double bubble disco queen headed to the guillotine

[hjack69]

WHO: Handsome Jack and YOU (and people)
WHERE: indecisive hand waving
WHEN: waving continues
WHAT: Catchall for any and all dumbass shenanigans he gets into + a few open starters.
WARNINGS: L... anguage..., suggestive content in the first prompt?

A ( misfire )

Look, we can do whatever the hell you want. Roses, Frenchy douchebag restaurant, repeatedly complimenting something other than your abs (nice abs btw), anything! Whatever. I'm game.

Except for that.

[ he is absolutely not waxing his legs, Christine.

fuckin misfires. ]

B ( and welcome 2 tha jam )

[ Sometimes even Jack needs to let off steam in ways that wouldn't fly anywhere else - he says he likes the workout, but really, he likes shoving and chin-checking and throwing elbows, and you can't get away with that in a lot of places.

Unless you play basketball. Dirty.

There's a court in the park he comes to sometimes, and he's there right now, shooting hoops by himself. No reading glasses, no snappy outfit here; he's got the tank and shorts combo going on, hair hanging haphazardly in his face. It's getting dull, though. There's just no edge when he plays by himself.

So hey, random pedestrian, you're getting a basketball tossed at your head. ]

Think fast!

C ( wildcard )

[ Hit me with anything or contact me privately at my plurk which I still can't remember how to link. ]

Comments

Ardyn

[hjack69]

[ That basketball court from before? It's where Jack tells Ardyn to meet him later in the evening, citing their "experiment" rather than saying "let's sock each other in the face and see if it does anything". When Ardyn finds him, he'll be leaned up against the chain link, playing on his phone.

He's in fucking sunglasses. At night. ]

B

[ripplebeat]

[ Joseph cuts through here sometimes, typically walking through the middle of the day when there's games already going on. Despite not being very sports-ball inclined, he catches the ball that's whipped at him, grin all wolfish on his face. ]

Thought fast. Now what.

[hjack69]

Now you either play ball with me, kick off a game of x-treeme dodgeball, or run off whimpering.

[ Jack sets a hand on his hip, all cockiness and confidence. All three of these sound like perfectly serviceable options to him. ]

Gotta warn you though, I'm puh-retty much a basketball god? Like - Space Jam.

I'm basically the monsters in Space Jam, I wreck so much shit.

[ripplebeat]

[ The only times Joseph has played basketball was when he was in middle and high school, and was forced to do so.

How obvious will it be that he doesn't play much? It's not like he can just ... back down. No, that's just about impossible for him.

Regardless, he busts out laughing at the Space Jam comment. ]

Yeah, I can kick your ass if you want. I puh-retty much don't have anything better to do.

[ That ... might be a lie, but for Joseph, a challenge is a challenge and he's not about to bow. ]

[hjack69]

Then what the hell are you waiting for? A written invitation with a frickin' wax seal? [ He jerks his head. ] Get over here. Time's a-wastin'.

I'll even be nice - you can start us off.

[ripplebeat]

[ While the fight Joseph puts up against Jack is spirited and respectable, he still manages a loss by a margin more than narrow. The shame burns hot and bright in his guts.

He presses his lips in a thin line but it then gives way to a grin. ]

I don't think I did too bad for a guy who hasn't touched a basketball in, like, three years.

a

[gnasher]

[GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL]

what's that?

[he should have said "who's this" but what the fuck?]

A ( misfire )

[arahoushi]

[Wow, this is the second flirty invite he's gotten. Toshi's more popular than he knew.]

Really? You'll do the roses but not the romantic walk on the beach? Not good enough.

[He's also not above a joke.]

[hjack69]

What, you don't remember? We just talked about this, like, yesterday. Remember I told you it was too painful?

I mean, I'm as into pain as the next guy, but THAT? nah. nada. nope.

[gnasher]

you're embarrassing yourself

[AND ME]

[hjack69]

waht

[ A pause. ]

who is this

[hjack69]

youre not christine are you

[gnasher]

bingo.

don't tell me you're into this kind of pain, too.

[the pain of humiliation.]

[arahoushi]

from the text you sent me, I'm pretty sure i'm your lover

[daemonized]

[Ardyn shows up about the time he's expected, standing out like a sore thumb on a basketball court, of all things. Still, he approaches Jack with the same attitude he always seems to carry -- utterly casual, a bit flippant, and definitely amused.

Also, sunglasses, really?]

Been waiting long?

[hjack69]

Ya never had a chance, kiddo.

[ For being his age, Jack's surprisingly spry on the court - mostly because he likes to toe the line between playing fair-ish and and straight up tripping, so Joseph better stay on his toes for the match. But by the time it's over, Jack is breathing hard, giving the ball another toss to Joseph. ]

I'm, like, twice your age. Gotta step it up if you don't want me to make you look bad.

[hjack69]

Aaaaages. [ Jack pushes off the fence, sunglasses left hanging at the neck of his shirt. ] If we're gonna do the cliche movie line thing - have trouble finding the place?

[ For a guy about to get punched, he's in a great mood. ]

Don't powderpuff me, now. I hear my strong jaw is one of my best features.

[daemonized]

Not my usual stomping grounds, I'll admit.

[And for a man about to punch another man, Ardyn seems to be in relatively high spirits as well. He makes a gesture towards Jack, his face specifically.]

Now then, I'd hate to actually hurt you. [The slight patronization (though well-meaning as patronization can actually be), is real.] Last chance to change your mind, Jack. Are wayward memories really worth suffering through my wrath?

[The punch equals wrath now, apparently.]

[hjack69]

Wrath? Pllfbbt. [ ie, fart noise. Jack waves as if to wave off Ardyn's concerns, pulling off his jacket and dropping it safely near the fence. He wore a black shirt, at least? At least they're not going to look like they're punching each other. ] Ardyn, babe, I'm pre--tty sure you only have, like, three expressions.

[ Counting off on his fingers: ]

Condescending smirk, confused, less condescending smirk.

[ Jack sucks in a steadying breath, letting it out slow. All slick cockiness: ]

I've been punched once or twice before, y'know. [ He taps the uneven scar on his face. ] At least you're not wearing brass knuckles, buddy.

[hjack69]

yknow im more concerned whether or not YOURE into this kinda pain
bc you are making it painful as fuck pal

[hjack69]

unless youre my favorite stripper from the candyshop club who i kinda have an on again off again sugar daddy thing with im guessing
no youre probably not
altho now this whole convo begs the question of WHY you just went w it

[gnasher]

don't blame the victim of your weird sexting misfires.

[hjack69]

one i am SO blaming you
two it wasnt sexting
i mean now that i look back at it that text totally looks like im getting bullied by an sm queen or something but this chick wants me to wax my legs and im not about it
i mean nice girl and all but
iiiiii dunno if i want that level of commitment going on

[ confiding in absolute strangers?? ]

[gnasher]

with the girl or with shaving?

you might have to go along with the second commitment if you want to keep the first.

[gnasher]

and waxing's not that bad.

[...]

i'm a swimmer, so this isn't actually that weird of a conversation.

[no, it's a little weird to discuss body hair with absolute strangers]