"Kind of depressing to realize that my childhood actually counts as step up." He says it almost as a joke. Only it's not really a joke at all and it definitely isn't funny. "It's just. I think I can learn to handle knowing that he- I- did something horrible. Compartmentalization and affirming I don't have to make the same choices again and so on. But this feels harder. And not because it's very possible that whatever made me write this also led me on a path that ends with a price on my head but because..."

He finally manages to put the mug down and he falls back against the couch with a sigh of frustration. "Ah, hell if I even know."