[and there it is. that's the one thing it takes to shove her voice over the edge so far that it shatters and she has to rest her head against the wall to try to hide her angry, bitter tears. but she's not going to stop talking, either.]
But I don't want this to be mapped out by fate. I don't want everything I've ever done to be someone else's plan.
[she's spent so long fighting for control and losing it time and time again and she's tired of it. she can't do this forever. she can't let the world happen to her. she can't keep letting people be taken from her. she can't she can't she can't she can't she can't she can't she—]
[a long, shaky breath. the memories of Jen fucking Bowen flood her mind.]
If they planned this whole thing. [she pushes off the wall. pulls her fist out of it. her face is still wet with tears, her throat thick and heavy with gunk. but her shoulders are squared and she's looking dead forward.] I'm going to show them what happens when plans go wrong.
no subject
[and there it is. that's the one thing it takes to shove her voice over the edge so far that it shatters and she has to rest her head against the wall to try to hide her angry, bitter tears. but she's not going to stop talking, either.]
But I don't want this to be mapped out by fate. I don't want everything I've ever done to be someone else's plan.
[she's spent so long fighting for control and losing it time and time again and she's tired of it. she can't do this forever. she can't let the world happen to her. she can't keep letting people be taken from her. she can't she can't she can't she can't she can't she can't she—]
[a long, shaky breath. the memories of Jen fucking Bowen flood her mind.]
If they planned this whole thing. [she pushes off the wall. pulls her fist out of it. her face is still wet with tears, her throat thick and heavy with gunk. but her shoulders are squared and she's looking dead forward.] I'm going to show them what happens when plans go wrong.