crudest: (♚ gotta go bye)
Baren "Good End: You die." Kumou ([personal profile] crudest) wrote in [community profile] recolle2017-10-21 02:44 pm

[closed] just a little longer is fine

WHO: baren & existing cr!
WHERE: chuuya's apartment for the most part
WHEN: after chuuya gets deda
WHAT: manpain tbh
WARNINGS: mentioned character death, will edit if anything else comes up

[ i. for the shitpost six - CLOSED ]

[It shouldn't be a surprise at all that Baren Kaiyou, he who has the coping skills of a baked potato, doesn't do well after what happens to Chuuya.

He doesn't know how to grieve, much less how to do so in public.

So he leaves. After it's confirmed that there's nothing that he can do, no way to save Chuuya, that it's really over - he leaves.

It occurs to him briefly to set up arrangements for a funeral, to alert Chuuya's relatives, to take up responsibility where necessary because that's what Baren's meant to be for the people that he dedicates himself to. Reliable. Responsible. Sensible.

Somewhere lost in a haze, he's not any of those things.

So for specific people - Zoro, Nikkari, Kiyomitsu, Yasusada, Fawkes - he just barely remembers to send a text.

It includes an address - Chuuya's apartment, if they end up looking for him. And:]


i won't do anything stupid

[Probably.

He has to at least say it.

ooc: if you'd rather jump straight to action that also works for me! ]


[ ii. for anyone else - TEXT ]

[ if anyone else wants to get in touch with baren, he won't agree to meet them in person! because.... he has the coping skills of a baked potato.

but other parties are free to text/call/retrospec DM him if they're interested upon hearing what happened to chuuya. so there's this option here for them....! ]
sharplydressed: (over there)

i - action!

[personal profile] sharplydressed 2017-10-23 06:29 am (UTC)(link)
[He doesn't bother texting back in response to that, because "I won't do anything stupid" could either be something believable, or it could be a red warning flag. And considering what's happened? He's not going to take any risks by guessing which it might be.

So about an hour after the text, there's a knock on Chuuya's apartment door.]


Baren? You still in there? It's me.
sharplydressed: (consideration)

[personal profile] sharplydressed 2017-11-02 05:04 am (UTC)(link)
[And follow Kashuu does, carefully closing the door behind him. He trails after Baren at a respectful distance, assessing the situation in the quiet way he does when he's not entirely sure how to start tackling it.]

He looks old.

[Thanks, Kashuu. But he'll still reach forward when he's close enough, rubbing the spot behind Rimbaud's still existing ear gently. All cats are cute cats, okay.

But ah, in a situation like this... he probably shouldn't be quite as generous with letting Baren dodge as he usually is. Which is why he purses his lips, looking visibly (albeit minutely) troubled for a second.]


...Have you eaten yet today? I brought some stuff, if you haven't.
sharplydressed: (piercing)

[personal profile] sharplydressed 2017-11-02 11:36 pm (UTC)(link)
[The cat is doing his best... Baren is also doing his best, okay. Kashuu of all people knows what it's like to dodge problems to the extreme.]

I know. [Of course he knows.] But you should eat, anyway. You have a lot of things to do that I'm not sure I can help you with.

[He had promised to be Baren's sword, but what can he do about this? A sword can only cut. His blade can't bring people back from death, and what does he know about grieving in this life?]
sharplydressed: (about that...)

[personal profile] sharplydressed 2017-11-08 08:24 am (UTC)(link)
Of course I'm worried.

[Considering "I don't need help" is the first thing he says in a situation in which he very much does, his worry is probably not misplaced at all. That's not really surprising.]

But I said I'd be here when you need me, y'know? [As a friend first, of course. But maybe having a sword will be a little more comforting in a time like this. He's honestly not sure.] That'd be true even if I wasn't worried.

[Granted, now that he's here, he doesn't exactly know what to do. He'll move to put the bag he's brought over on the floor next to the counter, though, not wanting to intrude too far into this apartment space.]
sharplydressed: (not for you)

[personal profile] sharplydressed 2017-11-09 06:45 am (UTC)(link)
You say a lot of things you don't mean.

[It's probably one of the bluntest things he's ever said to Baren, none of the usual careful stepping around words that he usually employs. But he's adjusting himself according to the situation, and while some things here need a very delicate hand, others probably need something more direct.]

...I believe you, though. I'm just still gonna worry anyway. That's the only thing I can really do for you right now.

[He can't bring Chuuya back from death, or turn back the hands of time. He can't offer flowery words of condolence or the perfect frame of comfort and solace. He can only let Baren know, in so many clumsy words, that he doesn't have to go it alone, even if he might feel alone as things stand now.]
sharplydressed: (about that...)

[personal profile] sharplydressed 2017-11-16 06:14 am (UTC)(link)
[Even now, a look like that is still something of a sign - a maybe I should hold back a little, a worry he's strayed too far from what they've established. But he's getting used to ugly things like risk and confrontation and he accepts the flash of frustration, near-anger, as easily as he excepts the deflating.

He doesn't think he's done a whole lot either, honestly, but he also keeps that thought on his tongue. Baren doesn't need it now, when he's got all these weights to carry on his own - things that no one else can really help to carry. Death is funny like that, he supposes.]


Well, I'll believe that one.

[Considering how well his last stint with fire had gone... Moreover, he doesn't think destruction like that would be something Baren would seek out for an ache like this, from what he does know of him.]

...You planning on spending the night here?
sharplydressed: (consideration)

[personal profile] sharplydressed 2017-11-16 06:32 am (UTC)(link)
[Ah, the little details no one really thinks about. Feeding and rehoming pets. Buying floral arrangements. Calling the funeral home. Picking out a headstone, or a plaque. Thinking up all the words to summarize an entire relationship, an entire person, in just a few measly pages. Distributing property. Cleaning up all the little things left behind - the unfinished meals in the fridge, the half-finished bottles of wine, the frozen leftovers, the soda bottles, the candy wrappers, whatever's left.

It's a lot for one person. It would be a lot for any of them.

He doesn't offer to help look through Chuuya's things, because that feels too intensely personal. Instead:]


D'you want me to stick around tonight?

[He's expecting a no, honestly, because it's Baren. But at the very least, he's made it clear - he thinks, anyway - that he's willing to stay if necessary, and willing to come back if needed. He'll probably check on Baren pretty frequently anyway, but when he's not sure if company will help or hurt, this is about the most he can do.]
Edited 2017-11-16 06:33 (UTC)
sharplydressed: (solemn)

[personal profile] sharplydressed 2017-11-16 07:45 am (UTC)(link)
["I'm not the best company" isn't a no, though, and Baren is certainly the kind of person to say no when he means it.]

S'fine. You don't have to worry about being good company, okay? If you need me to help with anything, just say so, but you don't have to talk or whatever. I'll still be here.

[He doesn't need to worry about being entertaining or good to talk to while he's in the middle of something so private and painful. Kashuu can keep himself occupied in between keeping an eye out for Baren, hunker down on the sofa, be present without being intrusive - it's the least he can do.]
okitactless: (雨が降ったあと空に虹がかかるように)

I!

[personal profile] okitactless 2017-10-24 02:21 am (UTC)(link)
[Well.

There are a lot of things he could write, in response to this. "Define stupid" is one of them. "Everything you do is stupid" is another. "Are you okay?" Except, no, even at the best of times Baren would never answer that question, so that one is out from the very beginning.

And actually, the more he thinks about it--maybe there aren't a lot of things he could write. Maybe there's nothing at all he can say, here. How exactly do you comfort someone at a time like this? He'd only spoken to Chuuya a handful of times, if that, but he'd liked him a lot, and despite his insistence that Baren's a lousy choice for a lover, he'd respected Chuuya's stubbornness and dedication, empathizing with his feelings a little better than he'd ever admit.

Losing him hurts, and Yasusada can just barely call him a friend. What Baren must be feeling...

There's nothing he can say or do to help. Yasusada's certain of that. But it doesn't stop him from feeling distressed and restless, so after a little while, he'll send off a response.]


I'm coming over

[Since he won't be turned away, the least he can do is give Baren a little warning.]
okitactless: (when the smoke clears)

[personal profile] okitactless 2017-11-03 04:55 am (UTC)(link)
[The easy acceptance would be a red flag any other time, but now, there's nothing for it to be a warning for. The worst has already happened. Yasusada's already as distraught about Baren's state as he can be, and he believes that Baren won't actively harm himself, so there's no need to try and analyze this.

It certainly doesn't abate his worry, though. And it doesn't make entering this space any less uncomfortable. He feels like a trespasser even before he enters, and that feeling doesn't go away when he sees the state of the apartment. Truthfully, he'd expected more of a disaster, but as he looks around the room, it's easy to see what Baren's done. (Or hasn't done, in this case.) He's always been a little too perceptive at the worst times.

He didn't bring anything for Baren. No flowers to honor Chuuya's memory, no warm comfort food from his mother. As soon as he sets down his sword case, his hands are empty; with anyone else, it would make him feel like a callous bastard, but with Baren, it only seems right. Just like with his words, he's well aware that there's no object that will ease the pain Baren must feeling. Trying to force gifts and condolences on him would seem far more disingenuous than anything else.]


That stinks.

[The pipe, he means, but there's no real bite to it with his quiet tone. It's also instantly negated by the way he walks over to stand next to Baren, careful not to knock anything out of place. If Baren's chosen to leave the apartment as-is, that's his prerogative, and Yasusada isn't going to judge him for it.

For any of this, really. He knows firsthand what it feels like to lose your most precious people, but some of those memories are from another life, and it's just not fair to compare them.

He stares out the window in silence for a good couple of minutes, trying to temper his distress before he speaks. He already knows how Baren feels about Yasusada fretting over him (if Baren has it in him to feel anything at all right now), and besides, the last thing he wants to do is make things worse.

Eventually, though, he turns to look at Baren, gray eyes filled with badly hidden worry. He's trying, okay. He takes in Baren's appearance, but he doesn't comment on anything in particular. Instead, his question is simple.]


What can I do?

[Regardless of their bizarre relationship, he is Baren's sword. It's his job to take care of his "master", and that's exactly what he's here to do.]
okitactless: (一日辛い)

[personal profile] okitactless 2017-11-08 03:42 am (UTC)(link)
I'm your sword.

[Of course he's asking. He'll never call Baren "master", but as far as Yasusada's concerned, that's what he is.

He doesn't seem annoyed by the answer, though. There's nothing for him to condemn here, he doesn't have any expectations that Baren's failing to meet with inaction. Besides, Yasusada is the last person who would judge Baren for sitting and thinking about what's already happened. His own discomfort is entirely personal, and he's well aware of that.

He hesitates, then; he doesn't want to push too soon, but he doubts "the right time" will ever really come. So he lets his gaze slide over the apartment again, and speaks quietly.]


...I'm sorry.
Edited (no reason nothing to see here shh) 2017-11-08 03:47 (UTC)
okitactless: (ここは。。。)

[personal profile] okitactless 2017-11-08 04:17 am (UTC)(link)
[There are times when Yasusada looks far younger than his twenty-one years. The way he looks up at Baren now, through his bangs, should be one of them. But there's something about the serious expression on his face, something in his stormcloud eyes--a seriousness that comes from far more than a single human lifetime.]

Yes, I do. [It's not said with guilt or self-loathing. To him, it's a fact.] I should've done more to get him away from that fog. If I'd known he could do anything like that, I would've dragged him off right away.

[Of course, he hadn't known. He hadn't even known Chuuya had powers, or a power, or whatever the hell it was that happened. But still--he'd had the chance to stop things from going so far, and he hadn't taken it.

Were he more of a sword, he would say "I'm sorry I failed you". Those words aren't on his tongue now, but they hang in the air between them all the same.]
okitactless: (okita-kun...)

[personal profile] okitactless 2017-11-08 04:38 am (UTC)(link)
[He flinches, more out of surprise than anything else, but he doesn't jerk back or step away. His face softens just a little, some of the regret melted off by empathy, like salt on nighttime snow.]

...I know.

[That isn't what this is about--not for him. Regardless of his opinions on Baren, Yasusada hadn't once thought Baren might use this against him. It just isn't his way.

But he knows how Baren feels about himself by now, too. So he can't help adding softly:]


You shouldn't blame yourself either.
okitactless: (いい子だね)

[personal profile] okitactless 2017-11-08 04:58 am (UTC)(link)
[Well, it isn't unexpected. Not the silence, nor the deflection. The look he gives Baren says "I know what you're doing", but for once, he holds his tongue.

There are more important things to say.]


He told me to tell you he was sorry.
okitactless: (苦しすぎる)

[personal profile] okitactless 2017-11-08 05:36 am (UTC)(link)
[For this, he doesn't jump.

Maybe it's because he's watching Baren's face, tracking everything with that intense gaze. He's staring, unabashed, but when Baren stumbles past him, Yasusada doesn't turn to watch. Instead of following immediately, he looks back out the window--it's a show of respect, giving Baren the chance to try and rebuild the walls Chuuya's words just knocked down if he chooses to do so. Has the strength to do so.

Did Chuuya know, he wonders, that he'd be destroying more than buildings and roads? Did he know, even as he'd made his choice, that when the smoke cleared there would be pieces of a heart among the wreckage?

Yasusada has no answers. But even if he did, he doubts Baren would want to hear them. Like he'd said--it doesn't change a thing. All he can do now is let Baren have some semblance of that privacy he values so much.

He's still listening, of course. If it sounds like Baren needs him, he'll be across the room immediately. But aside from that, he's willing to wait, until it seems like Baren's ready to be seen again. By his sword, if not his friend.]
okitactless: (重傷)

[personal profile] okitactless 2017-11-08 06:24 am (UTC)(link)
He would've done the same thing for me.

[The answer comes without hesitation. They'd been like-minded creatures, after all. It's the real reason he'd reacted the way he did when he'd learned about their relationship--he'd been able to empathize so much with everything Chuuya had told him, about what he'd been through and his stupid, irrational feelings through it all.

He has no doubt that Chuuya would've carried out his last request, if their situations had been reversed.

And--]


So would you.
okitactless: (what if)

[personal profile] okitactless 2017-11-08 06:56 am (UTC)(link)
[It's a good time for a lighthearted comment. Some kind of joke, a tease, to help them break through this heavy atmosphere. But Yasusada's no good at that kind of redirection. So he simply says--]

I'll hold you to that.

[He doesn't mention that he already asked Baren for the only thing that really matters--to stay by Kashuu's side, no matter what. The city could burn around them and take Yasusada with it, and as long as Kashuu's taken care of, he'd be content as the ash under their feet.

Baren doesn't sound fine, of course. But he seems to be reining himself back in, so Yasusada deems it safe to turn and look at him again. He even smiles slightly, though there's something hesitant about it, like he's not sure such a thing is allowed at a time like this.]


He didn't really tell me anything, about his memories. I never could tell if he was happy with them or not.
okitactless: (okita-kun...)

[personal profile] okitactless 2017-11-10 12:39 am (UTC)(link)
[There's a small, soft sound of acknowledgment, as Yasusada turns that over in his head. It's hard to judge someone's tone over text, of course, but Chuuya hadn't seemed particularly upset when they'd discussed things. Wary, sure, but pensive more than anything.]

He seemed like that kind of person.

[And when he'd made his choice...

Well.]


...He gave me his gloves and his coat, before-- [just, before.] --his coat disappeared, but I still have his gloves. ...I wasn't sure if you'd want them or not.
okitactless: (the hairpin)

[personal profile] okitactless 2017-11-15 09:44 pm (UTC)(link)
[Yasusada nods; just like the way Baren's chosen not to straighten up the apartment, this too is something Yasusada has no reason to judge him for. Inwardly, though, he's a little bit glad. He would've had no reason to keep them for himself, and throwing them away would've felt... wrong.]

I'll bring them by later. [As in "next time I come check on you". Soon, probably.]
okitactless: (帰るよ必ず)

[personal profile] okitactless 2017-11-16 08:36 pm (UTC)(link)
[This is their new reality, and it isn't as though Yasusada doesn't understand the allure of running away. It kills him that there's little else he can do--that offering all of himself equates to nothing at all. So he lingers, fidgeting and staring, but eventually he relents with a sigh.

As he heads for the door, he doesn't bother mentioning that Kashuu will come by soon, too. Even if Kashuu hasn't said anything, he figures it's obvious enough. Instead, when he pauses by the door, his words are simple and quiet.]


Take care of yourself, Baren.

[It's tempting to say "people need you", but he bites that part back. He's fairly certain he already knows what Baren's response would be. So he leaves it at that, just a soft request before he steps out of the apartment.

Baren said he wouldn't do anything stupid. Now, all Yasusada can do is hope that he meant it.]
despirit: (winds.)

the swords keep coming

[personal profile] despirit 2017-10-26 08:21 am (UTC)(link)
[he doesn't text. he doesn't say he's coming. he just shows up and knocks, and will keep knocking at intervals until he gets too frustrated and will start going to work on the windows. those at least will yield to him, letting him come in the apartment.]

Baren, it's me.

[not the voice he wants to hear. but the voice that keeps coming for him. he doesn't know how you're supposed to act when the world has been yanked out from under your best friend's feet, but being there is a start.]