[Rean hasn't actually connected the way his brain is screaming negativity at him with this place, or considered that Crow might be hearing the same. At this point, with everything that's happened, it's so easy to chalk it up to stress.
But Crow is talking, and Rean goes quiet to listen to him.]
...yeah, I remember. [A shaking breath.] ...more than just that. I remembered the whole thing after talking to Elliot. Couldn't tell you how I saw it, but it was as if we were right up there beside you when you shot Chancellor Osborne through the heart.
[And it's hard to come to grips with that, even now. It's hard to imagine Crow, now or then, the man who's always had a bright smile and friendly advice to share with his precious underclassman, having the resolve to kill a man in cold blood.
Being able to so effortlessly lie to him and string him along.
But the memory is too clear to be something he's imagined. It's hard, but he has to accept it, whether he wants to or not.]
Just... wish I actually remembered why. I know I asked you, back then, but that's where my memory ends.
[And it's hard not to let his own gaze drift at that, nervously. Still...]
...I can't pretend I haven't been wondering the same. [He needs to just be honest with him. It kills him to admit this, but he has to, or they're never going to move forward.] Because even now, I know you want to keep me out. You laugh and lie and push me away from the places you're hurting. And I want to trust you, Crow. I do.
But if you could lie to me so easily then, if you keep pushing me away now... how can I know what else you're hiding from me?
[He looks up at Crow, now, imploring. Tell him there's nothing, Crow. Tell him the past is the past and things are different, now. Tell him that the mocking voices are wrong when they jeer at him that he's doomed to lose you all over again, that this, too, will be for nothing.]
no subject
[Rean hasn't actually connected the way his brain is screaming negativity at him with this place, or considered that Crow might be hearing the same. At this point, with everything that's happened, it's so easy to chalk it up to stress.
But Crow is talking, and Rean goes quiet to listen to him.]
...yeah, I remember. [A shaking breath.] ...more than just that. I remembered the whole thing after talking to Elliot. Couldn't tell you how I saw it, but it was as if we were right up there beside you when you shot Chancellor Osborne through the heart.
[And it's hard to come to grips with that, even now. It's hard to imagine Crow, now or then, the man who's always had a bright smile and friendly advice to share with his precious underclassman, having the resolve to kill a man in cold blood.
Being able to so effortlessly lie to him and string him along.
But the memory is too clear to be something he's imagined. It's hard, but he has to accept it, whether he wants to or not.]
Just... wish I actually remembered why. I know I asked you, back then, but that's where my memory ends.
[And it's hard not to let his own gaze drift at that, nervously. Still...]
...I can't pretend I haven't been wondering the same. [He needs to just be honest with him. It kills him to admit this, but he has to, or they're never going to move forward.] Because even now, I know you want to keep me out. You laugh and lie and push me away from the places you're hurting. And I want to trust you, Crow. I do.
But if you could lie to me so easily then, if you keep pushing me away now... how can I know what else you're hiding from me?
[He looks up at Crow, now, imploring. Tell him there's nothing, Crow. Tell him the past is the past and things are different, now. Tell him that the mocking voices are wrong when they jeer at him that he's doomed to lose you all over again, that this, too, will be for nothing.]