to shove a few more spoonfuls of koshari into his face. Unlike all prior visits, he isn't anxious or holding back; he's eating like a regular teenage boy. Maybe if it wasn't just Bakhura, it'd be considered gross, but, you know. Boys. ]

I'm serious. I'm still going to be under a lot of restrictions, but... I'll be out of here. [ He pauses to eat some more and to let his words sink in. ]

And I have to be more careful about getting caught.