recolle | [closed] this has definitely never happened in any romcom ever

[closed] this has definitely never happened in any romcom ever

WHO: Yu & Karkat
WHERE: Like, out? Nice places?? Nice places for a date???
WHEN: 3/18 at, like, some point.
WHAT: It's a date. They're going on a date. But it's not a real date. It's a test date because Yu's never dated anyone before and Karkat suggested he practice and basically this is how most romcoms start.
WARNINGS: Teens being stupid? Karkat's mouth??

[ So Karkat said he'd contact Yu on Saturday to get this test date ball rolling. But, after talking to Anya about plans, Yu has decided to pre-empt that and sent Karkat a few texts, about what time Karkat would like to meet and if he'd like to head to a certain café. It's a location carefully chosen, both as a place Yu likes and one that he deems "romantic" enough for a date.

There won't be any point to this if he doesn't treat it like a real date. Maybe that's why he feels so nervous about the whole idea.

He's brought a small gift with him. Do people do that? Give gifts on first dates? He wanted to do that. It's hidden in a bag that hangs from his arm.

As he heads to their meeting spot, Yu dwells on the fact that he truly has no idea what he's doing. ]

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[ it's fine. karkat also has no idea what he is doing, considering the only other date he has been on was that valentine's day one where he only used it to get discount ice cream. he watches enough romcoms and reads enough romance novels to have a general idea??? of what this should be like but also no. he is lost and is going to have to pretend that he is not.

karkat dresses nicely for the occasion? he is no fashion icon, but he at least does not show up in his usual hoodie and has made more of an attempt than usual to look decent. because even if this isn't a real date, it's still a date of some kind and jesus christ he can already imagine all of the ways this is going to end in embarrassment.

he gets there a couple of minutes after yu arrives, his hands shoved in his pockets. this is, hilariously, the first time they've met in person although karkat is pretty sure he's seen him around at school?? or maybe that was his twin WHO KNOWS ]

Uh. Sup. [ CASUAL. SMOOTH. don't fuck up your test date, karkat, you got this. ]

[ Yu, too, is dressed pretty sharp for the date. He and his twin usually dress pretty well if they're not deliberately trying to wear hideous cat sweaters and bacon and eggs scarves, but for this he put forth some effort (with the outfit on the right). Hopefully it's enough? Or not too much? How does one dress on dates??

This is confusing.

Still, Yu, who is normally not very expressive at all, tries a smile for Karkat when the other boy approaches. It's faint, but at least it's there. ]

Hey. Thanks for coming. You look great. [ It's a sincere compliment. Not that he knows how Karkat, like, normally dresses? But he thinks he looks nice, so that's enough. ] Ready to head in?

[ wow how dare you give a sincere compliment....

karkat nods his head, glancing around at the outside entrance. he has never actually been to this place before so he isn't really sure what to expect here. honestly, it would have been really easy to just blow this whole thing off considering it's not a proper date, so the fact that yu went and got dressed up is. noted. ]

Uh huh. What is this place? [ a pause. ] Besides a café. It's obviously that. I've never been? [ nvm he ruined the smooth thing, he's babbling. ]

I usually make it a habit to find new places to study after school. I found this place not long after my brother and I moved here. Come on inside, you'll see.

[ Yu will even hold the door open as they head in. Like a proper gentleman should. Gentlemen should do that, right?

Anyway, The Deal with this café is that it's also a pretty nice bakery. There's a display case with all kinds of amazing looking pastries and cakes and tarts and cookies. Yu has no idea if Karkat likes sweet things at all, but the food here is amazing, so there ought to be something for the two of them to enjoy. ]

[ he is the kind of guy who does not eat sweets often, but when he does he will eat All Of It and then probably hibernate for days.

he gives the place a look around and approves. it seems like a good spot for a date? he crosses that off his mental checklist; yu knows how to choose decent places to go to, at least food-wise. ]

I just do all my homework at work. [ he says it kind of absentmindedly because he is clearly still being nosy about what's in here. is that cheesecake. SQUINTS. ]

[ That's a cheesecake. It's a fruit cheesecake and it looks delicious.

There's also parfaits. Those were a suggestion from Anya, and now Yu is wondering if he should. Go for it. Or. God. ]

Where do you work?

[ karkat does not know that yu spoke to anya about this and when he finds out he is going to die. ]

Grub Mart, uhh... it's that one convenience store in Tisse? I work at night though so unless you're suddenly craving a slurpee at one am you probably will not see me.

[ he should... probably try to get more normal hours, but this is his life now. ]

[ In his defense, the universe just kind of made it happen to him, he wasn't specifically seeking advice from Karkat's bestie. ]

You work nights? [ A faint laugh. ] I couldn't do the same. My schedule gets all messed up if I don't get sleep. How do you balance school and a night job?

[ While they're chatting, Yu will keep inspecting the sweets on display, wondering if he should work up the courage to get that parfait or if he should. Just. Get them separate things. At the very least they can get coffee. Coffee is safe, right? ]

[ karkat is completely oblivious to yu's internal struggle about the parfait thing, which is probably a good thing since karkat would not be able to keep a casual conversation going like yu is somehow managing. ]

It's usually dead enough that I can get most of my work done between customers. And I sleep between school and my shift.

[ it's... not the best schedule, really. he's considering getting a new job, but doing that while also dealing with the process of being a high school senior nearing the end of the school year seems like too much extra work. ]

[ He's Doing His Best. ]

Wow. That's admirable, honestly. You must be really dedicated to your work and your studies.

[ ...

...

...

He has no hope of surviving this, so he might as well just bite the bullet and experience death first-hand. He doesn't even manage to handle this totally coolly like he was envisioning and also hoping; he ends up rubbing the back of his neck and kind of tripping over his words. ]

Do you... uh, we could-- [ ... ] Would you like to share a parfait with me?

[ the way he glances at karkat is, like, genuinely shy, there is nothing affected or put on about this.

help ]

[ he nods his head in response to the original line of conversation. karkat is actually about to respond to it, probably something about how he just wants to make sure things look good for his college application, except then yu just keeps talking instead? and he asks something that karkat had not been expecting at all.

there is a moment of silence, where all of karkat's thoughts come to a screeching stop. ]

No! [ it's an automatic response. several seconds pass, and then he revises that in a less panicked tone. ] I mean. Sure? We could do that... this is a date and people do that on dates. Like what we're on. Test date.

[ there was literally no hope for this to go smoothly fuck but karkat realizes that if they are going to do this they need to do it Properly. ]

[ What is this feeling, so sudden and new?

(It's crippling embarrassment.)

Karkat's initial refusal is honestly horrifying, and Yu ends up just kind of staring at him all the way through the uncertain backpedal.

Why did he have to take Anya's advice. Why did he have to misfire to Anya and then decide her parfait suggestion was a good one. This is terrible. Everything is terrible forever. ]

We don't have to, [ he says, slowly. ] It just seemed...

[ ... ]

Romantic?

No, no, it was romantic. It just took-- I was surprised. [ since they went from mundane topics like jobs and schoolwork to sudden dessert sharing, and karkat's maiden heart is young and feeble and not used to sudden romantic questions, even if they are extremely awkwardly done and also a part of a practice run for dating. ]

What flavor do you like?

[ AN ATTEMPT. to save this. in the back, there is a customer watching them with wide eyes, excitedly capturing this embarrassing show via live tweets. ]

... sorry. I'll try not to spring anything else like that on you.

[ Sheepishly. He really. He really doesn't know how to do this date thing at all. ]

Strawberry is a classic, but their kiwi berry parfait is great, too. I like both, so feel free to pick whichever one you prefer.

[ they can save this. they can do it, right?

the live tweets of this terrible date are getting a lot of retweets. ]

[ to be fair, most people probably would have reacted better than karkat did. he just also does not know how to do the date thing. he is the complete wrong person to do a test date with, admittedly, but it's too late to say that now. ]

We can do strawberry. [ wait. ] Strawberries are still normal, right?

[ he is pretty sure he has not seen strawberries dancing anywhere. like, he'd still eat it, but he figures that might ruin the mood. ]

[ They are both the complete wrong person to be doing this. They're definitely gonna die and no one will even remember their names for they will have been stricken from all records due to overwhelming shame.

A beat, and: ]

Yeah, pretty sure they're still normal. We have some at the apartment and they don't have faces. [ Yikes. A parfait full of fruit faces................... no thanks

Slowly regaining his composure, Yu will smile a little. ]

Why don't you grab us a table while I order?

[ i mean, karkat would still eat it but it definitely would lose them some romance points. ]

Yeah. I'll grab a good one. [ that'll set the mood, or whatever.

he, coincidentally, picks out a table near the livetweeting guy. it's also next to a window so they have a good view of the outside and some sunlight is spilling out? it makes for a nice mood. once there, karkat will fidget slightly while waiting for yu to show up... they can do this??? ]

[ Yu ... might balk, which would definitely lose them some romance points.

But Karkat's offer gets a real smile, warmer this time as he settles back into his own skin. ]

Perfect. Thanks. I'll be back in a little bit.

[ Off he goes to the counter, where the cashier who has been pretending very hard not to notice a single moment of this somehow manages to greet Yu without messing up. (Phew. Nailed it!)

It's good to take a moment to collect himself, too. Jeez. Asking like that... probably wasn't that smart. He'll have to be more subtle about it if he ever tries this with-- uh, well, someone he wants to go on a real date with. Or whatever. If he does that.

He better stop thinking about this before he gets flustered again.

Thankfully, it's not too long before he's heading to the table Karkat picked out with a parfait in one hand and two spoons in another. He'll set the parfait on the table between them and set one of the spoons in front of Karkat. ]

Here. Thanks for holding the table.

[ Their friend live tweeter is very excited right now. What else can go wrong on this date? Stay tuned, followers. ]

[ wow that sure is. one parfait and two spoons. this is the most romantic situation karkat has ever found himself in his entire life which makes this whole thing pretty sad, but there is no use in dwelling on that fact (he's gonna dwell the fuck on it).

he does not grab the spoon yet, partly because he's still nervous and partly because he assumes immediately going for the food is?? frowned upon on dates?? he doesn't actually know goddammit. ]

What kind of stuff do you like to do anyway? You obviously have a thing for cats.

[ this seems like suitable date talk, and also karkat is actually genuinely curious. ]

[ To be fair, it's the same for Yu. This is by far the most romantic thing he's ever done, by a large margin. Help him. Help them.

Yu doesn't know either so they're both sitting here not eating this parfait. Livetweeter is relishiing this. ]

Ah, well... I volunteer at the shelter, when I have time after school. [ He wants to glance away and tries very hard not to. ] ... I like to read, and I do origami in my spare time.

[ A pause, and he tilts his head. ] At my last address, I cultivated a little garden. Just a few herbs, but it was very soothing.

[ karkat has no idea what soothing means honestly. he tries to imagine him doing things like tending to a small garden, and immediately comes to the conclusion that he would probably have no patience for it. ]

Uh huh. [ WHICH TOPIC... to tackle first... karkat wants to know what kind of things yu reads, but first, ]

You can't do the garden thing where you live now?

[ A small head shake. ]

Souji and I live in the student dorms, so it's not as if there's space unless I got a window box. Which I might like to do once it warms up a little more.

Iiiii am not sure if I could do that. I think I might accidentally kill the plants?

[ he can take care of cats, but then again cats are actually mobile and will let you know when they need to be attended to. plants do not have that advantage. ]

[ A soft laugh. ]

Different plants have different needs. If you'd like to consider giving it a try, I could make some recommendations for hardier plants that don't need much maintenance, and will still be safe around cats.

[ he considers... they are on a date, and on dates you should accept kind offers that the other person makes.

so, while he probably would normally just be like, "no," here karkat nods his head. ]

You know what? Sure, why not. If I still end up killing them then you have full permission to point in laugh at my general direction as long as you do it in private.

[ Looks a little surprised, then tries to cover for it. ]

Really? Don't feel pressured. But if you'd like to I'll text you a few suggestions once I have time to look things up. I won't laugh at you if you fail, Karkat. We'd just have to try a different approach in that case.

[ if anything it'd give karkat something to do. he doesn't hang out with a lot of people, so unless one of his few friends is dragging him out between school and his work shift, karkat spends a lot of his time in his own apartment. so, it's something. ]

Trust me. If I thought the idea was completely stupid I would tell you, date or not.

[ A pause, and then Yu huffs a laugh. ]

Actually, I'm glad. I'd rather know for sure you liked an idea, rather than that you were simply going along with it because it was polite. It's better to be honest, isn't it?

[ Smiling easily, now. He seems to be more or less back to normal. ]

What about you, Karkat? Do you have any hobbies in between all your work?

[ Surreptitiously, he'll also pull one of the napkins on the table towards him and start folding it with fairly precise movements.

wait this isn't surreptitious at all it's super obvious what he's doing ]

[ that is a very good question? it's amazing how you forget every single thing that you enjoy to do the moment someone wants you to list them.

also, they still have not touched the parfait. the person live tweeting is timing how long it takes for them to do so. ]

I like to watch movies. I spend a lot of time at the movie theater.

[ their poor parfait.

Yu just keeps on folding his napkin, though he splits his attention between it and Karkat so he doesn't fail at maintaining eye contact too much. ]

What sort of genres do you like? Do you have a favorite, lately?

I'll watch most things if it seems interesting enough. [ there is a moment where he considers if he should mention his favorite genre is romantic comedies? he's not embarrassed by it, but if yu turns out to be one of those assholes who disses on that genre for being too cheesy then karkat fears this date may turn into a fist fight. ]

I like romantic comedies. I'm planning on watching The Proposal [ or whatever the. recolle equivalent of that movie would be, pretend a clever substitute title was used here ] with some friends tomorrow.

[ So, he like, knew Karkat liked romcoms (thanks Anya), but 1) it was polite to ask and 2) he was curious what else Karkat liked. Apparently romcoms is the answer, though.

It doesn't even actually register with him that might be weird or some kind of problem? He just continues to look interested, his fingers continuing to fold without him even needing to look at what he's doing. ]

Oh yeah? Sounds like a good time. What's it about? Aside from, ostensibly, a proposal.

From what I heard it's the fake married trope. Two people pretend to be in a relationship because of some reason that'll benefit them both. And then they'll most likely realize that they have real feelings for each other and it might end in an actual marriage? I'm just taking a guess here.

[ if you watch enough romcoms then you get extremely familiar with the formula tbh. karkat still doesn't get bored of them though. ]

[ Yu listens to Karkat explain with a little smile on his face. ]

You sound like you know it well. I guess that's what happens with something you love. Maybe you could recommend some movies to me? I'd like to check it out.

[ karkat is now slightly more excited than he had been before. he's not smiling but the way he talks is more animated, so it's easy enough to tell. ]

What kind of movies do you usually watch? I watch more than just romcoms [ THEY'RE JUST THE BEST ] so I could probably suggest other shit too.

[ A pause, and: ]

I don't, really. Mostly I read. [ A beat, and somewhat sheepishly: ] I don't really know much about pop culture.

[ karkat's eyebrow goes up, but he's also used to being more into pop culture than most of his friends so this isn't exactly new. granted, karkat usually just focuses on very specific things. ]

Well. Good thing you met me because I am definitely going to fix that.

[ there is a pause and then he... grabs his spoon to taste test the parfait. finally. ]

[ um

a beat, and: ]

... movie marathons?

[ ah. yu just kinda. lets him? not going for it himself yet. their poor neglected parfait, going ignored for so long. ]

[ the awkwardness of sharing a parfait got overcome by the fact that karkat is a little hungry and also likes ice cream. the person tweeting takes note of the fact that only one person is eating it, commenting that perhaps the other person is not interested in the date. ]

Obviously. If you're going to force another person to watch a thing you might as well cram as many of those things in as possible, right?

... that sounds like fun. Just let me know when you're free.

[ He, too, will tentatively test the parfait. HE'S TOTALLY INTERESTED, RANDOM LIVE TWEETER! ]

I'll be relying on you for my cultural education.

[ the parfait is good, even if it is a little embarrassing to be sharing it? but whatever, it's not like there's anyone watching them or anything!!

(the live tweeter is pleased by this development of their newly found otp) ]

It sounds like a tremendous job to undertake but I will not let you down.

[ A warm smile stretches his lips; for someone who doesn't typically emote very much, it's noticeable. He's having a pretty good time, all told.

Blandly: ]

I have faith in your abilities, Karkat-kun.

[ messing with him??

maybe ]

[ -KUN...... karkat does not really watch anime but he recognizes the term, and he is just going to assume yu is indeed messing with him there. ]

I will have you know that my abilities are recognized across the globe as ones to be feared and be envious of.

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[closed] this has definitely never happened in any romcom ever

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