recolle | CLOSED;

WHO: Peridot & Dave Strider!
WHERE: Peridot's apartment. Wherever that is. DAVE KNOWS, I DON'T REMEMBER.
WHEN: Backdated to the afternoon of the 4th, leave me alone
WHAT: Peri is showing Dave her alien boobytraps. That's not even a joke that's just what's happening here.
WARNINGS: idk dave might swear? should be pretty tame tho unless these traps are lethal and bayley didn't tell me so

[ so, dave's probably been to peri's place at least once or twice. or he doesn't mind going there, anyway, since it's peridot and she's a nerd and a friend and he's pretty sure stranger danger stops applying once someone is a bro? because they aren't a stranger any longer. then it's just like...pal malice. palice malice. shit that sounds good, so maybe there's palice malice in his future but stranger danger? nah. so this is a perfectly safe expedition to a bro's house.

to...see alien boobytraps.

this is a great way to spend a saturday afternoon fuck all y'all. dave shows up and knocks and can be found out front holding...two giant bags of doritos. you bring people food when you go to their place, right? and he figures this will go over better than like, actual food with peridot. ]

Sup. These are for you.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ The door opens almost immediately after he knocks. Is it fate? Is it luck? Is she just a loser who was waiting by the door for him to come? We'll never know. ]

Dave! Is it time for the grand tour already? I must've lost track of time! I can't believe it's 12:31:16 exactly already!

[ She wastes no time scooping the bags of Doritos away from him. God bless you and your generous soul, Dave Strider. Peridot is pleased with you this day. ]

Please, come in! Do you...want a thing to drink? [ This is how you play host, right? She doesn't do this very often. ] We have Mountain Dew, cranberry juice, chicken broth...

Uh, water's fine. Or whatever of those things you feel like partin' with? Although I don't really need a thing to drink, so backtrack on my acceptance of that offer. I was promised alien traps, and clearly those are more important?

[ he doesn't really mind if peridot skips playing host and just plays mad scientist. it is pretty much the most hilarious role he knows her to have? ]

Am I gettin' a tour or am I like, settin' them off.

[ She nods approvingly. They were indeed not here to sample her small collection of beverages, but to be amazed. Delighted. Even, dare we say, exhilarated? ]

A bit of both. I won't spring them on you unwittingly, since some may have some...unfortunate side effects for humans. But what's the fun of it if you don't get to see them in action?

[ SHE PROMISES HE WON'T LOSE ANY LIMBS, probably. ]

...As long as I'll come out of it alive I'm game.

[ dave trust your friends a little bit less, holy shit ]

Where to first?

[ to be fair, with her it's probably a legitimate concern ]

Right this way! [ SHE LEADS THE WAY TO...a whole three steps away, where the room is split between the living room and the kitchen. It's not a very big apartment, okay.

There's some...thing sitting next to the toaster on the counter next to them. It looks like a flat hairbrush that's been wired with copper and macaroni noodles. And attached to the handle is a cord that runs along the wall and disappers into the vent above them. ]

Behold! This contraption is the first defense against alien invaders. This hairbrush has been carefully decorated with an elaborate display that is sure to draw the attention of our hypothetical extraterrestrial friend. But when they pick it up to examine it...wham! A net descends from the vent.

You can try it out, though I wouldn't recommend standing below the vent. The net is also covered in honey.

The vent, like, opens?

[ but ok. he will position himself off to the side of the vent and veeeeeery carefully pick up the hair brush.

dave why are you trying this out.

PERIDOT, WHY DO YOUR ROOMIES LET YOU DO THIS? ]

[ Because there's only so much arguing with Peridot that a person's sanity can handle.

But the vent DOES INDEED OPEN when Dave picks up the hairbrush. A net does tumble out - it looks like something repurposed from a soccer goal. And yes, it is covered in honey. ]

Isn't it wonderful? The honey is what really seals the job, since aliens don't like sweet things.

[ oh my god her poor roomies ]

And also it's sticky, so it would clearly help tangle them up more? What else you got, bro.

[ She steps past the honey net on the floor - she'll clean it up later, probably - and leads him into the kitchen, stopping in front of the fridge. ]

Alright, I hypothesize that aliens don't really use cooking appliances like we do, so the kitchen is a veritable unknown territory for them! So what's the last thing one might expect to find in the freezer?

...Uh. Bombs?

[ please don't say bombs. but he will. go to open it up... ]

Nope! A punching glove!

[ And Dave better be quick, because there is indeed punching glove in the freezer ready to spring when the door is opened.

(It is also covered in (frozen) honey. ]

[ WHAT THE HELL. luckily dave is just fast enough to jump out of the way, but he looks a little. surprised. ]

Doooo your roomies know that's in there?

[ how many of them...have been hit with the glove ]

CLOSED;

surprise i'm springing death traps on you

wow!!!!!!!!!

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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