recolle | ( OPEN ) leave that old record spinning.

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( OPEN ) leave that old record spinning.

WHO: Akira Kurusu
WHERE: Everywhereee
WHEN: 3/9-3/16!!
WHAT: Akira is coping pretty badly, but he's around the city doing sometimes nothing at any time in the day or night. Morrigan, his cat, is also out and about and people can pick him up and call his number for him to show up. Also putting my other toplevels in here. so it's kind of like a catchall.
WARNINGS: Mentions of death?! Some Persona 5 spoilers, might as well.

nothing to do...

[ Of course he lost some time on the weekend to answer some questions from the police for their investigation, then also check up on Minato just to make sure, but he has been wandering around the city after classes and avoiding whatever calls or texts he gets for hours. This goes on for days. Not even home brings him the peace he's looking for, so he only visits to do some quick necessities and have a quick bite purposely when his roommates are asleep or gone.

Otherwise, he can be found lingering around:
sitting on the bench at the park, feeding the pigeons or just staring up at the sky
around pizza port
by the subway station
by the high school
in alleys
by a haunted building
wherever else your character hangs
In the early morning, the middle of the day, or even at night. Sometimes he's rollerblading, but at all times wherever, whenever, his eyes are downcast. Fortunately, he's smart enough to check traffic lights.

There are too many things haunting his mind, replaying over and over... He thought he could handle this since he settled with Ryoji's death easier and faster, but nothing can wipe the imagery of the blood on the floor and the scattered chip bags in the background, the dull sound of the sirens, and the cry for help.

If you catch him on the street, you may witness him fall flat on his face. Miraculously, his glasses fly out of harm's way, but he doesn't budge from the floor and merely splays there like a corpse. It's fine. ]

cat looking for human son!!

[ Morrigan is known for some pretty shady things, but he has a different agenda today. This slick tuxedo cat is skulking Recolle looking for his owner. Akira has been gone far too long in February already, so his random disappearances will not be tolerated.

He can be found investigating Akira's usual spots like the cat cafe and the park, but he will visit the movie theaters and the houses of friends. Unfortunately, whoever brings him home with them thinking they can keep him there will be disappointed. Morrigan has NO PLANS to stay anywhere until Akira is found. This little cat burglar will protest with a lot of meowing and escape somehow, but you can probably catch him again not too far from your place. It won't stop him from trying to leave, though.

However, his collar does divulge his name, an address, and the number to call if found. ]

velvet blues (locked to persona protags and elizabeth)

[ Quite often he can be found in the Velvet Room at random times of the day after classes, whether he's doing his homework or merely lying in his cell bed, staring up at the dark ceiling with a dazed look. Sometimes he's sleeping and other times he's sitting with his knees close to his chest, head in his hands to calm himself down. Thank god for all these Jack Frost dolls in his jail cell.

And everywhere else in the Velvet Room. ]

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[ So... Akira screwed up and came home to both Yusuke and Elliot in the living room and kitchen, but he pretends that everything is normal as he slides over to the fridge and checks if there's any tasty leftovers to eat. Morrigan tails after him, meowing loudly as he rubs against his ankles.

Scratching the back of his head, he notices they're at the end of their food today. Probably time to go shopping. ]

Looks like it's time for a grocery run.

[ Closing it, he takes out some leftovers before heating it up in the microwave. ]

I can pick some up in a bit. If you guys have anything specific, send me a list.

[ It took him a couple of days, but he finally musters enough energy and courage to travel to Shouto's place. They've exchanged addresses in case they ever want to hang out for whatever reason, though Akira has always imagined it would be to read some comics together. Instead, it's for another reason... He's sure the news has reached him by now, but he waits in front of the door.

Deep breaths. He wants to check up on Shouto since he must hurting more than he is. From the short amount of talks they had, he can tell that he loved him dearly and would do so much for him. They... planned on having a date later in the month and thinking about it makes his heart sink. It's fine. It'll keep his mind from drifting too far off. It'll also be one of the few interactions he seeks himself. Straightening up, he steels himself as he rings the doorbell, preparing to maybe see his mom? Maybe that would be better, too. It's easier to put a face around people he doesn't know. ]

Edited 2018-03-13 06:25 (UTC)

[Shuji's tripped over his own feet on the sidewalk before, so he can't really judge when Akira seems to do the same. If he gets up right afterwards, then Shuji will probably just ask 'you okay?' and let it go if the answer is yes.

However, Akira doesn't get up right afterwards, and that gets Shuji to crouch beside his prone form.]

You awake?

[First step after possible head injury: determine whether the person is conscious.]

[It took a couple days for Elliot to fully notice the extent of Akira's absence. At first, it was easy to assume they were just missing each other. That's happened before. But after a few days, even that explanation didn't feel right. It started to feel like Akira and Elliot weren't just missing each other, and more like Akira was just absent. Their home life was continued on like an orchestra missing its cello. It could function, but it was clear something was missing.

Morrigan's behavior? Was the final tip-off that something was wrong, that it wasn't just in Elliot's head. That cat was more attuned to Akira's schedule than anybody- and if he noticed his absence? Something was wrong.

So, Elliot decided to investigate. Instead of spending time in his room as he often did, he spent more time in the living room and kitchen, hoping to catch sight of Akira. He wasn't sure what he'd do once he did, but he felt like he had to do at least something.

Tonight he was sitting at the kitchen table, despite the cooking being done and all the dishes cleaned. He was performing maintenance on the violin he got from Retrospec around Christmas, a task he normally did at his desk in his room. After so many nights, he was actually surprised to actually see Akira. Not just surprised, but a bit lost for what to say at first. Greet him warmly? Ask where he's been? Man- he really wasn't good at this.

And then, Akira talks about doing a grocery run. Leaving again. His heart sinks.]

Huh?

[He remembers what he saw in the fridge earlier tonight. Besides the leftovers he left for Akira (as he did every night), they were running a little low on food. But it wasn't too bad- nothing that couldn't wait until tomorrow. ]

N-No, that's okay. You don't have to. I was planning to do a shop tomorrow after class.

[Don't go.]

[ Yusuke doesn't take as long to realise something is wrong. He's used to painting late into the night, and remaining awake while Akira gets ready for bed and falls asleep. It only take two nights of his roommate either staying up and out past Yusuke's own staying power, or just not coming home at all for him to realise something is up.

Morrigan taking up vigil at Akira's bed, and occasionally curling up with Yusuke instead, grumpy and sullen without his owner around, had been another clue. But Yusuke had waited. They'd had this talk about sharing burdens and seeking help when needed back when Yusuke had remembered the extent of his other self's past with Madarame, and this seems like the sort of thing they'd referenced in that instance. Yusuke is willing to give Akira some time and space to work through things, but he'd confident that Akira will speak to him with his worries eventually.

Only he doesn't.

He goes on avoiding them, and others. He erects a wall between himself and everyone around him and the longer it goes on the more frustrated Yusuke feels. This is exactly the sort of thing he'd meant about allowing others to reciprocate the care and support Akira gives them, and knowingly or not it's being thrown back in his face. He gets that Akira is dealing with something big, something that's deeply hurt him, but this isn't how anyone works past it. This is how people wallow, and sink and drown in it. ]

No need. If we let you go out again you'll probably just vanish again and the groceries will go off. We can do a shop.

[ Sorry Elliot, he's not in the mood for being anywhere near as delicate with the issue. ]

[ He could tell the room was tense when he came in, but he can't say he foresaw the number of daggers Yusuke is throwing at him. They had a rather warm time in Magatus, so it's literally like the song you're Hot then you're Cold, but he shrugs it off as he takes out the plate from the microwave after a poignant ding. Elliot is at least trying to establish normalcy, though his tone has a tinge of confusion. He understands that he has been gone for most days, most nights, and only tends to pop in when no one is there to greet him. Yes, he knows he doesn't check in with them, but it's not like he's doing anything reckless. There's no mischievous scheme to implement in his mind.

He's safe. He's still doing the best to be himself.

At times he does miss home and talking to them, but it's always sidelined by flashing glimpses of the convenience store, quiet whispers about what could have been done, muffled voices of the policemen asking him irrelevant questions to rule him out as a suspect. Sometimes the wafting aroma of delicious food is replaced by the smell of iron as he tastes regret with every bite he takes. It's getting difficult to drown it out the bitter mourning, let alone piece together a mask to show everyone. He desperately wants to be fine... But he doesn't want to talk about it.

Akira may always have a wall up 24/7, but it has never been so fortified till this passing week. Having people see him like that is the last thing he wants. ]

What? I would just buy them and come back. It's not like I'm going to hoard them somewhere and prepare for hibernation. Winter has past.

[ Cocking an eyebrow, he gives them both an incredulous look with a small smile. These rampant emotions don't stop him from playing the same role and taking a seat at the table, spinning the fork between his fingers like he usually does. Why are you guys so stiff? Morrigan is at least happy to see him. The cat trails after him constantly. ]

[Orrrrr instead of going gentle, Yusuke could bring a sledge hammer to the conversation. That's a thing they're doing, apparently.

He goes wide eyed when Yusuke answers so bluntly, glancing up at his friend with a worried look. It's not like he can disagree with Yusuke's sentiment- but wow talk about backflipping into the deep-end of this messy foray while dragging both of them with him!

And then there goes Akira...downplaying it with one of his jokes. There's...no way Akira doesn't know what Yusuke means, right? He's been gone so much. He must be trying to evade.

Elliot swallows and tries to speak again]

W-Well, it's just... you have been gone a lot...

Um, a lot a lot.

[Shouto's tired. It's seeped all the way into his bones, he hasn't gone to school this week. But with everything happening with his family, that's not so surprising.

Unfortunately for Akira, Shouto's the one who opens up the door. He looks like he hasn't sleep well in days, despite still being in pajamas. His hair isn't sorted into it's usual half and half- he just hasn't bothered.

He holds the door open and steps back, inviting Akira in.]

[ He's conscious and can clearly hear Shuji's voice, but he doesn't budge at all. Instead, he stays there with his eyes closed, pretending to be dead to the world. He gets some looks from people that pass by, but no one else is going to approach when someone else has already.

Don't worry, he's alive?! ]

[ He's quiet when he opens the door, eyes wandering elsewhere for a second until he realizes Shouto isn't exactly looking him in the eye or anything. It lets him inspect his friend a bit only to see that... He's doing so much more worse—what a mess? It makes him look like a pristine student with a spotless record.

It takes him a moment, but he enters Shouto's home and takes it upon himself to close and the lock the door for him. The poor boy looks exhausted beyond belief and the expression he puts on seems so empty. Akira merely stands before him, searching for something to stay, but every word is caught on his throat. How are you doing? You look like a wreck... Have you been sleeping this whole time? You must miss him. I'm sorry. I should have—come earlier than so late.

But he's here. What he can do is pull Shouto into a loose hug and rub his back. ]

[Shouto doesn't say a word for a while. He's done his talking with Kei and Baren. While he wasn't there at the scene of the crime, he's still taking it hard. Yukine was his first boyfriend, his first kiss, they were talking about staying together forever. Then this happened.

Shouto presses his face into Akira's shoulder, slowly bringing his hands up to hug him back.]

[ It's been a while, so he can guess that Shouto must have already spoken his heart out since he's that type of person... Someone pure and open about what's bothering him. Even now, Akira can feel an envy that brews somewhere in the mist of sadness, but he focuses on the warmth of the hug and trying to comfort his friend as best as he can. The silence in itself is peaceful and he dares not break it with any mention of Yukine... He knows he's already on both of their minds. Despite that, he feels a small warm wave wash over him. There's always something nice about holding something that is alive, reminding you of your mortality.

He squeezes Shouto a bit as he rests his head on his shoulder, too. His eyes don't rest at all, they continue to bore into the wall in front of him as he finally finds his voice. It's soft, almost a whisper, filled with remorse and a heavy sorrow. It's unfortunately not leveled as he would like, shaking at the pause in between. ]

I'm sorry.

[ The smile on his face is bereft of any happiness. While he knows there was nothing he could have done, he's still stuck wondering if they could have searched for him earlier... If they could have gone with him like Akira pitched—if anything at all would change these course of events? Even on the ambulance ride, he felt he failed Yukine, likewise Shouto. Again, another debt he's not sure how to pay. ]

Frequently, overnight, without letting anyone know where you are or that you’re okay.

[ That smile leaves him feeling just... angry. He’s not used to feeling angry like this - maybe it’s a culmination of multiple things all at once, not just Akira’s skittish behaviour, and this is the moment his patience has hit the point where it frays and snaps. It’s insulting, that Akira thinks a smile and nice words will be a balm to their worry. Like their concern is only on the surface and can be placated that simply. Or maybe it’s just that Akira himself thinks that little of their worry? Which is... something he doesn’t want to consider.

Yusuke understands as well that Elliot is much more... gentle? with his approaches. Normally he’d agree with it, given the context, but he’s tried the gentle and understanding act once before and it apparently did nothing to crack through Akira’s skull.

Enough. ]

Were you going to sneak out the back when we weren’t looking or were you going to leave a note this time?

Edited 2018-03-14 12:23 (UTC)

[It isn't like Akira's blatant absence hadn't gone unnoticed by Goro, but really, he was a little thankful for the space too; showing Akira a side of himself like that still remains disgraceful in his head, even if Akira'd shown him poor sides too, and it's nice to regain his composure... even if it's still a heavy weight, even if he'd like it not to matter.

He can pretend, at least. That's good enough.

Morrigan's being out and about is, however, cause enough for him to feel like he has a reason to poke at Akira without any possible curt conversations or ignored calls, especially since the cat seems to refuse his invitations of staying with Belle and the others. Goro's taken to simply wandering with Morrigan at this point of the day, trailing after the tuxedo and resting when he does.

It's during one of these rest periods that he sends Akira a selfie of him and Morrigan sitting together in the park where they'd been just earlier, thinly veiled worry in Goro's smiling expression.]

Morri's sneaking out again. No underwear this time, thankfully, you won't be charged with any sorts of crimes as his owner... except perhaps by a jury of your peers for worrying him so much.

[Because the last time this happened Morrigan was concerned over Akira's health, and like then Goro shares this sentiment with the cat exactly.]

[ He's at least appreciative of Elliot's gentle approach, but it doesn't completely offset his other friend... ]

Were you always this aggressive, Yusuke? I'm capable of using the front door.

[ What’s the point of trying to play something they won’t go along with? He drops the act and the smile as the fork spins another around on his fingers before stopping. Even if Elliot’s leftovers are delectable and beckoning him for a taste, his appetite is long gone. Eyes narrowed, they sharply pierce towards his friend filled with frustration, irritation, and weariness. He knows they’re worried... And that they deserve to know—that he shouldn’t be treating them this way.

The guilt has been eating him away every time he sees anyone’s worried and sympathetic face... His expression twists as he starts with the facts. They do deserve to know. ]

I went to hang out with Minato and Yukine, but Yukine forgot to bring us lunch... So he went to a convenience store to pick up some sandwiches and shakes. He never came back. We decided to go looking for him and found him alone in the store, lying on the ground, bleeding out. I stayed by his side up until the hospital lobby and... He didn’t make it. [ And yet he fed his friend so many words about getting through this and looking forward to tomorrow. Instead, the curtains fall onto him like all of it was a well spun lie. With each word, the tone of his voice becomes coarser and louder. The fork is bending under the pressure of his fingertips. ] Nothing, no words, can change what happened, so it all feels suffocating. And Yukine is going to come back—that's why it's fine. I'm fine.

[ Actually, Akira doesn't know if that's true. He has read the post from Chuuya about people coming from the dead... Ryoji did it, too, so he uses that as a justification even if he doesn't entirely believe it. He needs something to back up why he should be fine. However, the more this goes on, the more he can see he's far from it. ]

I... [ He's scowling yet he can feel his eyes well up, glassy under the light. It's an awful swell of anger and sorrow. Instinctively, he covers his face with his hands and gently rubs his temples. ] Just want to be okay.

[ Saying more than intended, he feels like he has overstayed his welcome in his own home. Without a word, he decides to dispose of the plate... And the unusable fork before making his way to the front door again. He knows he's bad company right now and he doesn't want to subject them to that anymore. ]

[Again he gives a worried look at Yusuke. He understands the frustration, but he feels like Yusuke has a lot more anger about this than Elliot does, and he doesn't quite understand it. Did something happen?] Yusuke...

[He says it with some concern, but then his attention goes back to Akira when he starts talking. Immediately the story fills him with a sense of dread, purely because of Minato's name being mentioned. The fearful thought of "What did he do now" sure crosses his mind.

The story goes on in a way he doesn't expect. In fact, it's almost hard to register at first, needing a moment to process. Yukine...lying on the ground bleeding out. They went to the hospital. He didn't make it. The words sound far away for a moment, like that moment when you hurt yourself but the pain hasn't register yet.

But as always, reality sets in, and the pain comes.

Yukine didn't make it. Yukine had been in the wrong place, wrong time...and he didn't make it.

Yukine was dead.]

N-No...Yukine...

[Elliot hadn't been as close to Yukine as Akira, but he still knew him. They'd been in the same group in February- they traveled together, ate together, camped together. Yukine liked how passionately he talked about music, even if they didn't agree on some things. Yukine had stood up for him when someone had been teasing him while he was angry. He considered Yukine a friend, he wanted to get to know him better, to watch more movies together and share more songs.

But now he couldn't. He was gone. Like his parents, Yukine was gone so suddenly. Already, he can feel his chest tightening up, and his eyes burning from tears forming as grief starts setting in.

Then he hears Akira's words. "that's why it's fine. I'm fine." Was that...really what he was trying to convince himself? The words strike him like a bow slipping across the strings with a screech, wrong and almost painful.]

What're you- it's not fine. It's-

[And then he sees Akira leaving. Again. He came here, dumped delayed news about a friend's death, and was planning to leave them here to deal with it. Elliot, already on the verge of tears, stares dumbstruck as he stands up at Akira's back as he heads for that door.]

W-Where are you going?! Get back here!

[ Yusuke doesn't know Yukine. But he knows shock and grief when he sees it - raw and fresh in Elliot's face as Akira just drops that particular bit of news on the table like it's nothing.

But it isn't nothing. "I'm fine, it's fine" it's not fine. No one is fine after being with a friend during a shock attack and almost up to their death from their wounds. They grieve, they hurt, they... try and shut people out and soldier on through the pain regardless of the bridges burned in the process.

Yusuke's out of his seat and using his longer legs and wider stride to get to the kitchen door before Akira can, standing in the middle of the doorway to block it. There is no way he's letting Akira leave now. He really won't come back, after that. Not for a long while. ]

No.

You don't just say all of that and then brush it off like it's fine. It's not fine, Akira. [ He sucks in a breath before he realises it, and almost has to bite his own tongue not to let it all out in a rush of frustration. ]

No one would expect you to be fine after something like that-- why do you think you have to be?

[There's a particular person Shouto has kept pouring his heart out to. But that's in the past. He's here with Akira now, and they both need comfort. Shouto wasn't even there for his boyfriend's death. He wasn't anywhere near the area. And still he's trying to accept there was nothing he could have done.

Shouto squeezes back, the temperature difference fluctuating slightly at his own emotional state.

And aren't those familiar words? "I'm sorry." Like either of them could've stopped what happened. Like the burden is solely on their shoulders instead of the person who perpetrated the crime.

If he needs to hear the words just as much as Shouto needed them, then he'll say them. Akira doesn't have to carry that weight.

His voice is soft and scratchy, like he hasn't used it in a while.]

It's not your fault. Listen to me. It's nobody's fault except the person who hurt him. That's the only person who deserves blame.

[ He doesn't have an answer for either of them—he has no destination in mind and he doesn't know why he has to be okay. Is it because he hates feeling so helpless? It's irritating and getting in the way, but it's not something he can shake off. The world is moving on, so why can't he? Yukine wouldn't want him to mope around, that's right. Listless and quiet, he stands in front of Yusuke with a downcast gaze before lifting his head to look at him. Though expressionless, his eyes are still welling.

Though he seems to have a thick skull, he isn't blind. He knows... He isn't fine. Every feeling is crystal clear to him yet he's lost. The one thing he can see is how his presence is changing the air of the room. Depressing, gloomy, vexing; his friends don't need that. ]

I just want some fresh air.

[ He raises a hand to pat Yusuke's shoulder, hoping it would reassure him somewhat. If this doesn't work, he's going to beeline to the backdoor since he doesn't think Elliot will forcefully stop him. ]

[He's breathing, at least. That's a good start.]

If you are conscious, respond in fifteen seconds or I'm calling an ambulance.

[Shuji is not a medical professional. He is a person with a phone, which he's already taking out.]

[Guess again trashtagonist.

Elliot's thankful that Yusuke's there to block his way, because Elliot wasn't fast or a great blockade. He knows too what Akira's going to do if he goes out that door: he'll run. And this time, he might not ever come back.

So while Akira's occupied with trying to convince Yusuke to move? Elliot will steel himself and walk over to Akira- reaching out to grab his other hand at his side. He holds it onto it, his hold gentle and yet there's a firmness about it.]

Please...don't go.

[He's looking down, so his face isn't visible through his red bangs. But his voice sounds choked up, as if he's already started to cry. ]

R-Running...Running won't make the pain go away. It just won't.

[ "You've had enough fresh air", he wants to say. But right now it isn't appropriate. He's had his chance to snap and make his displeasure with Akira's attitude known, but now, seeing how upset Akira looks even if he's trying to stamp it down, he doesn't want to snap as much. Even if he's still angry in a way.

And then there's Elliot, just as upset and raw - and maybe he'd be mad that Akira just dumped this on Elliot out of nowhere later, but not now - and this is...

Well.

He wants Akira to cry too. To let himself cry until it's all out in the open and he's emptied the grief out and can move on. So without really thinking, he reaches out and wraps his arms around Akira and manages to tug Elliot in as well, with his hands. A group hug. ]

We're not letting you go anywhere for the moment. Later, maybe. But not right now.

[ Sorry, Goro. At least he does read his texts and replies when he can. Calls, however, will be ignored for some time. When this text comes, he's at least a lot more prompt. ]

i'll be there in a second.

[ More like twenty minutes. He has to figures out where he is without checking the GPS.

Morrigan continues to sit on the roundabout, scaring off all the children that may have wanted to use it. Luckily, the cold weather means a smaller group of kids, so this cat in a little sweater can nest here and wait to see if Akira shows. At times, he does look up at Goro, meowing at him like asking him questions. Minutes past and he's huddled closer to him, kneading his thigh with his little paws like he's trying to fluff a pillow. ]

[ Shouto... He knows that, so he chuckles a bit under his breath. No matter how much his mind continues to race back to the thought of how things could have been different, he knows better than anyone that there was nothing that could be done. It happened. It's in the past. Despite that, it's still comforting to be reassured, if only slightly. There's no point in blame. They can only learn from this ordeal as painful and helpless as it is.

A hand snakes up to ruffle the back of Shouto's hair, then tries to fix by combing it out with his fingers. ]

I was apologizing for not seeing you sooner, but you're right.

[ If he had the power to go back in time, he would still take it, even if it means having to see that scene again. Any slim chance is still a chance, but that great power is not bestowed onto any of them. With another squeeze, he hoists Shouto up like a doll and ferries them both to the living room. He deposits him onto the couch as if he lived here instead, but sits next to him and leans back against the plush cushions. ]

I should have visited the day after... Or tried to. [ But he was a wreck—still is which is why he's ambivalent about visiting. That, too, is in the past. ] It wasn't your fault, either. I'm sure you know that, but this is a reminder.

[His hair is already a disaster, he's fine with this. And besides, it's a nice gesture that he's come to enjoy. He closes his eyes and leans into the hand- so he doesn't realize he's being lifted up until Akira's already doing it.

He leans against Akira's side and sighs softly.]

You don't need to apologize for that either, you know. It's... It's really hard. Losing people you love is so hard.

[There's a distant, faint smile on his lips.] You aren't the first person who's told be that.

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Page 1 of 14

( OPEN ) leave that old record spinning.

MOCHI FAM

MOURNING TIME

they call it lonely digging dangit it's in my head now - on the street

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GOOD! TASTES!!

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cat, i'm a kitty cat

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