Left-Behind Trace [Open]

[standalonehuman]

WHO: Togusa and people!
WHERE: The hospital, oops.
WHEN: January 7th and onwards.
WHAT: Togusa got shot, he's in the hospital, and finally knows how his Other got shot.
WARNINGS: Discussion of violence, medical treatment, and the like.

The news probably didn't take long to reach a lot of people. Togusa got brought to the hospital with a gunshot wound. Togusa's official story is that he got shot stopping an opportunistic mugger trying to steal things in the chaos of the fire. So what actually happened?

Comments

[standalonehuman]

There's too much in his head right now, and Togusa can apparently be on death's door and still try to analyze things. It's keeping him awake, alert. A part of him knows that he needs to not fall asleep right now. The docs will handle sleep for him, once they've got the micromachine surgery suite set up. So stay awake until then.

Mariko's words make his chest hitch, then he barks out one laugh, before he starts coughing. That's better, it sounds more like Mariko, and it sends a warm feeling into him. He's got to be okay if she can make jokes, in her own way. His hand tenses during the coughing fit, but soon relaxes. The oxygen kicks in.

Japanese is easier, it's a slight effort off his brain. "What would have protected her? Hikari can't be protected unless she has her dad there to protect her. That's more important. He's dumb. Stupid-stupid." Formal proclamation of stupid, he means it. He can be insanely jealous of his Other in many ways, but it's even more confusing what the man's priorities are, looking at them now.

Togusa's eyes squint. His other hand comes up, vaguely waving at his head. "I learned something. Inside the door. It's in here now, I can worry about it later. The robots aren't robots."

[megatechbody]

Unsurprisingly, his laugh draws a mixed response - worry and frustration and relief all mingle and Mariko ends up stifling a single huff of laughter while shooting Togusa a sour look. The condemnation of his Other comes and Mariko can’t quite stop the roll of her eyes. Either the pain or the drugs are getting to him, with the way he doubles up that Baka. “You have that in common,” she grumbles clear enough for him to hear and has the nerve to look faintly fond.

Whatever just transpired is as close to a miracle as it gets and it’s difficult to know what to do with it. Death has always one step away, closer to her than even some family. But Togusa is here and alive. He blinks and squints and she finds herself counting 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9 as he tries to explain.

“Are they like Isamu?”

[standalonehuman]

It doesn't get another laugh, but he clearly heard her because he smiles in response. It is very hard to bring up an argument as to why he is not stupid when he is lying in a hospital bed with a gunshot wound in him. These drugs are also really nice, it's not an experience Togusa has had much before.

One finger reaches out and he pokes himself in the head. "Not like that. Their code, it's not code. I downloaded it, you should take a look yourself, got the stuff at my place to download from- the- cyberbrain."

His voice was getting lighter as he spoke there, and he almost drifts off at the end. His grip on her hand tightens, and his eyes look like they're staring past Mariko. His jaw clenches, and he sucks in a very tight breath through his nose as he continues to space out. Something external is hitting him, but that grip on Mariko's hand is desperately trying to keep himself grounded here.

[megatechbody]

"Hitori?"

She bites her tongue against the onslaught of questions. Hitori, what's wrong? Hitori, does it hurt? Hitori, is it your chest? Hitori, are you alright? Hitori, is it your head? Hitori, do you want me to call the nurse? Hitori, do you need water? Hitori, what are you saying?

It feels too close to panic and Mariko squeezes his hand a hair too hard. The contact is stabilizing and she watches his eyes. Constriction is usually pain, dilation the painkillers but please let it be something she can figure out here and now. If she has to call a nurse they're going to try and make her leave and then she'll never be allowed back in.

[standalonehuman]

At first, his pupils constrict, but then his eyes are searching back and forth, as if he is reading something. All the while, his hand stays clenched in Mariko's, not noticing, or not caring about how hard she is gripping in return. Her voice, it only adds to what he is seeing, draws him deeper into it, before he snaps out of it.

A deep breath in his nose, before his jaw finally unclenches. "You were there. You. Her. Her you." Another breath. He doesn't have the mental capacity to keep separating it all out.

Slower, and shaky, because the rawness of the memory is still right there on the tip of his mind. "You were there, helping me, when I got shot last time. We've done this before."

Another breath, and he is settling again. The strain on him doesn't look like it will be sustained, but there is a faint sheen of sweat on him now, enough to make the paleness of his face stand out more. He can only try to communicate the rest of what he is feeling with his eyes, the intense, grateful gaze he gives back to her. What had she said before about the connection between them? You're here. You're always here for me.

[megatechbody]

"Easy, Hitori. Easy..."

Soothing him comes more naturally than it probably should, but it's too exhausting to keep up the front of being perpetually unfettered. Mariko listens to him, listens to his mind begin to catch up to the things they only ever talk around or fight about.

"I know." Her tone is gentle, but she knows the knowledge will likely be galling. "I remembered Him, in a hospital bed but I didn't know how to tell you without scaring you. That's why we had that fight about keeping secrets a few months ago."

She steels herself for him to pull his hand away, for his anger and his disappointment all over again. It's what she deserves for failing him twice. He's her friend and someone she was supposed to lead in another lifetime - and still he ended up skirting death on her watch.

"I-I..." She frowns at his hand, the wound - all of it.

"I don't even know what to say, anymore."

[standalonehuman]

That burst of gratitude, the feeling of unending support, it shatters in an instant, as Togusa feels his stomach sink at her words. They confuse him more than anything else at first. How could she have known?

But then the argument comes back to him, the question that had been on the tip of his tongue so many times, but he had never asked. Do you know how he got shot? He didn't want to treat Mariko like the answer key, as if she wasn't an active participant in all the memories he was seeing. But it kept him from pushing on this one answer.

He looks at her, and it's still as if he is seeing two of them. Mariko, and that version of her with the purple hair.

"Why.. Why?" She said why, but he is asking more out of hurt than out of a true lack of understanding.

But he grips her hand, he keeps that point, he doesn't slip his hand out of hers. It hurts, and a tear squeezes out from one eye, but he keeps a hold of her, a lifeline, however painful.

"Don't go."

[megatechbody]

The deflation almost sends her overboard and her eyes sting painfully with tears. More answers are the least she could give him but the idea of it makes her skin feel tight. All she wants is to understand before she keeps dropping this shit on him and it feels like sometimes everything is conspiring against that desire.

His gaze feels heavy on her skin, insistent, and she knows he’s trying to figure out her and the Major all at once. Even worse, all she hears in him is hurt and she huffs to try and cover the sob that slips out. If they’d been switched - if she’d been shot and he’d been so tight lipped - she knows deep down she’d be infuriated and it scares her. The Major feels so cold but every detail she learns about her Other makes her uncomfortable. They’re both unfair and selfish and greedy.

Hitori deserves better on both counts. They’re all they have in the face of becoming these strangers and for once Mariko is sorry.

“I won’t.”

[standalonehuman]

It hurts worse than Togusa can say, but there is one thing that would hurt even more. He feels it, that if the two of them let go of this lifeline, that other hand is already reaching for the bricks they would need to wall themselves off from the other one.

"I'd rather-" he stops, and he huffs out an unhappy laugh. "I'd really rather not have been shot."

"But I'd rather." What would he rather? Should he have pushed this conversation? Would it have done a damn thing to keep him from getting a bullet in his side now?

Togusa's shoulders relax, the tension in his brow relaxes. "I'd rather you stay. And we talk this through later. And I stop trying to piece everything together for once." It's almost asking for permission to let it slip through his fingers, instead of trying to tie together so many disparate pieces of information. If he's allowed to put it down for a minute..

..well, he doesn't know what that makes him. Because it's something that he doesn't let himself do.

[megatechbody]

For a split second, she tries to imagine a world without Togusa and her mind stutters. Even as she takes him for granted, being without him entirely feels impossible. Maybe after some sleep she'll head to the shrine and pray that he doesn't get sick of her.

His distaste for being shot draws an equally unhappy snort from her and a roll of eyes. As if this was as simple as what either of them wanted, anymore...

"That makes two of us." she grumbles, not quite having the nerve to meet his gaze.

Just a quick as she's wounded him, Mariko finds herself relieved that she's still in his good graces. Almost as quickly his seeking makes her want to squirm; she's not his superior or his boss or even anyone that important. He should be able to be as unfettered as she plays at being and do whatever he wants.

But if all he wants is her to stay and maybe a little fucking honesty from now on, she can't find it in herself to deny him.

"Whatever you want, Hitori." It's less supplication than it is a promise. She feels him relax, just from the way his grip eases and finally, their gazes meet again.

"I just need you to get better, okay?"

[standalonehuman]

There is a relaxation that goes through all of Togusa, like he is sinking in and becoming one with the bed beneath him. He nods, a bob of his head without much muscle behind it. "I'm going to get better. It didn't kill him, and I'm better than him." He's still stupid.

The nurses bustle back in shortly after, the surgery suite is ready for him. He mutters out instructions that Mariko is the person to talk to, and the nurses just seem to accept this. Once she's there by his side, they don't question if she's supposed to be back there anymore.

Togusa is wheeled up the hallway, back past the other closed curtains of other patients, to eventually one set of doors that Mariko can't follow through. It's only then that Togusa at last lets go of her hand.

"Daijoubu." It's all right. It will be all right.